Sunday column ping
Shed no tears as Boston Globe fat gets Pinched
By Howie Carr | Sunday, May 3, 2009 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
The Boston Globe is dying this weekend, one way or the other. It probably lingers on a while longer, on life support, a Terri Schiavo of journalism, but this comedy is ending the way it was destined to.
Labor is caving, management is winning. Pinch Sulzberger, it so predictably turns out, is only a liberal with other peoples money. So now the rich kids in New York do away with seniority and the lifetime job guarantees for their fellow silver spoons in Boston.
Sorry, comrades. The Velvet Coffin is being shoved into the crematorium. Maybe you can get a job from Barack Obama.
Here is what happens next, and I know because its what went down at this newspaper when the Herald almost folded back in 1982. The bean counters are going to swagger into 135 Morrissey Blvd. and take a chainsaw to that petrified forest of deadwood.
Theyll need to set up a makeshift morgue in the newsroom. Five science reporters? Whatever they do, theyre not going to be doing it anymore. The Globe magazine is skinnier than a CVS circular. See ya!
As for the future job prospects of the about-to-be-unemployed, I am reminded of the old New York Titans final AFL game in 1962. The owner, a few sheets to the wind, drifted into the locker room before kickoff and delivered a pep talk to his players
For most of you, he said, this is your last game. Most of you arent good enough to play anywhere else.
I know, they cant brag enough about their Pulitzer prizes, like theyre on the level or something. Seriously, the limousine liberals who pass the Politically Correct Pulitzers around among themselves every spring ought to rename them the Olbermanns and run the awards ceremony live on MSNBC. Truth in advertising.
Im sure Pinch Sulzberger this weekend is fielding phone calls from his Park Avenue squash partners, the Beautiful People whove been pulling strings over the last decade or so to line up no-work sinecures at the Globe for their shiftless offspring.
Belatedly, the Globe has been trying to present as its public face the salt-of-the-earth types in the backshop, guys who live in towns like Weymouth and went to work at the paper out of high school.
These are the same blue-collar Massachusetts natives that the bow-tied bumkissers upstairs alternately disdain or despise as mean-spirited bigots who cant be trusted to vote the right way.
Outside the employees themselves and a few limp bloggers, nobody cares about the Globes demise. Let the epitaph be: Smug Is Not a Workable Business Plan. These pampered poodles assumed they had a monopoly. Nobody ever has a monopoly, at least not for long.
Ill miss the old Globe. It was a laff-riot - remember in 2006 when its crack sports columnist previewed the Final Four matchup between George Mason and LSU, except there was no such game. They were in opposite brackets.
One last thing to all my dear friends on the Boulevard.
Were not hiring.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1169666
Except this time there won't be many FReepers arguing against yanking life support.