Posted on 11/12/2002 7:08:48 AM PST by fight_truth_decay
And since I converted to Judaism when I was 13, am I allowed to say that the creators of Superman were Jewish and back then lots of Jews had bought into the communist dogma? Or is that anti-Semitic?
Shhh! Don't try to actually bring the political leanings of the comic creators into this discussion! < /sarcasm >
I don't know how Siegel, Schuster, or Bob Kane ever voted.
It reminds me of when armchair popculturists (like the author of this article) try to write that Elvis Presley was a knock off of genuine black music as evidenced by his covering songs like Big Mama Thorthon's Hound Dog. The fact that Hound Dog was written by the Jewish duo of Leiber and Stoller means nothing to them.
I wonder if Jesus is listed in that book.
I was just using the cheesy old series as an example. Those "How to be a good citizen" mini-lectures from the Caped Crusader had to be tiring, even for a Boy Wonder. ;-)
The comic book Batman was a bit "fussy", wouldn't you say? He certainly wasn't too tolerant of deviation from his commands. One of the reasons why Robin isn't even needed, in my opinion.
"Fussy" is a word that conjures up images of Felix Unger-like characters, always ready to scold you for the slightest perceived infraction. Perhaps the comic book version would be better described as rigid, demanding and controlling.
One of my all time favorite lines in music. It hurts to think about this line.
I know the bloke who wrote it. He's been very supportive of my work which culminated in www.thedarkside.net. Not quite as tongue in cheek as you think. ;)
You don't know the power of the Dark Side. ;)
Regards, Ivan
Someday in the future, retrocontinuity will explain that the person who determined this was actually some vile communist posing as a historian.
There you go! Batman is a "Type A" for sure. I suppose you have to be if you dress up in tights and a cape every night to beat up criminals.
I don't know what the history is now, but the Captain America re-introduced in the early 1960s was supposed to be the same original Captain America (he was discovered frozen in a block of ice!).
Er, yea! That sounds like an idea! Have Jimmy dating Supergirl; didn't she have a short skirt in her costume? Woo woo!!
That pesky Red Kryptonite changes Superboy into a monkey, who immediately gets a gig as a organ grinder's monkey. After causing general monkey-mayhem, the Red Kryptonite's "secondary, delayed effect" causes Superboy change into a giant ape!Pretty soon, Beppo, the Super-Monkey shows up, and the Red Kryptonite changes him into Superboy. Eventually, the Red Kryptonite's wacky effects wear off, and the two revert back to normal.
Suddenly, on the last page, Beppo has a Red K-relapse, and turns into a giant Superboy -- but this gives the two an oppertunity to convince Lana Lang that Clark Kent isn't really Superboy ("Good Grief! The ape was really Superboy, all right! So Superboy can't be Clark!"). Whew, that was close.
Heh, heh... talk about dredging up a memory:
What If?
Joan Face.....Jane Curtin
Kevin Temple.....Garrett Morris
Eileen Houton.....Gilda Radner
Hitler.....Michael Palin
Lois Laneoff.....Laraine Newman
Jimmy Olstein.....Al Franken
Klaus Kent/Uberman.....Dan Aykroyd
Jor-El.....John Belushi
Mr. Kent.....Bill Murray
Joan Face: Good evening, I'm Joan Face. Welcome again to "What If?" Each week on the show, we ask a hypothetical question about a specific historical event. Tonight's question, like all our questions, comes from a Mr. Kevin O'Donnell, age 10, a paperboy from Alton, Illinois. Kevin asks, "What If Superman grew up in Germany, instead of America?" With us to help answer this question is our panel of experts: Brigadier General Kevin Temple, and Eileen Houton, Professor of Modern Histroy at Wellesly College, and owner of one of the largest comic book collections in the United States. Professor Houton, what if Superman grew up in Germany instead of America?
Eileen Houton: Well, Joan, as you know, Superman's father, Jor-El, sent the infant Superman from Krypton toward the planet Earth, where he landed in Kansas, sometime around 1930. Superman adopted the philospohies of his new parents, the Kents: truth, justice, and the American way. Now, if he had landed in, say, Prussia, he would have adopted entirely different values.
Joan Face: So, what you're saying is that the young Superman may well have become a Nazi?
Eileen Houton: Exactly!
Joan Face: Well, of course, we should remember that at the time Superman was reaching manhood, Germany was at war with the United States. General, what would have happened if the Man of Steel had fought for the Third Reich?
Kevin Temple: Wait a minute, why didn't Superman fight for us?
Joan Face: This is a hypothetical question, General.
Kevin Temple: Oh.. oh, yes.. I'm sorry.. Um..
Joan Face: Well, here's tonight's dramatization of: What if Superman had grown up in Germany instead of America?
