Skip to comments.Mother, Can You Spare a Room?
Posted on 05/05/2013 1:47:55 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
As Rachel Zahn's three children were growing up, she liked to warn them, half jokingly, not to overstay their welcome. "Checkout time at this hotel is age 18," the 56-year-old nonprofit director would tell them.
It hasn't worked out that way. A year and a half ago, Ms. Zahn's oldest son, Sam, 25, asked if he could move back to the family's home in Solana Beach, Calif.near San Diegowith his girlfriend in tow. He wanted to save money when attending graduate school while his girlfriend worked full-time.
Ms. Zahn and her husband agreed. Sam and his girlfriend moved into his old bedroom.
"We made that decision to let him save money," Ms. Zahn says. "The cost of living in San Diego is crazy."
The Zahns are hardly alone. As an expected 1.8 million college graduates descend on the real world this month and next, many of them will move back in with their parents. The trend is keeping the graduates from assuming responsibility for their own finances.
Parents, meanwhile, are finding themselves stuck caring for children, sometimes for much longer than they planned, with no exit plan in sightoften damaging their own financial health and retirement savings.
Financial advisers say hosting an adult age child back at home can cost between $8,000 a year to $18,000 a year, depending on how much parents are shelling out for extras like travel and entertainment.
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
A bed, maybe, but “travel and entertainment”??? These people must be wearing tee shirts with “Door Mat” on them.
How about zero? The economy is terrible, the cost of living is through the roof and it is completely understandable that these days that people won't be able to be self-sufficient the day they get out of college.
But the idea of parents paying for things like travel and entertainment is beyond ridiculous. If I found myself in such a situation I'd be grateful to be given a place to stay (I'd also expect to pay rent along with doing whatever chores I was responsible for while living at home before). I can't imagine expecting to be entertained at parents expense.
That was exactly my thought. Lend you something I already have and am not using so you can get a leg up, assuming you have a plan and a timeline, sure. Buy you stuff (even food), like you’re still my minor child? Not so much.
Not only no but **** NO!
You can live in amoral sin on your own dime sonny boy.
I will not sanction your sin with my willing acceptance and financial support.
A boyfriend or girlfriend living in my house?
No way in hell.
Any adult child of mine would find a home with us - under certain conditions.
Must be working and contributing to the household expenses (he or she can work at Burger King until the “right” job comes along, too), or is ill or has sustained injuries and needs help.
No live-in “friends,” either!
Both work and both pay rent and do chores and most DEFINITELY are not allowed to have the opposite sex living here or even staying the night...
Maybe have the son move back in. But also girlfriend? No way.
LOL...T&E!....not even a tax write off for these idiot parents
He constantly whines that "he's an adult" and his parents "have no right to pry into the life of another adult." The fact that he lives in their house doesn't seem to factor into his foolish thinking. Never mind members of the opposite sex staying the night, they've told him that he is not to date while living in their home, because dating should only be to lead to marriage, and a chump living in his parents attic obviously isn't in a position to drop down on one knee.
There is a such a sense of entitlement among younger people these days...It makes me worry about how America is going to defend itself with so many weak-kneed, gutless adult-babies.
Oh, what a blessing it has been for me and Mrs. Repeal for the last two years.
After struggling though some financial and job misfortunes,
our middle child, his wife, and their two kids moved in with us.
They have gotten back on their feet and will soon be moving out on their own.
These last two years of watching my grand kids grow up has been marvelous.
I would not have traded it for anything in the world.
I’m 29 and I’ve been living on my own since 18. I have a few childhood friends who still lives at home with their parents. I blame their parents because they are enabling them to stay at home. My parents never made it comfortable for me and my two brothers so we all left home as soon as we turned 18.
And how much additional debt is he racking up to pay for grad school? How many more years will he be unable to support himself because he is paying off student loans? No mention of what he's studying, but if he can't get a job with a 4 year degree, will his outlook be better with a Masters or PHD? But since mom is a "nonprofit director" she probably shares the liberal fetish for higher eduction, regardless of the cost and benefits thereof.
He can still work while attending graduate school. He just doesn’t want to work.
I see the same thing among my acquanitances/friends. Personally, I think Baby Boomers need to toughen up when it comes to parenting their (adult!) children.
O' yes there is...My 22 year will once in awhile think along these terms..."I pay rent so you can't tell me what to do or I don't need to do anything around the house"
My response...get over yourself and there is the door...Love you, good luck...I will help you pack...
Heh, would anybody on here find it funny if I said my mom moved in with me for a few months? How often do you hear about that happening?
As to the subject of the story, is anyone besides me wondering if these kids futures would’ve turned out differently if they understood that there would no longer be any free rides after they hit eighteen?
When my younger son who was dyslexic and had dropped out of school turned 18, I told him that his older brother who was in the military said when his friends mustered out and went back home, they were paying $200 a month for room and board (1991). My son said, “OK, I’ll move out.” He and 4 friends rented a 4 story run down town house for $350 a month. He met his future wife there, and he is now married with two children and doing reasonably well financially, and is happy with his life.
Yeah, but you owe it to your mom (or dad). That's just paying back a small part of what they gave you. Well, maybe not everyone (there are some awful parents out there), but most.
It’s obama’s folking fault
My mother lived with me and my wife for over two years.
It was a blessing to have her with us.
She currently lives with my brother.
