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Learned something new this week.
Lawyers can read.
Or, at least, they have somebody around who can read things to them.
A number of those who engage in the so-called "practice" of law got their panties in a bunch over our column that said Bill Clinton had hit a new low when even lawyers didn't want anything to do with them.
"You do a great disservice to lawyers by lumping them all together as liars, crooks and cheats," one wrote. "You owe the legal profession an apology."
Sorry folks. As F. Ross Johnson, former CEO of RJR Nabisco once said, the only thing I expect out of lawyers is that they be back in their coffins by sunup.
Apologize to the legal profession? For what? For turning the United States into the most litigious society on earth? For giving us a country where money-grubbing trial attorneys sue everybody in sight? For dominating virtually every state legislature and the Congress of the United States and inundating us with laws that serve no other purpose than to line their own pockets?
Perhaps there was a time when those who practiced law could hold their heads high, but that time has long since passed. The legal profession is now dominated by ambulance chasers that misuse the law to fatten their bank accounts at the expense of companies with deep pockets. No one need be responsible for their actions, not in today's world where there is always a shyster at hand ready to hang that burden on any corporate or government entity with a fat bank account.
Got drunk, wrecked your car and hurt yourself? No problem. Just hire a lawyer to sue the restaurant chain that employed the bartender who served you the drinks. Fell over your own feet and broke your arm? Sue the city. It must have been an uneven sidewalk.
Your son was shot and killed by a three-time loser with a stolen gun. Don't sue the judicial system that let the felon walk. Nah. Sue the gun manufacturer. Obviously, they should have known the gun would be stolen, so they shouldn't have made it in the first place.
The sheer incompetence of former assistant Los Angeles County district attorney Marcia Clark and her gang of losers made it possible for a killer like O.J. Simpson to still walk the streets. When you combine the stupidity of lawyers like her with the anything-for-a-fat fee legal strategies of Simpson defense attorney Johnny Cochran, the real loser was justice.
It's no coincidence Bill Clinton surrounds himself with lawyers. Like him, they believe truth is irrelevant, that all statements are subject to interpretation and spin and that nothing is wrong as long as there is a loophole that can be exploited.
Bill Clinton lied to a federal court and was found in contempt for it. But that didn't stop the American Bar Association from inviting him to speak at their convention. By doing so, the association that represents the legal profession as a while condoned the illegal actions of one of their own.
Such actions remove any claim by the legal profession that they are being tarred with a broad brush. As long as lawyers tolerate the Bill Clintons, the Marcia Clarks, the William Ginsburgs and all the ambulance chasers, bottom feeders and miscreants in their midst, they cannot hide behind the standard excuse that "every profession has its misfits."
We stand by our belief that the legal profession, like Congress, is a haven for crooks, liars, cheats, swindlers and other masters of malfeasance.
If you don't like it, sue us. We'll stand on the belief that truth is an absolute defense.
Shunned by all the other jackals
It doesn't take very long for the young idealist lawyer to become a money grubber. Under the surface of professionalism, lawyers see clients as whores see johns. Fresh meat that needs to be chomped on.
It doesn't take very long for the young idealist lawyer to become a money grubber. Under the surface of professionalism, lawyers see clients as whores see johns. Fresh meat that needs to be chomped on.
Q. What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A. The rooster wakes up every morning wanting to cluck defiance.
Clinton could not do what he's done and continues to do without the overwhelming assistance from lawyers.
Bear in mind, however, that some of us refuse to join the ABA for these above-mentioned reasons. The only problem with this approach, is that the ABA uses its credibility (well, just for the sake of argument, let's call it "credibility"), platform and money for all sorts of causes.
We used to need a lawyer in our family just to be able to sift through the newspaper and local news for a few facts. However, the need for this skill and training have been greatly lessed due to the advent of terrific sites like Free Republic!
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.
What's the best way to get a lawyer down from a tree?
Cut the rope...
Q: What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A: Not enough.
