[SATIRE] EXCOMMUNICATION CRAZE [SATIRE] SWEEPS U.S. [SATIRE] CATHOLICS [SATIRE]

Wittenburg Door ^ | July/August 2004 | Robert Fulton

[PandaRosaMishima]

If you have not seen the good Bishop, he is on EWTN, Fridays at 9 pm, Sundays at 6:30 pm. You watch him and you are in for a real treat! He's a man who not just fills a cape, but who knows how to use a chalkboard to full effect.
I do agree about Jan Crouch's entertainment value; she's about the most watchable thing on that whole setup. Talk about garish, that set makes Graceland look restrained! The best bits are when she starts blubbing about the "little doll closet" and "When Ah was a little girl there was 17 of us living in a tar-paper shack, and we all had to take turns playing with a block of wood..."

[Alex Murphy]

6.6 years ago, we got this:

In Italy, Cardinal Ratzinger threatened to withhold communion from any Cardinal who voted for another "chucklehead Pole" instead of a "good Italian Catholic" for the next Pope. "Once is plenty, people," Ratzinger warned. "It isn't funny a second time."

In Baltimore, His Eminence William "Wee Willie" Keeler declared an "inquisition" on any reporter for the "godless American media" who continued to report on the pedophilia epidemic among the all-male Roman Catholic priesthood, whether the reporter is a Catholic or not. "Excommunicate 'em all," Keeler snarled, "let God sort 'em out."

In Southern California, His Eminence Roger Cardinal Mahony banned all Catholics, including lapsed Catholics, from even being seen at trendy restaurants with either Kevin Smith (Dogma) or John Landis (The Blues Brothers). However, he decided not to withhold communion from any Catholic who saw the Ben Affleck / Jennifer Lopez bomb Gigli, saying: "They've already suffered enough. My God man, have you no soul?"

In light of the recent communion scandal with Joe Biden, it's high time to dust off this thread.

[BlueDragon]