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That Terrible 'Ted' Movie
Townhall.com ^ | July 6, 2012 | Brent Bozell

Posted on 07/06/2012 5:45:32 AM PDT by Kaslin

Seth MacFarlane, whose $100 million contract with Fox makes him the highest paid TV writer in history, is now trying to take over the cineplex, with the same old shtick. You could pluck his oeuvre out of the summer movie-preview articles without any difficulty. His was the one where the teddy bear comes to life and becomes a profane slacker who practically lives inside a bong and hires hookers in groups.

The movie's title is "Ted." It won its opening weekend with a $54 million gross at the box office. Clearly, MacFarlane's fans cannot consume enough of his pop-culture sewage.

"Ted" is a fitting metaphor for MacFarlane himself. He is the magical creation everyone in Hollywood seems to find as cute as a furry stuffed animal. He's made his fortune by putting the crudest, most offensive utterances in the mouths of babies, dogs and completely idiotic man-children. Hollywood is never having to grow up.

So the idea that this movie would center on a real man-boy named John Bennett who must grow up seems odd. Why grow up? Perpetual adolescence clearly has worked for some people. Here again, MacFarlane is Ted, holding back the real slackers by keeping them in a state of mental pimple-popping for his own personal gain.

This is the plot: As a boy, Bennett has no friends, so on Christmas night he wishes on a shooting star that his teddy bear could really talk to him and be his best friend -- and then it happens. But it's supposedly much funnier when the movie fast forwards 27 years, and Bennett and his teddy bear are pot-smoking losers who watch too much television.

Now as one of Hollywood's most vicious atheists, it would seem like quite a sellout for MacFarlane to make a movie with a "magic wishes" plot centering on Christmas night, no less. This movie pounds away with the usual and very tired Whack-a-Mole jokes about sex, drugs and bodily functions, presumably because it can't really plot its way out of a paper bag. Even the wish-upon-a-star thing is as old as "Pinocchio."

Ask the film critics. A.O. Scott of The New York Times believes some overgrown spoiled brat in Tinseltown is phoning it in. "The sin of 'Ted' is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur."

That's our cultural elite for you. There's nothing wrong with being offensive, but there's something dreadfully wrong with being boring and unoriginal.

Scott isn't done bashing our boob-tube anti-hero. "The feature film is not a hospitable form for Mr. MacFarlane. He has no particular visual knack, little interest in storytelling and nothing better to do with his naughty bear besides stuff him into a soft, sentimental comedy that seems almost proud of its lack of wit or conviction."

Now wait a minute. Did he actually write that the "Family Guy" flatulence-joke specialist made a "soft, sentimental comedy"? Try and locate that concept within this cow pie of vulgarity.

When Ted is forced to take a job at a supermarket -- don't try to make any sense of it -- he comes on to a sleazy fellow employee by not only doing pelvic thrusts, but also by spraying himself in the face with hand lotion -- a porny orgasm shot on a teddy bear. That should cause Scott to rethink that "soft comedy" bit.

But the film ends on a thoroughly sappy note. Ted gets ripped in half, and then comes back to life after being sewn back together and more wishing on a shooting star. It's the kind of "My Little Pony" ending that MacFarlane would eagerly mock with both ink barrels if someone else made this kind of movie ending.

A few weeks back, MacFarlane appeared with his real-life, bong-hit buddy Bill Maher and praised the integrity of Sen. Al Franken: "He's still -- he's a human being and you don't get a sense that he's sold out to the machine."

Anyone who's seen the ending of "Ted" would wonder if MacFarlane's become so addicted to the money that he's completely sold out to the "happy ending" Hollywood machine. How can someone so supremely cynical go so sentimental that NPR's Bob Mondello would actually say he made a "date movie"?

