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Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns
The Federal Observer ^ | 9/5/02 | Bruce Gold

Posted on 09/05/2002 7:49:16 AM PDT by jimkress

Gun Control - Simple Solutions for Simple Minds

Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns - a satire by Bruce Gold

1.) Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

2.) Some .004 % (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned.

3.) Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

4.) Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D.C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Guns should be banned everywhere.

5.) Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

7.) Guns owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

8.) Guns owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. It should be kept out of the hands of citizens.

9.) Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected. Not to mention the lost sales of all the violent movies, TV shows, video games, etc!

10.)Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: banglist
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1 posted on 09/05/2002 7:49:16 AM PDT by jimkress
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To: jimkress
FYI--

Statistical Facts Gun-haters Run From

-Empty-Barrel Gun Policies-A legacy of nonsense from Clinton, Blair, and the Left--

-A Problem With Guns (Long... but SOOOO good)--

-Swiss Gun Laws- and some rebuttal to HCI "spin"--

US vs. Switzerland Gun Laws

Shooting More Holes in Gun Control

Gun Control Down Under

HCI Aussie Style (read it and weep-or laugh)

The Great Australian Gun Law CON!

Gun Crimes Surge in London

2 posted on 09/05/2002 7:55:27 AM PDT by backhoe
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To: jimkress

3 posted on 09/05/2002 7:57:43 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: jimkress
"6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs."

That's the damn truth. What do all these women think those oh-so-effective restraining orders are for, anyway?

Gunther: "Ooh, ooh, ya knows what she needs? She needs a "Restraining Order", that's what. A Restraining Order. That'll show that creep who's boss..."
4 posted on 09/05/2002 7:58:43 AM PDT by Vidalia
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
E.Pluribus,

Where can I get a larger size, legible image of that?

5 posted on 09/05/2002 8:01:28 AM PDT by GnL
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To: Vic3O3
Ping!

Semper Fi
6 posted on 09/05/2002 8:03:16 AM PDT by dd5339
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To: GnL
Right-click on the image to download the target pdf file.
7 posted on 09/05/2002 8:06:39 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: GnL
Actually, all you have to do is click on the image and the download dialog box will come up.
8 posted on 09/05/2002 8:07:29 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: E. Pluribus Unum
How about reposting that image as a .jpg file, resized to a screen width of 750. Makes it a lot easier to copy and forward. -TNX.
10 posted on 09/05/2002 8:21:58 AM PDT by LostTribe
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To: dd5339
The really sad thing about this article, is most Liberals and C'Rats will miss the fact it is SATIRE!
11 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:14 AM PDT by Vic3O3
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To: E. Pluribus Unum; *bang_list; da_toolman; jdogbearhunter

12 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:53 AM PDT by phasma proeliator
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To: jimkress
In short-- Carl Rowan!!! LOL.....
13 posted on 09/05/2002 8:23:58 AM PDT by litehaus
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To: jimkress
Rock-solid logic. Ban 'em.
14 posted on 09/05/2002 8:27:46 AM PDT by Always Right
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To: jimkress
Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored

Good motto for FReepers.

15 posted on 09/05/2002 8:30:32 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: jimkress
If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun.

Bump. Moral of the story is to shoot 'em - not scare them ;o)

16 posted on 09/05/2002 8:30:41 AM PDT by 4CJ
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To: jimkress; Byron_the_Aussie; shaggy eel; Clive; MadIvan
BUMP!/PING!
17 posted on 09/05/2002 8:37:14 AM PDT by Brian Allen
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To: LostTribe
Click to download poster in PDF format


18 posted on 09/05/2002 8:47:30 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: jimkress; All
After reading this persuasive essay, if any of you wish to dispose of your firearms (especially unfired .44-40 John Wayne Commemorative carbines or H&K MP-5s in mint condition), send them to me. I'll make sure they're properly placed under lock and key so no child will ever be hurt by them again.

