Skip to comments.Be a quitter! Rebecca Hagelin urges mommy's to reconsider their life's mission
Posted on 03/18/2002 11:23:15 PM PST by JohnHuang2
Be a quitter.
That's right. If you're a mother with young children who also works outside the home for more than a few hours a day, but you have a husband that works, you should quit your job.
Although my message is not politically correct and probably sounds "sexist," "judgmental" and "preachy," my purpose is not to condemn those who must work, but to challenge modern thought with a concept as basic to child-rearing as a healthy diet: Quitting the rat-race and the race with "the Joneses" is crucial to helping your children win as members of the human race.
"I work because I have to," is the common initial response I get when I suggest that moms be quitters. "We need the money!"
Perhaps it's time to define "need."
Do you really "need" an SUV, a bigger house, or a second or third television? Do your kids really "need" the latest Nintendo, name-brand clothes or fanciest scooter?
Allow me to suggest something radical: What your children truly need is you. And, if given a choice between a new car or more time with mommy, mom would win hands down.
A toddler doesn't know or care if they have two pairs of shoes or five. A young child doesn't understand the difference between a Navigator and a Neon. Do you think an 8-year-old even knows who Calvin Klein is? If she does, then you definitely need to quit.
It's time to ask yourself what you're really buying, and why. Have you ever stopped to evaluate not just what you pay in dollars and cents for "things," but what you pay in time lost with your family?
There can be no doubt that the modern American family is in distress. With the pressures of dual careers, oftentimes no one is keeping the home fires burning. What families gained with an additional provider, they paid for with a loss of nurturing.
Gone are the leisurely family dinners and the important conversation that went with them. Children learn more from television, public influences and transient adult relationships than they do from their own parents. Spending less time each day with their moms, and more time with an endless flow of randomly-assigned teachers and "care givers" has left children of all ages hungry for the richness and depth of a fully developed mother-child relationship. Family members are like ships that pass in the night, often becoming lost in the fog of life only to crash on the reef of loneliness and divorce. Everyone suffers, and the children suffer most.
Women have made and should continue to make great contributions to the fields of business, science and education. I'm not advocating that these roles be abandoned. I'm advocating that they be partially set aside for a season. Women are particularly blessed with a life cycle that is composed of seasons. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" is a biblical truth from Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, that applies to all of life, and the evidence of this precept for women is quite obvious for all who care to see. When you experience the miracle and blessing of childbirth, when a hungry, helpless baby is placed in your arms, when this most precious and dependent of human beings is entrusted to your care, the season for mothering has clearly arrived.
Just as Spring, with all its beauty and promise is fleeting, so are the days of youth. Your children will be young only once, and oh, so briefly. Every hour away is an hour lost forever.
Don't buy the lie that "It's quality time, not quantity that counts." This is not an "either-or" situation. Children truly need and deserve both. Someone is going to be pouring their habits, values and emotions into your children. That someone should be you. Whatever financial sacrifices your family must make to enable you to raise your own children will be well worth the joy and memories for both you and your child joy and memories that can't be bought.
Be creative in your quest for the "extra" income you want for life's little extras. Sell something Avon , Tupperware, whatever. Start a home-based business. Write a novel. If you're a professional, try to become a consultant. Find a part-time job. Do anything you can to get ahead ... not in your career, but in your role as mom. Fight the system to be with your children. Think outside the box.
Make it your life's mission to be the mommy your children were born for you to be.
maybe a trend or a shift will occur soon
Another point this writer fails to examine is that buying even a smaller house in a good school district is *expensive.* Not only that, the property taxes can be 2-3X those of houses in bad school districts.
People who send their children to private schools are going to have even greater expenses.
Nor is it reasonable to take the "let them eat cake" position of "let them all homeschool." Private education is about 9% of all education; homeschooling is probably done for no more than 1-2% of all school-age children. Clearly, homeschooling is not a "universal solution." With almost 90% (or more) of children in public school, this means that parents who are concerned about their kids are going to have a far greater financial burden through the costs of their home.
Throughout the years I've noticed a depressing similarity to these exhortations to "young mothers." They're essentially unrealistic, idealistic guilt trips which offer very little concrete suggestions for people who don't choose the "alternative" lifestyle of homeschooling.
The big lie in all this is that you can have your cake and eat it too.
What people don't realize is that most of the feminists screaming for women to work are out to destroy the family anyway. They want to replace it with government care as part of the "brave new world" socialist utopia they long for.
|This woman is just another dolt who assumes that the American economy is still the same as it was in 1950, and that women are working outside the home only in order to purchase "luxury" items. Furthermore, it's laughable that she recommends staying home and "writing a novel" in order to generate extra income. She obviously knows nothing about the current state of the publishing industry.|
Second, you are assuming that as long as a child is enrolled in a government school the mother does not need to be at home. When a child is let out of the government school at 3:30 in the afternoon, a child could be unattended by a parent for a considerable amount of time until one parent arrives at home sometime in the evening. Would you say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that situation.