But then, MacFarlane always tries to moonwalk his way out of his cultural oil spill by washing off a contaminated bird or two. It's sad that so many so-called smart people let him get away with this sleazy song and dance. It's sadder still that anyone would endorse it with his or her cinema dollars.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: sethmacfarlane
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1 posted on 07/06/2012 5:45:38 AM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

Must we ruin every dang movie? It was a funny movie that I enjoyed. Everything does not have to be some conspiracy theory. It was a simple very funny movie. Kids did NOT go just for info. Wife and I had a pleasant time going to dinner and a movie for a change. If you don’t like it, don’t go....simple as that.


2 posted on 07/06/2012 5:49:48 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: Kaslin

Lighten up Brent, it was a funny movie.


3 posted on 07/06/2012 5:50:40 AM PDT by 11th Commandment (http://www.thirty-thousand.org/)
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To: Kaslin

I’m as red-blooded a Conservative as anyone, but MacFarlane is an entertainer, pure and simple. I don’t watch him Maher, I don’t care for his politics one whit, but some of his stuff, esp. his commentary on pop culture, is downright funny.

Family Guy is vulgar. Cleveland Show is vulgar. American Dad is vulgar. I would expect that Ted will be vulgar, but like all the other primetime Fox cartoons, I’ll likely see this movie at some point in the future. From the people who I know who feel the same about MacFarlane as I do, they say this movie is a laugh-a-minute.

Again, I’m not saying MacFarlane is right to espouse atheism, but to deny him his right to make this “cultural garbage” is to deny him the same 1st Amendment rights that any of us are entitled to. People will pay to see this movie, and he will continue to make Family Guy and others. Denigrate him all you want, MacFarlane isn’t going anywhere.


4 posted on 07/06/2012 5:52:23 AM PDT by rarestia (It's time to water the Tree of Liberty.)
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To: Kaslin

My kids won’t even know this movie exists, but I defend MacFarlane’s right to make it. Bozell needs to lighten up.


5 posted on 07/06/2012 5:55:59 AM PDT by montag813
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To: Kaslin
Seth's sick after school homo love specials are not entertaining.

FG was great till the perv moralizing became the main plot. Same with American Dad. The Cleveland B show? Who cares?

Faux should have cancelled Cleveland and got Futurama back. They snoozed they loosed. Now they have 3 identical SMcF toons. Blah.

As far as movies. No way no how will I financially support murder lust and perversion! Just because they call it entertainment, doesn't mean it is!

6 posted on 07/06/2012 5:58:01 AM PDT by rawcatslyentist ("Behold, I am against you, O arrogant one," Jeremiah 50:31)
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To: rarestia

On the flip side though, the author does us all a big service by letting us know that the movie is another piece of vulgar crap not worth our dollars to see.

If you don’t like the review, or even think you may like this sort of movie, then go see the movie. No one is forcing you to stay away, but some of us prefer not to subject ourselves to that sort of thing and it’s good to know what the movie is about before having to suffer through it.


7 posted on 07/06/2012 5:59:48 AM PDT by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: John O

Let me just add that I try not to do business with atheists or democrats or any other anti-American types. So for me it’s good to know who’s behind the movies.


8 posted on 07/06/2012 6:01:10 AM PDT by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: Kaslin

Support garbage and garbage will continue to be made. I just saw Madea’s Witness Protection and loved it. Tyler Perry supports Obama but he is a very funny guy. A person’s politics are of no concern to me. If a person wants to make vulgar, anti-Christian movies, that is their right. I protest by not spending my money to see them.


9 posted on 07/06/2012 6:01:22 AM PDT by ilovesarah2012
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To: Kaslin

Here’s the movie I’m waiting for this summer.
Obama 2016 http://youtu.be/vtv6XUT-hno


10 posted on 07/06/2012 6:02:48 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: John O

I would argue your point with you, John, insomuch as you’d have to be a complete dolt to go see this movie based on the previews alone if you’re not immune to the sort of “vulgar crap” that this movie peddles.

Hollywood is PROUD about the schlock that they put out, and movie previews often show “highlights” from movies that should be enough of an avoidance indicator to a discriminate moviegoer. If you find the jokes and material in the commercials offensive, then you wouldn’t go see the movie. I don’t need Brent Bozell to reaffirm it.

Just my $0.02.


