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Vanity: I have a slacker daughter
me | 12-1-01 | mykdsmom

Posted on 11/30/2001 8:36:06 PM PST by mykdsmom

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To: Pistias
. I suspect that you, being here, probably taught some conservative, Christian (or similar) morals to her, right?

Yes she was raised in a conservative Baptist household as was I (I no longer attend church but that's a whole other vanity thread) but is attending a religious school. I'm not that familiar with the "Free Methodist" idealogy but from what she and her father tell me it's rather conservative. She is required to attend chapel etc. I'm assuming that she isn't taught with a liberal slant.

Her professor called me this afternoon, he stated that he finds a great deal of public school taught students feel his class is very hard simply d/t the fact that they receive NO world history in high school. There are generally taught US history but not world history. Another sad commentary about the state of our public school systems.

Does she have any particular interests or plans?

She is a very talented writer and is majoring in communications. She also has a very beautiful voice and for the first time in her life has been taking voice lessons at this school.

MKM

81 posted on 11/30/2001 9:31:31 PM PST by mykdsmom
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To: SCalGal
Flipping burgers has turned my neice into a VERY dedicated student.

Its fine when you do it in conjunction with school. Not as a full time, albeit temporary, measure.

82 posted on 11/30/2001 9:31:53 PM PST by VA Advogado
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Comment #83 Removed by Moderator

To: goodnesswins
Oh, c'mon....where did you get "resent?"

She's critized the father a number of times on this thread.

84 posted on 11/30/2001 9:33:32 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: VA Advogado
Sometimes "criticism" is justified.
85 posted on 11/30/2001 9:35:40 PM PST by goodnesswins
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To: mykdsmom
Hey mykdsmom,
A precious friend of ours had a similar situation with her daughter. This is her solution and my recommendation.
Treat her schooling like an employer would. Educational REIMBURSEMENT. She pays for her schooling next semester and you reimbursement for each class she passes at the end of the semester. She will either save that money and use it for the next semester or spend it and have to come up with tuition for the next semester.

Nothing like having to pay your own tuition and buy your own books to make one very dedicated to their education.

Suggest VOCATIONAL training ... no everyone is meant to go to college.

86 posted on 11/30/2001 9:36:21 PM PST by zeaal
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To: goodnesswins
Sometimes "criticism" is justified.

Whether or not it's justified, the question was whether it occured. And it did.

87 posted on 11/30/2001 9:38:27 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: LLAN-DDEUSANT
It's well known. Ask Bill Gates.

Ok. That's one. However, Bill Gates didnt come up through sales. And most sales job, sans car salesmen, need degrees to be considered for hire.

88 posted on 11/30/2001 9:39:42 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: mykdsmom
She's lucky she even has a family, I never even met my own mother. Your daughter is spoiled already, I met millions of them as I worked my way out of the gutter and graduated from college.
89 posted on 11/30/2001 9:40:06 PM PST by Darheel
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To: VA Advogado
Since the neice, also, did not maintain her grades she is required to pay for the make-up class herself, in addition to any personal expenses. Work is part time, school is (now) a priority. Parents are still providing food, shelter, and clothing. But having the misery of a menial job has caused her to become much more serious about school. (And we are all so VERY thankful!)
90 posted on 11/30/2001 9:42:31 PM PST by SCalGal
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To: SCalGal
But having the misery of a menial job has caused her to become much more serious about school. (And we are all so VERY thankful!)

I completely agree with that. The most difficult job I've ever had was my first while in high school. Flipping burgers. Every time I drive by one of those places or see a window washer up 35 stories on a cold windy fall day I realize why I went to college. :)

91 posted on 11/30/2001 9:45:45 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: VA Advogado
She's critized the father a number of times on this thread.

Where?......I said he was a wuss in my initial post and he is. He's one of those people that will do practically anything to avoid conflict. The only other thing that I can find that you may possibly consider a criticism of him was when I said I got married at 19 which was a huge mistake. That was my mistake, I was immature and not ready and married him to get out of a strict household.

He is a wonderful father and he and I have maintained a very good relationship in our 13 years of divorce. We have always recognized our daugher's welfare as the most important thing in our lives.

I feel that he has not been as strict with her as I would have been and that may account for some of the problems that we are experiencing now.

Whatever the reason is we share a child and want to do what is best for her.

MKM

92 posted on 11/30/2001 9:46:18 PM PST by mykdsmom
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To: mykdsmom
She's critized the father a number of times on this thread.

Where?......I said he was a wuss in my initial post and he is.

Ding Ding Ding.

93 posted on 11/30/2001 9:47:45 PM PST by VA Advogado
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To: mykdsmom
I had the same problem with history in HS--I was taught dates and info, but the format was "retain for: 90 days, or next test, whichever comes first" and disregard.

majoring in communications

Does she have any specific ideas about what to do with a B.S. in COMS? Perhaps a specialization would be worth looking into, or a minor in something helpful, or a double major (though those are overrated, I'm told). The sooner she has a definite goal that she likes and will stick to, the sooner you'll see her grades improve.

