Rules For Being A Democrat (UPDATED LIST) [Free Republic]

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Rules For Being A Democrat (UPDATED LIST): Politics/Elections Front Page News
Source: Freeper
Posted on 01/15/2001 09:48:23 PST by hawaiian

Here's the most updated list of the Freeper-written "Rules for Being A Democrat", for the amazement and amusement of all our liberal friends. NOTE: By no means is this a comprehensive list. Feel free to keep adding them on, and I'll graft the new ones in.

You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by having an 18 1/2-minute gap in one tape of his recorded conversations, but that it was only an innocent mistake that one year's worth of Al Gore's e-mails got erased. And, wouldn't you know that these e-mails of Al's just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a White House committee and a federal grand jury in their continuing investigation of campaign finance abuses and other matters.
After the votes have been counted the same as they were in 37 other states, you must believe that hand counting the votes in three heavily democrat districts of the nation, ignoring the thousands of others many of which are heavily republican, is the only way to determine who was really elected.
You must believe a tax cut is actually spending of government money.
You must believe that killing a mass murdering is horrible, but believe that flusing innocent babies down the drain is cool.
You must believe that Wee Willie is a macho man.
You must believe that buying a gun will turn a good person into a sociopathic predator.
You must believe AS GOSPEL anything in the New York Times, Newsweek, or MSNBC.
You must believe that the Soviet Union just fell by itself.
You have to believe that the nation's prosperity has nothing to do with government, and that the best thing government can do to enhance our prosperity, is to leave us the hell alone.
You have to believe all men should either succeed or fail, as a result of their own efforts, and not rob their neighbors in a socialist effort to enhance their success.
You have to be against government programs AND expect Social Security to be dismantled completely.
You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives UNLESS those people violate the rights of others.
You have to believe that property rights determine whether environmental laws are just. If an action does not damage the property of others, it is ok.
You have to believe that public schools are a socialist abomination, and should be eliminated.
You have to believe that it is not federal government's concern whether your teenagers are still virgins.
You have to believe that a the US Constitution does not charter the federal government to regulate abortion, and that the matter should be returned to the states.
You have to believe that Jesus is a matter for personal devotion, and not government devotion.
You have to believe that individuals have a right to associate (or not associate) with anyone they damned well please, and that it is not government's job to undertake moral social engineering in violation of that right.
You have to believe that the president of the United States does not have the power to subvert our system of justice through perjury, obstruction, and intimidation, even if the victim is only a silly little Hillbilly girl from Arkansas.
You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans. (and in fact that ANY infringement of firearms purchases are prohibited by the constitution).
Once again, you have to believe in the elimination of ALL socialist constructs called public schools.
You have to believe that the ACLU is good WHEN they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good WHEN they defend the Constitution.
You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe is a prime example.
You have to believe the AIDS virus (or any other social concern) is not important enough to deserve Federal funding.
You have to believe that biology teachers should teach anything that parent WISH their children to be taught, because parents (not government) should be CHOOSING the education their children recieve.
You have to believe that alcohol, tobacco, and firearms do not violate rights.
You have to believe that even though governments have no business supporting the arts. Let them support themselves like the rest of us have to.
You have to believe that government has no business controlling the disposition of private property.
You have to believe in the Constitution of the United States, (even when the supposed majority would rather burn the damned thing and become a fully socialist state).
You have to believe that moral values are hate.
You have to believe that believing in conservative value is one thing, but acting on those value is exactly the opposite thing.
You have to believe that DemocRATs are fighting for poor people, eventhough the leaders such as Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Al Gore, etc. are getting richer and richer for using that war-chant, while the poor people are getting poorer and poorer.
You have to believe that in order to get ahead in live is that you have to be born proviledge, and any other way to get ahead in live must be wrong and very UN-AMERICAN.
You have to believe that it is important to show that you are a religious person, but it is also important to act in everyway possible to do everything against your religion. i.e. Be a reverend, or show up at a church, synagogue, mosque, etc. at every camera opportunity, but vote against partial birth abortion, against any-type of prayer in school, etc. (as long as you look good in camera)
You have to believe that the public school is good and the government is keep on improving the system, but you HAVE TO send your own children to Private school.
You have to believe that the nation can sue itself into prosperity.
You have to believe that the Democratic party, which claims it's constituency based on race, wants to eliminate racism in America.
You have to believe that the sexually confused, criminally organized, ethically negotiable, and motivationally dysfunctional represent the core values of American society.
You must believe sexual behavior is a genetic thing.
You have to have an IQ you can count on your two hands.
A hate crime is a hate crime because it rejects a social group, not because you actualy hate the innocent child with ultimated sado-masochist cruelty.