11 posted on 07/06/2012 6:05:12 AM PDT by rarestia (It's time to water the Tree of Liberty.)
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To: ilovesarah2012

I saw the movie and don’t remember any reference to religion at all. You say the movie is about anti-christian but you didn’t see the movie.....I don’t get your logic.


12 posted on 07/06/2012 6:05:47 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: Kaslin
1) I don't want to pass a law banning bad movies.
2) If Scott MacFarlane is an atheist, it's his business. That information is of limited importance to me.

I think our culture has gone very far downhill. We benefit from moral, insightful literature, plays, discussions. Crappy TV shows and crappy movies do not help our society; they hurt our society. The prevalence of irony within our culture is debilitating because it encourages the idea that nothing really matters, it's all good, and who the heck cares anyway??

People who care about government corruption, government tyranny, financial system shenanigans, and welfare parasites, should also be concerned about the state of our artistic culture. Social Conservatism is inextricably linked with Fiscal Conservatism. Really bad movies are not harmless. They contribute to social breakdown. And the breakdown of society costs you in multiple ways.

13 posted on 07/06/2012 6:07:13 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy (Roger Taney? Not a bad Chief Justice. John Roberts? A really awful Chief Justice.)
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To: Kaslin
What does the author here expect from Hollywood? Their job is to make films and entertain. I'd rather have a film like ‘Ted’ any day over the standard liberal revisionist history Hollywood churns out. Che anyone?
14 posted on 07/06/2012 6:07:13 AM PDT by liberalh8ter (If Barack has a memory like a steel trap, why can't he remember what the Constitution says?)
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To: 11th Commandment

Yes it was funny. A couple bits of trivia:

>>the Christmas Eve scene shows his bedspread has pictures of the space shuttle on it. This is Dec of 85. Remember what happened a month later? Maybe I’m reading more into it than I should, but maybe this shows a loss of innocence...picture the kids who loved the idea of space travel only to be crushed at the Challenger disaster. Though Jon does keep childhood foolishness/immaturity into adulthood. But can he change?

An Indian is shown and Ted thinks she’s a Muslim. “Thanks for 9/11!,” he tells her. Reminder...had MacFarlane not overslept one Sept. morning in 2001, he would have boarded a Boston-L.A. jet that was flown into the WTC...thought of that. Yeah he’s a big lib but I thought movie was funny.
Also he got Rush to appear on Family Guy and remember the story posted after Breitbart’s death where he entertained Andrew’s son over the phone with 10 min worth of FG voices...something Andrew’s son will long remember as he thinks of his dad..(this after Seth did NOT savage Breitbart on a talk show)

The scene where Ted is stitched up again—and sounds retarded or something, then says, ahh just kidding—he’s fine—got a bellylaugh from me


15 posted on 07/06/2012 6:07:25 AM PDT by raccoonradio (")
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To: 11th Commandment

An R movie, not for kids but for the kid still in us old farts. I could have done without the dump on the floor though, yuck. And for all the sexual jokes, very little T&A. Ted’s accent was right on and pretty funny in its own right. Don’t we all wish we could get promoted for insulting the boss? Not to mention getting the girl back for at least trying.


16 posted on 07/06/2012 6:08:10 AM PDT by dblshot (Insanity: electing the same people over and over and expecting different results.)
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To: liberalh8ter

Exactly. Ted is cleaning up at the box office...


17 posted on 07/06/2012 6:09:16 AM PDT by raccoonradio (")
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To: dblshot

Yes. btw two girls, maybe late teens or early 20s, got turned away for not having ID. I’m 50, no ID check needed...also a Bostonian so was used to the wicked pissah accents.


18 posted on 07/06/2012 6:11:21 AM PDT by raccoonradio (")
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To: 11th Commandment

Brent Bozell might just be the squarest person to ever walk the Earth.

I actually make a mental note to try to see or read everything he attacks.


