Skip to comments.Why Young Men are Giving Up on Marriage
Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pews findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venkers article, The War on Men, which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone? is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women, Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who say in no uncertain terms, that theyre never getting married.
When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women arent women anymore. Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women angry and defensive, though often unknowingly.
Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic women good/men bad that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.
Men are tired, Venker wrote. Tired of being told theres something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women arent happy, its mens fault.
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage obsolete for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
Its the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature theyre forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need mens linear career goals they need men to pick up the slack at the office in order to live the balanced life they seek.
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed barely half of all adults in the United States are currently married, a record low. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are most dramatic among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years, the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is one of the most important things in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
“she has accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who say in no uncertain terms, that theyre never getting married”
Subculture? It is THE CULTURE.
Men risk far too much (as you describe); if you ever want to talk a guy out of marriage, simply ask a man how he’ll feel ten years down the road when his kids are sleeping in the house he used to live in, with some strange guy sleeping in the bed he used to sleep in.
I’m married more than fifteen years, but she’s a foreigner from a traditional background.
I cannot understand multiple marriages. Heck, your just asking for trouble and lose another house. Happy New year to you chick.....GG
They should change the name of this website to “Free Republic of Women-Haters, Except for Our Much Younger Second Filipino Wives.”
You have touched on the crux of the problem - premarital sex. This is yet another testimony to the collapse of western culture.
“The decks are all stacked against men”
Legalized affirmative action makes this more than just an opinion; it is government policy.
“Not enough people seem willing to admit that there is plenty of blame to go around on ALL sides, and that we should try to come together.”
When women oppose against affirmative action, that MIGHT happen; don’t hold your breath.
“I think people would rather be victims.”
The men aren’t complaining; they sometimes have to defend their bachelorhood against social/family pressures, but I assure you they are quite content to let the culture that marginalized them go the way of the dodo. I’m not surprised at the number of American men I know who are much more open to marrying foreign women; the American women can boil & seethe at the new crop of mestizos running around.
whoever said it, its worth a laugh....GG
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”
I saw that on a T-shirt at a flea market: “Why get married? Find a nasty b!tch and buy her a house.”
“Count the men, then count the white men.”
Then count the straight men and whatcha got ?
“I wonder how women would feel about investing their hearts and identity in becoming wives and mothers under the conditions that American men face today, to casually have her children and home taken from her at his whim, with the support of the state, while she has to pay for the privilege.”
Why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage?
Go formerly communist-bloc young men.
No apologies to Horace Greeley.
“I cannot understand multiple marriages.”
I hear you; I’m reasonably happily married (15+ years), but if it doesn’t work out or she passes away I wouldn’t do it again. Marriage is hard, and I don’t think I could reconcile adding another person to the family while I still have responsibility for my children (the whole Cinderella/stepmother thing). I wouldn’t want to put my children in a position where they might have additional sibling via a stepmother (just my personal take on it).
Back in 1970, an Italian immigrant friend, recently arrived, assessed the emerging feminist movement in America. He pointed to Ancient Rome and Greece and pronounced that within my lifetime, I would witness the collapse of America. He went on to explain how, throughout history, each time women rose to power, they were soon followed by an increase in the homosexual movement. At the time, I laughed! Remember ... this was 1970. I stopped laughing in 2000. Your assessment of the current situation matches his prediction.
You’ve got quite a chip on your shoulder there. The anger at American women runs deep, huh?
Has anyone factored in the Mother-in-law aspect?
I don’t see this as directly related to homosexuals; what isn’t really mentioned is the role children (or the lack of them, or the lack of desire for them) play. This trend started years before the big gains the sexual deviants made recently; it is caused by (among other things) economic insecurity, lack of (any) religion in a growing number of young people, and the fact that the initial “children of divorce” (in my mind, kids from the 1970s era) are now marriage-age and still have a bad taste in their mouth from growing up without daddy.
Europe is having the same problem (but I don’t know if the “children of divorce” applies there).
I am in my sixties. I was raised to stand when a woman walked into the room, to open doors for women, etc. And I did that for a long time. But I stopped doing that years ago when I opened the door for a woman who then proceeded to chew me out in public, saying she was a woman and didn’t need a “f***ing man” to open a door for her. Oh, I will still open a door for a woman whose hands are full with packages or a child, or a woman who has an obvious disability. But for and apparently healthy woman? Not a chance.
At least Taylor Swift gets a breakup song out of the deal.
“Youve got quite a chip on your shoulder there. The anger at American women runs deep, huh?”
