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Afghanistan: 180 degree alternate plan! Read this!
My big empty head ^

Posted on 09/17/2001 6:30:00 PM PDT by Hammerhead

Freeps, while sitting bedside with my 5 year old waiting for her to finish puzzles I got the 'brilliant' idea of how to possibly handle the Afghan situation - an idea to far out in left field, that there is NO WAY the Taliban bottom feeders could figure out how to handle it!!! Check this out: 1st we actively side with the rebels in the north and have them start a campaign to join their side. "Oh, no kidding Hammerhead you big goof. Like that hasn't already be thought of!!!", you say. But here's the BEUTIFUL part. All the while the rebels are recruiting, start BOMBING the citizens (women, children, men) of Afghanistan and northern Pakistan, with........here goes..... blankets, comic books, toys, food, reading glasses, toiletries, all the basic good things in life. That would throw the Taliban in FITS!!!!!! just friggin keep bombing the country with the stuff!!! The general population would say hey T-men, F-off were going the Gringo's and the boys up north that are trying to get rid of your sorry asses!!! Am I a kook or what?


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Miscellaneous
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To: Hammerhead
The Soviets air dropped mined toys contributing tens of thousands of amputee children to Afgan homes and orphanages. Many of those kids are now young adults.

We need to get Santa Clause with civilans, as waarfare will define them, and exterminate the rest, right into Baghdad.

51 posted on 09/17/2001 6:50:35 PM PDT by SevenDaysInMay
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To: bubbafree
Rosie O'Donnell...PLOP!...she would take out a whole village.
52 posted on 09/17/2001 6:50:40 PM PDT by mystery-ak
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To: Hammerhead
I've got an even better suggestion.... we need to send all of the members of NOW and of ACT UP to Afganistan for a Gay Pride Parade... If we sent at least 5000 - shouldn't be too hard, to go over and give all of the men lots of hugs ... hehe.
53 posted on 09/17/2001 6:50:47 PM PDT by Mercat
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To: MHGinTN
You're right, MHG, you had the idea first, but Hammerhead put it a little more charmingly.
54 posted on 09/17/2001 6:51:21 PM PDT by willyboyishere
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Comment #55 Removed by Moderator

Comment #56 Removed by Moderator

To: isthisnickcool
Ha ha! Air drop electrical generators, TV's, VCR's and videos of Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Preferably the "Imitation Crab" episode -- featuring the Hungry Hand.

57 posted on 09/17/2001 6:52:36 PM PDT by FreeReign
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To: Petronski
....1800 degree plan.....

I THINK you forgot a zero; 18,000 degrees is more likely correct!

Doc

58 posted on 09/17/2001 6:53:01 PM PDT by Doc On The Bay
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To: Hammerhead
What an idea. We can have surgical strikes on the 12-21 year old population, you know, the fanatics in training. Just launch a campaign of carpet bonging, then teach them how to grow their own weed to keep those bowls full. They may hijack the airplane but they'll never remember those flying lessons.
59 posted on 09/17/2001 6:55:35 PM PDT by antienvironmentalist
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To: Sparky760
I live on Long Island and it seems there is not a community across the whole Isalnd that has not lost people.......so very sad and makes me so very angry

Hang in there neighbor...

60 posted on 09/17/2001 6:56:43 PM PDT by FreeReign
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To: Hammerhead
Add Christina Aguilera and Brittney Spear CDs to that and they'll have trouble recruiting suicide bombers. We can supply them with houris to pleasure them in this world. *kof*
61 posted on 09/17/2001 6:57:20 PM PDT by Rightwing Conspiratr1
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To: Hammerhead
This isn't so far-fetched. Things like this have been done before, and doubtless will be used this time. We will win the hearts and minds of these people, the great majority of whom don't give a flyin' flip at a rollin' donut what happens to the Taliban or their Arab "guests".
62 posted on 09/17/2001 7:00:49 PM PDT by Illbay
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To: irish guard
Well, I did mean 1,800 degrees, but you may have a point about 18,000. Hopefully that won't be necessary, but I fear ultimately it will.
63 posted on 09/17/2001 7:01:30 PM PDT by Petronski
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To: Objective Reality
Ooo, I LOVE that idea! Parachute about 100 MILLION Christian tracts, blanket the damn streets with them. Suck that, Taliban.

That's doubly effective. It will also piss off the libs back home.

64 posted on 09/17/2001 7:01:35 PM PDT by Rightwing Conspiratr1
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To: PJ-Comix
I've heard rumors that Osama Bin Laden is Homo. Anybody else hear anything about that? Perhaps the people over there should be informed of this.

