Posted on 09/28/2014 1:09:28 PM PDT by Nachum
Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.
Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.
For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done.
In a statement, Holder said taking a job at JPMorgan Chase was the logical next step in his career, given the revolving door between financial companies and the government officials who are supposed to regulate these companies.
“By joining JPMorgan Chase, I’m simply cutting out the middleman -- the U.S. Justice Department -- and going to work directly for the great Jamie Dimon,” he said. “Plus, when Jamie Dimon calls you, or one of his many secretaries calls you, you pick up the phone immediately. Seriously, that’s what we do here in Washington.”
(Excerpt) Read more at dailycurrant.com ...
I think this Jamie Dimon has already been in hot water legally a few months ago. I believe he was fined a few Million for some presumed indiscretion. I guess the only way to keep that ‘few million’ from become ‘a couple Billion’ is to play ball, and present Holder with a gift wrapped, no-show job, sort of like what Moochelle had before she became the ;The First Lady with the big arms’.
This looks to be satire. You may want to put that in brackets in the title or move it to the Humor threads. :)
Fine-just make sure he stays away.
That’s 770 $100,000.00 a year jobs. That’s 1540 $50,000.00 a year jobs.
Blacks, be on the lookout for rich white guys keeping you down.
LMAO
Yet another De Facto Revelation; this is SATIRE, as shown in a point 0000.2 pica typeface.
The sorry thing is this is so believable.
I really can’t believe this Rotten S.O.B. is going to earn his Living where I do my banking.. It may not be much but I’ll change my banking habits
Mr. Dimon must be as crooked as this viper he hired,
Political paybacks like this should be illegal
When he does land on his next pile of poop, It will be interesting to see who his paymasters have been.
You mean such as “fetching morning coffee”?
It’s a million $77.00 a year jobs!
yes it is very believable
Scandalous... crime and corruption pay well
dumping jp..oops already have
These are tough days for satire detection. All levels of absurdity are plausible, and can be reasonably expected.
Yep, for one.
Who says crime doesn’t pay?
JPMorgan agrees to $13 billion mortgage settlement
November 19, 2013
JPMorgan has agreed to a $13 billion settlement over mortgage-backed securities sold ahead of the financial crisis, officials announced Tuesday.
The Justice Department called the agreement “the largest settlement with a single entity in American history.”
“Without a doubt, the conduct uncovered in this investigation helped sow the seeds of the mortgage meltdown,” Attorney General Eric Holder said in a statement.
As part of the agreement, JPMorgan admitted to making “serious misrepresentations” to investors in mortgage-backed securities, the Justice Department said.
Bank executives were at pains to emphasize that they had not admitted to any specific violation of the law during a conference call with analysts Tuesday. Such an admission would provide ammunition for private lawsuits.
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon said in a statement the firm was “pleased to have concluded this extensive agreement.”
The case is the latest in a series of legal headaches for JPMorgan, the country’s largest bank by assets.
Last week, JPMorgan announced a $4.5 billion settlement with institutional investors who suffered losses on bubble-era mortgage securities. The firm has paid over $1 billion in fines in connection with last year’s “London Whale” trading debacle, and $80 million more over alleged unfair credit card billing practices.
In July, the bank agreed to pay $410 million to settle charges that it manipulated electricity prices in California and the Midwest. It is also facing scrutiny over its hiring practices in China and its alleged involvement in the Libor rate-fixing scandal.
JPMorgan posted a loss for the third quarter based on its massive legal expenses. Dimon called the loss “painful” and warned that litigation costs could continue to be a drag on earnings for several quarters.
The bank said at the time that it was holding $23 billion in reserve for potential litigation expenses, but that its legal costs could be nearly $6 billion more than that in a worst-case scenario.
While JPMorgan is shelling out a staggering amount of money, the bank is large enough to absorb the costs. It booked $21.3 billion in net income for 2012, and has assets of $2.5 trillion.
“I looked for the satire tag but did not see one.”
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With the Obama regime and its minions, it has become darn near impossible to distinguish between satire and their actions.
“Yep. There were lines in the article which were dead giveaways.”
Yes, the satire is quote obvious to an astute reader.
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