She will be 93 in June.
really, what a freaking idiot. He can move in but not the girl. And that is all, he can pay his own gas, insurance clothes, cleaning, car payment. He is welcome to eat what is around, but cannot order anything from the grocery store.
Maybe the parents are to blame? Anybody feel the parents did an inadequate job of explaining how to, and the many benefits of, living independently?
At any rate, the girl friend should go. The parents are just enablers.
Only one of the girls has ever moved back in and that was after 8 years in the Navy, she stayed about 2 months until she found a job. Second oldest lives in Wyoming and here and her husband are doing fine. The Youngest is headed to BYU for her Masters this fall but she never had time to come home. She was on Mission with the church.
It was different for boys, but my brother continued to live with my parents. He didn't leave home until he married — at age 50.
I'll bet way more than half the parents of adult children in this country would consider that mean-spirited and judgmental. Which explains why we won't have a country much longer.
Just what kind of judgement is that? Saving for medical school. Don’t you understand nobama care is here? You’d do better to drive a cab.
You can’t stop loving your kids and wanting them safe and sound. Libby moved back in with us for a year and a half, although she is adult and had a pretty good job. The expensive DC area and a long commute just wore her down. She paid $500/month rent for a bedroom, bath and sitting room in our basement. She just moved herself to Savannah with a better job, in a you-haul truck trailing her car. I returned all her rent money as a surprise gift to start her saving/investment practices. No harm, no foul.
As to the subject of the story, is anyone besides me wondering if these kids futures wouldve turned out differently if they understood that there would no longer be any free rides after they hit eighteen?
I agree with you. We have a couple that are our friends. Their younger son has lived with them off and on for 7 years. He’s now 25. The mother would pay the son’s car loan and not tell her husband, slip him extra money and all this while the kid was working.
My thought is, if you can afford your car and you have a job, maybe you need a cheaper car. The first time he moved out on his own, he called his mom the 2nd day he was in his apartment and asked her “how come there’s no cable, no sports channel, etc.” When told he had to call and have those services turned on and pay for them, he said “I think I have to move back home.” She let him and paid for him breaking his lease to move home.
Now that he’s got a very good job, he’s still at home because she wants him to get a house but only on the “good part of town” where his parents live. Well we can’t even afford a home there and we make more than their son so how long will that take? The older brother also just moved home with his wife and 2 kids for the same reason. They sold their house and want to live on the “good side of town”.
*shaking my head*
I would allow it depending on the circumstances as long as there were separate bedrooms.
My adult daughter, her husband and their brand-new (10 days old) baby live with us. He was laid off and then let go a week before they were married, totally unexpected. He found a job fairly soon, but as an apprentice and at less than half the pay he had been getting. They were doing okay, but could not get out of the pretty bad area of town they were in, and their savings was eaten up after he lost his job. My husband and I actually asked them to move in with us, to give them time to save money for a down payment on a home. They may be here for another 2 or 3 years, but we are fine with that. Honestly, I feel blessed to have them here.
Good on you! Study and/or work will keep my kids at home. Good kids deserve support. (Besides, your kids are going to pick out your old folks home.)
We had a similar experience when our daughter and her two toddlers moved in while her husband was overseas. It was beyond price to have that much grand kid time.
He may be paying rent, but he sure isn’t paying anywhere near what he would pay in the real world or he’d have a place of his own. A stipend is not rent, and the parents are not landlords.
I always told girlfriends don/t expect to be moving in to my place. First I would never live with a woman that I wasn't required to live with by law or contract. Second my mother wouldn't let me live with a woman I wasn't married to. NOW these idiots are letting their deadbeat son AND his girlfriend move into their home.
I wonder what nonprofit she works for. If I knew I would eliminate any potential donations, I wouldn't want to subsidize stupid. AND HE IS THE DIRECTOR.
However, this works both ways. This relationship often evolves into their children working as servants, cooks, a laundry service, drivers and house cleaners for their parents, thus either saving their parents a lot of money, or facing great difficulty getting to medical appointments, eating poor quality microwave food, living in filth and squalor, etc.
Having adult children living with their parents may effectively extend the lives of their parents by decades.
If the children have employment beyond this, it still costs them years of not being married or having children, but gives them an opportunity to erase college debts, and save up money on the chance that they will be able to afford marriage and children, which fewer and fewer are able to afford these days.
Also, it’s not as safe for young women (young men too now days) to live alone. People are getting crazy.
‘It makes me worry about how America is going to defend itself with so many weak-kneed, gutless adult-babies.’
The homosexuals will protect us. They and their significant others.
As it should be, to a certain degree.
Where is it written I must take in my kids’ bedmates?
Dear Ms Zahn: buy a map, lay it out on the table and look at it with your son. You will see that the USA is a very big place and 98% of it is cheaper to live in than San Diego. Empty the nest and atop indulging your overgrown baby.
Atop -> stop
A bed, maybe, but travel and entertainment???
Methinks that “availability” , willingness, mindset, whatever you want to call it on the part of the parents, explains it all.
“These last two years of watching my grand kids grow up has been marvelous.”
Yea, there are two sides to it. I’m (we’re) glad you guys enjoyed it so much and your grandkids will always treasure their time really getting to know you guys. Congrats.
Regardless of what others say, I have that dream too. Of course I’d expect junior to work and be married (if he brings a babe in)...but with little ones, it would be great.