Skip to comments.Don't You Dare Open a Door for Me!
Posted on 12/14/2012 5:29:50 AM PST by Kaslin
Chivalry is back in the news. The always-alert Charles Murray of the American Enterprise Institute draws our attention to an item in the Psychology of Women Quarterly. A new study on what the authors are pleased to call "benevolent sexism" (which, as Murray translates, seems to mean gentlemanly behavior) found that both women and men are happier when men behave like gentlemen.
This being a sociological publication, though, the findings are not written in English, but rather in academic argot. It's full of sentences like this: "A structural equation model revealed that benevolent sexism was positively associated with diffuse system justification within a sample of 274 college women and 111 college men."
If you spend more than $100,000 on an undergraduate and graduate education in women's studies, you can learn to be this impenetrable, too.
The authors of the study were quick to warn readers about what they'd discovered. "Our findings reinforce the dangerous nature of benevolent sexism and emphasize the need for interventions to reduce its prevalence." Right. Though it seems to increase the life satisfaction of both sexes, it must still be eradicated.
When feminists set out to remake the sexes back in the 1970s, they seemed to choose all the wrong traits to emulate and/or eliminate. Women were encouraged to match the promiscuity, aggressiveness, and irresponsibility of men. In other words, women were to model themselves on the worst men. Meanwhile, the best traits of traditional men -- specifically their most chivalrous and protective impulses -- were to be maligned, mocked, and resented.
Still dancing on Mitt Romney's political grave, feminist writer Gina Barreca told the Washington Post's Gene Weingarten that Romney would be a "terrible, terrible date." (Leave it to a feminist who wants women to be taken seriously to evaluate a presidential candidate as a potential date.) Why? Because he'd be chivalrous. "Chivalry is the opposite of good manners. It's infantilizing. It's contempt masquerading as politeness. The chivalrous guy is establishing roles; he is the protector, you are Limoges. Your job is to let him be masterful. In my experience, when you are standing on a pedestal, there's not much room to move around. That's by design."
Emily Esfahani Smith isn't buying the chivalry as disguised power grab line. Writing in the Atlantic, she notes (as Rich Lowry has highlighted) the contrast between the Titanic and the Costa Concordia -- two sinkings 100 years apart. Three quarters of the women on the Titanic survived, while three quarters of the men died. In 1912, men would have been ashamed of themselves if they failed to protect women -- even at the cost of their lives. Was that just "contempt masquerading as politeness"? On the Costa Concordia, early in 2012, men shoved women aside to get into the lifeboats. Oh well, at least the women had more room to move around than on that darn pedestal.
Smith reminds us that chivalry arose in response to the violence and barbarism of the Middle Ages. "It cautioned men to temper their aggression, deploying it only in appropriate circumstances -- like to protect the physically weak and defenseless members of society." Obviously many men failed to fulfill the ideal. We've always had boorish behavior. But wasn't it preferable to label boorish behavior as such, rather than celebrate it as a victory for sexual equality?
The chivalric code persists to this day, despite the best efforts of the feminists. When a shooter opened fire at an Aurora, Colo. movie theater, no fewer than three young men protected their girlfriends from bullets with their own bodies -- and died in the process.
Smith includes an anecdote that sums up the case for chivalry. Samuel Proctor, pastor of Harlem's Abyssinian Baptist Church, tipped his hat to a lady. She was offended and demanded, "What is that supposed to mean?"
He replied: "Madame, by tipping my hat I was telling you several things. That I would not harm you in any way. That if someone came into this elevator and threatened you, I would defend you. That if you fell ill, I would tend to you and if necessary carry you to safety. I was telling you that even though I am a man and physically stronger than you, I will treat you with both respect and solicitude. But frankly, Madame, it would have taken too much time to tell you all of that; so, instead, I just tipped my hat."
Just wait when they get older, they wished someone opens the door for them, because they can’t do it themselves
All you rude men should be ashamed of yourselves. Regardless whether or not they’re Obama supporters, idiots, or whatnot, you should hold the door open for them.
I read a comment at a very young age: “I’m not holding the door because you’re a lady, but because I’m a gentleman.” I practice it to this day even if it’s someone I don’t like.
By lowering yourselves to their level, they win, and you lose. You lose a part of manliness that is being a gentleman, and you further help coarsen our society. They win. Don’t play their game. Open the damned door, and say good morning. Smile too. Making the country a better place begins in YOUR life, in YOUR heart. Politics be damned. BE A GENTLEMAN.
All my life, I’ve opened doors for ladies, stood aside to allow a lady to enter a room before me, and done everything I could to defer, as a gentleman, to the opposite sex.
It’s how I was raised. I have never, in my entire life, had a woman protest for being treated well in my presence and it really wouldn’t matter to me if that ever happened.
Psychologists abhor the idea that there is a biological life to humans beyond armchair intellectualism. As such, they equate biological programming with “social contrivances”, created as intellectual oppression of one group against another.
