Joseph Smith's Consent Needed to Enter Heaven (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 7, p.282-91)

http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/sermons_talks_interviews/jofdvol7p282_291smithholdskeystoheaven.htm ^ | 1/22/03 | Brigham Young

[Jean Chauvin]

"Ask the_doc what he was tempted to say in response to my beer & Baptists joke...."

Emo: I was at the bar the other night....hopping from stool to stool...trying to get lucky....but there wasn't gum under ~any~ of them!

[Jerry_M]

This is the one I thought I was posting, but the one on worship is also very good. Especially the ending about pickin' somebody else's cotton.

[Jean Chauvin]

Hey Woody,

Do you know what kind of people I hate the most?

[Codie]

Your still trying to save Mormons on this thread,right?

[Jean Chauvin]

This thread is about Mormons?

Jean

[CCWoody]

"I was at the bar the other night...."

Ohhh, so this was you:


A thief breaks into a bar and goes right for the cash register, when he hears a voice behind him say, "Jesus is watching."
He turns around, but he doesn't see anything, so he goes back to the cash register. Again he hears, "Jesus is watching." Finally, he sees a parrot over there in the corner, and he goes over to it and says, "What's your name?"

"John the Baptist," replies the bird.

"That's a funny name for a parrot," says the thief. "Who named you that?"

The parrot says, "The same guy who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

[CCWoody]

Ok, I give up! What kind of people do you hate the most?

[Jean Chauvin]

Indian Givers!

[Jean Chauvin]

No! I take that back!

[Jerry_M]

Groan...

[CCWoody]

Ok, a joke for pastors:

2 men get stranded on a tropical desert island in the middle of nowhere.

The first man says, "What are we going to do."

The second man says, "Don't worry, it will be alright."

The first man replies, "How can you say that? We are in the middle of nowhere and nobody knows where we are."

The second man replies, "Don't worry, I make $1 million a year."

[Long pause]

The first man finally says, "How can that help."

The second man confidently replies, "Don't worry, it makes a difference."

The first man asks [scratching head], "It doesn't matter how much you make. How can it possibly help?"

The second man confidently continues, "Don't worry, I make a $1 million a year and I'm a christian."

[another long pause]

Finally, the first man manages, "Are you deluded?"

The second man, beaming, replies, "Look, I'm a christian and I make a lot of money and I tithe. My pastor will find me."

[fortheDeclaration]

by His counsel secret to us FYI, FTD.

Sounds like a 'secret will' to me, in others words, since Scripture says one thing (God wants all men saved) and all men are not being saved, (and it cannot be because man has refused God because of his own will)thus, according to Calvinist's it is the Scripture that is deceiving us!

Mysticism pure and simple!

You start with a preconceived view of how God's Sovereignity has to work and then reject the Scriptures that tell you otherwise, and then fall back on the 'mystery' of God.

If Predestination is a 'mystery' to the Calvinist, (as Calvin himself maintained) then why don't you just shut up about how someone is saved and preach the Gospel?

No, you want to shove that nonsense about Unconditional election down Christians throats and then when the contradictions are exposed from Scripture you cry 'mystery'!

If you do not know, then do not claim to know!

[CCWoody]

Question: What's the great thing about being an Arminian?

Answer: It never interferes with your politics. (...OR your religion! )

[CCWoody]

Question: What's the difference between God and Joseph Smith?

Answer: Well...GOD doesn't think He's Joseph Smith !

[Jean Chauvin]

You know ~who~ I really hate the most?

[Elsie]

 P.S. Ask the_doc what he was tempted to say in response to my beer & Baptists joke....

 

 1 Corinthians 8:8-9
 8.  But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.
 9.  Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

[CCWoody]

Not even close....

[CCWoody]

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.

Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

[Wrigley]

Who?

[CCWoody]

After his last lame joke, I refused to play this time....