Skip to comments.Research finds women feel happy when their husband or partner is upset
Posted on 03/06/2012 8:47:09 PM PST by Thunderballer
The detailed study found that wives or girlfriends were pleased when their partner showed emotion because they believed it demonstrated a healthy relationship.
The survey, carried out by Harvard Medical School, also found that when men realised their wife was angry, the women reported being happier, although the men were not.
It revealed women most likely enjoyed spotting when their partner was dissatisfied because it showed his strong engagement or investment in their time together.
Dr Shiri Cohen, the studys lead author, said: It could be that for women, seeing that their male partner is upset reflects some degree of the man's investment and emotional engagement in the relationship, even during difficult times.
This is consistent with what is known about the dissatisfaction women often experience when their male partner becomes emotionally withdrawn and disengaged in response to conflict.
The study, published by the American Psychological Association, recruited a diverse range of 156 heterosexual couples.
More than 100 of the younger, urban, couples were in a committed but not necessarily a married relationship. Other couples who varied in the way they resolved conflict and controlled emotions were also chosen, while the remaining participants were older, middle-class and married.
In total, 71 per cent of those questioned were white, 56 per cent were married, and the average length of their relationships was three-and-a-half years.
During the study, each participant was asked to describe an incident with their partner over the previous two months that had been frustrating, disappointing or upsetting.
The researchers recorded the participant making a brief statement summarising the incident and then brought the couple together to play each other's admission.
They were told to come to a better understanding of what had happened, with approximately 10 minutes to discuss the incident while they were filmed.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
They actually spent money on this? I could’ve just given them my ex-wife’s phone number!!
Remember the anguished cry that went out when domestic violence activists intoned to women, “Research shows that as a man beats a woman THE PROCESS HELPS HIM TO CALM DOWN, so in fact a man’s calming-down process makes the woman WORSE OFF....” ??
Weeellllll whadda we have HEEEERE.....?!
That explains a lot. but I hope they didn’t spend any tax dollars on this crap
I’m appalled. Anytime a partner of mine was mad, I was practically hiding under the bed. I hate when men get angry. It scares me half to death.
I don’t believe it. My sis hates it when my b-i-l is ‘moody’. From what I’ve seen upset men are a pain in the patootie.
“Interesting. Is anyone surprised by these findings?”
No. The twisted pleasure is not universal, but it is very, very common.
I’m still running my poll, and so far it’s 50/50. I don’t even have the ex’s phone number, thank heaven. I refused when asked if I wanted it. Even better, she has mine and hasn’t used it in over fifteen years.
I don’t think I’ve said more than 100 words to her since we separated.
She wanted me out of her life. I am.
There is nothing to celebrate here. And anyone who can “relate” might be considered a sadist.
No Shiite. I just walked off from an obvious setup that kept getting lower and lower and more personal.
Why? I guess the boss didn’t have a position, wasn’t informed and kept inventing non-sequitor to diffuse the actual subject.
When. It got about as stoopid as I thought could I just started laughing at the vacuousness of their position.
You can’t discuss or debate when one aide has extant as their strategy to shut you down and bury you with a ton of unrelated stuff.
Then they want to know why you are walking off from a silly discussion that never really took place.
To be honest, I think there’s an aspect of this, to all liberalism.
It’s all about provoking.
All of it.
just tells me those women are mentally unstable to begin with and the marriage won’t last.
i’d also guess the majority of those women that enjoyed their husbands being upset are progressives. i’d guess 90%
most real men won’t put up with women trying to start drama. one or two times, sure. but continuous? unlikely. nothings that good and they’re only getting older. maybe, just maybe, they should be more concerned with being in a loving relationship then worrying about how to create drama to ‘prove’ their husband still cares (he cares until he’s had enough of their bs and walks)
I get the greatest satisfaction out of making him laugh, smile, and be playful. We are typically very serious people, so those times when we can laugh at life's challenges or adorable moments with our kids are treasured blessings.
What is wrong with people nowadays?
Not really surprised.
One more data point pointing out that to get married in this day in age, is akin to suicide.
“I’m happy when someone I (supposedly) care about is upset.” Yep, sounds like love to me.
Then I met the woman who became my wife.
I was listening to a comedian the other day talk about his ex-wife. He said, “I think she has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. (Short pause) I don’t know what she charges him.”
I don’t like it at all when my husband is mad and/or moody.
Why are you posting this rubbish after only being here a few weeks?
What is wrong with these women? Men show emotion all the time; you just have to know how to recognize it.
If your husband takes out the garbage and puts away the dishes, he's feeling romantic. If he flops on the couch and falls asleep after a particularly hard day at work, he's not.
