I have known more than one medic in Viet Nam who was against killing and never carried a weapon on the combat line. That is the type of person I will give unlimited respect to without thinking if his relgion is foolish because it's not mine.
Intentional killing of a healthy baby is wrong and always will be in my book. Period, so stop asking for sympathy from me. That's as foolish as asking a rape victim to feel love to the animal who raped her. I have seen to many corpses to start changing my mind this late in life.
The very good news is that your forgiveness is not needed. And the One from whom it is needed will grant it with great abundance!