To my daughters,
You are the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. A Gift from God above. Truly I am Blessed to have the fortune of being your mother.
Every day I rejoice in the simple pleasures of your smile, your laugh, and the rise and fall of your chest when you breathe. Yes, I watch you sleep all the time. If only to remind myself that you are real, and not merely a dream.
I promise to keep you safe to the best of my ability for all of my days.
I promise to provide you with everything you need. To feed you, keep a home for you, make sure you have clothes for sunny and rainy days.
I promise to nurture your soul as well as your mind. To teach you that you are a Gift. That you are Wanted. That a hug is always an arm’s length away. That you are in my heart, always.
I promise to offer counsel to you throughout your life. Both when it is welcome and when it is not.
I promise to share with you those lessons I have learned from mistakes I have made. And to know when it’s okay to stand aside when you need to learn those lessons on your own.
I promise to kiss your tears away when you’re hurting inside and out.
Because every day you kiss my tears away. Just by being Alive.
Tears I shed because of the most tragic path I have ever followed.
You see, you should have an older brother or sister right now. And you have a right to know that.
They told me I had a choice. They told me that I was not alone. They told me they could solve all my problems. They told me not to worry.
And I believed them.
And now? After?
The choice is God’s not mine. He Chose to Bless me with Life, and I turned my back on Him selfishly.
I am alone because my child was ripped from me in the name of Choice. And I allowed it to happen selfishly.
And the problems I had then, of simply being afraid of being a mother, are so insignificant now.
I worry every minute of every day that when I face God He will Judge me for that Choice.
Now I pray that one day you will forgive me. For not allowing you the cherished Right to meet your brother or sister. For not facing my fears and seeing that Life is a Gift. For not pushing aside my selfish desires to be young and without responsibility.
A child is a Gift. And that being a woman and a mother is not a Choice but Gift.
I mourn every day for your brother or sister. But especially today. Because people are out celebrating today in the name of death and murder and millions of babies that will never see the blue blue sky, hear the roar of the ocean or feel a mother’s kiss.
They are cheering that your brother or sister is dead.
I pray that God will forgive those of us who followed that path, and finally found their way back to his arms.
You are a Survivor. Of Humanity’s Greatest Holocaust.
Never forget you are Wanted, Loved, Cherished and most importantly… ALIVE.