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Parents and Teachers (Must Read) Reactive Attachment Disorder
Attachment Org ^ | 25 OCT 2011 | Nancy Thomas

Posted on 10/25/2011 5:06:45 AM PDT by BCW

Overview of Reactive Attachment Disorder for Teachers

If a parent has given you this to read, you are teaching a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The family of this child has apparently decided to share this information with you. That sharing is a big step for this family and one you have to treat gently and with the respect it deserves. This family has been through traumas you cannot even imagine. I will describe a few of them here below so that you get the "flavor" and perhaps even begin to understand why this child's parents sometimes seem so harsh or harried or even depressed.

(Excerpt) Read more at attachment.org ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS:
My wife and I have adopted 2 children from foster care (9 month old boy and a 4 yr old girl) - The 4 yr old is now 6 and the 8th month old is now 3 1/2...the boy is fine and bonded - the girl is still struggling.

I post this because the teachers that my wife teaches with - have had my daughter for 2 yrs now...and they are sharing this with every teacher they know...some have dealt with this for 20 yrs...and didn't know it. Most girls that runaway - have sex young - and boys with anger problems and other social issues - may fall into this category. Without a 2 parent home - or one parent that puts their children in line with strict boundaries - may allow RAD to develop...over the last 2.5 yrs -- I have become a highly aware person of RAD and the conditions...it falls along the lines of Autism as well...it's about environment - bonding with the mother (adopted/birth)- and establishing who is in control...

I suggest everyone read through this letter - print and share it - and begin to understand that our society has moved away from traditional moms and dads - to a more dynamic social system - and children are paying the price.

This article is different than the irregular warfare topics I post - but needless to say -- things that impact our children today - will effect our national security tomorrow...and that's important!!!

1 posted on 10/25/2011 5:06:50 AM PDT by BCW
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To: BCW

Thanks for posting, BCW. I have heard of RAD specifically with adopted children that suffered severe abuse and neglect. I haven’t heard of it with bio children before. Makes sense though.... Prayers for you and your little ones!


2 posted on 10/25/2011 5:12:45 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: BCW

We have a similar story but didn’t really know what to do until she was in her teens and the therapies didn’t help a lot then although some bonding did occur. She’s now 30 and doing very well. Hang in there.


3 posted on 10/25/2011 5:18:01 AM PDT by Mercat
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To: BCW
"I suggest everyone read through this letter - print and share it - and begin to understand that our society has moved away from traditional moms and dads - to a more dynamic social system - and children are paying the price."

I'll never understand why people are so freaked out by church, church attendence, preachers/preaching, God, the Bible .. etc.

God is clear and simple to say a man and a woman are to marry and have children and that HE hates divorce.

So simple.

marry and stay married.

Listen to and read about God's rules for mankind.


The hours we spend in FR, and others at work, play, watching TV, etc.

They know the union contract but have no clue how to obey God.

4 posted on 10/25/2011 5:29:10 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: momtothree

LIGHT BULB!!!!

This may be what I’ve been looking for!!!! Sounds like our adopted daughter. We thought we would be spared stuff like this since we brought her home when she was two days old.


5 posted on 10/25/2011 5:34:07 AM PDT by fredhead (I'm not sleeping, I'm checking my eyelids for cracks.)
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To: BCW
"I suggest everyone read through this letter - print and share it - and begin to understand that our society has moved away from traditional moms and dads - to a more dynamic social system - and children are paying the price."

I'll never understand why people are so freaked out by church, church attendence, preachers/preaching, God, the Bible .. etc.

God is clear and simple to say a man and a woman are to marry and have children and that HE hates divorce.

So simple.

marry and stay married.

Listen to and read about God's rules for mankind.


The hours we spend in FR, and others at work, play, watching TV, etc.

They know the union contract but have no clue how to obey God.

6 posted on 10/25/2011 5:34:54 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: BCW
I am not sure what you mean by "it falls along the lines of Autism as well." My neighbor has a 3-year-old that they say is autistic. Actually it is ASD which is MUCH milder than than the austism I have seen. However, I think the child is just neglected and momma is an idiot. She doesn't believe in restricting her child. For example, she says that fenced yards are cages for dogs and she won't cage her child like that. So the little girl roams the barnyard area totally unsupervised. When I have been outside, she girl will follow me around chattering, though her speach is unclear. I cannot leave things outside because she has free reign to do whatever she wants. Momma thinks that just because she tells a 3-year-old what to do, the child will obey. She has gotten a concussion, but no one is sure how because no one was watching her. She has fallen off my porch several times, I was the only one to comfort her when I saw it, but others times she was left to herself, No one there.

RAD makes more sense. I summed it up by saying, "If your child knows you care about his feelings, he will care about how you feel. If he knows that no one cares about how he feels, he won't care what your feelings or opinion is either."

7 posted on 10/25/2011 5:43:10 AM PDT by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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To: knarf

“So simple.”