As far as your other arguments are concerned, it is vital to realize that if your children are your top priority you will make any sacrifice necessary for their welfare. You will not make the decision base on taxes or how difficult it may be homeschool. It is called sacrifice. From what I can tell, very few parents wish to sacrifice on behalf of their children.
As far as this lifestyle being a throwback to the 50's, it might be important to point out that one does make decisions based on what is easy or practical. One makes decisions because they are right.
Don't you mean at-home?
Writer's can't be blamed for the headlines. That's the editor's fault.
Rebecca Hagelin is a personal friend of mine. She is writing for WorldNetDaily and involved in some other small business enterprises of her own, while at the same time home schooling her three children.
She's not suggesting that "writing a novel" can be done easily. She's giving several suggestions for women to consider, based on their own strengths.
Funny, these ideals worked for families all the way up until the 1970s, early 80s. What could possibly be so important that families for centuries were able to live without that within the last twenty years has changed so much that we supposedly can't live without? This is an excellent article that gets to the root of the matter not only in family but quite a few social issues that have arisen since the 1960s
She's not a dolt. Other articles have pointed out that, after child care and work related expenses, a woman's share of the family income often becomes negligable. And the economy is the same as it was in 1950, that being a free market economy where "we makes our choices and we pays our money." The one omission where I find fault with the article is that it assumes a father for every household. No fault divorce and the feminist drive toward Daddy-state government is fast driving fatherlessness into the rule rather than the exception.
OK, back to the thread already in progress...
Although this is somewhat true if the kids are in daycare, it doesn't hold water once the kids are in school. My wife is a teacher(they don't make squat) and she tithes, pays her own gas, can buy the kids clothes, and pays our mortgage with her salary so it is well worth her effort to work.
"Poor" Americans [that is, those identified as "poor" by the Census Dept.] today are better housed, better fed, and own more property than did the average U.S. citizen throughout much of the 20th Century. In 1988, the per capita expenditures of the lowest income fifth of the U.S. population exceeded the per capita expenditures of the median American household in 1955, after adjusting for inflation.
But still, it was difficult to drop him off each morning, and think about what I was missing in his life...and it was hard picking him up in the late afternoon, hearing about his day, and having to find out what I missed from my parents...
So when I was pregnant with our second boy, a few years later, I was determined not to have to go back to work...My husband was making somewhat better money now, and so I did indeed stay home with my two boys...
But at the end of that year at home, we decided that we really did need more income...but I did not want to have to have my boys being raised by someone other their parents
So, I got a job, which was only on the weekend...I had to look and look for such a job, but did find it...so during the week I was home with the boys while the hubby worked, and on the weekend, I went to work, and the hubby had his time with the boys...
We worked that way for one year...then I found a different job, a swing shift job, more hours, more money....so we went that way...the hubby worked his job, during the day, came home, we had an hour or so together with the boys, and then I went to work, and my husband had the boys for the evening...
None of this was easy, it took a lot of hard work, to find jobs that would mesh together like this, but it was so worth it, to be able to keep the boys in their own home, and be cared for by their own parents...
Of course, my parents still wanted to have the boys as much as possible, so on many days, the boys would go to "Pop-Pops and Grammies" house, for the day, and that way, my husband and I could get a brief respite..
But I have never regretted for a minute, the way we did it...We made do with the money we had, we had a wonderful time raising our boys, and spending as much time with them as we could...
And even when the boys went on to grade school, middle school, and high school, I always made sure I was at home for them, when they returned....I was now working graveyard shift, and the hubby was still working days...I knew I was doing the right thing, when one time my younger boy told me, he loved running into the house after school, and smelling cookies baking and supper cooking and the windows in the winter steamed up from all that cooking...he just loved coming home and knowing that someone was there...
Pretty soon he started bringing home some of his friends, whose parents both worked during the day, and those friends did not like coming home to an empty house...pretty soon I was 'mom' to a few other kids, who came and stayed with us, until their parents returned from work...
None of this was easy...of course, I suppose it was easier for us than for some, because there was a mom and dad in the house to share the work and the responsibilities...
Now my older boy has since died, and my younger boy is out on his own, making his way in the world...but looking back on it all, I am so glad that I was there for most of the time they were growing up, and those memories, are the most very precious memories to me...I hadly think, if I had some job that I took which made me miss those growing up years, that I would remember that job with any fondness....
To my mind, being with your babies, your children, while they are growing up, is indeed the most noble calling there is...
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