Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths

Men's News Daily ^ | July 22, 2002 | Roger F. Gay

[RogerFGay]

Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths
Authors: Sanford L. Braver, Diane O'Connell (Contributor)
J. P. Tarcher, 1998
Hardcover, 288 pages Special Price: $17.47 U.S.
ISBN: 0-874-77862-X

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Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths

July 22, 2002
Roger F. Gay

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Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths is a book that should never have been written that everyone should read. Myth has guided domestic relations and welfare reform in the United States and elsewhere. That should never have happened. This book, which shatters some of the most prominent myths is an absolute "must read" for anyone with an interest in family law and welfare research and policy – which I conclude is just about everyone.

Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths, first published in 1998, presents a compilation of research on divorced fathers by Arizona State University psychology professor Sanford Braver. Braver's was the largest federally supported study of divorced fathers in history. Since then many reviews have been written but I have observed that the myths are not yet completely dead. It must be that not everyone who should read Sanford Braver's book has done so.

Take for example, recent testimony before a child support guideline review panel in Indiana. (If you would like to see the entire internet broadcast of the hearing through RealOne media player, click here.)

A school teacher testified that she is going through divorce and "not receiving child support." She has a presentation in lesson form for the judicial panel, just like she would in class she says. It was complete with play money as a prop. "Some of you have received three dollars ... and some of you have only received two. The persons who have received three dollars represent the non-custodial parent ... Now the two dollars that the mother would have represents not only her income but also what is given to you for child support. That's all the money that you have. ... Your main expenses are food, clothing, and shelter and that does not include child care costs and those can be very great."

No wonder some people say that we need standardized school materials. The school teacher is teaching a myth. Some studies claim that women as a group make only two thirds as much as men. But that does not include child support (child care costs are typically added to basic child support), alimony, property division, tax benefits nor any other financial arrangements specifically related to divorce. Following divorce, women as a group are financially better off than men. Some women, especially those who remarry are far better off than the husbands and fathers they left behind.

One more time. Six major myths fell to actual research.

1. Deadbeat dads: Divorced fathers pay 90 percent of the child support they have been ordered to pay. Fully employed divorced fathers pay all that is due. In addition, they pay visitation expenses. [Depending on the extent of the research providing the result, fathers (all fathers including never married) pay 70-80 percent of what they have been ordered to pay. The low end – 70 percent – relies on recipient surveys that do not account for money that is paid but withheld as repayment for welfare, and possible bias. In all cases, the primary cause of non-payment is that the person ordered to pay is unable to pay.]
   
   
2. The No-Show Dad: The rate of contact between fathers and their children following divorce shows "paternal devotion and tenacity [that] is entirely at odds with the more popular image of the runaways, absentee, or disappearing dad."
   
   
3. Standards of Living: Women with children are, as a group, better off financially following divorce than men. That's right, it's not the other way around.
   
   
4. Terms of Divorce: Far from being docile, easily manipulated victims of a male dominated divorce system, women have always fared well in negotiations and settlements. Men are far more likely to be the biggest losers in the process.
   
   
5. Emotional Issues of Divorce: Women are happier after divorce than men. Given the results related to the other myths, this is likely to cause the least surprise. They have the children, they are better off financially, they drive better cars, their situation is less likely to interfere with new relationships and remarriage ....
   
   
6. Who leaves the marriage ... and why it matters: " ... women initiate the preponderance (63 - 75%) of modern divorces ..." It matters because it vindicates the finding that men do less well then women after divorce, because the blame heaped on men for divorce should be addressed, and because the myth serves to further unlevel the playing field of domestic relations law and politics on which fathers are already disadvantaged.
   
   

Other reviews of Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths were written by;

• Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D. Political Science
• Donna Laframboise, National Post
• Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D. Psychology
• Cathy Young, The Detroit News

Copyright © 2002 Roger F. Gay

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Roger F. Gay is a professional analyst and director of Project for the Improvement of Child Support Litigation Technology. He has also been an intensive political observer for many years culminating in a well-developed sense of honest cynicism. Other articles by Roger F. Gay can be found at Men's News Daily.

