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Slapping That Booty
Townhall.com ^ | February 13, 2012 | Mike Adams

Posted on 02/12/2012 8:57:57 PM PST by Kaslin

Dear (Name Deleted): I want to take the time to thank you for turning in your paper assignment on time and for conforming to the minimum word requirement. Unfortunately, I have some bad news: You turned in the paper assignment for your political science class. I am not your political science professor and my name is not Dr. Johnson. The mistake was understandable as you are only a senior. I am certain that such errors will be less commonplace by the time you get your doctorate. In the meantime, the good news is that I went ahead and graded your paper. The bad news is that you got a zero. It really had nothing to do with the requirements of the class you are taking under me. I hope you understand.

Please note that I am aware that you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. I know this because you have told me in writing, over the phone, and in person. There is no need for you to repeat yourself. I generally pay attention when people speak to me. But I am giving you the zero - not in spite of your ADD, but because of your ADD. I really think that attaching a consequence to your conduct will help you grow out of it.

Dear (Name Deleted): Thank you for your concerns over the content of our last murder lecture. These lectures can be tough and sometimes offensive – although I am rarely able to predict just what will offend students these days. In your case, you have been very specific with the basis of your personal offense. Regrettably, however, I will be unable to act upon your request. Let me explain.

When you asked me to refrain from using the term “pit bull” (when I discuss the People v. Berry dog mauling case) you were simply asking too much. I understand your concerns that “pit bulls will be unfairly stereotyped as dangerous” if (after they kill someone) we refer to their specific breed. But what you fail to understand is that the dog’s breed was a relevant fact in the murder trial. Berry chose the dog on the basis of its reputation in the hopes that it would keep people away from the illicit drug business he was operating out of his back yard. He had a pit bull but no fence. That is how the little child ended up being mauled to death.

Generally speaking, I have more concern for the lives of small children than for the reputations of dogs who cannot ever know the status of their reputations. I think if you reflect upon this you will understand that people may speak badly of pit bulls without them actually knowing it.

On a positive note, I have taken your concerns to heart. The next time a Yorkie or a Poodle mauls a small child to death I will make sure to emphasize their specific breed. That way, people will understand that pit bulls are really deeply misunderstood creatures.

Dear (Name deleted): I hope you don’t mind this unsolicited email concerning your status in my criminology class. As you know, I have a policy against coming into class late. You are always in your seat before class begins. But, recently, you have been getting up and walking out during the middle of my lectures. In fact, you do it every class period at about the same time. As you walk out of class, you generally reach into your right hand pocket. I suspect that is because you’re reaching for your cell phone in order to call your girlfriend.

Ever since I banned cell phones, guys have been getting up and leaving class to “go potty” with some regularity (no pun intended). But we all know that my cell phone policy did not really cause grown men to go potty more often. Instead, it began to interfere with their girlfriends’ rule that they must either call or text them at least once every half-hour. Since I am aware of what’s going on, I am going to implement a rule you will not like: I am hereby declaring that upon re-entry into my class, you are officially considered late. This means you will lose a point from your final average every time you step out and then step back in during my lecture.

This may seem harsh, but it will be of tremendous benefit to you. It means you will now be forced to act like a man, take charge of your relationship, and stop letting your girlfriend monitor you like a suspected terrorist. Furthermore, it may actually save your relationship. When a woman monitors you she is most likely cheating on you. She is making sure you are not nearby so she will not get caught in the process. If she isn’t cheating on you, she is very close to dumping you for someone she cannot control. Women love a challenge more than having a lapdog. Please think about what I have told you.

Dear (Name deleted): This is just a quick note to remind you of my policy concerning cell phones in the classroom. At no time am I to see or hear one of these annoying devices during one of my lectures.

I know that when your cell phone went off during our last class that it was a complete accident. I appreciate how quickly you reached into your pocket to turn it off as I was answering a student question on the topic of aggravated rape. This brings us to another issue. Please hear me out.

I know that I have not established any rules concerning the content of cell phone interruptions in my class. But I am considering a new policy in light of the nature of the incident with your cell phone.