For this reason, for example, they reject monogamous marriage as a social contrivance, artificial, unnatural and deceitful, despite its profound and obvious biological advantages to men, women, and especially their offspring, far beyond just animal reproduction.
So it should be no surprise that they also reject chivalry, neglecting the basic biological fact that women are more important than men, biologically, that beyond men’s role in creating genetic diversity, their essential purpose is to protect and assist, as well as provide for women and their offspring.
Other than that, women’s role in reproduction and child rearing is so important that men perform many other roles, because they are available to do so. Yet priority is always to women.
The “pedestal”, as it were, is a “safe nest”, and men are only free to do other things when this is assured, otherwise they are in error. Many men have a strong natural response when they perceive that women and children are at risk, either from an acute danger or a chronic one, the lack of prosperity.
And imagining it all as a social contrivance changes nothing, even if changes are forced they do not last, and accomplish no good ends. So they are frivolous and harmful.
You forgot making sammiches.
I am with the Reverend Proctor. I don’t have a hat to tip, but I am polite. I open the door for my wife, and for women in general; if I am on the subway, if a woman or older gentleman is standing, I offer my seat. I frequently allow them to go first even in checkout lines. I offer to carry things for women or otherwise be helpful - even total strangers.
I really don’t care what the womyn think. I’m better than they are and I know it; they probably know it, too. Ladies, on the other hand, know it is their due.
I suppose this will get me arrested someday.
People analyze everything way too much and act like civilized human beings too little nowadays! Both sexes!
Being old and gray, but fantastically active and wise male, I am very often rewarded with a door opened or held open by a much younger female.
I smile and say “why thankyou” and pass through. Both our days are made more pleasant.
Consider, too, how they reap in another way.
Marlo Thomas, who as a little girl helped her dad, Danny Thomas, make a fool of himself weekly in Make Room for Daddy. She grew up to be a brassy, unpleasant feminist screedist and perpetual demonstratrix -- both a political demonstratrix, and a living example of the worst that feminazism has to offer.
Now she's old and barren, and married to Phil Donahue (she married him at age 43 -- ooops, honey, I shriveled the kids).
What goes around .....
For people I’m with or I know, sure. Strangers, SOL. If you look like a liberal zombie, I’ll make the effort to be rude.
I was raised to hold doors, etc. But, the leftists have their war that they’re conducting and I’m not going to to play nice anymore while they do it. If/when the time comes that “things” are escalated, I’m ready.
(Re-)elections have consequences; I’m doing my part to “take my ball(s) and leave”. I don’t care anymore; stay away from me.
All Buggery supporters are parasitic roaches! They are an infestation. Where is the Orkin man??
There is a flyer for a movie - From what I have seen, mostly Blacks in it (not that there is anything wrong with that) that had a ‘skit’ where this guy pulls up in a flashy sports car, blows his horn (he LOOKS rich etc), she. who is quite a looker, comes out and makes a statement along the lines “Any guy that dates me will come to the door etc..”, He says “OK”, slams the car in gear and takes off.....
But... but... Marlo Thomas was so sweet & lovable in “That Girl”.
Oh...that was forty four years ago, in 1968. Oopsie.
“Time wounds all heels.”
I do the same things (except for addressing strangers...just not a habit of mine). I may be dead wrong but I associate the "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" to be related to my Southern upbringing.
P.S. I'm finding it harder and harder to find people older than I to open doors for.
Probably going (gone) out of business...he sees the an unencumbered EPA on the horizon...
There are certain ovens that are still in existence though.
I’m so glad I don’t live around you.
I do it because I grew up in a military family. Now that I'm well on in middle age, if the other person is clearly quite a bit younger than I am, I might say "Son" or "Hon."
Wow! That is the perfect thing to say when some feminazi questions your holding the door for them!!!
I hold doors for just about anyone, but women in particular. I have never been upbraided for this in my life. I am a woman-lover and a Southern Gentleman. I am a lover, a fighter, and a wild bull rider. I also help women or weaklings put their luggage in the overhead bin. Plus, I complement women, including liberal women, in a tasteful way and never received any gas for this. Gentlemen, you have to have some finesse.
Man, you guys are sooo nice...
whenever i see a fubo sticker on a car, I glare right at them and flip them right off..
sometimes open hostility is the way to go!!
Done the good old-fashioned way:
We are the Orkin man!!
“I have never been upbraided for this in my life.”
Me either. It’s nice to be nice. But I’m changing my strategy, doesn’t mean anyone else has to.
“sometimes open hostility is the way to go!!”
100% completely agree with you. The RATS win by doing that. It’s long past time that “our” side wakes up and realizes the game has radically changed (and not for the better).
You either adapt to win or remain static and lose.
Thank you Darth!
Most men here probably don't even consider or take notice of women being rude in response to their gentlemanship. Or they quickly shake it off knowing that more are appreciative than not. I guess once you've faced the North Vietnamese or the Taliban in battle, a feminist's rudeness or lack of respect is almost pale in comparison.;)
Why exactly would any red-blooded man look at THAT??
