Posted on 11/29/2009 2:43:01 AM PST by raccoonradio
You’re welcome; a third one will come out, too. These were on the Herald’s page for Howie columns. I just downloaded as an .flv file and uploaded right up to YouTube
4:19 pm
oops, WRKO went off for a couple minutes but they’re back. He was still on WCRN. I think this is when they change the direction of their signal, per FCC regulations, and something went awry. Back now though
Friday column ping
Tiger’s achy-breaky new tune
By Howie Carr | Friday, December 4, 2009 |
Who would have thought that Tiger Woods, of all people, would become a walking country-music song?
He’s a honky-tonk hero, the only hell his mama ever raised, livin’ here, lovin’ there, lyin’ in between. If fingerprints showed up on skin, Tiger, wonder whose they’d find on you.
You can still hear these great old tunes, at least on satellite radio. And if you listen to Willie’s Place on XM Radio this week, every song sounds like Tiger’s lament for his wasted days, wasted nights.
OK, not all of them. He has a billion dollars, so “I Can’t Afford to Half My Half Again” doesn’t apply to Tiger’s marital woes. And looking at all his pop tarts, it seems Tiger never went to bed with a 10 and woke up with a 2.
But Tiger did buy the shoes that may be walking out on him. And if you want to keep the beer real cold, keep it right next to Elin’s heart. If the marriage breaks up, she’ll get the gold mine, he’ll get the shaft.
Don’t tell Mrs. Woods how sorry Tiger is, she knows how sorry he is. If the phone don’t ring, Tiger, you’ll know it’s her. How can she miss you if you won’t go away?
His galpals all seem to be “nightclub executives.” They’re “hostesses” in “gentlemen’s clubs.” How did they get this way - Kitty Wells knows. It wasn’t God that made honky-tonk angels.
How about this Jaimee Grubbs broad? When Tiger tagged her, she was running around with some guy I never heard of (Shaun Southern) on a reality series I also never heard of (“Tool Academy”). Tiger used to call Jaimee on the set of the TV show, which really irritated Mr. Southern, aka Loud Mouth Tool.
Is it safe to say that Loud Mouth Tool’s favorite country song is now “He’s Got a Way With Women, and He Just Got Away With Mine”?
Maybe Elin herself feels like a new man tonight. If she does, she and Tiger can get back together later. How’s that old song go, “You Pretend I’m Him, and I’ll Pretend You’re Her.”
What were Tiger‘s favorite pickup lines? “I’ll marry you tomorrow, let’s honeymoon tonight.” The problem is, sometimes you end up with the other woman. And then, well, let’s hope Tiger doesn’t find himself lamenting, I gave up “Good Night Daddy” and “Hello Darling” for this? He’ll only miss Elin on the days that end in Y.
One of the women said Tiger didn’t like to, uh, spend the night. Was it Loretta or Tammy who once complained, “You must think my bed’s a bus stop, the way you come and go.”
Maybe Tiger can make it up to Elin. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear: If you ever get the feelin’ I don’t love you, feel again.
Tiger says he never understood “tabloid scrutiny.” Hey, Tiger, here’s a quarter. Call someone who cares.
They say alcohol is not a factor. That’s good news, because Tiger should be in the Golf Hall of Fame, not the Alcohal of Fame. It’s one thing to shank a drive, but you never want to reach the pint of no return.
Let’s just all hope Tiger doesn’t do something cheap and superficial. He’s already tried that - a few times. And I believe he’d like a mulligan.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1216512
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