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A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage (no obscene posts)
OLRL ^ | Fr. William J. Cogan

Posted on 08/19/2007 2:13:50 PM PDT by NYer

Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage

"Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her:  'Sara, arise, and let us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day:  because for these three nights we are joined to God:  and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock.  For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.'  So they both arose, and prayed earnestly both together that health might be given them, and Tobias said:  'Lord God of our fathers, may the heavens and the earth, and the sea, and the fountains, and the rivers, and all Thy creatures that are in them, bless Thee.  Thou madest Adam of the slime of the earth, and gavest him Eve for a helper.  And now, Lord, thou knowest, that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife, but only for the love of posterity, in which Thy name may be blessed for ever and ever.'  Sara also said: ; 'Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, and let us grow old both together in health.'"  (Tobias 8:4-10)

  1. Have the correct attitude.
       Look upon marriage as a very holy union, founded by God and raised to the dignity of a Sacrament by Jesus Christ as a means of saving your soul.



TOPICS: Apologetics; Catholic; Theology
KEYWORDS: briefcatechism

1 posted on 08/19/2007 2:13:53 PM PDT by NYer
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To: Lady In Blue; Salvation; narses; SMEDLEYBUTLER; redhead; Notwithstanding; nickcarraway; Romulus; ...

Lesson 32 of 43.


2 posted on 08/19/2007 2:15:03 PM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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To: Lady In Blue; Salvation; narses; SMEDLEYBUTLER; redhead; Notwithstanding; nickcarraway; Romulus; ...

Lesson 32 of 43.


3 posted on 08/19/2007 2:15:47 PM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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To: NYer
Not to sound irreverent, but I was told to treat my husband as good as I treat the dog. After being told that, I never walked past where my husband was sitting that I didn’t give him a kiss or a pat.
Of course, all of the points that were mentioned also helped. We’ve just celebrated our 49th year and are more in love than the day we were married.
4 posted on 08/19/2007 2:25:10 PM PDT by mckenzie7 (Lib NO MORE!)
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To: NYer

Having been married for 4.5 years and subsequently divorced (both my parents and my ex-in laws were married for 30+ and still together), I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south. Avoid it, and things work out well.


5 posted on 08/19/2007 2:32:22 PM PDT by Old_Mil (Rudy = Hillary, Fred = Dole, Romney = Kerry, McCain = Crazy. No Thanks.)
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To: mckenzie7
Not to sound irreverent, but I was told to treat my husband as good as I treat the dog. After being told that, I never walked past where my husband was sitting that I didn’t give him a kiss or a pat.

Sage advice from a very wise person! The priest who married my parents recommended they selflessly place their spouse first when making decisions.

Of course, all of the points that were mentioned also helped. We’ve just celebrated our 49th year and are more in love than the day we were married.

Congratulations!!! My parents just celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary with renewal of their marriage vows at Mass. It was a simple ceremony that included the exchange of new rings and a blessing from the officiating priest. Naturally, the entire congregation joined in with a round of applause. It is so rare today to see couples reach this anniversary. I would encourage you to contact your parish priest and arrange for a papal blessing. He will go through the diocese to submit your request to the Vatican. You will receive a beautiful certificate from the Holy Father. Start now because it takes time.

Thank you for the beautiful post! May it encourage others who drop by to love and respect their husband or wife, like they do their dog ;-)

6 posted on 08/19/2007 2:37:42 PM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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Comment #7 Removed by Moderator

To: NYer
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 1: Religion
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 2: The Bible and Tradition
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 3: God and the Holy Trinity
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 4: Prayer
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 5: Public Worship of God

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 6: Angels and Devils
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 7: Human Beings and the Purpose of Life
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 8: Sanctifying Grace
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 9: Heaven
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 10: Mortal and Venial Sin

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 11: Hell
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 12: Purgatory
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 13: Original Sin
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 14: Jesus Christ, Our Savior
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 15: Jesus Christ, True God and True Man

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 16: The Catholic Church is the Only True Church
A Brieft Catechism for Adults - Lesson 17: Qualities of the Catholic Church
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 18: The Pope, the Vicar of Christ
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 19: The Seven Sacraments
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 20: The Sacrament of Baptism

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 21: The Sacrament of Confirmation
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 22: The Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 23: The Sacrifice of the Mass
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 24: The Sacrament of Penance (Confession)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 25: How to go to Confession

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 26: Indulgences
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 27: The Sacrament of Extreme Unction
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 28: The Sacrament of Holy Orders (Priesthood)
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 29: The Nature of Marriage
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 30: The Sins Against Marriage

A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 31: The Sacrament of Matrimony
A Brief Catechism for Adults - Lesson 32: How to have a Happy Marriage

8 posted on 08/19/2007 4:08:15 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: NYer

Be interesting.
Have a sense of humor.
Be physical.
Avoid the sin of thinking the worst about any of your spouse’s unknowns.
Don’t poison the well with accusations or demands.
Say something kind and thoughtful *every* day.

Remember that anytime you tell yourself that He/She “just outta know” something, they don’t. That’s how your brain rationalizes *you* being a bad communicator.


9 posted on 08/19/2007 4:16:01 PM PDT by Southack (Media Bias means that Castro won't be punished for Cuban war crimes against Black Angolans in Africa)
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To: Salvation
Congratulations to both of you. What a blessing you must be to each other!

