A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage (no obscene posts)

OLRL ^ | Fr. William J. Cogan

[NYer]

Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage

"Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her:  'Sara, arise, and let us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day:  because for these three nights we are joined to God:  and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock.  For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.'  So they both arose, and prayed earnestly both together that health might be given them, and Tobias said:  'Lord God of our fathers, may the heavens and the earth, and the sea, and the fountains, and the rivers, and all Thy creatures that are in them, bless Thee.  Thou madest Adam of the slime of the earth, and gavest him Eve for a helper.  And now, Lord, thou knowest, that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife, but only for the love of posterity, in which Thy name may be blessed for ever and ever.'  Sara also said: ; 'Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, and let us grow old both together in health.'"  (Tobias 8:4-10)

1. Have the correct attitude.
      Look upon marriage as a very holy union, founded by God and raised to the dignity of a Sacrament by Jesus Christ as a means of saving your soul.

• Have the correct purpose.
     Look forward to having children and founding a Christian home.  People who marry for selfish reasons (money, pleasure, beauty, fame, influence) very seldom, if ever, find happiness in marriage.

• Do not marry for selfish reasons.
     Genuine happiness is attained only by those who are completely generous and ready to sacrifice themselves in all things.

• Study what marriage is.
     Marriage, like a career, requires specialized knowledge, and this is obtained through study and prayer.  Receive marriage instructions from a priest and/or read about the duties and graces of Catholic marriage.

• Pray for a happy marriage.
     You should pray every day for a happy marriage, because most probably, you will save your soul or lose your soul as a married person.

  "House and riches are given by parents:  but a prudent wife is properly from the Lord."    (Proverbs 19:14)

• Prepare for marriage by living a Christian life.
     Receive Holy Communion worthily and often; go to Confession regularly; observe the Ten Commandments, especially the 6th.

• Follow the advice of your parents and your parish priest.
     It is wise to seek advice when making any important decision, but especially when deciding about your partner in this lifelong union.

• Choose a suitable partner.
     Look for a person who is a good Catholic, really serious about having children and founding a Christian home, one who is sincere, truthful, dependable, and chaste.

• Do not marry too young.
     Today, young people under 21 (especially young men), although capable of marrying and having children, are often still attached to youthful pastimes and thus may find it extra difficult to adjust to the responsibilities of marriage.

• Have the correct attitude toward sex.
     God created sex to attract the husband and wife to have children and to cultivate love for one another.

  Remember - to refuse intercourse to your married partner is a mortal sin, unless you have a serious reason.

• Accept all the children that God wants to send you.
     Look upon having children as one of the great blessings of marriage.

  Court records show that there are fewer breakups among couples with large families.

• Have respect for your partner.
     The person you marry shares in a union that was established by God Himself and raised to the dignity of a Sacrament by Christ.

  "Ye husbands, likewise dwelling with them according to knowledge, giving honor to the female as to the weaker vessel, and as to the co-heirs of the grace of life:  that your prayers be not hindered."    (1 Peter 3:7)

• Do not fight or argue!
     Married people should learn to control their tempers and to discuss their problems as grown-ups and not as children.

  "Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if any have a complaint against another:  even as the Lord hath forgiven you, so do you also.  but above all these things have charity, which is the bond of perfection:  And let the peace of Christ rejoice in your hearts, wherein also you are called in one body:  and be ye thankful...Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it behoveth in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them."    (Colossians 3:13-15, 18-19)

• Do not criticize!
     Criticizing your partner's faults or constantly harping on trifles soon destroys a happy marriage.

  "And why seest thou the mote [speck] that is in thy brother's eye; and seest not the beam that is in thy own eye?  Or how sayest thou to thy brother:  Let me cast the mote out of thy eye; and behold a beam is in thy own eye?"    (Matthew 7:3-4)

• Trust one another completely.
     It is a sin to be jealous or judge without evidence.

  "Judge not, that you may not be judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged:  and with what measure you mete [measure], it shall be measured to you again."    (Matthew 7:1-2)

• Do not live with in-laws!
     Your first duty is to your married partner; parents and other come second.

  "Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife:  and they shall be two in one flesh."    (Genesis 2:24)

• Do things together.
     Husband and wife should find happiness in their own home with their children, and also should associate with other happily married couples.

• Make your home a pleasant place.
     The wife should make the home a place to which her husband longs to go after his day's work; it should be clean and orderly, and the meals well prepared and on time.

  "Happy is the husband of a good wife:  for the number of his years is double.  A virtuous woman rejoiceth her husband and shall fulfill the years of his life in peace.  A good wife is a good portion; she shall be given in the portion of them that fear God, to a man for his good deeds.  Rich or poor, if his heart is good, his countenance shall be cheerful at all times."    (Ecclesiasticus 26:1-4)

• Use family money properly.
     A husband is bound to the complete support of his wife and children; a wife is obliged to use the family money wisely.

  "But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."    (1 Timothy 5:8)

• Pray together!
     As the saying goes, "A family that prays together stays together," and this includes the family Rosary, attending Mass and receiving Holy Communion together.

  "Where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."    (Matthew 18:20)

[NYer]

Lesson 32 of 43.