Wouldn't make a difference... from what I understand, Arab culture is more accepting of that particular quirk than we are... at least, if the idea of being provided virgins and little boys in heaven when you are a martyr for the cause is any indication...

65 posted on 09/17/2001 7:02:44 PM PDT by Chad Fairbanks
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To: All
I think food is the best idea, since that's what the Afghans want the most. I don't think dropping porno will do anything, because there's no sense in demoralizing the civilian population. Maybe a guided cruise dildo...
66 posted on 09/17/2001 7:03:17 PM PDT by billybudd
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To: Chad Fairbanks
Bold off???
67 posted on 09/17/2001 7:03:39 PM PDT by Chad Fairbanks
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To: Hammerhead
I think we should send Herb Tarlek (or however it is spelled) up in a helicopter to give out free Thanksgiving turkeys to all the families of the Taliban.
68 posted on 09/17/2001 7:04:33 PM PDT by Hugh Akston
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To: Rightwing Conspirator1
fix?
69 posted on 09/17/2001 7:05:25 PM PDT by sharktrager
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To: Hammerhead
Comic books? They could get paper cuts. I'm reporting you to the Pinky Milktoast Society of Kinder/Gentler Diplomacy. They'll fix you.
70 posted on 09/17/2001 7:05:57 PM PDT by freepy smurf
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To: Hugh Akston
God as my witness... I thought Turkey's could fly!
71 posted on 09/17/2001 7:06:19 PM PDT by sharktrager
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To: Hammerhead
The Afraganistan ambassador to the UN, (From the Northern Alliance), tonight said that if we would take care of all the air duties that his folks could take care of everything on the ground.
72 posted on 09/17/2001 7:07:51 PM PDT by blam
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To: zcat
Govt. paid hookers may do the trick also.

Congress is already busy.

73 posted on 09/17/2001 7:08:06 PM PDT by DAnconia55
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To: sharktrager
"God as my witness... I thought Turkey's could fly!"

Jeesh,.........Californians.
74 posted on 09/17/2001 7:08:26 PM PDT by Hammerhead
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To: TnGOP
Font fixed?
75 posted on 09/17/2001 7:08:46 PM PDT by F-117A
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To: Doohickey
Soap. LOTS of soap.

LOL, but lot for friggin' good it'll do. They'll take one bit, spit it on the ground and think, "American food sucks."

76 posted on 09/17/2001 7:10:23 PM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets
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To: PJ-Comix
He has three wives, and one is a Taliban Chiefs daughter!
77 posted on 09/17/2001 7:12:26 PM PDT by Betty Jo
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To: Hammerhead
Overwhelming love for women and children!

Tampex, Kotex,toilet paper,baby diapers, moist toweletts,on and on!

78 posted on 09/17/2001 7:14:00 PM PDT by Betty Jo
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To: Hammerhead
Check out this thread too

And don't laugh, it's probably the best weapon.

79 posted on 09/17/2001 7:17:05 PM PDT by ET(end tyranny)
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To: Hammerhead
Your plan reminds me of a scene from the film el Cid where the Christians are besieging the Moslem town of Valencia. The encirclement is supposed to have lasted around nine months. When el Cid (Charlton Heston) was about to launch the final assault on the starving townsfolk, the Spanish wheeled up their catapults, but instead of throwing stones they tossed hundreds of loaves of bread over the walls. Naturally, the starving townsfolk rose up in revolt against the Jihadist garrison, tossed their king from the parapets, and opened the gates to the Spanish.

And I have no idea whether this actually happened.

80 posted on 09/17/2001 7:17:45 PM PDT by Goetz_von_Berlichingen
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To: Hammerhead
Yes Hammer, you are a KOOK. (Keeper Of Odd Knowledge).

How did a callow youth such as yourself ever find out about one of our nation's deepest, darkest, Cold War Secrets?

Dateline: Federal German Republic, The Fulda Gap. 196?

Outnumbered hundreds to one in armor, aircraft, artillery, and troops, we knew the Warsaw Pact forces had a chink in their armor: Logistics.

In 3 or 4 days, they would be out of food,and fuel. We knew their plan was to live off the land, and just leave behind vehicles as they broke down and ran dry.