You can Trust Me - I'm doing it For The Children. [sarcasm /off]

19 posted on 09/05/2002 8:51:59 AM PDT by strela
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
I understand its a .pdf file and I can handle that. My point is that lots of people can't. But most everyone can handle a .jpg file pre-sized to full screen size.
20 posted on 09/05/2002 8:54:16 AM PDT by LostTribe
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To: LostTribe
Maybe they should learn.
21 posted on 09/05/2002 8:56:00 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
>Maybe they should learn.

And maybe you are right. But why let your ego get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish by posting this in the first place?

22 posted on 09/05/2002 8:57:46 AM PDT by LostTribe
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To: LostTribe
I used to post a JPG and people complained because it wasn't a PDF. You are free to make a JPG and put it up on your webspace and link to it.
23 posted on 09/05/2002 9:00:29 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
Thank you
24 posted on 09/05/2002 9:05:18 AM PDT by stevio
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To: Tijeras_Slim; jimkress
This bears repeating, may I?

Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored

25 posted on 09/05/2002 9:17:47 AM PDT by callisto
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To: zcat; Terriergal
ping
26 posted on 09/05/2002 3:57:37 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel; Cyrano; Tennessee_Bob; Crowcreek; Gun142; Son of Rooster; dorben; smoking camels; ...
OH this is great!
27 posted on 09/05/2002 4:39:46 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: jimkress
OH, thanks for a wonderful laugh!
28 posted on 09/05/2002 4:42:24 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: Terriergal
,,, thought you'd get a laugh out of it. If I'm profiling you correctly, I'd bet you'll bookmark it [LOL!]
29 posted on 09/05/2002 4:45:11 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: E. Pluribus Unum; GnL


I want a larger, readable version of that one too!
30 posted on 09/05/2002 4:45:57 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: shaggy eel
Oh geez... go look...
31 posted on 09/05/2002 4:46:15 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: shaggy eel
that's just scary!!
32 posted on 09/05/2002 4:46:27 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: shaggy eel
"that is just scary"

I mean, I bookmarked it, came back, and there was your post! Well I did always pride myself on being open and honest about myself lol!
33 posted on 09/05/2002 4:48:28 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: Terriergal
Well I did always pride myself on being open and honest about myself

,,, self-flatterer! You're a transparent gun toter! [LOL!]

34 posted on 09/05/2002 4:50:11 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
:-)
35 posted on 09/05/2002 5:11:58 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: shaggy eel
"self flatterer"???

what's wrong with not putting up a facade?
36 posted on 09/05/2002 5:12:28 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: jimkress; Eaker; dix; Flyer; bobbyd; COB1; antivenom
Ban those steenkin' guns!
37 posted on 09/05/2002 5:17:25 PM PDT by humblegunner
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To: Terriergal
what's wrong with not putting up a facade?

,,, Sungirl? Is that you? [LOL!]

38 posted on 09/05/2002 5:21:43 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
Oh GOSH, my secret's out... ok I admit... my alter ego is a raving animal rights person...

Just KIDDING admins....

39 posted on 09/05/2002 5:23:13 PM PDT by Terriergal
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To: Terriergal
,,, animal rights? I know from experience that issue sits well on a gun thread. A word of advice... stay clear of any animal that spreads saliva all over itself, no matter how cute they're made to appear in photos.
40 posted on 09/05/2002 5:29:38 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
,,, animal rights? I know from experience that issue sits well on a gun thread.

Is a "Puppy Policy" acceptable?

---

Flyer

41 posted on 09/05/2002 5:34:35 PM PDT by Flyer
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To: Flyer
,,, I've got a standard poodle and a shih-tsu, so dogs are exempted. My wife's cat and I get on OK, but I don't like patting him much because of the reason in post #40. The idea of cuddling a gun is appealing more and more by the month.
42 posted on 09/05/2002 5:37:52 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: humblegunner; jimkress
11.) Gun threads on FreeRepublic cause many to spend too much time at the computer and miss valuable time with the family. No guns=No gun threads=better families
43 posted on 09/05/2002 5:38:30 PM PDT by Flyer
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To: shaggy eel
The idea of cuddling a gun is appealing more and more by the month.

