Skip to comments.Why Young Men are Giving Up on Marriage
Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pews findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venkers article, The War on Men, which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone? is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women, Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who say in no uncertain terms, that theyre never getting married.
When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women arent women anymore. Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women angry and defensive, though often unknowingly.
Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic women good/men bad that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.
Men are tired, Venker wrote. Tired of being told theres something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women arent happy, its mens fault.
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage obsolete for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
Its the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature theyre forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need mens linear career goals they need men to pick up the slack at the office in order to live the balanced life they seek.
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed barely half of all adults in the United States are currently married, a record low. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are most dramatic among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years, the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is one of the most important things in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
Go formerly communist-bloc young men.
No apologies to Horace Greeley.
“I cannot understand multiple marriages.”
I hear you; I’m reasonably happily married (15+ years), but if it doesn’t work out or she passes away I wouldn’t do it again. Marriage is hard, and I don’t think I could reconcile adding another person to the family while I still have responsibility for my children (the whole Cinderella/stepmother thing). I wouldn’t want to put my children in a position where they might have additional sibling via a stepmother (just my personal take on it).
Back in 1970, an Italian immigrant friend, recently arrived, assessed the emerging feminist movement in America. He pointed to Ancient Rome and Greece and pronounced that within my lifetime, I would witness the collapse of America. He went on to explain how, throughout history, each time women rose to power, they were soon followed by an increase in the homosexual movement. At the time, I laughed! Remember ... this was 1970. I stopped laughing in 2000. Your assessment of the current situation matches his prediction.
You’ve got quite a chip on your shoulder there. The anger at American women runs deep, huh?
Has anyone factored in the Mother-in-law aspect?
I don’t see this as directly related to homosexuals; what isn’t really mentioned is the role children (or the lack of them, or the lack of desire for them) play. This trend started years before the big gains the sexual deviants made recently; it is caused by (among other things) economic insecurity, lack of (any) religion in a growing number of young people, and the fact that the initial “children of divorce” (in my mind, kids from the 1970s era) are now marriage-age and still have a bad taste in their mouth from growing up without daddy.
Europe is having the same problem (but I don’t know if the “children of divorce” applies there).
I am in my sixties. I was raised to stand when a woman walked into the room, to open doors for women, etc. And I did that for a long time. But I stopped doing that years ago when I opened the door for a woman who then proceeded to chew me out in public, saying she was a woman and didn’t need a “f***ing man” to open a door for her. Oh, I will still open a door for a woman whose hands are full with packages or a child, or a woman who has an obvious disability. But for and apparently healthy woman? Not a chance.
At least Taylor Swift gets a breakup song out of the deal.
“Youve got quite a chip on your shoulder there. The anger at American women runs deep, huh?”
Not at all; I dated American women, and they were certainly nice enough (and still are - as long as you’re not looking for a prospective mate for life). When I wanted to start a family, they preferred material wealth to the sacrifice required to have a family. Thankfully I live in a state loaded with foreigners, including traditional ones; I was married earlier than most of my friends (those that bothered to get married), and we’ve got a little (bilingual) tribe going now (being raised by their parents - not daycare/nannies).
American women are the angry ones, yet they still fail to see the situation from a man’s point of view. Running TVs showing irresponsible men avoiding commitment isn’t working either; now the best fathers on TV are those in non-traditional roles (taking care of another man’s kids). Creating a false utopia isn’t working; this issue runs deeper than most. The media may have convinced enough people to re-elect Obama, but they will NEVER convince many men in this environment to get married.
And I dumped a woman because she thought Iron Maiden was pretentious.
Life is not Hollywood. Women cannot have careers, children, a handsome, wealthy, husband, willing to share housework, raise children, take her out on Saturday night, fund family vacations during the summer, at Christmas and remain cheerful, loving and supportive 24/7.
Likewise, men cannot have the cheerful, smart girl give up everything to cook, clean, and look beautiful 24/7 while he makes his way in the world. The two people have to know one another and share the same goals and religion.
Marriage is work. The feminists and colleges/universities have created empty-headed monsters out of too many younger women.
The hip-hop hood culture has created an unconscionable mess of baby-no-daddy’s mamas, and those men have no marriage intentions. Welfare taxpayer government pays their way.
God is missing from too many homes.
When I went to a state school, I was shocked at the anti-man sentiments everywhere but quickly adapted to it. One day a friend and I were walking across a large plaza between buildings (during class time - it was pretty empty, and a crappy day weatherwise), and when we reached the science lab we heard someone yelling. We turned to see a female student in distress with a stray dog (nothing life-threatening); we looked at each other, smiled, and walked into the building.
They won; we lost. Oh well. It was sad how I had changed into someone who would do that.
"You get the feeling that too many gringas are coiled like rattlesnakes, looking for slights about which to be enraged."
"The lack of femininity. The word is hard to define, but the quality is impossible to mistake. American women seem to want to be either androgynous horrors or smaller men with the appeal of a truss ad. On the street they dress in those awful Brooks Sisters business suits with the ugly blazers and little shoulder pads. You see them in restaurants, drinking too much and yelling, Hes a f-----g piece of sh-t, apparently in the belief that talking like a jock in a rural locker room makes them one of the guys. Some of us dont want to date one of the guys. We want to date a woman."
"Women are vicious in divorce. Whether they are morally inferior to men can be debatedthey dont fight wars or bomb cities, for examplebut in terminating marriages, they are heartless and often sadistic."
50% of marriages end in divorce
75% of divorces are initiated by women
From what I have seen, the husband ends up taking most of the blame from friends, family, the courts, even when there are two sides to the story
Over 80% of divorces result in the ex-husband paying “maintenance”, child support, or both
Men rarely get custody of children, even when they want it
Marriage has become too much of a financial and emotional risk for most men.
Well said (in terms of the expectations on each side).
I don’t expect anything to change, but someday maybe the blog comments that explain where “Americans” went (unlike the way we can’t determine where the Mayans went, for example). Without courts behind them, these whining women (I really don’t see men unhappy with the status quo) are reduced to graying hags shaking their fists at the diverse (non-American, or 1/2 American on the father’s side) children filling the schoolyards.
“Im 22 while my husband is 48. Guess theres something to this idea.”
Do you have any sisters?
Seriously, good for you and the best for a happy life together.
Once for 4.5 years (too young to know);
Once for 26.5 years. Two grown children, 4 grandchildren.
Finally learned my lesson. I will never do that again. I would much rather be alone than to put up with any of that crap.
Even the seemingly even-keeled women who appear to be team players eventually twist off and go brain-dead.
No, thank you. I'm done.
Go for FOBs (Fresh Off Boat), old-school wives appreciative of a providing husband. So many of today’s younger American women are not keepers.
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