[South Hawthorne]

A very well written review! Thanks for posting this and working to explode the myths destroying the image of fatherhood!

O_E

[phasma proeliator]

Ping

[Entropy Squared]

The primary misson of divorce courts is the transfer of wealth from males to females.

[phasma proeliator]

"The primary misson of divorce courts is the transfer of wealth from males to females."

Same primary reason as marriage.

[Rebelbase]

Bump for later.

[Rebelbase]

Provoking ping.

[phasma proeliator]

Ping

[Entropy Squared]

The primary mission of marriage is to, as much as is possible, assure males the children in their home are their own. Men who believe the children in their home are their own care about the future. Men who care about the future do things like build cities and roads and computers. Contemporary divorce courts are entirely political, their primary mission is the transfer of wealth.

[Stand Watch Listen]

Related Article

Why There Are So Many Women in the Fathers' Movement
Source: CNSNews.com; Published: June 21, 2002;
Author: Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson

" Three and a half decades after the rise of the feminist movement, American gender politics have begun to come full circle.

The feminist movement has always been aided by sympathetic men, and American women would never have come so far so fast without their support. While women still face many problems, those problems have received a fair and often extensive public hearing.

Today, men's issues--principally fathers' issues--are where many of our nation's biggest gender inequities lie. And just as many men helped the women's movement, many women are stepping forward to help fathers, forming groups like Moms for Dads and the Second Wives Crusade. Today women make up half of the membership of the fathers' movement. ...."

[phasma proeliator]

I don't disagree.

I'm glad you added the "as much as is possible"

[phasma proeliator]

Thanks for the link...!

[Entropy Squared]

My screen name refers to the breakdown of what holds us together. Marriage is a major civilizing factor. Young men today are avoiding marriage because they are coming to understand what a losing proposition it has become due to the political orientation and motivation of contemporary divorce courts. We do, indeed, rush to chaos.

[KSREP]

Excellent post and very true.

My ex and I made equivalent salaries but she got the kids and support. As far as lifestyle's, hers didn't change but mine sure did!

Dad's and custody, in the courts, is an even bigger joke.

[Axeslinger]

In large part, you are correct. But there is hope out there. After my divorce, my ex had my son for about 3 years. She was not a hooker or doing drugs, but she was doing things that led to a tumultuous life for him. So I took her to court. Just 2 years ago, I got full custody of my now 10 year old son. My son was just better off with me. I was able to provide the more stable home. The judge (believe it or not, he was a Democrat!!!!!) basically gave me everything I sued for.

[Entropy Squared]

The young men today are figuring out that entering into a legal agreement that only they have to abide with is a losing proposition. "Religion and the family must be destroyed." The bad guys are winning on this front.

[meyer]

Bump!!, and Consider me provoked!!

[meyer]

Bump!!, and Consider me provoked!!

[PsyOp]

BTTT!

[RogerFGay]

A "Provoking ping." That kind of reminds me of strenuously objecting in that movie where -- "You want the truth ... you can't handle the truth .." (Did you order the code red?) Maybe that should have just sent him a provoking ping.

[Cyber Liberty]

Ping, counselor.

[Cyber Liberty]

Yeah, me too.

[Jhoffa_]

You devil..

[Jhoffa_]

God's covenant of marriage is supposed to be a partnership and it's supposed to last for life.

It sounds like you had something more akin to just sharing a house with someone than a real marriage. I am sorry things turned out for you as they did but in my opinion, anecdotal evidence should by no means be used to tarnish all men or the institution of marriage itself.

[meyer]

Let the games begin...

[weikel]

Thats why men shouldn't get married.

[RogerFGay]

If your life corresponds to the statistics, the man you abandoned is worse off then you are.