Guns don't scratch people, cats scratch people.

44 posted on 09/05/2002 5:40:37 PM PDT by Flyer
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To: LostTribe
These are probably the same people that have a hard time figuring out that there computer is unplugged when they get nothing but an empty screen.

Morever, what exactly do you mean by a jpg file pre-sized to full screen size? Full screen for who? You? What is your screen resolution set to? 800 x 600? 1024 x 768? 1280 x 1024? 1600 x 1200? Granted, there are plenty of apps out there that will allow you to zoom in an a given jpg. Speaking of which, infanview is my app of choice in this respect. ( http://www.irfanview.com/ )
45 posted on 09/05/2002 6:13:45 PM PDT by pseudogratix
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To: All

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46 posted on 09/05/2002 6:15:01 PM PDT by Bob J
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To: pseudogratix
their computer that is
47 posted on 09/05/2002 6:15:09 PM PDT by pseudogratix
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To: pseudogratix
>These are probably the same people that have a hard time figuring out that there computer is
unplugged when they get nothing but an empty screen.

Hello!  This subject really doesn't matter at all to me.  I just made what I thought would be taken as a helpful suggestion. But it did not find even a friendly or sociable home.

"Customers" are "customers", be they for products or ideas.  If you don't want to maximize influence by catering to your customers, don't go into business for yourself.  Nerds don't understand that, and despite wanting to save the world they insist on doing it on their own terms, not the terms of the marketplace. Then they wonder why they fail, criticizing their customers instead of themselves.

>Morever,

Morover?  Moreover what???  Do you have an attitude problem or just not communicate well in English?

>what exactly do you mean by a jpg file pre-sized to full screen size?

Now you are talking like a nerd.  Everone knows that over 95% of all screens in the world today are set to 800 x 600.  Sure there are other screen settings (I have two large screen computers set to 1024 x 768 running beside me right now), but if you want to appeal to a market, you adapt to the standards and conventions of that market.

Every designer knows that the right hand 50 pixels are taken up with the vertical scroll bar, so the effective ordinary screen width is 750 pixels, not 800.  Therefore, when sizing an image for screen display (and not requireing the user to use the horizontal scroll bar to see all of it) you set it for 750 pixels wide.  If that file displays abnormally tall, you size it based on the vertical dimension instead of the horizontal. The idea is to have as large a display as possible without making the user tweak it.

Did that help you get over your bad attitude?
48 posted on 09/05/2002 7:56:04 PM PDT by LostTribe
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To: humblegunner; jimkress; Eaker; dix; Flyer; bobbyd; COB1; antivenom
"Ban those steenkin' guns!"

The only guns that should be allowed are brand new M1s from Springfield Armory, and only criminals should be allowed to buy them.

49 posted on 09/05/2002 8:51:39 PM PDT by COB1
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To: LostTribe
Everone knows that over 95% of all screens in the world today are set to 800 x 600.

Actually, over the past couple of years the standard has gone from 800x600 to 1024x768, at least in the wired world. That seems to be the case both in monitors, where the standard size of 17" made that resolution appear roughly equivalent to the 15" 800x600, and in digital projectors. A quick Google search for screen resolution statistics will confirm the preceding.

Now, like most web-developers, I'll design to an 800x600 screen size, but that's to fit a reasonable lowest common denominator of consumer, not to write to an overwhelmingly prevalent resolution.

Your point about serving the customer is valid. But with all due respect, when I read your "helpful suggestion" it felt like typical manager-speak: a supposedly easy solution that appears simple only because it's based on unrealistic or unsupported assumptions. I can't speak for pseudogratix, but perhaps you can see why such a suggestion might be... frustrating?

50 posted on 09/05/2002 8:58:16 PM PDT by Cyrano
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