5.56mm
"Apologize to the legal profession? For what? For dominating virtually every state legislature and the Congress of the United States and inundating us with laws that serve no other purpose than to line their own pockets?"
If you believe that war is too important to be left in the hands of the generals, then you must believe that law is too important to be left in the hands of the lawyers!
Q: What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A: Not enough.
I thought it was "a good start..."
I hoped was concerned that this thread would descend to a bunch of tasteless lawyer jokes, such as "what do you call 3 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand."
Powerful article!
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW filled with attorneys?
With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
A new study recommends replacing rats used in scientific experiments with lawywers. Because…
There are a lot more lawyers than lab rats;
Some folks become fond of lab rats;
There are some things that lab rats just won't do.
No other single profession has stolen more from more people than lawyers. No single profession has raped, pillaged, and plundered the citizenry than lawyers. Who makes the laws, who enforces the laws, who makes a mockery of the laws more than lawyers.
Works for me.
Three lawyers graduated college and vowed to meet at their favorite watering hole every year to discuss their successes. The year passes and they show up at the bar, each having acquired a dog during the year. They ordered chicken wings and beer, and began to tell how their dog was the smartest. The first lawyer said, "my dog is the smartest, she filed a brief with the Superior Court here in town". The second lawyer said, "that's nothing, my dog is obviously the smartest, she filed a motion with the Supreme Court of the U.S". As more beer and wings arrived, the two lawyers asked the third what his dog had done. At that moment the lawyer's dog jumped on the table, ate the wings, drank all the beer and screwed the other two dogs.
5.56mm
Great piece. As far as I'm concerned every lawyer is the devil, or his advocate.
Going down hill fast...(ROFLMAO).
5.56mm
All who vote for lawyers for elected office, shut the f@#k up! Many of these problems are self-inflicted by we voters.
Sorry folks. As F. Ross Johnson, former CEO of RJR Nabisco once said, the only thing I expect out of lawyers is that they be back in their coffins by sunup.
ROTFLMAO!!!!
In Liberty,
Mark Alexander,Esq. [sshhhh]
;^)
=) ... until you need a good lawyer, it's nice to think they're all jerks, isn't it?
Q: Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: Why is hunting lawyers a good idea?
A: For every three lawyers you bag, you're bound to get a politician as well.
All who vote for lawyers for elected office, shut the f@#k up! Many of these problems are self-inflicted by we voters.
You're not a lawyer by any chance, are you?
Three lawyers graduated college and vowed to meet at their favorite watering hole every year to discuss their successes. The year passes and they show up at the bar, each having acquired a dog during the year. They ordered chicken wings and beer, and began to tell how their dog was the smartest. The first lawyer said, "my dog is the smartest, she filed a brief with the Superior Court here in town". The second lawyer said, "that's nothing, my dog is obviously the smartest, she filed a motion with the Supreme Court of the U.S". As more beer and wings arrived, the two lawyers asked the third what his dog had done. At that moment the lawyer's dog jumped on the table, ate the wings, drank all the beer and screwed the other two dogs.
Final Chapter: The dog then fell off the table holding its back and sued the bar for disability, pain, and suffering...
...................................................
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick
...................................................
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a stinking, slimey, bottom-feeding scum-sucker, and the other is a fish...
It's hypocritical to complain about lawyers in government unless you don't vote for them! You do understand that concept don't you? Now how you got out of that that I may be a lawyer is a non sequitor. Oops! If I use a latin phrase you will wonder if I am a lawyer.
LOL!
5.56mm
If I use a latin phrase you will wonder if I am a lawyer.
Not all all. I was just pokin' fun at ya cause you seemed awfully sensitive about the subject.
If you believe that war is too important to be left in the hands of the generals, then you must believe that law is too important to be left in the hands of the lawyers!
I don't think I've ever seen a general advertise:
"If you or your loved ones or your beloved country have been hurt or injured by enemies sworn to wipe you from the face of the earth call 1-800-GET-ARMS."