Please, don’t get me wrong. I certainly support your right to listen to rap music celebrating the joys slapping a “booty.” I mean, DAT is your right if you’re really into booty slapping. However, (especially given that we sometimes forget to turn off our cell phones) it is perhaps unwise to program the ringer in such a way as to celebrate booty slapping every time someone calls. Know what I’m saying?

Anyway, I just thought I would share my insights with you. I wasn’t really offended. But the sensitive topic of rape should be discussed free from unanticipated celebrations of booty slapping. After all, the women might not share your love of booty slapping. And they might turn on you faster than a Yorkshire terrier.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
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Comment #21 Removed by Moderator

To: 1_Rain_Drop

If I needed discipline I would get myself a gunny .....not a teacher.


22 posted on 02/12/2012 10:39:10 PM PST by superfries
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To: superfries

I try to be consistent.
If I am with kids (rarely appropriate), I may sit on the last row by the door.
While flirting with situational ethics here, a movie is not the investment for myself or others that an education is. Even so, talking and getting up and down should be minimal, again out of respect. Are you saying it does not bother you when the people on the row in front of you fidget, stand, text, or talk throughout the movie? Probably not.
I am not saying I am a tyrant about it, myself, and it is better to be wronged than to wrong others in return - but there are lines - I will ask a patron to stop cursing in front of me and mine, and the rest of us, or a neighbor to turn down music with word that I don’t want to explain to my kids just yet, no problemo.


23 posted on 02/12/2012 10:40:22 PM PST by Apogee
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To: 1_Rain_Drop

You and I obviously disagree, why don’t we leave it at that?


24 posted on 02/12/2012 10:41:12 PM PST by superfries
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To: Taxman

Life may be like Proff Adams and you would like it to be inside the classroom but outside of the academic environment....Prof Adams “I make the rules attitude” will have consequences as well.....and they will not bode well for him.....this I can assure you. Everyone has their little power play, their little area of opwer but when you become overbearing it tends to have negative consequences.


25 posted on 02/12/2012 10:52:12 PM PST by superfries
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To: superfries

The whole Adams column was about personal responsibility and respect for one’s teachers.

I think that there was more to the ADD wrong paper student than was written about.

However, I have tremendous respect for my college teachers from the old days. Most were not egotistical assholes, but hardworking, professional, and caring. Even one of my leftist, Give Castro a chance, professors was one of my best teachers.

The worst were two French teachers, both who either studied at the Sorbonne or taught there - egotistical bitches. The other French teacher was a real gentleman who understood that American students did not learn verbal French in High School, and needed a modified approach in his efforts.

Other than one old bitty English teacher, the rest (AA, BA, and graduate school, plus overseas studies), were really good people and deserving of respect.

If you give respect, you get respect. It’s that simple.

I’m glad that cell phones didn’t exist in my days in school. I actually learned something, and eventually married my girlfriend without a myriad of disruptive phone calls.


26 posted on 02/12/2012 11:12:58 PM PST by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
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To: Kaslin

This is hysterical. He got laughs out of me.


27 posted on 02/12/2012 11:23:13 PM PST by Sick of Lefties
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To: 1_Rain_Drop

Especially considering the annoyingly inane ringtones people choose (and in some cases even the default tones chosen by their provider).

So often it belongs to the cubicle neighbor who leaves his phone on his desk while he spends his day in meetings, and has a wife/mistress/daughter who has to call every thirty minutes.

They don’t realize, or maybe don’t care, how revealing it is of their taste. It also leads one to speculate whether the rest of their life reflects their taste in ringtones.

Its psychology must be the equivalent of “my stuff don’t stink.”


28 posted on 02/12/2012 11:33:14 PM PST by Erasmus (Able was I ere I saw this crappy little island.)
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To: 1_Rain_Drop
The funniest one I encountered was in the grocery store...I was pushing my cart down the aisle and at the other end, heading in my direction was a fellow carrying on a conversation with.......no one....

I had to decide to turn around cause there was a nut heading my way or just keep going down the aisle and not look at him.....

