Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Men's Rules
An e-mail from a relative...

Posted on 10/04/2002 8:08:10 PM PDT by sourcery

Mens Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 10/04/2002 8:08:10 PM PDT by sourcery
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

I'M BACK!!!

SUPPORT FREE REPUBLIC

Donate Here By Secure Server

Or mail checks to
FreeRepublic , LLC
PO BOX 9771
FRESNO, CA 93794

or you can use

PayPal at Jimrob@psnw.com


STOP BY AND BUMP THE FUNDRAISER THREAD

WIPE THE SMILE OFF OF THIS MAN'S FACE.
VOTE THE RATS
OUT!! DONATE TODAY
SUPPORT FREE REPUBLIC

Donate here by secure server

Or mail checks to
FreeRepublic , LLC
PO BOX 9771
FRESNO, CA 93794



2 posted on 10/04/2002 8:11:38 PM PDT by Anti-Bubba182
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
Learn to work the toilet seat.

Isn't it amazing that some women want to be placed in a combat situation when they cannot even lower a toilet seat?

3 posted on 10/04/2002 8:13:00 PM PDT by Paul Atreides
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
Bookmarked.
4 posted on 10/04/2002 8:13:30 PM PDT by steveegg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
Should I share this with my husband?
5 posted on 10/04/2002 8:26:14 PM PDT by Delphinium
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Paul Atreides; sourcery
The funniest part is that they are all numbered 1.

My only request with the toilet seat is that you lift it before using and that your aim be true. Ok, I realize you may have to stand leaning over, braced against the wall in the morning but you will find no sympathy here.

6 posted on 10/04/2002 8:28:40 PM PDT by farmfriend
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
Lower the toilet seat when done? I recall as a child, my mother going to great pains to teach me to raise it in the first place!
7 posted on 10/04/2002 8:28:57 PM PDT by maximus@Nashville
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
I'll cede every "1." but the toilet seat. We girls have to draw the line somewhere - you're linear, deal with it.
8 posted on 10/04/2002 8:47:56 PM PDT by Endeavor
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery

Crying is blackmail.

It's like crying wolf. When she really needs a shoulder to cry on she's doubly crushed to find there isn't one when she most needs it.

9 posted on 10/04/2002 9:03:33 PM PDT by Zon
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
All of these are great. I have no arguments with most of them--I like guys just fine the way they are and don't want to change them. My issue is, if I look like a Victoria's Secret girl and dresss like one as well, I do expect a guy to act like somebody on a soap opera.
10 posted on 10/04/2002 9:05:51 PM PDT by Capriole
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Capriole
My issue is, if I look like a Victoria's Secret girl and dresss like one as well, I do expect a guy to act like somebody on a soap opera.

You mean contract a deadly tropical disease and discover that I have a long lost evil twin?

11 posted on 10/04/2002 9:15:59 PM PDT by LexBaird
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
bump the world's funniest
12 posted on 10/05/2002 5:14:29 AM PDT by Maelstrom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: LexBaird
You mean contract a deadly tropical disease

Well, Chris Matthews has that one covered. I shudder to think there may be a twin that is evil in comparison to him.

13 posted on 10/05/2002 9:33:11 AM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: cjk; thumperusn
Hehe.
14 posted on 04/25/2004 5:24:47 PM PDT by Long Cut ("Fightin's commenced, Ike, now get to fightin' or get outta the way!"...Wyatt Earp, in Tombstone)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery

bttt


15 posted on 10/09/2004 11:32:37 PM PDT by timestax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: pocat

bttt


16 posted on 10/09/2004 11:34:09 PM PDT by timestax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: sourcery; WestCoastGal

Here We go AGAIN;)


17 posted on 10/09/2004 11:46:31 PM PDT by ChefKeith (Life is GREAT with CoCo..........NASCAR...everything else is just a game!(Except War & Love))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Paul Atreides

Did it ever occur to you that we women may not want to TOUCH the seat in order to raise it what with the way some of you aim? What is so difficult about lowering it yourselves????

: )


18 posted on 10/10/2004 12:25:59 AM PDT by Mockingbird For Short ("An irreligious fanatic is just as dangerous as a religious fanatic.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: sourcery

ROFL!


19 posted on 10/10/2004 12:31:18 AM PDT by JimRed (Kerry for President... of FRANCE!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: timestax

bump


20 posted on 10/10/2004 7:37:48 AM PDT by timestax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Capriole

Dump the guy!


21 posted on 10/10/2004 7:48:40 AM PDT by Publius6961 (I, also, don't do diplomacy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: Mockingbird For Short
The best thing about threads like this one is that it "outs" all the females with tricky names.

To think I've been arguing with a female!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
Cooties!

22 posted on 10/10/2004 7:51:49 AM PDT by Publius6961 (I, also, don't do diplomacy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Mockingbird For Short

LOL!!!


23 posted on 10/10/2004 8:05:16 AM PDT by diamond6
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: timestax

bttt


24 posted on 10/10/2004 8:01:50 PM PDT by timestax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: timestax

bump


25 posted on 10/11/2004 3:43:08 PM PDT by timestax
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Mockingbird For Short

Did it ever occur to you that we don't want to touch it to lower it?


26 posted on 08/05/2005 7:42:07 PM PDT by Asphalt (Join my NFL ping list! FReepmail me| The best things in life aren't things)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: sourcery

priceless. BTTT


27 posted on 08/05/2005 7:42:17 PM PDT by Asphalt (Join my NFL ping list! FReepmail me| The best things in life aren't things)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sourcery
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

The most important ones. The woman who can avoid cataloging and recording every comment ever made for future use and who refuses to take offense where none was intended will have a happy marriage.

28 posted on 08/05/2005 7:47:58 PM PDT by Mr. Jeeves ("Democracy...will be revengeful, bloody, and cruel." -- John Adams)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson