Skip to comments.Republican Jesus™
Posted on 02/03/2013 5:44:30 AM PST by EBH
Or How I Learned to Stop Thinking for Myself and Just Trust Republican Jesus.
When I was a kid, I was taught that the Pilgrims fled to the New World to escape religious persecution. Somewhere in there, I learned that we dont have a national religion and people were free to practice whatever religion they wanted. That was kind of it as far as religion went in my history classes and overall education. Sure, Jews were mentioned in the context of the Holocaust but more as a race than a religion. I did, however, attend Synagogue for a few years as an adolescent. I viewed it more as learning my heritage as opposed to actively worshiping. Even then, I was not inclined towards belief. Probably because my parents were more interested in making sure I was curious about stuff instead of learning any particular dogma. Religion was, for me, just something that other people did. It would be many years before I understood I was an atheist and even more years until I stumbled across Dawkins, Hitchens, et. al and learned how to verbalize it.
Through all of this, it never occurred to me that I would ever have to worry about a particular set of religious values being forced upon me. I always assumed that religion was a private thing, practiced in ones home or place of worship. That was it. Even in college, I rarely came across any real religious zeal. I once took a trip down to Washington DC with the Young Republicans club because they were my friends and they invited me to go. I got to meet Oliver North (yay me?) who was so exact in his pose with each of us, from me at 62 to little Jen, all of 51, that to this day, I cannot convince people the pictures are not of us next to a cardboard cutout.
But even with the Young Republicans during that first Bush presidency, I wasnt assaulted with any kind of religious politics. I did find a good deal of racism which gave me a big clue about how Republicans see the world. I was totally apolitical at the time and had no idea what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican was. I didnt read, or watch, the news and no one had ever mentioned it in any of my classes. My political education was also sorely lacking. It irritates me when I think back on it.
Fast forward to the George W. Bush years. I had been aware of the Evangelical movement back in the 80s but Creationism still wasnt being taught in schools and Roe v. Wade hadnt been overturned on religious grounds. But during Bushs tenure, I started hearing the more than occasional remark about how not believing in God makes you a bad American and if you were a LIBERAL that didnt believe in God? Scum of the Earth!
Wait a minute. Not believing in God (or, more precisely, not believing in a very specific version of God) makes me a bad American? How does that even work? This country was founded on religious freedom and the explicit separation of Church and State, wasnt it? And thats when I became acquainted with Republican Jesus.
Who the hell is Republican Jesus?
Republican Jesus is very different than the Jesus you and I are familiar with. First off, he is White. Not just white, but White. Republican Jesus has a special place in his heart for America. Specifically, White America. Do you doubt this? Ask yourself why anyone who believes in a colorblind Jesus would even conceive of praying for the death of Obama? No, only those who follow Republican Jesus would even think that such a prayer could, or should, be answered. If you are currently thinking that racism has nothing to do with the unprecedented hatred of Obama, go away, Im talking to the grownups.
Republican Jesus, by the way, is a big supporter of the Confederacy. Why he let them lose the War of Northern Aggression is a mystery. But all real Americans know that the South will rise again and Republican Jesus will lead the way back to glory. Or something like that. How the Northern and Mid-western Red states fit into this Southern revival is also a mystery.
Republican Jesus loves guns. Loves them! Never mind all that silly talk of beating swords into plowshares! Every good member of the church of Republican Jesus should have, at minimum, enough armament to hold off an invasion by those commie Nazi liberal hordes that are coming any day now. Or the ATF, whichever shows up first. Or maybe just enough to wipe out a schoolroom filled with kids when their excellent parenting skills manifest themselves in the next Columbine tragedy.
Remember, conservatives, to complain about anti-bullying programs being government overreach afterwards!
Republican Jesus loves the rich. Ignore that whole camel through the eye of a needle garbage. Republican Jesus wants you to be prosperous! Its called prosperity theology and it percolates throughout the conservative religious fervor. God rewards the faithful with material wealth. Very spiritual stuff. If your idea of spiritual is a McMansion.
But Republican Jesus is not just about love. Republican Jesus also hates and, boy, does he hate!
Republican Jesus hates the poor. This is the flip side of prosperity theology. If God rewards the faithful with riches, than the poor are obviously NOT of the faith and deserve what they get. This is, in part, why conservatives hate the social safety nets of welfare, food stamps and Medicaid. Those (and by those I mean those) people dont worship Republican Jesus and are unworthy of being helped. Besides if you feed them, theyll just breed!
Republican Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer of South Carolina actually said that. And he meant it.
Republican Jesus hates The Gay. Theyre sinners, after all. It says so right there in the Bible next to the part about shellfish being an abomination. Nothing demonstrates the compassionate conservatives dedication to the teachings of Republican Jesus like blocking legislation for same sex marriage and calling homosexuals pedophiles while enjoying a nice shrimp cocktail before a delicious lobster dinner.
Also, Republican Jesus gave us AIDS, and STDs in general, as punishment for homosexuality. Of course, this ignores the fact that lesbians (a well-known subset of homosexuality) have the lowest rate of STDs, including AIDS, among all adult population groups. So as far as punishment goes, half of the sinners are better off than the rest of us, statistically speaking. Maybe Republican Jesus likes him some girl on girl action?
Republican Jesus hates Muslims. Muslims are scary because some of them do bad things to innocent people. That makes them all evil terrorists. This is not to be confused with White Christian Militia types who blow up abortion clinics or plot political assassinations in Republican Jesus name. Those people are martyrs and heroes. Or they were crazy lone wolves having nothing to do with Republican Jesus. It depends on which channel youre interviewing on, Fox or MSNBC.
