[tomkow6]

Ad seen in the January issue of Microtimes (kind of like a Northern
California version of Computer Shopper) for Total Peripherals, Inc.:

"The New Pentium Pro. The only thing faster was probably
your first time."

[Mr_Magoo]

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his
subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive
their
enemies. About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his
question.
This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still
unsatisfied, he
lectured
for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now
on
Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a
person
can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady strutted down the aisle, very slowly
turned
around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the sons of bitches."