Not at all; I dated American women, and they were certainly nice enough (and still are - as long as you’re not looking for a prospective mate for life). When I wanted to start a family, they preferred material wealth to the sacrifice required to have a family. Thankfully I live in a state loaded with foreigners, including traditional ones; I was married earlier than most of my friends (those that bothered to get married), and we’ve got a little (bilingual) tribe going now (being raised by their parents - not daycare/nannies).
American women are the angry ones, yet they still fail to see the situation from a man’s point of view. Running TVs showing irresponsible men avoiding commitment isn’t working either; now the best fathers on TV are those in non-traditional roles (taking care of another man’s kids). Creating a false utopia isn’t working; this issue runs deeper than most. The media may have convinced enough people to re-elect Obama, but they will NEVER convince many men in this environment to get married.
And I dumped a woman because she thought Iron Maiden was pretentious.
Life is not Hollywood. Women cannot have careers, children, a handsome, wealthy, husband, willing to share housework, raise children, take her out on Saturday night, fund family vacations during the summer, at Christmas and remain cheerful, loving and supportive 24/7.
Likewise, men cannot have the cheerful, smart girl give up everything to cook, clean, and look beautiful 24/7 while he makes his way in the world. The two people have to know one another and share the same goals and religion.
Marriage is work. The feminists and colleges/universities have created empty-headed monsters out of too many younger women.
The hip-hop hood culture has created an unconscionable mess of baby-no-daddy’s mamas, and those men have no marriage intentions. Welfare taxpayer government pays their way.
God is missing from too many homes.
When I went to a state school, I was shocked at the anti-man sentiments everywhere but quickly adapted to it. One day a friend and I were walking across a large plaza between buildings (during class time - it was pretty empty, and a crappy day weatherwise), and when we reached the science lab we heard someone yelling. We turned to see a female student in distress with a stray dog (nothing life-threatening); we looked at each other, smiled, and walked into the building.
They won; we lost. Oh well. It was sad how I had changed into someone who would do that.
"You get the feeling that too many gringas are coiled like rattlesnakes, looking for slights about which to be enraged."
"The lack of femininity. The word is hard to define, but the quality is impossible to mistake. American women seem to want to be either androgynous horrors or smaller men with the appeal of a truss ad. On the street they dress in those awful Brooks Sisters business suits with the ugly blazers and little shoulder pads. You see them in restaurants, drinking too much and yelling, Hes a f-----g piece of sh-t, apparently in the belief that talking like a jock in a rural locker room makes them one of the guys. Some of us dont want to date one of the guys. We want to date a woman."
"Women are vicious in divorce. Whether they are morally inferior to men can be debatedthey dont fight wars or bomb cities, for examplebut in terminating marriages, they are heartless and often sadistic."
50% of marriages end in divorce
75% of divorces are initiated by women
From what I have seen, the husband ends up taking most of the blame from friends, family, the courts, even when there are two sides to the story
Over 80% of divorces result in the ex-husband paying “maintenance”, child support, or both
Men rarely get custody of children, even when they want it
Marriage has become too much of a financial and emotional risk for most men.
Well said (in terms of the expectations on each side).
I don’t expect anything to change, but someday maybe the blog comments that explain where “Americans” went (unlike the way we can’t determine where the Mayans went, for example). Without courts behind them, these whining women (I really don’t see men unhappy with the status quo) are reduced to graying hags shaking their fists at the diverse (non-American, or 1/2 American on the father’s side) children filling the schoolyards.
“Im 22 while my husband is 48. Guess theres something to this idea.”
Do you have any sisters?
Seriously, good for you and the best for a happy life together.
Once for 4.5 years (too young to know);
Once for 26.5 years. Two grown children, 4 grandchildren.
Finally learned my lesson. I will never do that again. I would much rather be alone than to put up with any of that crap.
Even the seemingly even-keeled women who appear to be team players eventually twist off and go brain-dead.
No, thank you. I'm done.
Go for FOBs (Fresh Off Boat), old-school wives appreciative of a providing husband. So many of today’s younger American women are not keepers.
Go for FOBs (Fresh Off Boat), old-school wives appreciative of a providing husband. So many of today’s younger American women are not keepers.
You, m’dear, are Brilliant!
How about postmarital sex with somebody you've never married; when both of you have been married previously?
Is that a problem in your 60's?
I can’t see being married again, myself.
Happy New Year to you, too! We’re expecting Anoreth and her fine dog to arrive any time now. I think she’s coming here to buy guns.
One of the young lady bluegrass performers did a song on that subject, “Crying All the Way to the Bank.” I think a man did one on the same theme.
Not a problem, but I wouldn't care if it was. With my family history, I'll be lucky to be alive in 5 years anyway.