Yup. God makes the complex simple for us because we are simpletons.

But something there is that hates God, and puts ideas in people’s heads; ideas like, “There’s no God” and “You need to take care of number one”; “Wealth is happiness”, etc, etc..

We need to refuse his packages that he tries to deliver to us when he knocks on our door. In the end, it will all depend on WHO we believed. Satan is a liar.


8 posted on 10/25/2011 5:53:10 AM PDT by RoadTest (For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.)
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To: BCW

I read the whole article and you know, what it is saying in a nutshell is for ADULTS to be ADULTS and let children know it. A whole generation has abandoned the basic adult role.

“Let the child know you are the boss...” well, duh! There is a time for being all cuddly and a time for being AN ADULT.
This entire country is swamped with grown-up RAD people. They are reproducing in great number and creating even more small RAD’s.

Children need adults to tell them what to do, when to do it, WHY they must do it, what will happen if they do or do not and see to it that it does.
The older I get (and I am 52) the more I see the wisdom of the bible. I never understood “spare the rod and spoil the child” and, no it doesn’t mean to beat the heck out of kid but to BE the ADULT and make a kid feel the consequences of actions.

I will bet even the worst RAD child will learn when you touch a hot stove your hand will get burnt and they will not do it more than once. But they have learned that adults will never, ever burn them therefore they merely have to manipulate them long enough to get what they want. Kids have all the time in the world, adults have many responsibilities and are inclined to let things slide.

I now understand why children used to be “seen and not heard” and why the word discipline used to be something more than just an old word. Kids need it. They know NOTHING and must learn EVERYTHING and it is a sad truth but learning often comes through pain even for adults. And not just physical pain either.


9 posted on 10/25/2011 6:04:44 AM PDT by marychesnutfan
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To: BCW

10 posted on 10/25/2011 6:07:36 AM PDT by HangnJudge
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To: BCW

Thanks for the link. I forwarded it to my daughter and suggested she share it with the teacher and the child’s care giver (grandmother)

My nine year old grandson is having problems with a boy at school who fits this RAD situation perfectly. My daughter met whom she thought was his mom but it turned out to be his grandmother.

The mother was a hippie meth head and doesn’t even know who the father (sire) is. She was a heavy user when the child was in her womb and was unable to take care of the child when he was born so her mother took the responsibility. She was clean for awhile and became involved in the boys life. Then she relapsed.

She and her boyfriend had a girl and they are raising it. The boy doesn’t understand why his mother is raising this child but rejected him. He is classic RAD. The grandmother refuses to take on the little girl because the boy is wearing her out. Plus, she is making her daughter live up to her responsibility as a parent. Let’s hope it turns out well.


11 posted on 10/25/2011 6:12:00 AM PDT by Mind-numbed Robot
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To: BCW

I do have some experience and understanding of this, but when I read the explanation I am not so sure. It sounded in many ways like children I know who have been given much love and affection in early childhood.


12 posted on 10/25/2011 6:22:43 AM PDT by Delphinium
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To: BCW

Valuable points.

It’s painful and confusing to read someone who keeps alternating sentences referring to the same child as He-She-They. Pick a neutral gender and stick with him. A crippling fear of being labeled sexist or can’t write, it comes off as both. Makes me doubt the value, “firmness” of the proposed lesson.


13 posted on 10/25/2011 6:22:43 AM PDT by If You Want It Fixed - Fix It
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To: BCW

I do have some experience and understanding of this, but when I read the explanation I am not so sure. It sounded in many ways like children I know who have been given much love and affection in early childhood.


14 posted on 10/25/2011 6:22:57 AM PDT by Delphinium
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To: BCW

Never heard of RAD. We adopted six kids and this clarifies things about three of my children. I thought that I was reading about them. One is grown and gone on her own, just as manipulative, self centered and vicious as she was when she lived with us. One is 16 and the Lord has intervened in her life. She has really turned around. The third is 15. Still quite the trial, but God is working on him, too.
Our friends and family always thought that we were out of line in our child rearing habits because the three troubled kids were always so charming around everyone else.
Thanks for posting.


15 posted on 10/25/2011 6:24:49 AM PDT by Scotsman will be Free (11C - Indirect fire, infantry - High angle hell - We will bring you, FIRE)
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To: eccentric

Alot of Dr’s and therapist will determine a child to have autism - but actually it’s RAD...they fall along the same lines per behavior...

However, there are children with autism - and do not have RAD...but there’s a huge number of “professionals” that do not know or understand RAD - only becuase Autism is thrown out there often...

...and one cannot treat RAD with drugs - where autism is - and usually why Dr’s will do scripts instead of long term parenting...


16 posted on 10/25/2011 7:08:43 AM PDT by BCW (http://babylonscovertwar.com/index.html)
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To: Scotsman will be Free

Trust me - every adult not on “Your Team” needs to be removed or have limited contact with your remaining children...

