New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[Judith Anne]

I love it when the kids sit around telling stories about their childhoods...the grandkids are absolutely rapt as we grandparents tell on their moms and dads...;-D

I do spoil them in material ways, too...for a year or so, one of the kids had heavy dental expense--huge, really--so I bought all the granddaughters' clothes...we used to have a ball shopping for the latest, most stylish fashions along with the quality stuff...

[Brad’s Gramma]

I would give anything for my kids to have that stabilizing and esteem building relationship with my mother.

And me, with my Brad and my own mother.

[Judith Anne]

It must be so sad...and I do see your point and I agree, children must be protected. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, some people can't be fixed...

[nicksaunt]

I was also lucky that my grandmother shared our home until she passed away in 1968. She was a wonderful woman and my memories of her are very dear to my heart.

Recently, my mom and I were talking about my grandmother. My mom told me that she thought I was just like her mother in character and personality. Tears sprang to my eyes. I thought the world of my grandmother. It was the greatest compliment I have ever received.

[Judith Anne]

It's a heavenly badge when your kids tell you that, about having "the most fun growing up!" Way to go!

[My back yard]

Absolutely, I can't see 'Me and My 4 Grandma's' being the same at all.

[Carolinamom]

Grandkids...my own included...love to hear about their parents when THEY were growing up. Mine rolled on the floor when they saw some of my kids HS pictures (hairdos, clothing, etc.)

My own father was a great story teller. He would begin by asking me if I wanted to hear a true story or a made-up story. They were all fascinating but I liked the true ones best.

When my own kids were little, I remember once on a sunny day OUTDOORS when I told them some made-up-on-the-spot ghost stories, they got scared (they said) and ran into the house.

[Clintons Are White Trash]

My son made us "instant" grandparents of a darling 3 year old girl this spring when he married her mother. She is our first and only and we are having a ball!

I have learned the hard way not to overdo - the first weekend she came to stay with us we did some shopping and I was told I went overboard and to lighten up. I hadn't really counted but I had bought her 6 outfits, a winter coat and a few toys. (Seems reasonable to me! :)).

When we got to her birthday party last week I was told "Grandma! I love you all the time!" - I'm still floating on air over that one.

[onyx]

I'm grandma to six darlings, one of whom I am also "mama" having raised her since she was 6 weeks old!

[Brad’s Gramma]

Instant Grandchild. Hmmmmmmm.........I think I like that idea!

Well, if you can't "buy" stuff, just look at her from across the room, grin, and wink your eye. Her little face will LIGHT UP like you won't believe. Let it be something goofy and special for the two of you.

Brad & I do that....and I've noticed he doesn't do it with ANYONE. I get "the wink". Cooooooooool.

[Brad’s Gramma]

BTW!!!!!!!!!!! Will all of you praying folks please pray for the new grand baby of a friend of mine? He's a preemie, and has a road ahead of him....quite a road.

His name's Logan. I'd sure appreciate it!!!!

[Judith Anne]

Seems reasonable to me, too! This spring, I took the DIL and the boys shopping, bought her the yard stepping stone stuff she yearned for (she's an excellent gardener) and told the boys they could each pick out fifty dollars worth of toys...one of the great choices was the globe with static electricity, when you touch it the "lightning" follows your fingers...we plugged it in on their city front porch and all the little neighbor kids came over to see it...

Grandkids are a wonderful hobby...

[Judith Anne]

Dear Father in heaven, please watch over and protect baby Logan, grant him Your strength and health, and stay close to him every day of a long and wonderful life...

[lepton]

I once saw my mother's mother ring a chicken's neck. After that, believe me, the grandchildren gave her NO problems.

Unintended consequences? LOL!

[lepton]

Would you believe a 29-year-old (and holding) grandmother whose grandchildren are ages 8-20?!!!

I'm 8. :)

[Arpege92]

I can remember being a little "mouthy" towards my mother as a child but I didn't dare pull that on my grandmother. She was strict but very loving....wish she were still around. It's just not the same without her.

[lepton]

OH! And we're raising a male chauvenist pig. He knows to open doors for women. I won't go into a building if I'm with him until he opens it for me.

Is that because you're female, or because you're old? :)