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You Know You Are Married To A Freeper When……
me

Posted on 01/19/2003 10:08:47 AM PST by LadyShallott



You Know You Are Married To A Freeper When……

All of your family portraits are in the computer room

You can only see the back of your spouse’s head in your family portraits because they are reading the breaking news.

Eating dinner as a family means pulling a chair up to the computer desk

Finding a new place to dine means actually eating at the dining room table.

Your spouse can tell you news from around the world but can’t tell you what the local weather is like.

When you utter the phrase “Hold muh beer alert” and your spouse is the only one that thinks it’s funny.

Your spouse has a folder on the desktop entitled “Freaks Of The Day Pics” and you know what that means.

You tell your husband that you are in labor and he says “ Hold on, I need to take a shower”.

Your spouse asked for a Hillary Clinton voodoo doll for Christmas.

You actually went to Wal-Mart and asked if they carried them.

You think Clintons real name is Klintoon.

That on your wall of pictures is Jesus, the kids and President Bush

Your Spouses “To Do” List:

Post a thread Mow The Lawn Get Some Milk Donate To Free Republic

You hear your spouse singing the national anthem to your newborn instead of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”.

In the heat of passion you call out your spouses screen name because you have forgotten his real one.

Your husband asks you to take out a nice piece of silver and you go to the gun rack.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: frhumor
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I don't often post here as my husband, chance33_98, is logged in and I use his handle. This one is from me though :)
1 posted on 01/19/2003 10:08:47 AM PST by LadyShallott
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To: MotleyGirl70; jwalsh07; Inkie; rdb3; JavaTheHutt; packrat35; cake_crumb; Mad Dawgg; mafree; 11B3; ..
Ping!
2 posted on 01/19/2003 10:09:12 AM PST by LadyShallott
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To: All
Tom Daschle, This One's For You!

Donate Here By Secure Server

Or mail checks to
FreeRepublic , LLC
PO BOX 9771
FRESNO, CA 93794

or you can use

PayPal at Jimrob@psnw.com

STOP BY AND BUMP THE FUNDRAISER THREAD

3 posted on 01/19/2003 10:10:11 AM PST by Support Free Republic (Your support keeps Free Republic going strong!)
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To: LadyShallott
LOL...All day long my husband tells me about news events hoping he SCOOPS me. Of course, he never does. The conversation always ends with.."I've already read in on Free Republic dear, but good try!"
4 posted on 01/19/2003 10:11:08 AM PST by Hildy (I)
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To: LadyShallott
You trying to tell me something hun :)
5 posted on 01/19/2003 10:14:57 AM PST by chance33_98
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To: LadyShallott
Your wife attends a Christmas party by herself and when people ask her, "where's your husband"? She replies, "he had some freeping to catch up on."
6 posted on 01/19/2003 10:18:46 AM PST by slimer
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To: LadyShallott
ROFL
C
7 posted on 01/19/2003 10:22:16 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Tag Line Service Center: FREE Tag Line with Every Monthly Donation to FR. Get Yours. Inquire Within)
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To: LadyShallott
And a carefully positioned mirror by the computer so I can watch television (Fox News), the children, and the front door without having to turn around.
8 posted on 01/19/2003 10:23:29 AM PST by blackdog
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To: chance33_98
WHEW! For a minute there, I thought your wife had a camera in my house! CHEERS!
9 posted on 01/19/2003 10:30:26 AM PST by Blue Collar Christian
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To: blackdog
One posts a reply and spends hours seeing if someone replied hitting the refresh icon continually every few seconds!
10 posted on 01/19/2003 10:36:55 AM PST by Thisiswhoweare
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To: Thisiswhoweare
One posts a reply and spends hours seeing if someone replied hitting the refresh icon continually every few seconds!

The wife is sitting at her computer laughing at me :) I thought I was the only one that did that....

11 posted on 01/19/2003 10:39:05 AM PST by chance33_98
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To: LadyShallott
Eating dinner as a family means pulling a chair up to the computer desk

at my house that also means fighting over who gets control of the mouse while eating!

12 posted on 01/19/2003 10:44:36 AM PST by knak ("The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.")
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To: LadyShallott; chance33_98
I thought he just had one of those multiple-personality disorders or was bi-sexual or somethin' ;-)

This was my favorite
13 posted on 01/19/2003 10:45:06 AM PST by CounterCounterCulture (I have already previewed or do not wish to preview this composition.)
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To: CounterCounterCulture
I thought he just had one of those multiple-personality disorders or was bi-sexual or somethin' ;-)

multiple-personality disorder - I am either offline or online :) I don't think I know the name of any TV shows on the air right now, except sponge-bob (or sponge bot as my daughter calls him). I miss the days of Twin peaks....

14 posted on 01/19/2003 10:49:17 AM PST by chance33_98
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To: chance33_98
Loooooved that first season.