Yep. No fault divorce was a huge mistake. IIRC, the Communists said as much. Dissolve the American family. Remove God from the public square. Conquer America. It’s working.
God bless and keep you.
Shame on you. You should have done something to help that poor dog.
‘Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone? is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.’
Bonnie Tyler with her song, “Holding Out For A Hero,” asked the same back in the ‘80s.
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream
of what I need
And more recently Paula Cole asked the same with her song, “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?”.
Oh you get me ready in your 56 chevy
Why don’t we go sit down in the shade
Take shelter on my front porch
The dandy lion sun scorching,
Like a glass of cold lemonade
I will do laundry if you pay all the bills
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone
I fully agree with the study, American Women are so screwed up, they No Longer believe in being Women, They believe there is no consequences for Sex, They are ALL TOO EASY to bed down, unfortunately for them by the time they get to be my age (50’s) when they start to realize they threw their life away it is too late and most Men don’t want anything to do with them. I married a Women 15 years younger than me that grew up and lived in Austria til she was in her late twenties, she never had her Mind corrupted by Hollywood and the Feminist Movement. Before I Married her 9 years ago, as a 43 yr old man then, the vast majority of women my Age Would and still will drop their pants on Hello, in the hopes of landing a Man to take care of her. Feminism has Destroyed Womens Lives, Hopes, Dreams and Futures as far as I am concerned.
could it be the fact that a large percentage of US men need to take viagra to get it up, have lower sperm counts, and lower fertility rates than past generations?.....
that their idea of a good time is to sit infront of a computer having intimate sexual relations with a complete stranger?.....
“Women have become the men they want to marry.”
That’s why men are looking overseas in increasing numbers for women who would rather be women, not womyn.
and we wonder why this society is so base and immoral....
And ditto for some women - who lost to a shiftless husband.
Throughout this thread there's much talk of the "feminist movement" and how that has effected men. I have to agree that surely has not helped women attract men - certainly not me.
There's another theme throughout this thread that has done more damage than feminism - lack of traditional values. Being irreligious. In a word, Godlessness.
But unseen on this thread is another common complaint I've heard from many men - too little or no 'sex.'
I've been married most of my adult life - and most of that to a woman that would not keep the house clean, and she didn't work elsewhere either. I tolerated that for years, but the marriage ended when she left the marital bed for more than a year.
At age 70 I've remarried to a cute little gal of 75 that loves to make love. I marvel at the difference - and wonder if other men - and likely a lot of women too, have suffered from too little love making - and too little other constant manifestations of love from their spouse.
Divorce is rougher on men financially (usually) than it is on women. I lost - big. But, emotionally divorce hits women harder (strictly from what I have seen) - and it surely badly hurts young children, and instills in them a fear of marriage to some degree.
Bottom line - a good marriage takes hard work, and a belief that keeping that marriage alive and well takes total commitment to a loving relationship.
You are absolutely correct. I’m a 55 year old female. Most of my friends are in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. The ones that are not married are perfectly happy to be single. They don’t feel the need to have a man, they can take care of themselves. Some of the men of FR are a perfect example of why.
I have never seen so much blaming of women for their own failures. If something was to happen to my marriage I would never remarry. My eyes have been opened by what I have read right here on this forum.
Maybe if there were more real men there’d be more real women.
and what state is the morality of men?.....go read about the Steubenville football team and get back to me....
actually, the male/female relationships are going the way of animals....
in the animal world only a select few macho animals (alpha males) get to mate with the female of the species.....
maybe its going to be that way....the wimpy, cry baby males are going to be left playing with themselves and the few strong bodies, strong willed men are going to father all the children....
I keep waiting for real men to emerge in America, and sadly, even down to he marriage aspect, all I see are little boys....whiny little boys who blame everyone else except themselves for their plight....
I’m 54 years old and I’m on Plan C.
Plan A: High School sweethearts. Marry when ready. Raise 2.5 kids. Live happily ever after.
Plan B: (after Plan A fails miserably). Meet someone in your 30s, possibly with kids of their own. Fall in love. Marry. Raise 1 or 2 kids. Live happily ever after.
Plan C: (after Plans A & B crap out) “Everybody else can starve. Me and my dog never will.”
Personally I never dabbled in Plans A or B. I went directly to Plan C after witnessing the aftermath of Plans A and B on some of my friends.
Title IX and allowing women to vote are great examples!
And what is out there now?
Either her brain is filled with misandrist crap from the so called education establishment, or “I just want to party party party and get drunk drunk drunk” (sounds like typical lyrics of a typical pop start “artist” who sings through a computer). And the latter is looking for Mister Sleaze.