Word to the wise, Ladies: most men are not hardwired to talk about their "feelings." They are hardwired to FIX things. So don't complain to them about something unless you expect it to be fixed, don't prattle on about stuff unless you want their input, and don't expect them to make undying declarations of love like they do in the movies because most men would rather SHOW you they love you by what they DO. Talk is cheap.
Been here two whole months. :-)
Unoriginal liberal-think B.S.
Like stolen from a 1960’s sitcom script
Let's just hope you haven't dropped larva.
Your dissatisfaction with that post shows your “engagement” in your relationship to FR.
YeP! Saw this on an episode of “Hazel” the other day.
Woman upset because hubby not paying attention, she calls Mr.B crying, he tried to console her - then she tells her husband something that makes him want to punch Mr. B’s lights out - but the two men talk and stage a fake fight that the dingy broad can hear over the phone and she’s delighted that now her husband cares enough to dot some other guys eye!
Was pretty funny though on a TV program. its not meant to be for instructive purposes.
Amen! I want to make my husband happy. When he is upset, I am upset. Sounds like they interviewed a bunch of liberals.
I have the same feeling when a woman gets mad. Or is sad, crying, upset -—whatever.
I guess I am old fashion.
“It revealed women most likely enjoyed spotting when their partner was dissatisfied because it showed his strong engagement or investment in their time together.”
And also that it shows that alot of women today have become self-absorbed, low class a-holes with a princess complex.
All available statistics indicate that women live longer than men by a considerable margin.
And, no, it’s not at all surprising.
Why do men die younger than women? Because the WANT to! LOL!
It's not your "partners" fault - it's yours. All human beings get angry sometimes. You are describing a neurotic hypersensitivity and fear reaction that is inappropriate to a fairly normal occurance..
It's also something that can be used to manipulate the hell out of your "partner."
That was EXCELLENT!!!
Sadly, I have a grand-daughter like this. She brought her, at that time future, husband over to meet us. She treated him so poorly, that at the end of the evening I told him 'For the love of god, if you ever want to be happy, run. Hit the door, don't look back, run; we'll see that she gets home okay.' He didn't.
On the bright side, she hasn't spoken to me in over three years!
Women like drama? Uhhhhh....duh??!?!
How much money did this silly study cost us?
I don’t feel that way. If my husband is having a male hissy, I am not happy. Although I think conflict is healthy in any relationship.
exactly. if we are going to fire it up I prefer it be in the best way that marriage is created for.
Now that was funny!
They must have studied democrat “liberal” women. Then this study makes perfect sense as they run on emotions and are obviously irrational or they wouldn’t be democrats. To be a democrat you also have to have a tendency to be self destructive.
It took research to determine this?
They almost certainly did. You know the kind of $$$ they waste on "cutting edge" research like "Does manure smell bad and if so, why?". Women being crazy seems like another obvious thing they'd need to look into.
They've discovered the half-life of relationshipium, an unstable isotope that decays and emits peopletrons.
I have tried to teach my children to recognize when someone is attempting to manipulate their feelings or opinions in an aggressive, provoking manner within a relationship. I explained that some people are raised in an environment where they can only relate through conflict. Also that once they recognize that tendency, they need to leave the relationship immediately. I have taught them the best indicators are the individuals relationship with family, how they treat random individuals and "the anger test" or what makes them angry and how the direct that anger.
Hope it serves them well, but my kids seem to be listening and as they grow older they have been asking questions on observed behavior. It's gratifying to know they remember what I've told them.
I had an ex-girlfriend who was always insisting I express my feelings. One time after she asked me to express my feelings, I told her I was feeling pretty hungry at the moment, and could she cook me something. We broke up shortly after that. Fate.
I call B.S. on this study, unless they only interviewed unstable women in unstable relationships.
I have always been uneasy and out of sorts when my other half is unhappy. My past conversations with my friends reflect the same when their husbands are unhappy.
Wow, who are you dating?
“most men are not hardwired to talk about their “feelings.” They are hardwired to FIX things.”
Understand that the core, regarding this discussion is to MAKE THE BAD FEELINGS STOP. We don’t want to wallow in your pain, we want to make your pain go away because we care! Faced with the choice of spending an hour sharing feelings of hurt/guilt/frustration/sorrow/whatever after which nothing has changed but “understanding”, vs 10 minutes of solving the d@mm problem which is harming a loved one and thus the bad feelings disappear because the problem is gone, he11 yeah we’re gonna want to FIX THINGS.
Men want to know what the problem is so they can address and remove the problem. A loving man will actively work to eliminate any threat to his family and their happiness.
The greatest source of frustration for a man is when the woman in his life expects him to intuitively "know" what the problem is without telling him.
The greatest source of frustration for a woman is when she bluntly tells a man the problem, and he ignores her.