Skip to comments.Why Young Men are Giving Up on Marriage
Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pews findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venkers article, The War on Men, which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone? is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women, Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who say in no uncertain terms, that theyre never getting married.
When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women arent women anymore. Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women angry and defensive, though often unknowingly.
Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic women good/men bad that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.
Men are tired, Venker wrote. Tired of being told theres something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women arent happy, its mens fault.
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage obsolete for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
Its the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature theyre forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need mens linear career goals they need men to pick up the slack at the office in order to live the balanced life they seek.
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed barely half of all adults in the United States are currently married, a record low. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are most dramatic among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years, the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is one of the most important things in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
Valid point. The courts can clean out a generation or two of men...but they still CANNOT force the next generation of men to want to have anything at all to do with American Women.
There is a always a backlash, and today’s women are seeing that first-hand.
“People from those cultures understand that kids are MUCH, MUCH, BETTER OFF with having two parents that may not get along, but still live in the same home - than having parents that are at legal war with each other.”
Absolutely; having a father in the home is the prime indicator of whether or not someone will be incarcerated. Have you heard these “Total Transformation” commercials on the radio? Apparently they’ve outsourced parenting to a set up tapes/disks; the commercials are pathetic (between a mother and son): “I’m your mother! I won’t have you calling me ugly names! Blah blah blah”. Basically it is tailor-made for a single mother with a (rightfully) angry son; good luck with that!
“It really seems that the kids dont even exist anymore in American society...other than being used for child support.”
Absolutely, but more importantly, you need at least one child to qualify for a lot of the freebies urban America has availed itself of for generations. I can’t tell you how many younger women I know who have the token bastard just to get into the “dependent” class; it turns out to be the only child they have, and they take full advantage of it (housing subsidies, welfare, food stamps, tuition breaks, you name it).
“There is a always a backlash, and todays women are seeing that first-hand.”
Exactly. Tax time always heats it up with the femi-nazis at my job; they realize that their high income taxes (no deductions for children, no mortgage interest/property tax deductions because they don’t need a whole house for just themselves and the cat/dog of their choice) are subsidizing the younger, darker America they see replacing the one in which they grew up.
My sons are all still young, but as they hit that age I’ll make very sure they all know that their future depends a lot on the procreation choices they make (pre-marriage stuff); ideally they’d wait, but realistically they just have to be EXTREMELY careful. I don’t know how my parents did it, but they let us know to be careful without mentioning a single contraceptive or the sexual act. I guess they assumed we’d be good (or smart) and as far as my siblings and I are concerned, they were right; they didn’t mind discussing what other people were doing in general (with disastrous results), and that is probably how they got the point across.
What’s the link?
Please don’t give up on American girls. My sweet girls need someone to marry one day. I am raising them to keep themselves pure and to honor the vows they take on their wedding night. They know I love their daddy and that divorce is not part of our vocabulary. They have also been carefully guarded against American dating culture and Hollywood ‘morals’. Blessings!~
Plan D: Get divorced and live happily after each other
Please don’t give up on American girls. My sweet girls need someone to marry one day. I am raising them to keep themselves pure and to honor the vows they take on their wedding night. They know I love their daddy and that divorce is not part of our vocabulary. They have also been carefully guarded against American dating culture and Hollywood ‘morals’. Blessings!
This is so sad.
Sad but true; these are a mutually exclusive group from the women ranting about men unwilling to marry. These creatures CAN’T marry (no freebies), and a year or two after the birth of the moneymaker they’re usually no longer with the baby-daddy in any relationship at all (except the child support/garnishment arrangements).
Anyone with sons had best warn them of this type of skank (”sperm chasers”).
“The ones that are not married are perfectly happy to be single. They dont feel the need to have a man, they can take care of themselves. Some of the men of FR are a perfect example of why.”
I understand; my poor wife has to get into her car to go to her part-time job after taking the kids to school. She has to trudge down a freshly shoveled & salted sidewalk/driveway, into her cleaned-off/scraped car (much newer & nicer than mine) that has previously been warmed up for her, and head off to the sweatshop for her 3.5 hour day.
“in the animal world only a select few macho animals (alpha males) get to mate with the female of the species...”
Today any male can mate (especially as he ages and his female counterparts are pondering their lonely futures); he’s just got to be careful about preventing an unplanned child. The whining and wringing of hands is extremely one-sided, which really makes it clear where the problem is (or at least which side views it as a problem at all).
“Please dont give up on American girls. My sweet girls need someone to marry one day.”
It’s you people that make it tough for us American-woman bashers. We know you’re out there, BREAKING YOUR NECK to raise girls that are, basically, what men dream of when they think of foreign brides.