19 posted on 07/06/2012 6:11:51 AM PDT by Strategerist
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To: Kaslin
The public has gotten numb to the sewage that Hollywood puts out.
Time travel back to 1965. How would this work be viewed then?
We are the frog in the pot with the heat slowly turned up. The water is about boiling.
20 posted on 07/06/2012 6:13:09 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland ("The writing is on the wall - Unions are screwed. reformist2 10:04 PM #27")
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To: napscoordinator

I have no idea if the movie is anti-Christian, only that it was made by an atheist.


21 posted on 07/06/2012 6:15:23 AM PDT by ilovesarah2012
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To: Kaslin

There’s an article above this which asks, “Is It Too Late To Save America?”

I think the answer is found right here.


22 posted on 07/06/2012 6:15:45 AM PDT by LearsFool ("Thou shouldst not have been old, till thou hadst been wise.")
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To: HereInTheHeartland

You are so right. I love watching old TV shows on MeTV and it amazes me how far our culture has fallen since those shows were on.


23 posted on 07/06/2012 6:20:35 AM PDT by ilovesarah2012
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To: Kaslin

Don’t get down on Bozell- he is reviewing it- not declaring that thg government should have stopped him from making it

MacFarland has one of those twisted pathetic lives that makes money and a living off of being vulgar and stupid, kind of like Jerry Springer or Howard Stern.

I just wonder if at the end of their days they will think back to what disgusting filth they accomplished in life and live the remainder of their existance in mortal fear of the warm place that is certainly going to come next for a life so wasted.


24 posted on 07/06/2012 6:21:04 AM PDT by Mr. K (OBAMA MUST BE STOPPED ROMNEY/GINGRICH)
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To: montag813
That puppet sex scene in Team America: World Police was one of the crudest and most inappropriate things ever put on film. And one of the funniest. I am guessing this film has humor along those lines.
25 posted on 07/06/2012 6:28:12 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog
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To: napscoordinator

Did you like “There’s Something About Mary” or “American Pie”?


26 posted on 07/06/2012 6:35:11 AM PDT by driftless2
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To: Strategerist
It's disturbing to me that conservative people see no issues with movies that contain the crap (in this case, literally) as is found in "Ted". A couple of other posters above hit the nail on the head: our culture WILL directly influence our political landscape. What becomes tolerable to the masses will follow straight into every corner of American culture. This is precisely why a president can get away with extramarital affairs made public; why judges, congressmen and women are not held accountable for their blatantly anti-constitutional views; why our children are increasingly promiscuous and over-the-top rebellious. Where does it end? The Bible has the ONLY answer: "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." - 2 Chronicles 7:14, emphasis mine. Part of Sin is not just what we do, but what we DON'T do - and in America, that means a total apathy among conservatives and Christians alike to stand for what is RIGHT - morally and culturally. If we want to see real change, then it begins with the person reading this text on the monitor - myself included as I type this. We have a responsibility to disallow vulgarity and morally corrupt things before our eyes. Garbage in, garbage out. And the 'garbage out' becomes the world in which we, and our children, are trying to live.
27 posted on 07/06/2012 6:36:24 AM PDT by Swashbuckler99
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To: Kaslin

the summary essentially describes a bunch of unlikable characters lost in pot smoking, cocain use and deviant behavior.

it is not even worth watching on free tv.


28 posted on 07/06/2012 6:43:59 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Kaslin

Ted’s hilarious, yeah it might drag a little in the third act as Seth seems to be trying to prove he can do something other than fart jokes, but the fart jokes are awesome. And there’s nothing wrong with a sentimental ending once in a while, it is after all a movie about wishes coming true, kind of sentimental to start with.


29 posted on 07/06/2012 6:45:51 AM PDT by discostu (Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.)
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To: ilovesarah2012
“I love watching old TV shows on MeTV and it amazes me how far our culture has fallen since those shows were on.”

There are still movies made without the sewage. Bella; The Ultimate Gift; and many others.
Amazing how they don't have the obligatory sex scenes or profanity.

30 posted on 07/06/2012 7:04:24 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland ("The writing is on the wall - Unions are screwed. reformist2 10:04 PM #27")
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To: rarestia

McFarlane hasn’t done anything honestly funny in ages... Family Guy jumped the shark long ago, Cleveland was never funny and neither was American Dad...