"She's dead...wrapped in plastic"

15 posted on 01/19/2003 10:53:06 AM PST by CounterCounterCulture (I have already previewed or do not wish to preview this composition.)
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To: CounterCounterCulture
Loooooved that first season.

I have that on DVD, still waiting on the other seasons. It was the best of them but even the later seasons were better then anything else on TV then (also liked picket fences).

16 posted on 01/19/2003 11:05:59 AM PST by chance33_98
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To: LadyShallott
When you only have sex during the quorom calls on C-span 2.....
17 posted on 01/19/2003 11:20:50 AM PST by ken5050
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To: LadyShallott
Hey...I resemble that remark!!!
18 posted on 01/19/2003 11:55:55 AM PST by The Duke
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To: LadyShallott
And its a great post.

LEE GREENWOOD

19 posted on 01/19/2003 12:00:57 PM PST by Dubya
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To: LadyShallott
You know you're married to a Freeper when...

He writes an opus when he quits a job.

When he goes to the bathroom at 2 AM, you hear keyboard clacking before he comes back to bed.

He never reads Mark Steyn columns in the newspaper because he's already seen them on FR.

You express sympathy for a liberal argument and he says, "Oh, come on, Ash."

He can tell you all the things that are wrong with DU, even though he's never been there.
20 posted on 01/19/2003 12:04:50 PM PST by Joe Bonforte
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To: slimer
"Your wife attends a Christmas party by herself and when people ask her, "where's your husband"? She replies, "he had some freeping to catch up on.""

Don't laugh, that's what I did this year, and that's what my wife told people at the party.

21 posted on 01/19/2003 12:06:26 PM PST by Kerberos
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To: LadyShallott
In the heat of passion you call out your spouses screen name because you have forgotten his real one.
ROTFLOL
22 posted on 01/19/2003 12:07:24 PM PST by Libertina
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To: LadyShallott
I think my husband is jealous that I already know the news. He always starts out telling me a story by saying, "Well, you probably already read this on Free Republic, but..."

And yes, if he wants to eat dinner with me, he has to join me at the computer. I actually have my computer in the family room in view of the eating area and kitchen, so we are kind of together. :)
23 posted on 01/19/2003 12:11:20 PM PST by snippy_about_it (Pray for our troops!)
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To: ken5050
You have time for sex? LOL.
24 posted on 01/19/2003 12:14:39 PM PST by snippy_about_it (Pray for our troops!)
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To: LadyShallott
Very nicely done!!!!

If I might humbly add one of my own.

You Know you're a Freeper when:
Someone asks you if you've read Foucault's Pendulum, and you reply...why, what has he done this time.

25 posted on 01/19/2003 12:24:02 PM PST by Focault's Pendulum (Boom Shakalaka Boom Shakalaka)
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To: Joe Bonforte
When he goes to the bathroom at 2 AM, you hear keyboard clacking before he comes back to bed.

ROFL! This is something that I can say really happens here in this house ALL the time. If he gets up I ask him when he is coming back in hours not minutes.

26 posted on 01/19/2003 12:26:44 PM PST by LadyShallott
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To: LadyShallott; aculeus; general_re; BlueLancer; hellinahandcart; Poohbah
"If FR had wanted me to have a wife, they'd have issued me one."
27 posted on 01/19/2003 12:32:10 PM PST by dighton
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To: LadyShallott
Great post. Let's hear from you more often...

"I don't often post here as my husband, chance33_98, is logged in and I use his handle. This one is from me though :)"

28 posted on 01/19/2003 12:32:32 PM PST by GOPJ
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To: LadyShallott; rintense; Hillary's Lovely Legs; mombonn; ejo; Fiddlstix; lawgirl; Teacup; ...
These are excellent! People need pinging!
29 posted on 01/19/2003 12:35:53 PM PST by DaughterofEve (<<<still searching for her 1998 screenname)
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To: dighton
If FR had wanted me to have a wife, they'd have issued me one."

A word to the wise for all. Had I followed that advice my first wife would not have happend :) Happily she has been replaced by a far superior model, far above the standard issue.

God, Family, Country, FR - the foundation of all things good :)

30 posted on 01/19/2003 1:01:34 PM PST by chance33_98
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To: Joe Bonforte
When he goes to the bathroom at 2 AM, you hear keyboard clacking before he comes back to bed.

LOL! The other day my wife was talking to a friend about how she doesn't get any sleep anymore. She went on to explain that she couldn't count the number of times she would wake up at 2, 3 or 4 or in the morning to the sounds of me clacking away at the keyboard.

Sure am glad I ain't the only one!

31 posted on 01/19/2003 1:10:13 PM PST by dware (I sometimes have trouble finishing what I....)
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To: chance33_98
"I miss the days of Twin peaks...."

What is twin peaks?

32 posted on 01/19/2003 1:10:40 PM PST by blam
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To: blam
What is twin peaks?

