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Humor break: Democrats protest mine rescue

Posted on 08/07/2002 6:03:45 PM PDT by Las Vegas Dave

*****NEWS FLASH*****

Washington, D.C.

A Senate Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have announced that the rescue of the trapped Pennsylvania coal miners has been cancelled, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be placed back in the mine.

The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:

10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for possible air pollution.

9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was polluted, and without providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the water.

8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without first performing an Environmental Impact study.

7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the rescue workers.

6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to say "Thank God!" during a live television broadcast of the rescue, thereby violating the separation of church and state.

5. Several people at this public, government-supported rescue mentioned praying.

4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of American society.

3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given sufficient time for photo ops and speech making at the site.

2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any Republican officeholder owned stock in the coal company, thus being responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.

1. No one credited Al Gore with the invention of mine rescues.

"Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and politically correct manner," the Committee stated.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
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1 posted on 08/07/2002 6:03:45 PM PDT by Las Vegas Dave
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Amen!
2 posted on 08/07/2002 6:05:19 PM PDT by ShowmeLiberty
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Sadly, if we don't get off our butts and demand a more responsible government, some of this "stuff" is already part of the American lamestream thought process.
3 posted on 08/07/2002 6:08:50 PM PDT by caisson71
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To: A Citizen Reporter; ABG(anybody but Gore); acnielsen guy; Angelwood; arazitjh; b4its2late; ...
This is so funny, and so true.
4 posted on 08/07/2002 6:09:14 PM PDT by Utah Girl
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To: dubyaismypresident; conspiratoristo; Commiewatcher; Pontiac; fone; GOP_Lady; dr.j'sfirst
Ping!
5 posted on 08/07/2002 6:10:47 PM PDT by Las Vegas Dave
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To: Las Vegas Dave
11. The miners were not property screened for weapons by federal authorities before being transported to the surface.
6 posted on 08/07/2002 6:10:49 PM PDT by RANDomScout
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To: Las Vegas Dave
ROFL!
7 posted on 08/07/2002 6:13:53 PM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March
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To: Las Vegas Dave
There waiting till after the Pennsylvania governor's election in Novemnber so their won't be an August/September/October suprise.
8 posted on 08/07/2002 6:16:04 PM PDT by NeoCaveman
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To: Las Vegas Dave
And no doubt NOT A SINGLE one of a rescue workers was transgendered.
9 posted on 08/07/2002 6:16:18 PM PDT by Lizavetta
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To: RANDomScout
12). The noise disturbed the lesser spotted night worm

13). Excessive lighting affected the local astronomy group.

14). No environmental impact assessment of the drilling was filed with the appropriate local, state and federal authorities.

15). The rescue team was not appropriately gender and racially balanced

10 posted on 08/07/2002 6:16:32 PM PDT by spokeshave
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To: Las Vegas Dave
11. Halliburton equipment should not have been authorized for use in the rescue until said Senate leaders had a chance to review any possible conflict of interest violations by Vice President Cheney.
11 posted on 08/07/2002 6:18:02 PM PDT by CedarDave
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To: Utah Girl
LOL! Thanks for the laugh ping.
12 posted on 08/07/2002 6:23:48 PM PDT by McLynnan
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To: Las Vegas Dave
I'm danged funny. So I know when something is danged funny. This post was danged funny. Because it's pretty much danged true.

Dang it....

13 posted on 08/07/2002 6:27:41 PM PDT by isthisnickcool
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To: Utah Girl; Las Vegas Dave
Funny stuff!

The sad part is that I wouldn't put it past them .... especially if it gave them a chance to go on tv and tell lies about President Bush ...... *sigh*

14 posted on 08/07/2002 6:28:09 PM PDT by kayak
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To: Las Vegas Dave
phunny!!
15 posted on 08/07/2002 6:34:55 PM PDT by lonestar
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To: Las Vegas Dave; Constitution Day
It is my understanding that the Department of Labor Relations is looking into this issue of the rescue workers working without proper break time intervals.

Just kidding. Thanks for the laugh!

16 posted on 08/07/2002 6:38:41 PM PDT by fone
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Finding mine shares in their 401Ks could get them indicted for insider trading...
17 posted on 08/07/2002 6:40:44 PM PDT by joesnuffy
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To: spokeshave
16. The rescue shaft violated OSHA rescue shaft regulations by 1".
18 posted on 08/07/2002 7:04:04 PM PDT by RANDomScout
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Did they put in a wheelchair access ramp after making the hole?
19 posted on 08/07/2002 7:05:48 PM PDT by habs4ever
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To: habs4ever
Did they put in a wheelchair access ramp after making the hole?

No. They had to wait for the hand rails to be installed.

20 posted on 08/07/2002 7:22:05 PM PDT by JZoback
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To: habs4ever
Oh, and I'll bet they didn't have an adequate number of parking places and restrooms for handicapped rescue workers.
21 posted on 08/07/2002 7:23:34 PM PDT by kayak
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To: JZoback
I smell a lawsuit...
22 posted on 08/07/2002 7:24:41 PM PDT by habs4ever
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To: Las Vegas Dave; facedown
LOL! More humor!
23 posted on 08/07/2002 7:28:37 PM PDT by knighthawk
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To: Las Vegas Dave
And I'll bet a bunch of those nasty miners smoked, too.
24 posted on 08/07/2002 7:30:06 PM PDT by Yardstick
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To: Las Vegas Dave
18. The human transport cage was not tested to meet government rated crash tests. It also violated safety standards: it did not have seatbelts or airbags, and when turned sideways was excessively prone to rollover.
25 posted on 08/07/2002 7:33:07 PM PDT by HighWheeler
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To: kayak
Did they have enough minorities working on the rescue crews? Transgendered, handicapped,Non- Caucasian...if not, they be in big trouble ;-)
26 posted on 08/07/2002 7:38:19 PM PDT by habs4ever
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To: All
Can anyone explain why drive up ATM's have Braille on the machines?

