Skip to comments.The Toll on Parents When Kids Return Home
Posted on 11/09/2011 5:42:56 PM PST by MinorityRepublican
Faith Jacobson, center, with her mother, Debra, and father, Jerry, at her dad's home. She splits her time between her parents' residences.
Many young adults find themselves still tethered to the Bank of Mom and Dad, and that dependence is taking a toll.
Kevin Davis moved back home last December after receiving a business finance degree from the University of North Carolina. He has yet to land a full-time job.
The 25-year-old often commiserates with his father, John, an information-technology professional who was laid off as a project manager in October 2010 for the second time since 2007. "At times, it's hard for me to keep up my own spirits as well as Kevin's," admits John Davis, a resident of Winston-Salem, N.C., who currently receives unemployment insurance.
As recent college graduates scramble to find full-time jobs, numerous parents are helping their children pay bills or letting them live at home again. About 59% of parents provide or recently provided financial assistance to children aged 18 to 39 who weren't students, concluded a May survey of nearly 1,100 people by the National Endowment for Financial Education.
According to Census data, 5.9 million Americans between 25 and 34 years of agenearly a quarter of whom have bachelor's degreeslive with their parents, a significant increase from 4.7 million before the recession.
But many parents can't afford the extra expense. A full 26% of those polled by the nonprofit group took on more debt to help their offspring, 13% delayed a planned life event such as a home purchase, and 7% postponed retirement.
Compounding the problem is the fact that certain parents are crowding the younger generation out of the job market because their support of their grown kids means they can't afford to retire.
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
I have a 32 year old living at home with no job. Fortunately, I can afford it but it’s not good for him. I fear he will be with me until I die.
I pretend it will get better but I don’t think it will. I know a lot of people in my same situation.
Who’s got that baby boomer ping list?
Family visitors, like leftovers, start to stink after not too long.
I know parents want to help and that is their instinct. But infantilizing your grown up kids does them no favors.
Is he disabled?
It’s not easy, is it....
I think anytime people think they can't make do with less, they should watch Cinderella Man again. That film gave a good illustration to what Depression-era life was like and how some folks had to live in cramped privacy-free conditions just to get by.
Kevin Davis moved back home last December
No! Say it ain’t so!
Know, it’s not. I usually don’t talk about it because people are so full of “helpful” advice. Probably shouldn’t have said anything now, I’m sure I’ll be slammed. Oh, well.
He is not.
My late wife’s Grandparents had a Son move back in with them. They were in their 80s and he was maybe 60. My wife told me he had literally been a skid row bum. I thought that interesting as two of his brothers were extremely successful businessmen.
Anyway I got to know him a bit and he was a really likeable guy. Very laid back sort of fellow and you know what? He looked after his parents very well. His coming back home was probably the best thing for all of them.
I have no idea what the financial situation was.
I “love” the helpful advice I’ve gotten, too.
Funny how life works because in my case, some of those same folk are now living the same thing...
Little birdies have to leave the nest. Push them out. It does not do anyone any good to coddle them. I am still fairly young, and I have seen this played out over and over. At various times parents thought they were helping. They almost always just prolonged the bad circumstances and made everything worse in the long run. Let kids “fail” and let them learn the tough lessons while they’re young. Otherwise they’ll still be learning them at 32...42...52...etc.
qam1 does the Xer ping. Is that the one you mean?
Funny though, sometimes when I do talk about it I’m surprised how many people are in the same situation but also didn’t want to say anything for fear of being judged.
It’s not a good situation, but to all those who say “shove him out in the streets”, it’s not going to happen, so save it.
Believe me, I feel for you.
Not sure why you’d be slammed. I ended up moving back to help my mother when my father passed on.
It’s a tough, tough, tough economy out there, especially for young men.
It’s not going to be forever, and there is hope out there, but we have to get rid of Obama.
I’m fortunate because my daughter graduated from university in May, lived at home while she was working at a local job (and I was glad to have her, because she’s a joy) and then got a big-girl job in September and moved out. No threats necessary; she wanted her own place again. I’m proud she got a job, but then she independently started working when she was 12 and never had to be urged.
But when you advise parents to push their grown kids out, what do you suggest the kids do? How can they live? If someone doesn’t have a job and a credit rating, he can’t rent a room in somebody’s basement much less an apartment. Are you suggesting that they become homeless? That reduces their chances of getting a job still further, because not having an address or a phone number, a place to hang a suit and take a shower, makes it impossible to get a job.
There are plenty of good nonprofit organizations desperate for qualified daytime (and nighttime) volunteers. Any unemployed college graduate should be volunteering. Volunteering builds character, skills, one’s resume, is good for networking, but best of all, it develops the value of voluntary self-sacrifice and contributes to a civil society!
Yeah... I believe that’s the one. Thanks!