I'm no longer married - my wife filed for divorce when I lost my job. But the experience did give me some degree of insight.
10 posted on 08/19/2007 4:37:11 PM PDT by Old_Mil (Rudy = Hillary, Fred = Dole, Romney = Kerry, McCain = Crazy. No Thanks.)
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To: Old_Mil; Salvation
Having been married for 4.5 years and subsequently divorced (both my parents and my ex-in laws were married for 30+ and still together), I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south. Avoid it, and things work out well.

Given Salvation's response, I am guessing she read "45" instead of "4.5" ;-)

I’m convinced that it’s selfishness that causes most marriages to go south

I'm with you, Old_Mil! My marriage lasted 14 years but fell apart when my husband, who set stringent requirements for adopting a child (white, half Italian/half American and free), changed his mind when that child was entrusted to us with her birth grandmother's tears streaming down her face. He set those conditions never expecting it would happen. God, in His great mercy, heeded my prayer. I have raised her alone.

11 posted on 08/19/2007 4:37:27 PM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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To: Old_Mil

Sorry. I thought that said 45. Sorry about your divorce.


12 posted on 08/19/2007 4:39:56 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Southack
Say something kind and thoughtful *every* day.

Amen! It doesn't take much to do that. No doubt, you are a kind and wonderful spouse. Thank you for the post!

13 posted on 08/19/2007 4:40:24 PM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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To: Old_Mil

You have FReepmail.


14 posted on 08/19/2007 4:45:04 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Old_Mil; Salvation
Congratulations to both of you. What a blessing you must be to each other!

I'm no longer married - my wife filed for divorce when I lost my job.

For a moment there I thought Salvation was engaging in sarcasm!

15 posted on 08/19/2007 10:41:19 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler ("A person's a person no matter how small." -Dr. Seuss)
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To: mckenzie7

Actually, a woman can learn a lot about a man by owning a dog. Did you ever find that tickle spot on the rib cage that makes a guys leg go thump thump thump?


16 posted on 08/20/2007 7:12:08 AM PDT by SaltyJoe ("Social Justice" for the Unborn Child)
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To: SaltyJoe
For some reason, the letter you send didn't come out well in the Freep Mail. But with a little tweeking, I got the picture. Thanks! It's wonderful that Grandparents can bridge the generation gap between children and parents. I love this photo.
17 posted on 08/20/2007 7:19:53 AM PDT by SaltyJoe ("Social Justice" for the Unborn Child)
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To: NYer

I have read the entire Catechism of the Catholic Church and there is nothing in it which says that it is a mortal sin to refuse to have intercourse with one’s spouse or that one may refuse intercourse only for a serious reason. That is not to say that spouses do not have a right to intercourse because they do, but I think this priest’s opinion is extreme.


18 posted on 08/20/2007 7:35:30 AM PDT by steadfastconservative
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To: steadfastconservative
I think this priest’s opinion is extreme.

He's an 'orthodox' priest ;-)

19 posted on 08/20/2007 10:42:24 AM PDT by NYer ("Where the bishop is present, there is the Catholic Church" - Ignatius of Antioch)
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To: steadfastconservative

1 Corinthians 7

3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.


20 posted on 08/20/2007 10:47:31 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is aborting, buggering, and contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: NYer

ping


21 posted on 08/20/2007 10:50:52 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is aborting, buggering, and contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: ArrogantBustard

Yes, but this passage does not mean that each spouse is bound, under the penalty of mortal sin, to agree to every request of the other to have relations. That would be ridiculous. And it is not what the Church teaches.


22 posted on 08/20/2007 5:32:55 PM PDT by steadfastconservative
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To: steadfastconservative
You’re right. The Church teaches that the spouses are no longer two but one. And therefore cannot with hold themselves for selfish reasons. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to tell your spouse, “not tonight.” But anger, bitterness or punishment aren’t justifiable reasons. Of course, in a healthy sacramental reasons, neither spouse is going to insist upon their marital rights if the other isn’t up for it. It’s simply a reminder that we are to love fully and unselfishly. Withholding sex and demanding it are both selfish acts.
23 posted on 08/20/2007 9:55:06 PM PDT by mockingbyrd (peace begins in the womb)
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To: mockingbyrd

Thanks. You said it better than I did.


24 posted on 08/21/2007 4:53:46 AM PDT by steadfastconservative
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To: NYer
How to have a Happy Marriage?

Well, if you don't know I'm not going to tell you.

25 posted on 08/21/2007 4:56:28 AM PDT by N. Theknow (Kennedys: Can't drive, can't fly, can't ski, can't skipper a boat; but they know what's best for us)
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To: mockingbyrd; steadfastconservative
The disputed assertion:

to refuse intercourse to your married partner is a mortal sin, unless you have a serious reason.

This, of course, raises the question of what constitutes a "serious reason", and whether "serious reason" is consistent with St. Paul's command not to "defraud" each other.

St. Paul also talks about how the wife should submit to the husband and the husband should love his wife "as Christ loves the Church". Both are difficult commands, particularly in modern America.

IMO, looking at the whole passage, I'd suggest that the presumption should be in favor of "relations" if either party wants it, but that declining on the grounds of "not being up to it tonight" should not be cause for discord. (If either party is consistently, continuously "not up to it", the couple should ask "why?") OTOH, using sex as a weapon is very wrong.

26 posted on 08/21/2007 6:01:00 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is aborting, buggering, and contracepting itself out of existence.)
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