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No S-E-X please, we're Anglicans
Wires From The Bunker ^ | 7/26/2005 | Peter Glover

Posted on 07/26/2005 5:33:26 PM PDT by sionnsar

click here to read article


1 posted on 07/26/2005 5:33:27 PM PDT by sionnsar
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To: ahadams2; Fractal Trader; LonePalm; Zero Sum; anselmcantuar; Agrarian; coffeecup; Paridel; ...
Traditional Anglican ping, continued in memory of its founder Arlin Adams.

FReepmail sionnsar if you want on or off this moderately high-volume ping list (typically 3-7 pings/day).
This list is pinged by sionnsar and newheart.

Resource for Traditional Anglicans: http://trad-anglican.faithweb.com

Speak the truth in love. Eph 4:15

2 posted on 07/26/2005 5:34:23 PM PDT by sionnsar (†trad-anglican.faithweb.com† || Iran Azadi || Kyoto: Split Atoms, not Wood)
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To: All
"I often lie awake at night waiting for the limp-wristed knock at the door."

As some elderly friends in a local conservative Christian group learned from a visit by ACT-UP quite a few years ago, the knock itself may be "limp-wristed" but it will be followed by some very nasty jackboots.

3 posted on 07/26/2005 5:38:22 PM PDT by sionnsar (†trad-anglican.faithweb.com† || Iran Azadi || Kyoto: Split Atoms, not Wood)
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To: sionnsar

Things may be just about as awful as they can get, but you've got to admit that the Anglicans spoof their own problems with more panache than just about anybody on the planet...

"Naughty bits..." LOL!


4 posted on 07/26/2005 6:59:01 PM PDT by Agrarian
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To: sionnsar
And what a good move to make Rowan Atkinson Archbishop and replace the General Synod with the Monty Python team.

Spong, Spong, Spong, Spong
Lovely Spong, Wonderful Spong!

A congregant enters Canterbury.
Congregant: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The primate does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Primate: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, It must have been the purple robes. I wish to make a complaint!
P: We're closin' for a peace march.
C: Never mind that, your grace. I wish to complain about this church what I joined not half a century ago at this very parish.
P: Oh yes, the, uh, the Anglican Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, your grace. 'It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, she's uh,...she's evolving.
C: Look, your grace, I know a dead church when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no she's not dead, she's, she's resting from explaining, from within the sources of authority that we as Anglicans have received in scripture, the apostolic tradition and reasoned reflection, how a person living in a same gender union may be considered eligible to lead the fl ock of Christ! Remarkable church, the Anglican Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful singing!
C: The singing don't enter into it. It's stone dead...
O: Nononono, no, no! 'She's resting!
C: All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up!
(shouting at the cage)
'Ello, Mother Church! I've got a lovely sherry for you if you show...(Primate flings open the doors of the cathedral)
P: There, the church is full of life!
C: No, it isn't. That was just the weekly meeting of the Committee for Inclusive Investing and Ethical Condemnation of the Zionist Running Dog Presence in Palestine.
C: (yelling repeatedly) 'ELLO CHURCH!!!!!
C: Now that's what I call a dead church.
P: No, no.....No, 'she's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
P: Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Anglican Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, your grace, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That church is definitely deceased, and when I joined it not 'alf a decade ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged process of listening throughout the Anglican Communion.
O: Well, she's...he's, ah...probably pining for more inclusive dialog.
C: PININ' for ICLUSIVE DIALOG?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did she fall flat on his back the moment everyone left Lambeth?
P: The Anglican Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable church, id'nit, squire? Lovely incense!
C: She's dead as a door nail. Scripture is edited out and twisted, truth is relative, the pews are empty... P: No no! 'She's pining! C: 'She's not pinin'! 'She's passed on! This church is no more! She has ceased to be! 'She's expired and gone to meet her maker! 'She's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'She rests in peace! If the buildings weren't dramatic and retro-chic, you'd have sold them to put on a musical review and she'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Er metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'She's off the twig! 'Sh's kicked the bucket, 'She's shuffled off 'er mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' boy's choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-CHURCH!!
(pause)
P: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
P: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of faith and religion.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
P: I got social justice.
(pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it offer eternal salvation?
P: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Mecca, he'll replace the religion for you.
C: Mecca, eh? Very well.
The customer leaves.
The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.
C: This is Mecca, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

Wellll, I'm an Anglican and that's OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day
I like to put on vestments
And hang around in bars...

5 posted on 07/26/2005 7:11:59 PM PDT by Huber (Conservatism - It's not just for breakfast anymore!)
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To: sionnsar
And what a good move to make Rowan Atkinson Archbishop and replace the General Synod with the Monty Python team. Much more sensible than when Rowan Williams and his Bible-flusing cowboys running it.

bwahahahah! Indeed, it does appear that way, doesn't it?

6 posted on 07/26/2005 9:07:50 PM PDT by Peanut Gallery
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To: Agrarian
Things may be just about as awful as they can get, but you've got to admit that the Anglicans spoof their own problems with more panache than just about anybody on the planet...
"Naughty bits..." LOL!

You've got a point there, LOL!

7 posted on 07/27/2005 7:56:56 AM PDT by sionnsar (†trad-anglican.faithweb.com† || Iran Azadi || Kyoto: Split Atoms, not Wood)
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To: ahadams2; Fractal Trader; Zero Sum; anselmcantuar; Agrarian; coffeecup; Paridel; keilimon; ...
Commendations to Huber for the humor in #5!!!!

Traditional Anglican ping, continued in memory of its founder Arlin Adams.

FReepmail sionnsar if you want on or off this moderately high-volume ping list (typically 3-9 pings/day).
This list is pinged by sionnsar and newheart.