Just wondering

27 posted on 08/07/2002 7:47:03 PM PDT by JZoback
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To: JZoback
When you find out the answer to that one, please let me know. I can think of absolutely no reason except the stupidity of PC.
28 posted on 08/07/2002 8:01:12 PM PDT by kayak
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To: HighWheeler
19. Federal regulations require that anyone under ground for more than 24 hours is presumed legally dead regardless of their actual condition. As such, the rescue workers were guilty of violating grave robbing laws.


I know. A bit morbid but it's late.
29 posted on 08/07/2002 8:05:53 PM PDT by RANDomScout
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To: JZoback
Re: Braille on ATMs

It gets even more idiotic.

Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....

30 posted on 08/07/2002 8:09:24 PM PDT by HighWheeler
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To: kayak
When you find out the answer to that one, please let me know. I can think of absolutely no reason except the stupidity of PC.

It must be for their seeing eye dog in the passenger seat. [:^)

31 posted on 08/07/2002 8:11:39 PM PDT by JZoback
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To: HighWheeler
Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....

That's right, I never took the next step in logic. Silly me.

Of course the blind person could always ask someone to help them "read" the screen..................Oh' but that would be stupid. They would not need the Braille.

Like I said in the previous post, it must be for their seeing eye dog in the passenger seat !!!

32 posted on 08/07/2002 8:16:28 PM PDT by JZoback
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Haha, great list!

Did you write this?
33 posted on 08/07/2002 8:18:13 PM PDT by Guillermo
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To: RANDomScout
"19. Federal regulations require that anyone under ground for more than 24 hours is presumed legally dead regardless of their actual condition."

Does that mean that anybody who lives in a tree for more than a week can be officially declared a bird?

34 posted on 08/07/2002 8:19:47 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: JZoback
to funny I never thought of that
35 posted on 08/07/2002 8:21:30 PM PDT by ezoeni
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To: Las Vegas Dave
The best part is what the miners REALLY asked for as soon as communications were established...... food, dip and a case of BUDWEISER!
36 posted on 08/07/2002 8:39:47 PM PDT by TLI
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To: HighWheeler
Maybe the braille reads, "Go away, you silly blind person".
37 posted on 08/07/2002 9:29:14 PM PDT by watchin
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To: Las Vegas Dave; generalissimoduane
LOL from a former Clevelander (fellow N E Ohioan.)
Generalissimo, Ping to Mr. H- please.
38 posted on 08/07/2002 9:51:39 PM PDT by BenLurkin
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To: HighWheeler
Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....

That have changed, I noticed last week that the ATM machine at my local bank now has an earphone jack installed.

39 posted on 08/08/2002 2:14:56 AM PDT by Las Vegas Dave
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To: Las Vegas Dave
What about the endangered Abandoned Mine Lesser Blindfish?
40 posted on 08/08/2002 5:35:24 AM PDT by Redleg Duke
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Morning bump for those who didn't see this last night.
41 posted on 08/08/2002 7:59:31 AM PDT by facedown
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To: sweetliberty
Does that mean that anybody who lives in a tree for more than a week can be officially declared a bird?

Now you've done it! I told you not to be giving them any ideas. ;-}

42 posted on 08/08/2002 5:31:40 PM PDT by RANDomScout
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To: RANDomScout; parsifal
Well, if they were declared birds then maybe we could have a season on them. :-)

Hey parsy. I can't believe that this thread has made 43 posts and you haven't showed up yet. This is funny.

43 posted on 08/08/2002 5:38:48 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Did you hear they are going to put up statues of the 9 miners on the site of the mine?

Yep there will be two blacks, two whites, two hispanics, two american indians, and one bisexual transvestite in a dress.
44 posted on 08/08/2002 5:47:04 PM PDT by apillar
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To: sweetliberty
Well, if they were declared birds then maybe we could have a season on them. :-)

I'm shocked that you would even consider it. Of course, they would be protected by the ESA as being members of the left-winged tax-sucker species.

45 posted on 08/08/2002 6:00:33 PM PDT by RANDomScout
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To: RANDomScout
ROTFL!!
46 posted on 08/08/2002 6:11:17 PM PDT by sweetliberty
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To: apillar; Jeff Head
"Yep there will be two blacks, two whites, two hispanics, two american indians, and one bisexual transvestite in a dress."

Now, that's funny.

Jeff, you need to start another petition.

47 posted on 08/08/2002 6:12:07 PM PDT by Badray
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To: JZoback
Can anyone explain why drive up ATM's have Braille on the machines?

The answer is that the same console that is made for walk-up ATM's is also installed in drive-ups.

48 posted on 08/08/2002 6:21:44 PM PDT by Alouette
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To: Las Vegas Dave
Daschle, Clinton, Feinstein and at least another 100 Dems would give, if not restrained, reality to this parody.
49 posted on 08/08/2002 6:36:40 PM PDT by VOYAGER
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To: Yardstick
And I'll bet a bunch of those nasty miners smoked, too.

I heard that they requested some "chaw" and wiskey while trapped. Some comentator was put off by the request, but it sounds rather valid to me and I use neither product.

50 posted on 08/08/2002 6:41:48 PM PDT by oyez
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