Everyone who does not understand this problem will look at you like some kind of witch...I have had teachers from various “Christian” schools do this to me - lied to me - had the child lie to me...until I got it...

Having a father with a masters in unconventional warfare and a combat vet doesn’t make the situation murky - it’s very clear and I react instantly...sucks for the RAD child...

Hang in there - I suggest the DVD set - great training — and gives you instant input on what to do - and you’ll see immediate changes! — but this is long term...hang in there — glad I could help!!!


17 posted on 10/25/2011 7:15:52 AM PDT by BCW (http://babylonscovertwar.com/index.html)
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To: BCW

I used to be married to somebody like that.


18 posted on 10/25/2011 7:19:04 AM PDT by Excellence ( CTRL-GALT-DELETE)
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To: BCW

I just wanted to say one thing... not every child that has issues can be defined as having RAD. ODD is common as well (20% of all school children supposedly have it). My concern is that Autism and everything under that umbrella, RAD, ODD etc... can sound similar; however, they are treated differently and are definitely a different diagnosis.


19 posted on 10/25/2011 7:25:00 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: BCW

bttt


20 posted on 10/25/2011 8:54:12 AM PDT by lonestar (It takes a village of idiots to elect a village idiot.)
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To: momtothree

Agreed - but it starts with the history of the child from birth - onward. Once that is completed - situations and circumstances can be drawn to see exactly where the child fits...

I put this info out there because there are parents adopting - but also - there are parents neglecting their children - and someone here may be a teacher or dr - or service professional that works with children — this will at least begin to identify and help heal the child for a successful life...


21 posted on 10/25/2011 9:37:37 AM PDT by BCW (http://babylonscovertwar.com/index.html)
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To: BCW

Absolutely, BCW. I was sort of commenting on one of the posts that stated that children who are loved and coddled too much... That wouldn’t be the case with RAD. I read tons of literature about RAD since we adopted from China. It is severe and to be honest... one of the saddest conditions a child could have IMHO. I can’t imagine for one second what a child endures to have that type of break essentially.. to not be able to bond again with any human. I remember Romania has issues with this. Prayers for you and your family, BCW!


22 posted on 10/25/2011 9:45:08 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: BCW

Thanks.


23 posted on 10/25/2011 12:37:38 PM PDT by Scotsman will be Free (11C - Indirect fire, infantry - High angle hell - We will bring you, FIRE)
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To: fredhead; Mrs. B.S. Roberts

Your words “Sounds Like” hit me right where it hurts like hell. Almost too close.


24 posted on 10/25/2011 1:44:32 PM PDT by CaptainAmiigaf (NY TIMES: "We print the news as it fits our views")
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To: BCW

thanks. Do you have a website that compares these two issues?


25 posted on 10/26/2011 1:59:26 AM PDT by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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To: BCW

LOL!
Another “disorder” to use as an excuse to “medicate” the kids.


26 posted on 10/26/2011 2:02:55 AM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: Lancey Howard

You don’t medicate children with RAD — through time - you show them that the ADULT is in charge - and that the adults that caused them harm (Physical, sexual, verbal abuse) are no longer in their lives - and the ones that are can be trusted...this process for a child that is 3 or 4 may last until they are 11 or 12...it takes years of re-programming — but medication is not a factor...if it is - then someone is doing something very wrong...

Kids with RAD are highly intelligent - it’s their brain that has been damaged and must be healed — I suggest you read through the letter first - before jumping onto your comment about medication and prescriptions...


27 posted on 10/26/2011 4:49:25 AM PDT by BCW (http://babylonscovertwar.com/index.html)
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To: BCW

I’ve been looking online for information about RAD, specifically confussion with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Most of this seems to focus on adoptive and foster children. As in our local case, I think many doctors are more likely to say ASD (not your fault) than RAD (your fault) to the mother. In this case, the mother has her own daughter but anyone who knows the family can see that the child is neglected because of the mother’s parenting beliefs. In this case, I think it is a culture thing (I won’t get more specific.) When I went to an austism forum and asked about the situation, I was ostricized for questioning the ASD diagnosis. It is like questioning global warming...


28 posted on 10/26/2011 10:33:53 AM PDT by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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To: eccentric

I’m married to a Special Ed teacher - well certified in Autism - 2 Bach degrees and a Masters - plus alot of certifications...she has come to realize that Autism is over used by both dr’s and schools...re-evaluating the mother/child relationship will determine RAD...now that I know what I know and have become highly familiar with this mental situation...one should not jump on the Autism...and if people become irate — then their parenting skills should be documented and questioned...You’ve done nothing wrong by asking — but those that have something to hide - will yell the loudest...My wife and I never get our feeling hurt when discussing this and making sure others know what is going on...it’s not me that will fail - but the child!


29 posted on 10/26/2011 11:52:13 AM PDT by BCW (http://babylonscovertwar.com/index.html)
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