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The Buddy System: Sex in High School and College: What's Love Got To Do With It?
The Washington Post ^ | Jan. 19, 2003 | Laura Sessions Stepp

Posted on 01/18/2003 10:23:40 PM PST by tellw

EXCERPT:

By today's standards, the high school girl from Montgomery County was a slow starter when it came to sex, having reached ninth grade before she kissed a guy. She just couldn't see how to fit a boy into heavy loads of honors homework, soccer matches and baby-sitting....

By 11th grade, she had found the answer: "buddysex," or sexual encounters with friends, in this case a half-dozen private-school boys, no strings attached...

"September through December is a blur," she recalls as winter sunlight glints off her shoulder-length blond hair and warms her Cafe Mocha. "Let's see, I hooked up with . . . hmmm, I'll call him Rob. Then Rob introduced me to Paul. Then there was Colin, and B.T., and Brad, and Steve. I was having so much fun I didn't even think of having a serious relationship. There was no romance. None."

... In earlier decades this girl and others like her might have been shunned, but no longer. For one thing, adolescents no longer see oral sex as sex.

(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: children; givingalewinsky; monicaandbill; sex; teens
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Thank you, President Bill Clinton, for teaching a generation of kids that oral sex is not sex. (/sarcasm).
1 posted on 01/18/2003 10:23:41 PM PST by tellw
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To: All

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2 posted on 01/18/2003 10:25:20 PM PST by Support Free Republic (Your support keeps Free Republic going strong!)
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To: tellw
read later
3 posted on 01/18/2003 10:26:57 PM PST by LiteKeeper
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To: tellw
Slut.
4 posted on 01/18/2003 10:28:50 PM PST by Timesink (Poodle: The Other White Meat)
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To: tellw
This is extraordinarily disturbing. Anyone who has read Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" will certainly see the parallels.
5 posted on 01/18/2003 10:29:06 PM PST by ikka
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To: ikka
How is it disturbing?
6 posted on 01/18/2003 10:31:16 PM PST by College Repub (http://www.collegehumor.com)
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To: tellw
"Many girls don't have the time or the energy required for an intense relationship right now [...] But they possess enormous sexual energy and believe they have every right to enjoy it in whatever form they choose."

Word.
7 posted on 01/18/2003 10:31:34 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: tellw
Since hooking up need not involve intercourse, they don't have to worry about pregnancy. Oral sex is an acceptable alternative and young women absolutely don't consider it sex.

"If we did, we'd be having sex all the time. We still have a shred of self-respect," one freshman says.

WTF .......

8 posted on 01/18/2003 10:34:24 PM PST by Centurion2000 (Memetic Engineer in training.)
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To: tellw
Note to self: Invest $$$ in companies that have or are working on Herpes treatments.
9 posted on 01/18/2003 10:35:44 PM PST by isthisnickcool
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To: tellw
Articles like this only make things worse. They interview a few teenagers and blow it up into a major trend. In reality, teen sexual activity is declining. A article about teen virgins would not fit the doom and gloom philosophy of the media.
10 posted on 01/18/2003 10:37:13 PM PST by LWalk18
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To: tellw
They're not swayed by Clinton. They're empowered with information: oral sex is as good as abstinence, so far as pregnancy is concerned, and a heck of a lot more fun.
11 posted on 01/18/2003 10:38:01 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: LWalk18
"In reality, teen sexual activity is declining."

I can understand if that's been your personal experience, but in general, I don't think it's true.
12 posted on 01/18/2003 10:39:19 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: Timesink
LOL...

SKANK

13 posted on 01/18/2003 10:43:45 PM PST by Drango (don't need no stinkin' tag line)
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
I've been out of high school six years; I doubt it is a whole lot more than when I was there. Yes plenty of people were having sex, but those who decided to wait didn't feel ostrasized either.

I can't get over the girls allowing their picture to be put in the article, advertising how they give oral sex out like candy. What were they thinking, better yet what do their parents think?

14 posted on 01/18/2003 10:51:09 PM PST by LWalk18
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To: tellw
Yep! Because this NEVER happend when we were in highschool...
15 posted on 01/18/2003 10:59:28 PM PST by Karsus (TrueFacts=GOOD, GoodFacts=BAD)
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To: College Repub
My fellow collegian, how is it NOT disturbing?
16 posted on 01/18/2003 11:00:09 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: LWalk18
I think Newsweek or something like that did a story on the "new virgin" trend in early December.
17 posted on 01/18/2003 11:01:47 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: tellw
Could this have anything to do with the fact that puberty is occuring much earlier now then it did 20 years ago?
18 posted on 01/18/2003 11:01:54 PM PST by Karsus (TrueFacts=GOOD, GoodFacts=BAD)
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To: rwfromkansas
"how is it NOT disturbing?"

Suppose you're a young guy who enjoys a lot of oral sex but doesn't have the energy right now for a serious relationship.
19 posted on 01/18/2003 11:03:28 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
I wonder how long it take for the "Oral sex should result in those involved being execuited by the state" crowd shows up?