To wit: Your attempt to be inane and witty has made as much of an impression as DNA to the OJ jury.
Can anyone tell me how many lawyer jokes currently exist in the world?????
????
Two,
all the rest are true stories.
;^)
Q: What is the difference between a hooker and an attorney?
A: The hooker will stop screwing you after you die.
A lawyer sign should be well heeded. Never elect a lawyer to government office. That has been our problem.
As a long time lurker, some time poster, and lawyer, I feel I must stick up for the honest members of my profession (I know that's a perfect setup for more jokes). Lawyers are like any other group in our society. There are very good ones, very bad ones, and everything in between. The very bad ones (WJC seems to have an unusually large number of them on retainer) usually get the publicity.
Most FReepers will enjoy the humor here, as do I, but if they get into a legal jam, they will very thankful to have one of the good lawyers represent them.
< /defense of profession>
Nah, we wouldn't suspect that you're a lawyer based on your use of the Latin phrase. A lawyer would have spelled non sequitur correctly. :)
By the way, when I did expert witness work in a former life, I discovered that some lawyers are fine people. Unfortunately, I discovered at the same time that most lawyers whom I encountered were not! (I once had a friend who dropped out of law school even when he was making good grades. He was disgusted with the fact that he was being taught a dishonest approach toward the law.)
check these out
I thought it was, "What's the difference between a porcupine and the Clinton White House?"
What's the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A leech will leave you alone once you die.
Nah, we wouldn't suspect that you're a lawyer based on your use of the Latin phrase. A lawyer would have spelled non sequitur correctly.
ROFL! I can't believe I didn't catch that. My debate prof would have my head!
A man walked into a bar with an alligator under his arm.
He asked he bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Of course", said the bartender.
"Ok", the man said, "I'll have a beer. ...... And I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
MEOW!
I apologize and will try to explain to you what I meant as my bon mot apparently went right over your head. The reason generals shouldn't be in overall charge of any conflict is that they are only trained in the military aspect of war and not in the diplomacy that might cease or even prevent a war. Likewise, lawyers are not trained in what is best for society as a whole, but rather in what is best for their client and themselves. The end result is the situation we find ourselves in today, a "target-rich environment" for lucrative litigation.
Now do you understand?
P.S. Personally, I've always thought letting lawyers write our laws is somewhat akin to penitentiary inmates writing the rules regarding parole eligibility. In whose best interests do you think will the rules be written?
Apologize to the legal profession? For what? For turning the United States into the most litigious society on earth? For giving us a country where money-grubbing trial attorneys sue everybody in sight? For dominating virtually every state legislature and the Congress of the United States and inundating us with laws that serve no other purpose than to line their own pockets?
You know, I've honestly been thinking about going to law school to study constitional law (due in large part to all I've learned since finding Free Republic). One thing that makes me hesitate is the thought of becoming one of "them". :)
Not to worry, Mr. ConfettiMan. As you know, this is a practically unexhaustable subject for me. At the same time, I'm related to and have worked for some very fine lawyers of the utmost integrity. Wanted to be one, once upon a time ... back when law libraries smelled like pipe tobacco anyway.
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk!
The UYS system is aimed at representation not truth. They should have it in large print on the application for law school. The control of government by lawyers is poison.
Sensitive about critics who cause the problem (voting for lawyers) We get the kind of government we deserve.
There was a line of people waiting to get into heaven. Peter was doing the check-in. Gabriel runs up and asks if there is a psychiatrist in line. Peter says yes near the end, why? Gabriel says no time to talk and runs down the line calling for a psychiatrist.
Near the end of the line a man raises his hand and says "I'm a psychiatrist". Gabriel says hurry follow me. It's an emergency! They start running and go through the gate. The psych catches up and says what's the problem? Gabriel says Hurry, it's God. He thinks he's a federal judge!
Q: Why do lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin down.
This thread is killing me.