[ dissolve into presentation ]
[ SUPER: Berlin, 1943 - The Chancellory Headquarters of the Third Reich ]
[ open on Hitler giving a speech ]
Hitler: The Russians are swine! Just one step above the Poles! Two steps above the Gypsies! Four steps above the Homosexuals! Five steps above the Negros! Nine steps above the Dwarves! Fifteen steps above the Gypsy Homosexuals! Twenty-seven steps above the Negro Gypsy Homosexual Dwarves! And forty-three steps above the Jews! Did I mention the Homosexual Jews? [ is assured he has ] Right! The meeting is over!
Generals: Heil, Hitler!
[ the Generals rise from their chairs and exit the Chancellory Headquarters.. except for one General who pauses to leave a ticking briefcase on the counter ]
Hitler: [ presses intercom ] Frau Guston, who is waiting to see me?
Voice on Intercom: Colonel Klink, and those three reporters from the Daily Planet.
Hitler: Send in the reporters!
[ the reporters are shown in ]
Reporters: Heil, Hitler!
Hitler: Well, I wish to praise your propaganda work in the newspaper! [ points to Lois ] Your must be..?
Lois Laneoff: Lois Laneoff, Mein Fuhrer. Und this is Jimmy Olstein.
Hitler: Olstein?!
Jimmy Olstein: E-Y-N, Mein Fuhrer! Dutch ancestors on my father's side!
Lois Laneoff: Und this is Klaus Kent.
Hitler: Klaus Kent! Aren't you the man who beat Jesse Owens in '36?
Klaus Kent: Ya.
Lois Laneoff: You, Klaus? You're such a clumsy bumbler.
Klaus Kent: Yes, Lois. But I was younger then.. now, I'm just a mild-mannered clerk for the Ministry of Propaganda. [ Klaus turns and notices the ticking briefcase sitting on the counter - he uses his X-ray vision to discover a bomb inside ] Excuse me, Mein Fuhrer? Is that a janitor's closet?
Hitler: Ya.
Klaus Kent: Excuse me for a moment. [ Klaus ducks inot to janitor's closet, where he removes a piece of kryptonite and summons Jor-El ]
Jor-El: [ appearing ] My Son. My Son. I am your father, Jor-El. Your mother and I have sent you to Earth the only survivor of Krypton. As you hear this, I will have been dead many centuries, but I will reborn as Charlie Rich. On the planet Earth you have special powers and knowledge, which will separate you from mankind. Use these powers only for good, and above all you must never tamper with the destiny of man. And don't eat junk food. [ disappears ]
[ Klaus uses the kryptonite to summon his Earth father, Mr. Kent ]
Mr. Kent: My Son. When your Vearth mother und I found you in the Black Forest, we raised you as our own. We taught you how to battle at Versailles. How Jews are parasites. And how Germany vill one day bring order to the vorld. Und don't, Son, ever lift those Volkswagens by the bumper - come right off in your hand. [ disappears ]
Klaus Kent: Ya! He's right! I will use my powers for the fatherland. For I am.. [ strips off his Earth clothes to reveal his supercostume ] ..Uberman!
[ "Superman Theme" plays, as Uber-Man crashes through the janitor's closet ]
Hitler: Wha..?
Uberman: Excuse me, Mein Fuhrer! Stand back! There's a bomb in this briefcase! [ throws bomb to the floor, then dives on top of it. The bomb explodes, smoke rises, and Uberman stands up unharmed. ]
Hitler: You smothered the bomb with your body, and you're not even bleeding! Who are you?
Uberman: I am.. Uberman! I have superhuman powers, and I fight for untruth, injustice, and the Nazi way! And I have X-ray vision!
Lois Laneoff: X-ray vision? Can you see through my clothes?
Uberman: Ya! And through his, too. [ points at Jimmy Olstein ] He's a Jew!
Jimmy Olstein: No! No, it's not true! My parents were just very advanced in hygeine, that's all..!
Hitler: Silence! Guard, take this Jew away!
Uberman: No need! I'll drop him off at the camp on my vay to the Eastern front!
[ Uberman grabs Jimmy Olstein and flies out the window ]
Hitler: What an amazing stroke of luck. We might win this whole war!
[ cut to footage of troops marching - newspaper headline reads: "Uberman Takes Stalingrad in 5 Minutes"; second headline reads: "Uberman Rounds Up 2 Million Jews"; third headline reads: "Uberman Kills Every Person in England, U.S. Next" ]
[ dissolve back to the "What If?" studio ]
Joan Face: Well, that looked pretty grim. I guess we would have lost the war.
Kevin Temple: Not necessarliy, Joan. As you know, Joan.. Superman, or Uberman, is vulnerable to one thing: kryptonite. The U.S. would have put all its energy into creating a kryptonite bomb in time to stop Uberman.
Eileen Houton: And after the war, with the entire British isles wiped out, it may well have become the Jewish homeland, and Israel would be in England today.
Joan Face: Ah. Well, thank you very much, General Temple, Professor Houton. Join us next week when we pose the question: "What if all women had schnauzer faces?"
*********************************
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