Yep, me too. My parents raised me to say “Sir” to men I was interacting with, and “Ma’am” to females.
LOL...when my dad was dressing me down for something, and he asked “Do you understand?”, if I answered “Yes”, he would raise his voice slightly, and in a more severe voice, say “Yes...WHAT?”
To which I would always reply “Yes Sir”.
Interestingly, many women hate being referred to as “Ma’am”, but I can’t change.
In wondering disbelief, I suppose.
Feminists hate chivalry and gentlemanly behavior. they probably hate that when I walk with my wife, I walk on the curb side.
The only way to give a Buggery voter some sense:
This is what I call a teachable moment, Neanderthal style!
New rule: when south of the Potomac, I hold the door for a lady, because odds favor that she is one. North of the Potomac? I'm sure you can get thru the door while carrying all those packages...MEN do it all the time. Careful with those eggs, honey...your partner doesn't want them scrambled until TOMORROW morning.
The only way to give a Buggery voter some sense:
This is what I call a teachable moment, Neanderthal style!
Wow...I thought I was the LAST 'nut' left in this country that acted like that... :-)
It took my wife a while to get used to that 'sidewalk routine'...
I love it!!!
Typical as*hole who thought he could do what he wanted...Henry Hill showed him a thing or three.
Yeah, even Birkenstockers and Earth Shoes. Or maybe she wore Viet Cong sandals back then.
There are a few things I am trying hard to keep.
I try to take off my hat when I enter a public building.
I believe that a handshake can still be a window into someone’s character (though not in isolation)
I believe in “Please”, “Thank You” and “You’re Welcome”.
I make a point of opening doors for my wife...especially the car door. I think it amuses her...:)
I hold doors for everyone. I will say, though, that one thing that really frosts me is when you do hold a door open for someone, they walk through it as if they were entitled.
There’s one practice that I try my damnedest to do, but I always wind up forgetting or otherwise dropping it depending on the company I keep: standing when a woman enters the room.
There were numerous occasions when I was a teen when I was outright laughed at for standing when a woman entered the room. In many ways, high school “bred” it out of me. When our teacher would come in or any adult of stature, I would stand up from my desk out of respect. I think by halfway through my freshman year, I’d all but stopped doing it.
When I was growing up, we were required, by threat of extreme death glance by my step-father, to stand for any woman or elder who entered a room. We were not to sit before our mother sat down. We were not to sit until our elders sat. Made for very interesting dates with some girls when I was growing up. It was so “quaint” to them. For me, it was a requirement.
I pine for the old days.
Drive away and leave 'em standing there. One way or another, they won't do it again.
In which case, you are frustrating the best efforts of the professional maitre d's.
The best try to seat the ladies so that they are facing the dining area, so as to decorate their restaurant with beautiful faces.
I’ve been holding doors open for women for over 30 years., since my mid teens.
I tend to be polite and hold doors for men, the elderly. Pretty much everyone.
I’ve never encountered any problems from anyone I have ever held a door open. Never happened once, and I do it several times a day. Maybe, 1,000 times a yeat or over 35,000 times since I started.
Oh I get it. I’ll often just take the seat given regardless of position, but I keep watch over my shoulder and use mirrors and other parts of the restaurant to keep watch. I’ve been through several tactical training courses that kind of breed it into you.
My wife’s gotten to the point where she just assumes where I’ll sit and takes the opposite. One high-class restaurant we visited on vacation actually asked me to switch with the lady.
A what? What kind of restaurant are we talking about here? ;-)
That was a perfect response. As the saying goes, “Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.”
I usually go out of my way to be gentlemanly. I can’t recalle ever getting a sneer. Sometimes I get ignored, but mostly thanked.
Glad you like it.
I had a woman (term used loosely) yell at me for opening the door a few years back - I said “I would open the door for anyone so don’t feel privileged” - seconds later I thought of the dog quip but the moment had passed - still I have it in reserve.
I have taught my two sons to hold open a door for ladies and the elderly. I have also taught them that if they get a classless response from a woman for holding the door open for them to flat out tell them: “I’m sorry ma’am, my Dad taught me to hold open the door for a Lady, he didn’t teach me how to recognize your kind.” and then walk off.
And that is the reason why feminists do not understand chivalry. They incur no penalty for being rude, obnoxious, aggressive; in short, everything they purport to despise about men. That sort of wallowing in ignorance may be a lot of things, but liberation it is not.
When women and men reject the time-proved practice of chivalry, you get what I observed yesterday: a foolish guy kicked a woman “friend”/acquaintance of his in the butt. Her friends (and she) took objection - the friends were very very vocal in taking him on. I guess they weren’t so happy about seeing their friend treated as an “equal”-to-male-friends.
This was among liberal-college students.
I bet they would heartily disagree with this study.
Respect for women can not be overdone by men.