Republican Jesus totally hates Liberals. Liberals are the pawns of Satan George Soros trying to destroy the greatest country ever made on this 6000 year old planet (conservative moderates are almost as bad and must be expunged!). Compromising with a Liberal is a terrible sin in the eyes of Republican Jesus and must not be tolerated.
Finally, Republican Jesus hates science. With a passion bordering on obsession. And thats the topic of my next ivory tower snobby liberal thesis: Why DO conservatives hate science so much? Or How I learned not to learn and trust my beer gut instead.
Edited by Sherri Yarbrough
Feel free to tell me what a terrible person I am on Facebook, at my home blog or follow me on Twitter @FilthyLbrlScum
This crazy blog was sent to me ...and I would like to share it here...but fully understand if the mods remove it or move it to the backroom.
It was quite appalling to read this on a Sunday morning.
Actually a pretty good point. I am personally appalled by the apparent increasing influence of prosperity theology.
Through all of this, it never occurred to me that I would ever have to worry about a particular set of religious values being forced upon me.
He never does get around to demonstrating how any such values are being forced on him.
I agree with you on the prosperity theology but that fact alone proves the writer wrong because he paints conservatives with a wide brush that doesn’t fit you or I.
That said, the writer needs to take a look at many of his fellow liberals who are also practitioners of prosperity theology.
Straw man mutterings from am insecure, bitter, and lost man. If anything, atheists force their beliefs on Christians by force of law every chance they get, while ignoring Islam, which actually will force their beliefs on them.
Anything-But-Jesus is what best describes them.
welll... a lot of blather I’d say...Jesus IS the Son of the living God...the creator of all... and the word “hate” does not come from a true believer in Jesus the Christ.. so...all mankind has a sinful nature... putting Jesus the Christ in a box i,e. “republican jesus” or any such label is an indication that the person who does, does not know who Jesus the Christ is... and really does not care who He is... a lotta folks like that... best not to pay them much mind...I’d say..
Not a terrible person, just incorrect, and failed in some areas. Perhaps a lot like the people he condemns.
Seems we all need to work on a bunch of stuff in our lives.
I believe “apolitical Jesus” ntm said some thing about.
“For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brothers eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, Let me remove the speck from your eye; and look, a plank is in your own eye?” Matthew 7:2-4
He paints it with too broad a brush.
Yes there is the whole eye of the needle thing...but there is also Proverbs 13:22.
The irony of the eye of the needle is Jesus was talking about the very rich elites and pharisees that parade around like they have some sort of entitlement to heaven. Think ....Pelosi is a great example. The man in Matthew 19 who claimed he had followed all that was ordered. What does giving up all he has to follow Jesus mean?
I am surprised no one ever loved her enough to share the gospel. The truth is the wrath (intense anger) of God is on her and all unbelievers.
“He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life; and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abideth on him.” (John 3:36)
Her ire against Christians stems from a hatred toward God. Jesus said if they hated him, they will hate those who love him. “The servant is not greater than his lord; if they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” (John 15:20)
re: “Compromising with a Liberal is a terrible sin in the eyes of Republican Jesus and must not be tolerated.”
The writer has bought into every single stereo-type I’ve ever heard from liberals regarding Christians. Yes, there is some truth to some of the points he makes, but, as usual, way WAY too generalized.
Then the writer uses the stereo-type “truths” he’s “established” to make “logical” judgements of such stereo-typical people.
I think it is especially ironic that the writer’s statment I quoted above is much more accurate in describing liberals refusal to compromise on anything:
“Always demonize your opposition, call them haters, bigots, intellectual idiots. Never, NEVER actually civily discuss political or moral issues with those you oppose. Always belittle the opposition as neanderthal morons who cannot carry on a converstaion or follow a logical thought. For example, never, never, ever compromise with conservatives or Christians on a single point regarding the origin of the universe. Never allow professors or scientists, even though highly educated with meritous academic honors in their fields, to be permitted to teach at your university - they must be silenced and destroyed professionally.”
The writer’s article was a beautiful example of doing what they accuse their opposition of doing. Also great at using provocative terms to get a rise out of those you oppose to “prove” your point at just how ignorant your opposition is.
The writer can only be prayed for as I doubt he is seriously open to listening to anything a person who disagrees with him has to say. Hopefully, he’ll grow up some day by life’s school of hard knocks to hear real truth.
Sorry Justin, but no, you're wrong. Yes, the Pilgrims DID sail west for their own religious freedom. And when the USA declared its independence from England (and the Church of England), the first amendment of the Constitution was crafted to keep the federal government from establishing a "national religion." However, many of the individual states DID have their own official state religions, and the first amendment was written to ensure that these state religions would not be replaced. There is NO explicit "separation of Church & State" written anywhere within the Constitution.
As an atheist how could he even have a problem with “prosperity theology?” as opposed to any other kind of theology?
This “atheist” worships at the foot of the government, the great equalizer, Santa Claus, 0bama.
FWIW, this section proves this person doesn't have a clue about Christianity. It's a lot like saying that she considers Americans arrogant because they learned it from their Queen, Elizabeth, who puts on royal airs.
Another bitter god-wannabe, angry because the real God thinks the things he favors are wrong.
Jesus desires us to love God snd devote ourselves to God regadless of the form of society or its government. Prosperity makes it harder to concentrate on God and Heaven than poverty and adversity like the rich man and the camel. Render unto Caesar and all that. He had nothing to say about the form of the society or its government. It is about one’s one’s acceptance of Jesus Christ as men’s and one’s saviour and one’s actions and attitude toward one’s fellow man. Socialism or Free Market Capitalism are irrelevant.
I wonder what this gentleman would have to say about the Pastor in Iran who was sentenced to 8 years in prison for preaching the Gospel. I suppose he risked doing that because of the hate him an his Republican Jesus have for Muslims.