:-)
20 posted on 01/18/2003 11:06:17 PM PST by Karsus (TrueFacts=GOOD, GoodFacts=BAD)
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To: Karsus
I don't think so. If it were triggered by puberty, you'd have the same behaviors across generations but at different points in the life cycle. The claim here is that there's a change in behaviors across generations.
21 posted on 01/18/2003 11:06:33 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: Karsus
In Arizona Republicans wanted to make oral sex between spouses illegal.

And people ask why I'm not a Republican ...
22 posted on 01/18/2003 11:08:07 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
I have been told directly (by multiple posters) that because my wife and I have oral sex in our private bedroom that we should be execuited by the state. These people scare me! What they need is a good... Nevermind :->
23 posted on 01/18/2003 11:10:07 PM PST by Karsus (TrueFacts=GOOD, GoodFacts=BAD)
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To: Karsus
You bad man.

Go and sin no more.
24 posted on 01/18/2003 11:12:24 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
bingo!
25 posted on 01/18/2003 11:16:30 PM PST by College Repub (http://www.collegehumor.com)
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To: Karsus
I've always been puzzled why the rate of divorce is highest in the Bible Belt.

You've just given me an idea ...
26 posted on 01/18/2003 11:18:10 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: College Repub
Is that what you yell when you get really excited?

Usually you can't print what I say. Except for her name. If you cut out the rest, I suppose you could print that.
27 posted on 01/18/2003 11:19:21 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: All
This article does not really relate to what goes on at my college.

There are "hook ups," but they do not refer to sex like they do in this article from what I can tell; it almost seem sto be a term for a less formal date around here, but this is a Christian college.

Also, the idea that guys are afraid to ask girls out does not apply here as well. Largely, what the guys do here is simply hang out a lot with girls and then the girl has to ask if he wants to be a couple or not....or he asks her without going through any real "dates." Luckily, there are some that still go through the dating process. If I like a girl, I don't pussyfoot around with all this hooking up crap. I just ask her on a date. In fact, I went on my first date just this year, my freshman year in college. We ended up just being friends, but unlike movies, it wasn't just a a blow-off line when she said she just wanted to be friends right now. I know a guy on campus that has dated a girl several years older than him. He had to get permission from her father to even date her; his date drove up from Texas. Now, he is going to eventually drive to Texas and ask his permission to marry her. This is old-fashioned stuff. Just because these articles focus on the bad in the culture, doesn't mean the good of the past has not just fallen away completely...it is still there, if you look to find it.

My friend who is going to ask the girl's father permission to marry has such an incredible story of meeting her. It was so awesome when he told me it, all I can say is he is richly blessed. I only hope I will eventually find someone like he has. Oh man, I hope I do.
28 posted on 01/18/2003 11:25:32 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
A homosexual Arizona Republican decriminalized adultery homosexual sodomy in 1999 and said it was a day to celebrate.
29 posted on 01/18/2003 11:26:05 PM PST by weegee
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
well, in that situation........and it would be many guys in these depraved times...obviously it is a great thing on the fleshly end. But that doesn't mean it is truly good.
30 posted on 01/18/2003 11:26:54 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: weegee
should read "adultery and homosexual sodomy".
31 posted on 01/18/2003 11:26:57 PM PST by weegee
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To: College Repub
Your hedonism is quite disturbing.
32 posted on 01/18/2003 11:28:19 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: rwfromkansas
oops......his dad drove up from Texas. She goes to school at a nearby college.
33 posted on 01/18/2003 11:30:22 PM PST by rwfromkansas (www.fairtax.org: It is time for a FAIRTAX!)
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To: weegee
And a mormon Arizona Republican wanted to attach a rider to take teaching licenses from anyone who had ever had oral sex, even with a spouse.

She was buds with another Arizona Republican from Mesa who wanted the State to buy everyone half a Cadillac, no matter if they lived and drove it in another State, provided only that they install a small propane tank they need never use.

He was the party's star. Several of his Republican colleagues were first in line.
34 posted on 01/18/2003 11:32:05 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: rwfromkansas
I think if a guy's been honest with a girl and a girl's been honest with a guy, and they're not putting their health at risk, it's hard to have a great orgasm while she makes eye contact and be thinking "This is NOT good."

YMMV.
35 posted on 01/18/2003 11:34:07 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: ConsistentLibertarian
It is also a great vector for STDs.

We live in a time where 11-year-old girls and 13-year-old boys go to the doctor for treatment of strep, only to find out that they have drug resistant clap.
Syphilis, Hepatitis B and C, and AIDS are all transmitted through oral sex. (some scenarios are better transmitters than others)
36 posted on 01/18/2003 11:44:53 PM PST by rmlew
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To: All
Has anyone noticed how many teen mothers there are these days? Or is it just California?
37 posted on 01/18/2003 11:48:36 PM PST by Alylonee
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Comment #38 Removed by Moderator

To: rmlew
"some scenarios are better transmitters than others".