94 posted on 11/30/2001 9:47:48 PM PST by Pistias
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To: mykdsmom
When my kids were smarter than me they got sports scholarships and quit. Man, was I mad! No more money came from me and I just shut up about it. As they got older and dumber, two of them went back in school. One will graduate next year. The third son has a factory job and is in the Air National Guard on standby. Some people are college material and some aren't. Trust your instincts and all will be ok. I lost a job in the meantime and went broke trying to be a good mom. Now, it is I who will be struggling to get by. I'm a great mom now because all I give my kids are love and support. What's really great is that I get the same back. They don't ask for anything and are even proud that what they have, they have done on their own. Some kids just mature at different ages. Your daughter has good role models and will most likely follow your footsteps....just later rather than sooner.
95 posted on 11/30/2001 9:48:07 PM PST by Jaidyn
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To: mykdsmom
step1.what are you good at have a natural predisposition for

step2.ascertain what type of careers use these qualities

step3.asertain whether the current college degree is even relevant

step4.get her to home in on what on earth she really wants to do with her life

step5.if the answer is I don't know,thats it let her get a job,do some travel and sow some wild oats(yes I know your religious,what about a year or so as a volunteer to fully appreciate where she comes from)

step6.when you get an answer to step 4,support it but courses and books only-if you wan't to party then work part time,I was a butchers assistant,night filler,fruit market labourer and grocery clerk during my college,and yes she pays board,she can vote-she can pay

step7.whilst I have a Business Admin qualification,hard work,selling yourself and proving yourself are what counts the man in business I respect the most swam from mainland China to Hong Kong-where its so competive your average american would not cut it,with little or no formal education and now owns a world wide corporation.CDF-COMMON CANINE INTELLIGENCE is worth more than a string of qualifications-Good luck

96 posted on 11/30/2001 9:51:38 PM PST by Governor StrangeReno
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To: mykdsmom
I have basically the same story with my daughter. I won't get into all of the goary details, but after one semester, she had to pack it up and come home.

We lost about $6,000 on that semester. So we told her OK, you've lost the 4 year degree, so how about a 2 year degree? Oh yes, that was exactly what she wanted. Right!

We told her she had to get a part-time job to help pay her own way. Sure that sounded good to her too.

4 months into the new semester, no job yet. So we grilled her and she hadn't applied anywhere. She just put on a show to us that she had. So we told her, get a part time job and start paying some of your way or out you go and you're on your own.

The following weekend, I found a note on the kitchen table telling us she had eloped with a naive boy she suckered into marrying her. Most likely his first round with having sex.

We did not see or hear from her for 3 days after that day.Then she called and told us that they had changed their minds and were coming home. I told her she wasn't coming to my home, and as far as I was concerned she was his common-law wife and it was his responsibility to take care of her now.

They got married that weekend and still are. She's job hopped since that day looking for the Garden of Eden. It ain't out there, but she's finding that out.

Our relationship with her is nil to none. She lives 5 minutes away from us, no phone calls, no visits unless she wants something. She doesn't get it, so again back to no contact.

She's bad mouthed us all over town like this is all our fault. We aren't buying it and she's on her own. She's an adult, made adult decisions (as poor as they were), is playing like an adult mostly. So she can accept her own responsibilities for her own decisions.

Do I sound sour? We both are. We thought we knew our daughter, then found she was just putting on that sweet little front to get her way. So now we know the truth and we don't like what we see.

Yeah she'll wake up someday, but probably not in my lifetime. Does it bother us, you bet, we talk about her and her lazy butt hubby frequently. We get ticked off and decide to drop it.

I think she panicked when she found out she had to get a job and go to school and follow our house rules when she ran away from college. Now she is finding out that working part time and going to school wasn't such a bad deal afterall! Now she gets to clean house, grocery shop, wash clothes, pay bills, work and still try to go to school.

Or so we thought! They went out of town and left house keys with the in-laws. He made a security check on the house and found the toilet plugged up and full of you know what. Mounds of dirty clothes piled by the washing machine , 3 feet high and covering the entire floor. And the house was filthy and every dish and cooking utensil was piled on the countertops - DIRTY.

Has my little girl learned anything from this? Not one thing! We hope she's happy and it all works out for her. But if those two ever have kids, I'm calling Child Protective Services on them.

97 posted on 11/30/2001 9:52:56 PM PST by dstog
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To: mykdsmom
Check to see if there's anyone in her area that can tutor her in World History. If you can talk with the school administrator, he/she can direct you to the prof, who might be able to find for you an older student who got As in the class during a previous semester and is willing to tutor now.
98 posted on 11/30/2001 10:04:05 PM PST by JoeSchem
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To: dstog
I'm so sorry for you and your situation.......I can't imagine how your heart must be hurting.

Unfortunately your daughter's attitude sounds a lot like my daughter's. Fortunately she isn't even dating anyone now so hope the eloping scenario wouldn't be likely.

In light of how it turned out would you do the same thing again?

MKM

99 posted on 11/30/2001 10:07:14 PM PST by mykdsmom
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To: LarryLied
Didnt work for Misha, did it?
100 posted on 11/30/2001 10:07:48 PM PST by Satadru
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