Posted on 01/07/2014 3:30:46 AM PST by Maceman
Look, I am a helicopter parent and I can tell you, the “parents” I am around think I am a freak because I am a straight arrow. I do not cotton to kids drinking underage, lying to get kids into movies they are not supposed to see, leaving kids at home so I can go to LA with my “boyfriend” for a few days, and other assorted shocking stuff that goes on every fricking day. I am here and if my daughter is at a Christian conference with a group of girls and calls me with a headache and wants to come home, you best believe I am reachable immediately by cell phone, sober, and ready willing and able to get in the car and go get her asap. Yes, I guard my children. I make sure they have new tires, new windshield wipers and batteries before the ice hits, I do not want them broken down to be preyed on by criminals.
I cook clean and I stand guard at the house. If the kids come here, I will order pizza. But it is very much like the 50s at my house. I am here constantly and sober. They know I am concerned about them and expect them to be on the straight and narrow. They know I am not out running around chasing men or ruining lives. They know I go to church. Do what is expected. Pay the bills.
Omit just one demographic from the American children's scores and we score very near the "top of the heap".
> I have seen a lot of kids neglected which is the exact opposite of helicopter parenting and that turns them hopeless and lazy not to mention lacking any sort of skills. It’s a balance. The parents that helicopter are not the problem.
I agree. Moderation and balance is the key. It says it everywhere in the BIble in msny forms.
That explain why American kids are whiney demanding spoiled selfish fraidy-cat brats?
I have to disagree. I think that they are a very big problem.
The urge to control is a dangerous one to feed; it grows and grows to consume the person being controlled and the controller.
A neglected child can still succeed through inner resources or interaction with outsiders like teachers. They are better off than the coddled child who never develops self discipline and decisiveness.
The amount of enterprise and tenacity crushed by helicoptering is beyond belief and warps the sense of self, self reliance and the balance between self and community for a lifetime. The sense of fear and distrust conveyed by helicopter parents colors the perceptions of the growing child and effects the child’s relationships with other family members, school personnel and friends. Its a crippling burden disguised as love and concern.
The parent is unable to deal with their own anxiety and transfers it to the child...selfishness disguised as love.
“children need to run free and take chances. Otherwise they grow up to be Julia and Pajama Boy.”
And want to take their parents with them to job interviews.
Link to Forbes article:
“The best way to ruin a kid’s good time is to get ** mothers ** involved.”
Fixed it.
It’s also true that the top half of American students compete well with the top half of students from other countries. The bottom half of American students, however, are abysmally poor. People tend to look at the overall average which does not tell the whole story.
I didn’t read it as a “why America sucks” piece. It’s more like a “what we’ve been doing is wrong” piece.
It’s apolitical, IMO. But factually enriched. That makes it better than 900% (yeah - I understand percentages, LOL) of liberal articles.
That is not helicoptering parenting. That is being a loving parent. I congratulate you. You could probably not conceive of what many mean by a helicopter parent. They control every aspect of their children’s life. They are involved in every facet from daily calls to teachers and coaches, to overseeing any activity themselves to be sure it goes “right”. Making sure their child can get into Harvard when they are still in kindergarten. Please realize I meant no disrespect to your style of parenting. I share the values you espoused. But I agree firmly with the author that children need manageable risks and to make choices and see the consequences from early in life. Responsibility and judgement are learned from experience and from models in their everyday life.
Today’s parents are completely the slave property of their children. And they think it’s the way it’s supposed to be done.
The first time that 3yr old nicks her finger and requires any medical care child services will take ALL the children away.
Ditto that 6yr old falling out of a tree.
THIS is the reason American parents are so overprotective. ANY ER visits lend suspicion on the parents and are a risk for a visit from child services. All it takes is the ‘judgement’ of one medical professional in that ER (nurses, doctors, etc) that mom/dad were inattentive or negligent. And it’s tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees later that you MIGHT get your kids back out of foster care.
Why?
Because she is a liberal bitch, it's all about her.
Did I miss the discipline part of this selfie?
They never ate sweets and junk food between meals, because the beating or grounding or extra work they had to do wasn't worth a piece of candy.
Like all kids, they tried and lied and got caught and paid the price.
Every thing comes with a price, both to the child as well as the parent.
No good father wants to be the bad guy and punish the child, but if you don't you get the smart mouthed, foul mouthed kid that thinks the world revolves around them, and all that goes with it.
We don’t run the heat high. My friend said she didn’t know how my kids weren’t sick all the time but I bet they would get sick if they stayed at her house with high heat.
Bottom line: young children love order and discipline, to have very described boundaries of behavior, and parents who are stable enough so that the children know where they stand.
Captain William Bligh, of HMS Bounty, should be remembered as a brilliant First Officer, and a terrible Captain. The reason was that he wanted to have two things: to have a ship with strict and orderly discipline; and to have a crew that loved him as a friend.
So life under his command was an unpredictable see-saw. One moment, Bligh would forget his place as a leader and try to be extra nice to his crew; but then he would feel guilty, and express harsh discipline on them. But that would make him feel bad, so he would overdo trying to be nice again.
It drove his crew to mutiny.
But it is a superb lesson to parents.
A parent must always be a parent. That is their relationship with their children until they are adults, and even then, “filial piety”, respect for one’s parents, should remain. There must be a system for rewards, both a very firm quid pro quo for *select* behaviors, not all good behaviors; and the standard set of rewards for things like holidays. Of course this does not mean cold or heartless.
“My own daughter told me that my generation sucks at raising kids. lol Of course she did not mean her father and I.”
My youngest went through a phase where she thought I was a terrible father. After she went to college and did some work study/internships dealing with broken families and neglected kids, I was suddenly a great father.
Whenever I see lists of things that other countries “do right”, comparing them to the things our young country is still figuring out, I get defensive:)
(My 6 yr old will wipe the floor with her competitors when her time comes.)
I grew up on a farm and I was sick all the time as a kid. But when I reached the 7th grade, an internal switch flipped and I rarely ever get sick.
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