Yup.

The trick is to know which are worse and yet more fun.

It's all part of a good sex education.
39 posted on 01/18/2003 11:51:39 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: gcochran
I'm curious. This is serious research? No point giving me references. I trust you. Can you distill this for me in 25 words? Thanks.
40 posted on 01/18/2003 11:53:28 PM PST by ConsistentLibertarian
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To: LWalk18
You hit the nail on the head. That said, I'm not reading any more posts on this thread. As much a waste of time as reading the article.
41 posted on 01/18/2003 11:56:18 PM PST by hoosierskypilot
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To: ikka
Good call on the classic "Brave New World". Yes this and other trends are on the rise. Odd that a book written so long ago could spell out the future so clearly.

42 posted on 01/19/2003 12:19:47 AM PST by captnemo1
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To: tellw
"I hooked up ..."

Freudian slip?
43 posted on 01/19/2003 12:31:58 AM PST by canuck_conservative
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To: tellw
15 years later she'll be in the crowd of women bemoaning not being able to find a "decent" man because said men don't feel like marrying chicks that have been ridden hard and put away wet...
44 posted on 01/19/2003 12:41:03 AM PST by Axenolith (<insert rapier witticism here>)
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To: gcochran
http://www.mindfully.org/Health/Early-Onset-Puberty.htm#1
http://www.mugu.com/pipermail/upstream-list/2000-November/000851.html
http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/puberty.html
http://www.ems.org/endocrine_disruptors/early_puberty.html

Some links may contain a few duplicate studies.

Looks to me like it is happening earlier and earlier.
45 posted on 01/19/2003 12:41:08 AM PST by Karsus (TrueFacts=GOOD, GoodFacts=BAD)
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To: Cacique; Clemenza; rmlew; PARodrig
bump
46 posted on 01/19/2003 12:45:44 AM PST by Cacique (An armed people, are a FREE people!! Castrate fags, perverts and pedofiles. We need more sopranos.)
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To: ikka
That is really true. A television movie of that book just happened to be on the Sci Fi Channel last night at the same time I was reading this article on FR. The parallel is there.
47 posted on 01/19/2003 6:28:33 AM PST by bradactor
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To: Cacique
"There's none of this 'Ooh, I'm wearing your jacket' stuff," says Julie Nemirovsky, a freshman at Emory University in Atlanta who has a boyfriend on campus. Over winter break at home, she went out for coffee with a guy she has known for years and it didn't occur to her to tell her boyfriend. Why should she? "He's not my keeper," she says. The Bowling Green researchers were surprised by how secure girls were about their relationships. Girls expressed significantly more confidence than guys that they could refuse a date, for example, or break up with someone they no longer wanted to go out with, or control what a couple did together. Boys were more likely to say they would change themselves for a girl than the other way around. (Teen girl magazines encourage these makeovers. "Find a look he -- and you -- will love," gushes Seventeen's current prom issue, suggesting a guy wear black Euro pants, a Ben Sherman shirt and hair gel that will match the color of the girl's dress.)

And then they wonder why guys aren't jumping at he chance to marry them or why there are no "nice" guys out there.

48 posted on 01/19/2003 7:01:34 AM PST by KantianBurke (Irrespective of the feminazi mindset of women today, this country is still #1)
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To: College Repub
I think it's disturbing from the perspective of this behavior is normal for them now. In a few years, are they suitable material for a marraige? Someone to love, trust and who will respect the sanctity of marraige long enought to raise children in a secure and loving family environment, or are we looking at a whole new generation which will become fodder for Gerry Springer(sp?).

At any rate, if one was looking for a reliable car, one would not purchase a vehicle with 300K miles on it. This girls going to have more than that at this rate.

Some people may differ on the point. Some may not have enough "life experience" to be able to accurate predict the outcome of such behavior on future personal relationships. Suffice for me to say that I would take a "pass" on any potential relationship with such a person.

I remember one girl who I dated very briefly who had divorced her previous husband. Beautiful woman. She was very obscure when I inquired about the break up. As I asked her "Really, what lead you to file for divorce with three children already?" she shrudged and said "I was bored."

Now those children will grow up in a broken home because of what I would call a selfish whim from a woman who obviously did not hold any relationship sacred.

I know my points may escape some people but to me this woman became a "pure terror" who I dumped immediately after that last date.

That we should have such callous and selfish people who behave in such a way is a threat to the American family that cannot be taken lightly.

49 posted on 01/19/2003 7:16:57 AM PST by Caipirabob (These tag lines are gonna get me in big trouble soon, I just know it!)
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To: Yakboy
Someone to love, trust and who will respect the sanctity of marraige long enought to raise children in a secure and loving family environment, or are we looking at a whole new generation which will become fodder for Gerry Springer(sp?).

I wasn't aware that the sanctity of marriage had term limits.

50 posted on 01/19/2003 7:27:53 AM PST by independentmind
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