Ted looks like a red box special.

Tired and hack kneed schtick, his has become.


31 posted on 07/06/2012 7:05:48 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: Buckeye McFrog
hahahahaha-"I promise you I will never die"

WhileI admit I love movies like Ted and Team America, it was refreshing totake my kid to see "Snow White and the Huntsman". Snow White saying the Lords Prayer, the fightfor freedom against an evil dictator, sacrifice, and the only sex was a simple kiss on the lips. Every conservative should take their kids to see that movie.

32 posted on 07/06/2012 7:11:00 AM PDT by MattinNJ (Romney? Really? Seriously?)
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To: HamiltonJay

I’ll admit that FG has become pretty stale as of late. We DVR the shows, but more often than not, we stop and delete it about halfway through.

Cleveland has its moments, but yes, I’m actually shocked that it’s still on the air.

American Dad is actually quite funny in a very dark way. There have been some episodes that forced me to change the channel, but I think they’ve got a winner with Roger and Klaus, at a minimum. Give me a show with Brian, Stewie, Klaus, and Roger, and we might have something.

Someone earlier in the thread mentioned Futurama, a Groening (Simpsons) show, and I will say that I am immensely amused by the new Futurama eps on Comedy Central. Why Fox canceled Futurama is completely beyond my comprehension. They need to dump some of the crap on Sunday’s Animation Domination and fit Futurama back in there with a full staff. Groening would do well to have a backup when the Simpsons take a bow and the curtain closes on that 20 year animation experiment.


33 posted on 07/06/2012 7:11:53 AM PDT by rarestia (It's time to water the Tree of Liberty.)
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To: Kaslin

I thought the idea of a magical Teddy Bear growing up and hanging around was inspired, but the trailers left me cold. A good idea wasted as just another Adam Sandler clone.

The guys at South Park had it right. Seth can tell a joke but not a coherent story.

He is the Henny Youngman of his generation.


34 posted on 07/06/2012 7:15:40 AM PDT by eddie willers
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To: Kaslin

Seth McFarlane is an unbelievably talented freaking genius.


35 posted on 07/06/2012 7:18:05 AM PDT by Maceman
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To: eddie willers

It may be kind of stupid, but I was turned off by Ted having the Peter Griffin voice. It’s such a well-known voice that it immediately pulled me out of the movie (trailer). Maybe it’s not that bad once you’re in the theater.


36 posted on 07/06/2012 7:27:52 AM PDT by Future Snake Eater (CrossFit.com)
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To: Kaslin

My daughter and boyfriend went to see this and loved it! Both are good conservative freshman in college, state champion tennis players, “A to B” students in engineering and laughed so much it hurt. I trust their opinion and they said it was a harmless, funny movie.

Not every movie is good guys shooting bad guys. Are we supposed to boycott the movie? Hold a candlelight vigil outside the theatre and pray for the people coming out?


37 posted on 07/06/2012 7:30:25 AM PDT by albie
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To: rarestia
I agree - love Futurama.

Still, "Ted" elicited out loud laughs from me which few movies ever do.

38 posted on 07/06/2012 7:31:38 AM PDT by Sirius Lee (Goode over evil. Voting for mitt or obie is like throwing your country away.)
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To: Mr. K
Don’t get down on Bozell- he is reviewing it- not declaring that big government should have stopped him from making it.

I don't get why so many are down on Bosell for this review. Why do so many think that Bozell is saying McFarlane should not have had a right to make it? And in the same breath, they seem to be alleging that Bozell should not have been allowed to write the review?

All I got from the review is that Ted appears to be the steaming pile I assumed it would be. I almost never go to new movies anymore. I prefer old movies made by people who are now dead.

39 posted on 07/06/2012 7:35:12 AM PDT by Sans-Culotte ( Pray for Obama- Psalm 109:8)
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To: montag813

“Bozell needs to lighten up.”

Doesn’t he have the as much right to criticize cultural rot as Hollywood has to make it?

