Posted on 04/14/2012 5:44:08 PM PDT by reaganaut1
...
In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.
But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.
Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.
As Jennifer and I worked to answer her question, “How did this happen?” we talked about how she and her boyfriend went from dating to cohabiting. Her response was consistent with studies reporting that most couples say it “just happened.”
“We were sleeping over at each other’s places all the time,” she said. “We liked to be together, so it was cheaper and more convenient. It was a quick decision but if it didn’t work out there was a quick exit.”
She was talking about what researchers call “sliding, not deciding.” Moving from dating to sleeping over to sleeping over a lot to cohabitation can be a gradual slope
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
Incurring G-d’s wrath might be a strong downside.
Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to
be immoral people, which causes problems.
Simply marrying somebody who was already halfway out the door creates a situation where they will always be halfway our the door.
Simply marrying somebody who was already halfway out the door creates a situation where they will always be halfway our the door.
Crude but effective.
fascinating, i guess the more we learn the more we realize that many “traditional” things had a really good reason
whatever. they wanted it until they were sick of it. their goodies turned to gravel in their insatiable stomachs. cry me a river.
We always called it Shacking up
Then there’s the thrill of going against their parents wishes.
-—fascinating, i guess the more we learn the more we realize that many “traditional” things had a really good reason-—
Yup.
yes indeed!
Rudyard Kipling called them The Gods of the Copybook Headings.
Translation:
"I thought he was cute so I spread my legs for him. He liked getting laid so I started spreading my legs for him every night. But the cost of maintaining two apartments and buying gasoline to travel back and forth made it too expensive for me to keep putting out. So we moved in together. That way I can satisfy him sexually all the time and he can try me out, you know, like a test drive, to see if I'm worth marrying."
"I am woman. Hear me roar."
Or conversely, surprisingly it can often be the male who wants to marry, but the female is the one who wants to remain foot loose and fancy free.
That’s what dating is all about. You learn about someone over time. You get to see what the other person is like just by what they do and how they act. Then too, a credit report is a must. I mean, you know ...
The strain it puts on the relationship is not healthy and the expectations are unrealistic.
You are a person. You are going to get sick, sweat, get grumpy, leave your socks on the floor and so on and so forth. A spouse understands this and will forgive you your trespasses because they know that they will need forgiving too. A Shack-up Honey usually won't.
In most parts of the world, and in Biblical times, you ended up having your head lopped off or smashed with stones. Fun times.
In the 60’s, before hippies, no one lived in sin. Sometimes, there were whispers about “common law marriages”, but it wasn’t good.
When someone has shacked up with a half-dozen other partners, it’s a myth to pretend “they didn’t really count” like a marriage. No alimony or lawyers but everything else is the same except the ceremony.
Just as women who’ve had abortions pretend they never really got pregnant.
The sexual revolution was designed to smash monogamy (their phrase, not mine).
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