Funny Headlines

[BSunday]

I would like to start a continuing thread of funny headlines of the day. Feel free to put your 2 cents here. The one I would like to post is this one, taken from the 17 Oct Washington Times (internet ed):

"Looks of spy plane are deceiving"

[BSunday]

That's probably a good thing

[Larry Lucido]

There was a book of malapropisms and funny headlines a while back. A couple classics I remember just off hand were:

"Experts say airplane in crash was too low to ground"

"Police suspect foul play in decapitated corpse"

[Chad Fairbanks]

My Favorites have always been...

In response to a product recall, "Eye drops off shelf"...

Political corruption, "Prosecutor releases probe into sheriff"...

and, the all-time best, "Parents should belt kids in the car"

:0)

[Phantom Lord]

"Very Elderly Have Eluded Many Major Disease Killers"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 16

[dinasour]

Not too long ago, an editor got into more than a little trouble when he captioned a photo of a fire at a mental institution with the headline:

Roasted Nuts

(True story)

[Phantom Lord]

[1rudeboy]

There's always the classic: Twister Kills 2

[WaveThatFlag]

During the whole Tonya Harding thing the NY Post intentionally ran a front page that just said

"Gilhooley Fingers Tonya!"

But my all-time favorite would probably be the WWW's:

"Batboy Endorses Gore"

Lear more about the tragic story of Batboy here:

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/batboy/batboy.cfm?instanceid=10594

[agrandis]

LOL!

[Larry Lucido]

Note to self: Cancel cardio session with Kym Kohut.

[New Horizon]

[Tunehead54]

Suppose I could post these one at a time ... Naaah!

---

Actual Headlines

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Eye Drops off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Courtesy: http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/one-liner8.htm

[Mike Darancette]

"Parents should belt kids in the car"

Suggestion taken by Irish Gypsy mothers.

[Tunehead54]

Wonder if there was a picture accompanying the Panda story?

---

[dogbowl]

A computer class was called:
"Managing your hard d**k."

An article in my college paper read something like:
"Radioactive frogs no harm unless eaten."

[GotMojo]

My favoritwe headline from NY Post in the early 80's. An inmate at a pysch facility escaped and raped someone. The headline read, "Nut Bolts & Screws"

[Rockitz]

I just got a whole list in an e-mail complete with the offending newspaper.

GATORS TO FACE SEMINOLES WITH PETERS OUT
The Tallahassee Bugle

MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS
The Anchorage Alaska Times

GOVERNOR'S PENIS BUSY [should be "Pen Is"]
The New Haven Connecticut Register

THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON
The Arkansas Plainsman

CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE'S HANDS
Bangor Maine News

STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION
The Washington Times

CLINTON STIFF ON WITHDRAWAL
The Bosnia Bugle

LONG ISLAND STIFFENS FOR LILI'S BLOW
Newsday

ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX
San Antonio Rose

PETROLEUM JELLY KEEPS IDLE TOOLS RUST-FREE
Chicago Daily News

TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS
The Miami Herald

MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING
The New Haven Connecticut Register

GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS
The Tallahassee Democrat

WOULD SHE CLIMB TO THE TOP OF MR. EVEREST AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY! [should be "Mt. Everest"]
The Houston Chronicle