My only thoughts are that there will still be good guys around that are open to Americans...but that it’s a very tough road for your girls - to convince an American guy they are something beyond a sex object.
Probably the first step in doing that is to project they are something to be valued, and make life a bit challenging for the guys that want them. Also, they have to project solid conservative values. My wife, from halfway around the world, makes me look like a patsy, even if my postings here are as right-wing as they come. So the girls need to shoot guns, they need to talk that language, they need to understand the Constitution, and they need to be on the conservative side of dozens of issues - and they also need to make it clear that they will not tolerate men that mess around.
...at that point, they just might find decent people - providing they don’t wait until they’re 34 to start looking.
That’s the best that I can do.
“My daughter pointed out that its the young ones, 40 and under, who are divorced. Most of the older ones are still married.”
In my area it seems that if they are 70 or older they are still married, between 40 and 65 they are divorced, and below 40 they can’t pay anyone enough to marry them. I stopped going to lunch with co-workers from my area when I realized that with the exception of a couple of foreign women they were all divorced; I got sick of hearing them tell pet stories in human terms.
That it is! It's an expression of love far beyond the physical - which the unmarried can hardly understand or experience.
Frankly, I think it comes down to what my dear departed Daddy used to say about young men, even in the 70’s, early in the ‘Sexual Revolution’. “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?” It’s even more true now, 40 years on.
LOL! I didn't see that you'd written that, before I posted it, too. I can remember my Daddy saying that, when reading or hearing about feminists and their notions of sexual freedom.
We know lots of young men are being raised with similar values. I know it isn’t hopeless. It just saddens me that the feminazis have turned men against us. They think my life as a stay at home mom is slavery. I see it as freedom. I am highly opinionated and give my hubby a run for his money. He wouldn’t want me any other way. But there is nowhere I’d rather be than at home for him and my babies! I feel bad for the way men are treated in this country. There is no respect. I owe my husband, father and the other men in my life my respect because first of all they deserve it and second of all God commands it! It saddens me to hear the stories of men that have been cursed at for opening doors. I want to be treated like a lady but how do men tell the difference between me and the feminazis. We all suffer. Sorry for the rant. This whole thread makes me sad!
A high ranking diplomat I knew, who was stationed in Vatican for many years, and knew intimately people near the top of the hierarchy there, told me that he had learned from them, confidentially of course, that there is no marriage in heaven, but that there is in hell.
Rush has the parody sound clip of “We’re Fierce! We’re Feminists! And We’re In Your Face!” under ‘EIB Updates and PSAs” you can download and play.
Ah, yes. Jealousy of the women from the East.
Maybe if US women would step up their game, they wouldn't end up alone and butt-hurt.
Losing weight would help, too.
Yes but, you could have made it clear to her that you weren’t concerned for her, you were worried about the dog. That should have made her happy!
And anyway, if these women are perfectly happy to be without a man, good for them! They are pretty much beyond child bearing anyway. What they should do though, is find single men in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s and steer them to young fertile females who will do what God put them on the Earth for. They need to bear children and love and obey the man who fathered them.
Every time I thought about marriage, I'd see the horrendous penalty suffered by the guys who got it wrong and were indentured servants to a vengeful ex-spouse. Also, American women are, for the most part, self-centered and immature. They think the world should kiss their butts. Foreign women absolutely adore American men — some in deference to their own men — but both foreign sexes agree that American women are the pits [but for different reasons].
“Men (covertly) have pushed “Feminism” to make satisfying their sexual needs much easier than ever.”
Men have pushed feminism because it’s no fun to be the Provider in the family. I mean... it’s really, really hard! Feminism has made it possible, even admirable, for men to avoid one of their fundamental responsibilities.
1 Timothy 5:8: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
I know; I was just playing with the use of the word “dog” (she was the “dog”).
“I feel bad for the way men are treated in this country. There is no respect.”
Respect is one thing (and needs to be earned); a deeper problem is that it is legally acceptable (often REQUIRED) to give a less-qualified female or preferred minority a college seat, job or promotion over a better white male candidate. As long as that is the law of the land, I have no problem watching this country devolve into a Spanish, Arabic, and Hindi speaking mess; in fact, I’m playing an active role by raising my children in English AND Spanish. Much more than half of their friends have imported parents (like my wife); they’ll fit right in with the “New America”.
The “progressives” wanted to tear down the WASP ideal that built this country & culture. Congratulations; they won. Nothing tickles me as much as the look on the face of an older “childless by choice” (at least in her younger days)American woman when a gaggle of children pass them chattering in Spanish; they won.
“Losing weight would help, too.”
You’re brutal (but very funny).
I work with single childless women in their fifties and sixties that spend a lot of money trying to look 40; the cosmetic aspect won’t help very much. The deeper issues won’t be addressed (as evidenced by many of the comments on this thread - apparently American women, while angry, will stay the course to extinction).
As much as northeastern NJ is a toxic waste dump, there is more than 57 varieties of women to pick from in terms of different countries. Any American guy who wants a wife can find one here (for at least a 5 year stint - then she’s a citizen and can “go yankee” on you)/s
I didn’t pick up the tab. I shut the door and told her if she could open her own door, then she could find her own way home and left her standing there.
“Foreign women absolutely adore American men some in deference to their own men but both foreign sexes agree that American women are the pits [but for different reasons].”
The first sentence identifies the culprit better than anything else can; rather than go back and forth between US men & women pointing fingers, look at how many foreign women (from ANY continent or island) will marry an American guy. Now how many men from those countries would do the same with an American woman?
Game, set, match.
After reading this thread, I don’t like men or women. Must be why some folks want to marry their dog. LOL
Reason enough for a guy to want to study dentistry... a lot of opportunity there.
Your post wasn’t a rant; I think it was very good and I agree with it.
You want to hear sad? My darling husband and I married in 1996. During our courtship and engagement, I worked with a bunch of women-—some single, some married-—who had in the past been friends, but when I met my man, began to turn against me. These were all women with a modern, feministic attitude toward men and life. When we got engaged, they treated the news with open cynicism. They laughed and told me, go ahead, get married, but in a couple of years you’ll be sick of him and be glad to get him out of the house.
He bought me a gorgeous engagement ring, and the day he went down on his knee to put it on my finger I was the happiest woman in the world. When I wore it to work, one of the women made fun of it for not being the perfect color diamond. The manager, a female, swiped the ring when I had to take it off for a moment, and hid it all day, swearing she didn’t know what had happened to it. I was panicked and heartbroken over losing it. At the end of the day, she brought it out and gave it back to me, laughing over the “joke.”
Later on, as I got closer to my wedding date, I overheard the manager and assistant manager behind closed doors, wondering how they could find a reason to fire me. One of them said they were sick of seeing me flounce around, so happy all the time. So I quit, and basically told them all to go to hell.
Well, it will be our 17th anniversary in August and we are more in love than ever. I’m not happy when he leaves the house; I’m excited to see him come home. But those women did their best to try and ruin my happiness. I feel sorry for bitter harridans like that.
Part of me, though, wishes I could go back and deal with those witches again. I’m a lot less naive now, and a LOT less inclined to take anyone’s crap.
Poster dangerdoc thought this would turn into a Friday Night Fight thread. Seems to me it was more of a sorority pillow fight. I tried putting some gas on the fire, but it fizzled too.
“During our courtship and engagement, I worked with a bunch of women-some single, some married-who had in the past been friends, but when I met my man, began to turn against me.”
My wife dealt with the same crap; I thought at the time (and still believe) that it was caused by 1) the other women being in relationships with marriage nowhere on the horizon, and 2) some of them being in the only relationships available (that they didn’t think should end in marriage - settling for dating someone who was NOT marriage material).
“I tried putting some gas on the fire, but it fizzled too.”
I actually find it a fascinating topic (though very sad); if I wanted just to brawl I’d have gone to the religion threads. I have family & friends that would probably make good wives, but the men are understandably reluctant and the women recoild from prenups. Both sides understand the issues, but neither will concede enough to make it work.
The political/moral gap between married mothers and single childless women will transcend every other classification (race, income) because in the end, one group has a serious stake in the future (and they are concerned about it) while the other group has no future at all (and they are bitter about it).
When a man holds a door for me, I always thank him nicely, and usually, he's surprised and pleased. He'll be more likely to do it for another woman, later on.
You could be right. Feminists are some bitter individuals...
Disgusting. So glad you left that horrible place.
God's blessings on you & your husband.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
God bless you and yours.
There is a corresponding phenomenon among older women. Once the children are grown or nearly grown, they would rather be single. If they can support themselves, why be shackled by a cranky demanding old man who doesn’t want to travel, doesn’t want to see the grandkids and resents expenditures on hobbies.
I think the resentment is that they’re willing to drop the feminism (more willingly with passing year after 35), and it doesn’t do any good by that time. I don’t even consider many of these women “feminists”; at work they want promotions and pay but still want to leave at 4:30 every day (while the men toil until 6:30). They (and the men who won’t marry them) are often just overgrown children; this is only news because the women have had enough (and the men don’t care either way).