A TV show by David Lynch. Bizzare in some aspects. A quick google will reveal that there are still many fans out there. The first season is on DVD, although the pilot isn't (unless you count some from other countries and pirated versions). There was also a movie, Fire Walk with Me (also on DVD, though they may release a new version someday with all the cut scenes - some sort of argument over who owns what parts).

Well worth watching IMHO!

33 posted on 01/19/2003 1:18:42 PM PST by chance33_98
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To: LadyShallott
Brilliant! (and very very funny)
34 posted on 01/19/2003 1:19:31 PM PST by Auntie Mame (Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.--Mark Twain)
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To: LadyShallott
How do I delete this thread before my wife comes in from mowing the lawn ???
35 posted on 01/19/2003 1:20:04 PM PST by tubebender (<)
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To: chance33_98
I as you know am a Huge "Twin Peaks" Fan also a David Lynch fan as well.
36 posted on 01/19/2003 1:23:28 PM PST by cmsgop ( I am not gonna see Lord of the Rings Jhoffa !!!!!!)
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To: LadyShallott
..when he won't come to dinner until all the "New Posts To You" have been answered, argued and re-argued, until late into the early morning hours.
37 posted on 01/19/2003 1:23:48 PM PST by guitfiddlist
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To: LadyShallott; MadIvan
You know you are DATING a Freeper when he calls you (or text messages you) when you are out clubbing with your girlfriends to tell you the latest breaking news! :-)
38 posted on 01/19/2003 1:24:43 PM PST by Happygal
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To: Auntie Mame
I think we might move the Foreman grill in the study. And the espresso machine.
39 posted on 01/19/2003 1:36:08 PM PST by diotima (venti americano, extra shot with room)
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To: LadyShallott
Brilliant!!!

May I add to this??

They know "who" and "What" a clymer is.

They have forgotten the real way to spell Whorealdo.

40 posted on 01/19/2003 1:37:53 PM PST by Ann Archy
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To: LadyShallott
You Know You Are Married To A Freeper When……

....you have to do a 'Search' to find out where they are at!

41 posted on 01/19/2003 1:42:38 PM PST by EternalVigilance
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To: mhking; Texaggie79; akash; SJackson
Ping for fun!
42 posted on 01/19/2003 1:57:26 PM PST by chance33_98
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To: LadyShallott
Every day I say to spouse: "I just read this article about BLAHBLAH & it said BLAHBLAH." I never read newspapers. He knows the article was on FR. My Newspaper of Record. :)
43 posted on 01/19/2003 2:02:42 PM PST by bird humming
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To: knak
"...at my house that also means fighting over who gets control of the mouse while eating!"

LOL........not here. We have a four-node wireless network here in the house sharing a VERY high speed connection.....and all systems around the 2GHz P4 level with a gig of memory or so. Smokin'......and no fighting over who gets the computer / Internet. HIGHLY recommend it.:)

44 posted on 01/19/2003 2:02:50 PM PST by RightOnline
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To: Happygal
You know you are DATING a Freeper when he calls you (or text messages you) when you are out clubbing with your girlfriends to tell you the latest breaking news! :-)

And you're dating a Freeprette when she's glad to receive it. ;)

Love, Ivan

45 posted on 01/19/2003 2:03:48 PM PST by MadIvan
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To: LadyShallott
He corrects the spelling on his childrens' homework from "Hitler" to "Hitlery"!
46 posted on 01/19/2003 2:04:07 PM PST by Revolting cat! (Someone left the cake out in the rain I dont think that I can take it coz it took so long to bake it)
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To: LadyShallott
You know you're a Freeper when ...

Your boss reads your report and asks what </sarcasm> means.
47 posted on 01/19/2003 2:13:37 PM PST by gitmo ("The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain." GWB)
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To: LadyShallott
...he quotes part of everything you say when replying to you.

...when you're fighting, and he tries to say something nasty, it comes out 'Comment removed by moderator'.

...in restaurants, after the chocolate mousse is described by the waiter, he asks if it comes with cheese.

48 posted on 01/19/2003 2:36:43 PM PST by TrappedInLiberalHell
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To: TrappedInLiberalHell
The 'born loser' last week . . .

'remaking classic movies dear' - - -

"I don't want to hear about it"

(( hand up in the air like a traffic cop ))

in an instant I saw myself . . .

arm up // down in the air . . . waving - - - exxxtra pt good ! ! !

"what they should do is take some lousy old movie and remake into something good!"

Everyone leaves the room ! ! !

49 posted on 01/19/2003 2:53:31 PM PST by f.Christian (Orcs of the world: Take note and beware.)
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To: LadyShallott
I told my husband last night I needed to talk to him that it was "series" he cracked up laughing.

Nothing like two member Freeper households.
50 posted on 01/19/2003 3:24:21 PM PST by Brytani (You say I'm a conservative like it's a bad thing)
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