I chose to keep going down the aisle and when he passed me I noticed he had an ear phone and was talking to someone. I busted out laughing and had to tell him I was glad he wasn't a nut but I had never seen those kinds of phones before. Even he got a chuckle out of it....

29 posted on 02/13/2012 12:03:14 AM PST by goat granny
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN

The ring on my other cell phone was a rooster crowing. Was disappointed when it wasn’t offered on my new cell phone...A little hard of hearing you know and I wouldn’t mistake my ring for someone elses...


30 posted on 02/13/2012 12:05:54 AM PST by goat granny
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To: 1_Rain_Drop

“They are the rudest contraptions ever created.”

If I’m going into a meeting I put mine on vibrate and ignore it. Sometimes just talking with a person at the store, etc. my phone will go off and they stop talking waiting for me to answer it, and some will even look at me and say “aren’t you going to answer that?”

“Um, no - I’m talking with you right now.” That always floors people. And sometimes I’ll add “If it’s important they’ll leave a message and I’ll call them right back.”


31 posted on 02/13/2012 12:13:18 AM PST by 21twelve
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To: goat granny

I’ve been startled by my cell phone’s loud ring tone. It’s not the tone itself but the volume is a little louder than the average ring tone. I’ll hear it going off in my purse.

I’ve been sound asleep when the phone rang and I damn near jumped out of my skin!


32 posted on 02/13/2012 12:39:34 AM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (Future Meteorologist.)
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Psssst!!!

33 posted on 02/13/2012 12:46:43 AM PST by Bradís Gramma (PRAY for this country like your life depends on it....)
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To: JRandomFreeper

It’s pretty funny. My best friend, who happens to be a female, has two different guys she is dating. One time I went out for breakfast with her and one of the guys, and I noticed that she would go through his cell phone records and ask him “why didn’t you call me during your lunch??”. I just assumed she kept people on a short leash.

The observation that they are cheating on you is apparently quite accurate! LOL


34 posted on 02/13/2012 1:43:30 AM PST by Apollo5600
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To: NakedRampage

As a college student myself, I completely disagree. Most students are pretty freaking stupid and refuse to take responsibility for anything even after years of schooling. We’re not in Highschool. We’re supposed to be somewhat professional and committed to our work.


35 posted on 02/13/2012 1:45:26 AM PST by Apollo5600
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To: NakedRampage

As a former college student.
My Dean who also happened to be the professor/teacher of my major explained in simple terms to me once the following.
There is waiting list for this class- either be on time and prepared or drop the class.
It was disrespectful on my part to be late, not show up or be distracted- even though I was paying my money to take class.

A life lesson that more should learn. When in the working world the employer does not need an unprepared or distracted worker.
Also it is encumbent on the employee to show up on time and ready to work.

In todays economy— more students could benefit from my life lesson.
There are many waiting for a job- if I choose to not show up, turn in substandard work or be distracted there are many waiting in the wings to take my place.


36 posted on 02/13/2012 1:49:33 AM PST by Nailbiter
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To: superfries

Sure are a lot of dumbasses here who don’t know Mike Adams but pretend they do by playing a tough ass.

If you think Mike Adams is tough from this I know an Occupy camp you can join.


37 posted on 02/13/2012 1:53:39 AM PST by VeniVidiVici (Obama's War on Prosperity is killing me)
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To: Kaslin
Jeez...I do some adjunct lecture work occasionally at a local University.
I really do not think I could survive w/out charges being brought if I worked at a U.S.A. College.
38 posted on 02/13/2012 1:57:03 AM PST by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
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To: NakedRampage

You have obviously never read a column by Mike Adams. He writes satire


39 posted on 02/13/2012 3:56:32 AM PST by Kaslin (Acronym for OBAMA: One Big Ass Mistake America)
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To: Sick of Lefties

Well if you have read Mike Adams’ columns then you know he writes mostly satire


40 posted on 02/13/2012 4:02:53 AM PST by Kaslin (Acronym for OBAMA: One Big Ass Mistake America)
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