I think so.


40 posted on 07/06/2012 7:49:46 AM PDT by Do Not Make Fun Of His Ears (John Roberts did more to endanger the lives of Americans than all 9/11 hijackers combined.)
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To: Swashbuckler99

It’s amazing that people will defend the right to pour sewage like this out, but attack anybody who dares criticize it.

What a twisted view of free speech.


41 posted on 07/06/2012 7:55:37 AM PDT by Do Not Make Fun Of His Ears (John Roberts did more to endanger the lives of Americans than all 9/11 hijackers combined.)
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To: Sans-Culotte

>>Why do so many think that Bozell is saying McFarlane should not have had a right to make it? And in the same breath, they seem to be alleging that Bozell should not have been allowed to write the review?<<

Exactly.


42 posted on 07/06/2012 7:56:28 AM PDT by Do Not Make Fun Of His Ears (John Roberts did more to endanger the lives of Americans than all 9/11 hijackers combined.)
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To: albie
My daughter and boyfriend went to see this and loved it!

Comedy is certainly subjective.

I put the categories into Laurel and Hardy or The Three Stooges.

Being a Laurel and Hardy type, the humor of, say, McFarland or the Farrelly Brothers leaves me stoned faced.

I couldn't fine a single laugh in Dumb and Dumber.

43 posted on 07/06/2012 7:58:35 AM PDT by eddie willers
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To: napscoordinator

Seth McF is a vile scumbag just as despicable as Bill Maher.
Why would I want to contribute to Obama and the dims through this guy? I try not to do business with communists every day and I also do not associate with them in everyday life.

Eff'em.

44 posted on 07/06/2012 8:00:47 AM PDT by red-dawg (If muslims are exempt from Obamacare, then my name is Mohammed Suks.)
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To: Kaslin
"NPR's Bob Mondello would actually say he made a "date movie"?"

Because, as you can see from the replies on this very thread, people are so desensitized that they can actually relax to vulgarity.

45 posted on 07/06/2012 8:52:48 AM PDT by StAnDeliver
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To: Kaslin

OK, I admit..I saw Ted and loved it. Crude but very funny.

And I am still a Conservative

Oh, and the “thanks for 9/11” line had me in stitches. For a liberal, MacFarlane has no problem with being not politically correct

It should be noted that, the same people who run the allegedly “conservative” Fox News, are the same ones paying MacFarlane 100 million for his services

I usually avoid films that are patently offensive...but Ted was just too funny.


46 posted on 07/06/2012 9:12:30 AM PDT by SeminoleCounty (Sad....George Zimmerman is in jail for rightfully defending himself...while Eric Holder walks free)
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To: red-dawg

Why would I want to contribute to Obama and the dims through this guy?

You don’t....the beauty of living in a free country. I actually like that button of McCain/Palin....very nice looking.


47 posted on 07/06/2012 9:51:07 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: driftless2

Very much....


48 posted on 07/06/2012 9:58:04 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: Swashbuckler99

It’s disturbing to me that conservative people see no issues with movies

Oh well. I find it more disturbing that supposed conservatives are accepting Romney as the Republican nominee but you know what that is life. Which situation is worse for our country? Ted or liberal Romney???? It will be 100 percent Liberal Romney.


49 posted on 07/06/2012 10:01:23 AM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: napscoordinator
"I find it more disturbing that supposed conservatives are accepting Romney as the Republican nominee but you know what that is life. Which situation is worse for our country? Ted or liberal Romney???? It will be 100 percent Liberal Romney."

Someone who supports the sewer of movies that Hollyjunk dumps into the mainstream, yet is a top-10 supposedly more-conservative-than-thou glass chewer here on FR, and goes so far as to suggest that a the portrayal morally-decrepit teddy bear, mouthed by a virulent militant atheist, is a better thing for our country than a successful MBA/JD married 43 years to the same woman ... I find that ... amusing.

You need to check your compass.

50 posted on 07/06/2012 10:16:27 AM PDT by StAnDeliver
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