The REMFs came up with tara, tara! Operation Playboy (oops, now you're in danger and I face Leavenworth). Giant aluminum crates. Full of food, liquor, cigarettes (doped, of course) Playboy Magazines, Soda, Books. Propaganda.As the unstoppable, but ravenous Communist horde surged forward, we were to drop these picnic baskets along the front and behind their lines.

Theory: Drinking the booze, eating the food, smooking the dope, and then getting all randy from the capitalist soft porn, the dreaded Bolsheviks would be easy (pardon the expression) meat for our weary, but pure-in-heart forces. You see, Hammer, they would be distracted, while we were to be focused.

Hammer, your updated version of this fabulous plan has merit. I am going to recommend that you be dropped with the packages to explain their use. Piece of cake. Be like working at Wal-Mart. Adios.

81 posted on 09/17/2001 7:22:07 PM PDT by Francohio
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To: sharktrager
Was that Herb Tarlech's or Les Nessman's line? I forgot already.
82 posted on 09/17/2001 7:24:48 PM PDT by nkycincinnatikid
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To: MHGinTN
How about some beer, wine and Jack Daniels too?
83 posted on 09/17/2001 7:28:06 PM PDT by garyhope
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To: Francohio
"Hammer, your updated version of this fabulous plan has merit. I am going to recommend that you be dropped with the packages to explain their use. Piece of cake. Be like working at Wal-Mart. Adios."

Yeh, sure,....Mullah: "Who ard you?! On veerd dit you cump frum?" Me (in turban covered in brown shoe polish and press on beard): "Uh, well, uh, you see,....uh, hmmmm, uh....Hey?! Did you see my baseball?"
84 posted on 09/17/2001 7:33:38 PM PDT by Hammerhead
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To: Goetz_von_Berlichingen
An actual event, first recorded incident of germ warfare, gave all the moorish girls yeast infection. They knew the spics couldn't care less.
85 posted on 09/17/2001 7:33:48 PM PDT by nkycincinnatikid
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Comment #86 Removed by Moderator

To: Hammerhead
Don't forget left-handed toilet paper. DT
87 posted on 09/17/2001 7:41:55 PM PDT by DonnerT
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To: nkycincinnatikid
I guess someone should have told them they were supposed to eat the bread.
88 posted on 09/17/2001 7:42:39 PM PDT by Goetz_von_Berlichingen
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To: Hammerhead
,,, send them some femminist counselling help to talk about their feelings.
89 posted on 09/17/2001 7:53:12 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: Francohio
Well thought out, commendable.
90 posted on 09/17/2001 7:55:27 PM PDT by TightSqueeze
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To: nkycincinnatikid
I remember it being the big guy, Arthur C. Carlson.
91 posted on 09/17/2001 8:06:08 PM PDT by Petronski
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To: Hammerhead
I think that, after knocking out the terrorists and the people in power who sponsor them, we should try to help the regular people of Afghanistan who just want to get by.

The problem is that Clinton-era efforts at "nation-building" were so ineffective as to discredit the concept -- we need to pinpoint just what went wrong. (Was it just the obvious problem of Clinton going for short-term photo ops at the expense of long-term results, or something more?)

92 posted on 09/17/2001 8:14:40 PM PDT by steve-b
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To: Hammerhead
Start with all existing copies of American Beauty.
93 posted on 09/17/2001 8:15:12 PM PDT by js1138
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To: SAMWolf
Yeah, that's one reason why the carrot (rebuilding) has to come after the stick (removing the criminal state).
94 posted on 09/17/2001 8:20:27 PM PDT by steve-b
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To: Hammerhead
I believe your own to something.
95 posted on 09/17/2001 8:22:18 PM PDT by alithia
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To: Hammerhead
BLUEJEANS...All they need is BLUEJEANS!
96 posted on 09/17/2001 8:22:57 PM PDT by easy1
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To: js1138
Great idea!
97 posted on 09/17/2001 8:25:43 PM PDT by Clinton's a rapist
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To: neutrino
For that matter, take a picture of bint Larden and digitally alter it such that he's in an ...ahem... compromising and VERY embarrasing position, then distribute that

This one puzzles me....the guy has three wives, all male friends and a goat herd, what position is left to get embarrassed about?

98 posted on 09/17/2001 8:25:54 PM PDT by leadhead (jdkeating@engineer.com)
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To: Hammerhead
The Soviets already did that...

Except when they did it, the dolls had explosives in them.

There are a lot of cripples in Afghanistan.

99 posted on 09/17/2001 8:27:46 PM PDT by xm177e2
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<x
100 posted on 09/17/2001 8:28:11 PM PDT by xm177e2
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