[NYer]

Lesson 32 of 43.

[mckenzie7]

Not to sound irreverent, but I was told to treat my husband as good as I treat the dog. After being told that, I never walked past where my husband was sitting that I didn’t give him a kiss or a pat.
Of course, all of the points that were mentioned also helped. We’ve just celebrated our 49th year and are more in love than the day we were married.

[Old_Mil]

Having been married for 4.5 years and subsequently divorced (both my parents and my ex-in laws were married for 30+ and still together), I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south. Avoid it, and things work out well.

[NYer]

Not to sound irreverent, but I was told to treat my husband as good as I treat the dog. After being told that, I never walked past where my husband was sitting that I didn’t give him a kiss or a pat.

Sage advice from a very wise person! The priest who married my parents recommended they selflessly place their spouse first when making decisions.

Of course, all of the points that were mentioned also helped. We’ve just celebrated our 49th year and are more in love than the day we were married.

Congratulations!!! My parents just celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary with renewal of their marriage vows at Mass. It was a simple ceremony that included the exchange of new rings and a blessing from the officiating priest. Naturally, the entire congregation joined in with a round of applause. It is so rare today to see couples reach this anniversary. I would encourage you to contact your parish priest and arrange for a papal blessing. He will go through the diocese to submit your request to the Vatican. You will receive a beautiful certificate from the Holy Father. Start now because it takes time.

Thank you for the beautiful post! May it encourage others who drop by to love and respect their husband or wife, like they do their dog ;-)

[Salvation]

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 1: Religion
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 2: The Bible and Tradition
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 3: God and the Holy Trinity
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 4: Prayer
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 5: Public Worship of God

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 6: Angels and Devils
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 7: Human Beings and the Purpose of Life
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 8: Sanctifying Grace
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 9: Heaven
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 10: Mortal and Venial Sin

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 11: Hell
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 12: Purgatory
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 13: Original Sin
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 14: Jesus Christ, Our Savior
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 15: Jesus Christ, True God and True Man

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 16: The Catholic Church is the Only True Church
A Brieft Catechism for Adults - Lesson 17: Qualities of the Catholic Church
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 18: The Pope, the Vicar of Christ
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 19: The Seven Sacraments
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 20: The Sacrament of Baptism

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 21: The Sacrament of Confirmation
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 22: The Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 23: The Sacrifice of the Mass
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 24: The Sacrament of Penance (Confession)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 25: How to go to Confession

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 26: Indulgences
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 27: The Sacrament of Extreme Unction
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 28: The Sacrament of Holy Orders (Priesthood)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 29: The Nature of Marriage
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 30: The Sins Against Marriage

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 31: The Sacrament of Matrimony
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage

[Southack]

Be interesting.
Have a sense of humor.
Be physical.
Avoid the sin of thinking the worst about any of your spouse’s unknowns.
Don’t poison the well with accusations or demands.
Say something kind and thoughtful *every* day.

Remember that anytime you tell yourself that He/She “just outta know” something, they don’t. That’s how your brain rationalizes *you* being a bad communicator.

[Old_Mil]

Congratulations to both of you. What a blessing you must be to each other!

I'm no longer married - my wife filed for divorce when I lost my job. But the experience did give me some degree of insight.

[NYer]

Having been married for 4.5 years and subsequently divorced (both my parents and my ex-in laws were married for 30+ and still together), I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south. Avoid it, and things work out well.

Given Salvation's response, I am guessing she read "45" instead of "4.5" ;-)

I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south

I'm with you, Old_Mil! My marriage lasted 14 years but fell apart when my husband, who set stringent requirements for adopting a child (white, half Italian/half American and free), changed his mind when that child was entrusted to us with her birth grandmother's tears streaming down her face. He set those conditions never expecting it would happen. God, in His great mercy, heeded my prayer. I have raised her alone.

[Salvation]

Sorry. I thought that said 45. Sorry about your divorce.

[NYer]

Say something kind and thoughtful *every* day.

Amen! It doesn't take much to do that. No doubt, you are a kind and wonderful spouse. Thank you for the post!

[Salvation]

You have FReepmail.

[Jeff Chandler]

Congratulations to both of you. What a blessing you must be to each other!

I'm no longer married - my wife filed for divorce when I lost my job.

For a moment there I thought Salvation was engaging in sarcasm!

[SaltyJoe]

Actually, a woman can learn a lot about a man by owning a dog. Did you ever find that tickle spot on the rib cage that makes a guys leg go thump thump thump?

[SaltyJoe]

For some reason, the letter you send didn't come out well in the Freep Mail. But with a little tweeking, I got the picture. Thanks! It's wonderful that Grandparents can bridge the generation gap between children and parents. I love this photo.

[steadfastconservative]

I have read the entire Catechism of the Catholic Church and there is nothing in it which says that it is a mortal sin to refuse to have intercourse with one’s spouse or that one may refuse intercourse only for a serious reason. That is not to say that spouses do not have a right to intercourse because they do, but I think this priest’s opinion is extreme.

[NYer]

I think this priest’s opinion is extreme.

He's an 'orthodox' priest ;-)

[ArrogantBustard]

1 Corinthians 7

3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.