Resource for Traditional Anglicans: http://trad-anglican.faithweb.com

Speak the truth in love. Eph 4:15

8 posted on 07/27/2005 8:01:37 AM PDT by sionnsar (†trad-anglican.faithweb.com† || Iran Azadi || Kyoto: Split Atoms, not Wood)
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To: Huber

Brilliant!


9 posted on 07/27/2005 8:05:42 AM PDT by secret garden (There's no place like home!)
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To: Huber
LOL!

(sung to the tune of "God Bless America")

I am an Anglican, I am C.E.
Not the High Church, nor Low Church
But Protestant, Episcopal, and Free.
Not a Methodist, not a Presbyter,
Not a Baptist white with foam,
I am an Anglican, just one step from Rome.
I am an Anglican, just one step from Rome.

10 posted on 07/27/2005 8:11:07 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (. . . Ministrix of ye Chace (recess appointment), TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary . . .)
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To: AnAmericanMother

The third line doesn't quite work when I tried to sing it. ;-)


11 posted on 07/27/2005 8:16:00 AM PDT by Pyro7480 ("All my own perception of beauty both in majesty and simplicity is founded upon Our Lady." - Tolkien)
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To: Pyro7480
You scan it like this :

PROT(estant), ePIS(copal) and FREE. Same way as "PRES(byter)" in a later line.

You have to sing the syllables in parens by repeating the note, but it does work (I've sung it quite a lot over the years since I learned it at church camp in my teens.)

12 posted on 07/27/2005 8:18:40 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (. . . Ministrix of ye Chace (recess appointment), TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary . . .)
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To: AnAmericanMother

Thanks. :-D


13 posted on 07/27/2005 8:20:15 AM PDT by Pyro7480 ("All my own perception of beauty both in majesty and simplicity is founded upon Our Lady." - Tolkien)
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To: Huber

I laughed 'til my eyes watered! Parrot, church...what's the difference? Dead is dead.


14 posted on 07/27/2005 7:51:11 PM PDT by TaxRelief
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To: Huber

Side splitting funny!


15 posted on 10/15/2005 8:25:32 PM PDT by Professional Engineer (Yes, the world does revolve around us. We picked the coordinate system.)
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<fair_dues_for_the_'foaming_Baptist'_crack>
I am an Anglican, just one step from Rome.

THAT'LL make a lot of people uncomfortable and suspicious.
</fair_dues>

(linked from http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/1533457/posts?page=2#2)

16 posted on 12/03/2005 2:29:58 PM PST by solitas
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To: Huber
LOL !!!!
(But SAD that a great church collapses on the basis of want for another man's hairy pimply fanny.)
17 posted on 12/03/2005 2:45:39 PM PST by investigateworld (Abortion stops a beating heart)
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To: investigateworld; Huber; sionnsar

<< LOL !!!!


(But SAD that a Great Church collapses on the basis of [One girlyman's] want for another man's hairy pimply fanny) >>

Those who do not know and respect History are doomed.

Sodom and Gomorrah were lost for less.


18 posted on 02/25/2006 7:26:35 PM PST by Brian Allen (How arrogant are we to believe our career political-power-lusting lumpen somehow superior to theirs?)
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To: Brian Allen
I hate to wonder publicly, but after seeing San Francisco in all it's Glory (holes) I wonder perhaps if those wee cities aren't due for an apology?
But I'm certain our Creator has something up his sleeve. His Word does promise.
19 posted on 02/27/2006 9:17:15 AM PST by investigateworld (Abortion stops a beating heart)
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To: investigateworld

<< But I'm certain our Creator has something up his sleeve. His Word does promise. >>

Me too. It does indeed!


20 posted on 02/27/2006 4:21:58 PM PST by Brian Allen (How arrogant are we to believe our career political-power-lusting lumpen somehow superior to theirs?)
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To: sionnsar; ahadams2; Fractal Trader; LonePalm; Zero Sum; anselmcantuar; Agrarian; coffeecup; ...
This new hymn just out:

Show Me the Way to Go Rome.

The Bishop's tired and wants to go to bed
She had a little drink about an hour ago
And now she wants to take Ethel instead of Fred.

O well, there must be somewhere we can take our church.

21 posted on 03/12/2006 9:22:44 PM PST by Kenny Bunk (OK, how bad we hurt for 2006? Who we running in 2008?)
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To: Huber

LOL, kudos for an extremely good parody! Brilliant! Can we just copy this an send it around? We'll give you author's credit and all, of course! Really, you might want to stick a copyright date on this one.


22 posted on 04/10/2006 9:43:36 PM PDT by jocon307 (The Silent Majority - silent no longer)
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To: jocon307

Thank you, but it was really just lifted from classic Monty Python with the context changed to the 21st century "Church" of England. If you do pass it around, you will probably spot the typos, etc, that I missed when originally posting it.

Cheers!


23 posted on 04/11/2006 3:18:23 AM PDT by Huber (The international soldier is almost always very much disliked by internationalists" - G K Chesterton)
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To: sionnsar

LOL!


24 posted on 09/09/2006 4:16:30 PM PDT by fanfan (Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.)
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To: fanfan

Funny how these old threads come back to life...


25 posted on 09/09/2006 6:01:47 PM PDT by sionnsar (†trad-anglican.faithweb.com† | Iran Azadi | SONY: 5yst3m 0wn3d, N0t Y0urs | UN: Useless Nations)
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To: investigateworld

“(But SAD that a great church collapses on the basis of want for another man’s hairy pimply fanny.)”

Where there is sodomy, there also is Satan.


26 posted on 03/16/2009 5:43:40 PM PDT by dsc (A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument.)
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