[RogerFGay]

If your life corresponds to the statistics, the man you abandoned is worse off then you are.

[subterfuge]

"The primary misson of divorce courts is the transfer of wealth from males to females. "

Not true. The primary mission of divorce courts is to muck up families.

[subterfuge]

". So I took her to court. Just 2 years ago, I got full custody of my now 10 year old son. My son was just better off with me"

This proves the opposite of the premise of the article is true, imho.

[quark]

Why I have not married, and probably will not do so...

[subterfuge]

"...don't believe all the rants you read about how hard men have it. " Great point Dark Mirage. Three women I know got the shaft when they divorced their jerk husbands.

My wife was getting a whopping $30 per week from her ex when we got married just a few years ago for my step-daughter. The ex worked under-the-table jobs and was able to pay the minimum.

My sister recently got divorced. She had been in a mental ward due to depression where she revealed that she had been molested by a trusted family friend as a little girl. (We know its true, because we also found out that he tried the same thing on my other sister). Well, because she had been in that mental facillity (and because she had a lousy attorney imho) she got nothing. No kids, no house, no alimony and with no skills to speak of.

Another woman, a friend of mine caught her hubby cheating. She told him off and went to stay with someone for a couple of days. The husband filed and claimed abandonment and he got the house, the kids and SHE is paying child support and alimony! Its really about being smart and plotting to stick it to the other spouse. Damn.

Gotta go!

[FR_addict]

Sounds like my ex. He didn't bother to see the kids except for a few times and was able to retire at 40, while I sometimes needed two jobs. I was a chemist back then too.

Now I'm watching my son going through divorce. They have joint custody and she makes more, yet he pays child support directly to her, money to the day care, and is required to put money into an account. She was older than he was by about 6 years and already had a daughter by a boyfriend. She decided she wanted out of the marriage the week he was laid off. Luckily he found another job within a few days.

He was scared that he wouldn't get joint custody if he got the wrong judge, so he agreed to all her demands.

I admire my son for giving up job opportunities in larger cities to be with his daughter. I guess it just shows that sometimes the man gets it and sometimes the woman.

[Entropy Squared]

Of course they muck up families, but in almost every divorce case there is a transfer of wealth from males to females. I called a local child support enforcement agency to get some stats. They told me they had never pursued a woman to pay child support. Never, they hadn't done it once. They were in the business of extracting wealth from men.

[subterfuge]

". Never, they hadn't done it once. They were in the business of extracting wealth from men." Wow. Very interesting ES.

I know that guys do get the shaft most of the time, my point really is that if the courts can, they WILL screw things up. They take one side of the arguement and the other party gets screwed.

[subterfuge]

My brother-in law's brother is going through a divorce right now (his wife had been "dating")as they are seperated. He still has her picture on his desk a work and really loves her.

Well she told him that if he didn't give her everything she wanted that she would go after a third of his (and my bro in-laws) very successful plumbing business.

Luckily the 3 brothers forsaw something like this and they put in their company charter that any of them could be bought out by the other 2 brothers for $20.

Her attorney demanded to see the charter and when he did he realized it was iron clad.

[Red Jones]

wow! all I can say is that there are a lot of men who have complaints about women and there are a lot of women who have complaints about men. You certainly got shafted in that your hubby apparently turned in a gay direction.

[Red Jones]

I guess the only real lesson is that people today it seems like to treat other people like garbage and the courts just join in. It can be very disappointing.

[jackbill]

In the early 1970's, I divorced my wife and gained sole custody of my four sons.

My ex was a registered nurse. I got not one damned cent in "child support". I hired a live-in nanny to watch the boys while I worked. I got not one damned cent in "child support".

Don't talk to me about "dead-beat dads". Let's talk about "dead-beat moms".

[Entropy Squared]

Let's talk about "dead-beat moms".

Men are bound by divorce court rulings, women are not. There is offically no such thing as a dead-beat mom.