5.56mm
No incoming rounds whistled past my brain bucket. I resented your analogy of the Members of "The Brotherhood of Arms" with the "Brethren of the Bar".
The politicians (read: lawyers) have screwed up diplomacy at every opportunity. Marshall rebuilt Europe, MacArthur rebuilt Japan and Patton would never have allowed the Cold War to begin in the first place.
To be succinct; I would trust generals. I would never turn my back on a lawyer.
Lawuyers are like whores in that:
1. You hope you will never need one.
2. If you ever DO need one, you buy the very best one you can afford.
N. Theknow, you have my most sincere apology for misunderstanding your reply. And from my having spent some time in the company of members of the legal profession, I could not agree more with you in your opinion of our military leaders. They are taught to live and die by words like "honor" and "loyalty" and "self-sacrifice", while a large number of members of our legal profession live by words like "who's the deep pocket" and "paper blizzard", and even to questioning the meaning of words like "is". However, the general's vision is still mostly limited to the battlefield, and the overall commander must look beyond that. But based on what I've seen in the last 7 1/2 years of this great country run by members of the legal profession for whom "honor" is just a 5-letter word, and now to hear professors of law in some of our most prestigous universities tell us that these same attorneys lying in court isn't bad, or that the lying doesn't count when lawyers aren't acting as lawyers, when these same teachers of law tell us that holding a President to a high standard of conduct is unrealistic and know that they will be training the lawyers of tomorrow, frankly I question whether I will ever cast another vote for a candidate whose credentials includes a license to pratice law.
I know there are still attorneys out there who haven't set aside their honor in the name of profit, and I also believe that Freepers have a greater percent of these than the norm. No suck-up intended, just that if they were they type of lawyer I just described they would probably be at Salon instead of writing and lurking at Free Republic. But there is no denying that the legal profession is held in low esteem, and unless its members are willing to make the dfficult choices necessary to clean up this profession, especially after the stench of the Clinton adminstration, it will always be looked upon in somewhat the same light as that of prostitution, necessary at times, always expensive, rarely satisfying afterwards, and never someone you want to associate with outside their workplace.
Again, my apologies for misunderstanding your comments.
N. Theknow, you have my most sincere apology for misunderstanding your reply. And from my having spent some time in the company of members of the legal profession, I could not agree more with you in your opinion of our military leaders. They are taught to live and die by words like "honor" and "loyalty" and "self-sacrifice", while a large number of members of our legal profession live by words like "who's the deep pocket" and "paper blizzard", and even to questioning the meaning of words like "is". However, the general's vision is still mostly limited to the battlefield, and the overall commander must look beyond that. But based on what I've seen in the last 7 1/2 years of this great country run by members of the legal profession for whom "honor" is just a 5-letter word, and now to hear professors of law in some of our most prestigous universities tell us that these same attorneys lying in court isn't bad, or that the lying doesn't count when lawyers aren't acting as lawyers, when these same teachers of law tell us that holding a President to a high standard of conduct is unrealistic and know that they will be training the lawyers of tomorrow, frankly I question whether I will ever cast another vote for a candidate whose credentials includes a license to pratice law.
I know there are still attorneys out there who haven't set aside their honor in the name of profit, and I also believe that Freepers have a greater percent of these than the norm. No suck-up intended, just that if they were the type of lawyer I just described they would probably be at Salon instead of writing and lurking at Free Republic. But there is no denying that the legal profession is held in low esteem, and unless its members are willing to make the dfficult choices necessary to clean up this profession, especially after the stench of the Clinton adminstration, it will always be looked upon in somewhat the same light as that of prostitution, necessary at times, always expensive, rarely satisfying afterwards, and never someone you want to associate with outside their workplace.
Again, my apologies for misunderstanding your comments.
Sorry for the repeat, hit the send button twice by accident.
mea culpa
"There are two kinds of lawyers in the world. Those who really wish to help people, and parasites." Robert Heinlein.
Regards,
L
What do you have if you see a lawyer up to his neck in concrete? Not enough concrete.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
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