Sexual-orientation is great because it is only about sex, White-skin orientation is wrong because, well, kill the whiteys
Clinton's official position is only about sex and flesh orientations. His detractors are guilty of speech.
It's not merely about speech but about hate. It is not about racist-young-flesh orientation, it is only about sex.
Business people are cold money capital greedy people, socialist politicians like Clinton have warmer envies for flesh and people capital.
Christianity is bad because it reminds me of what me or the bad people do; amnesia is great because amnesia knows my feelings are hurt if I remember.
Kill the amnesic drunk drivers because they operate cars, save the amnesic criminal through insanity plea, he only killed her with his bare teeth like a maniac, he did not use a gun.
Guns are solely for killing; forget that pitch forks and guns can be useful peaceful farm tools. Self defense is not peace, let the horrible war monger kill you.
Humans are all equal except at birth. Kill babies, save criminals.
Liberals are multicultural... multicultural nazis: while nazis defined humanity along skin color, we define humanity along beautiful pictures of naked human bodies (never mind the similarity between judging on skin color or on human body shape).
Euthanasia and abortion are for life with dignity. Coming to think of it, we should never have tried vaccines on people, we should just have shot them instead of looking for healing potions for the sufferers ... despite their sufferance.
Regard all people's situation and feelings before judging people when they go abort, but never regard people's situation when they go abort babies to the point of putting the doctors on trial. Certainly do not allow for a revealing due process trials accusing the feotus of murder of the mother.
Never impose pain on yourself even if it means putting others in pain. Forget, never sense.
Psychology and multiple influences are our gods. No god can reject those influences.
The function of kindness in humanity is less important than the human body, especially when it hurts.
You have to believe that Jesse Jackson's financial gain is directly related with how unhappy he can make black people.
You have to believe that creating new laws (hate crimes, gun control) is good (because it makes the lawmaker "FEEL GOOD"), but ENFORCING existing laws (death penalty, impeachment, the Constitution) is bad.
You have to believe that all teenagers are essentially wild animals with uncontrollable sexual passions. So forget mentioning the word "abstinence."
You have to believe that a national election should be decided by a roomful of Democrats, meeting behind closed doors, attempting to determine the voters' intentions.
You have to believe that Carol Roberts has more honor and dignity than Katherine Harris.
You have to believe that people born poor can never achieve anything without lots of help from an overwhelmingly powerful government, and you have to believe that people who DO manage to succeed without government's help have obviously "cheated" (because Equal Opportunity always leads to Equal Outcomes unless somebody cheated), and thus they deserve to be heavily penalized.
You have to believe that if you can cite a single government program that is popular with one segment of the population, that this automatically justifies ALL government programs. One must either agree with 0% of government programs, or with 100% of them; any number in between makes them a hypocrite.
You look in the mirror and imagine you see a white knight "fighting for the helpless members of society," while simultaneously you find nothing wrong with pithing a 9-month old about-to-be-born "bunch of cells" - as you call it - in the back of the head with a sharp scissors and twisting them around inside like it was a frog in Jr. Hi. Science class. You see this as compassionate liberalism, because it supports some vague right that you like to term "choice," while you avoid at all costs any discussion of the details of just what exactly is the thing that is being "chosen" here.
You have to believe that incredibly strict new pollution standards that might save 10-12 lives per year nationwide and will cost industry 10's of billions of $$ and throw 100's of thousands of Americans out of work when their jobs are shipped overseas - are well worth it. The 100's or even 1000's of people in that latter group who die early due to social disruptions caused by joblessness do not figure at all into your calculations.
You have to believe that a student wearing a crucifix necklace or bowing their head in a voluntary silent prayer is a threat to America as we know it. You have to believe that harshly discriminating against religion - by singling out just the student Bible Study group for denial out of all of the groups applying for permission to meet in classrooms after school - is obviously what the founding fathers were thinking of when they put into the Constitution that Congress shall make no law "prohibiting the free exercise" of religion.
You have to believe that an abortionist sawing limbs one at a time off of a full-term baby still inside the womb is solely an issue of "a woman and her own body". And you have to believe that large businesses are inherently evil while large governments are inherently good.
Although you've never seen a Bible in your life, you have memorized the story of Jesus saving the life of the adulterous woman ("He among you who is without sin may cast the first stone"), and you've recounted this verse countless times as a bludgeon against Christians who speak out on any sin- related issue. But you conveniently end your narration just BEFORE the last line - where Jesus told the woman, "Go, and sin no more."
And you have to believe that Scouting parents who don't want to send their boys into the woods with homosexuals are guilty of "Hate Crimes", and that this country would be such a wonderful place if we had laws to put such hateful parents behind bars. (And by extension, these same people obviously also "hate" all AIDS victims).
And anyone disliking Clinton can be automatically tagged with the "hatred" label, while anyone who foams at the mouth against conservatives is just "politically aware," that's all.

As I said, this is by no means a comprehensive list. Keep 'em coming, and I'll keep compiling.

1 Posted on 01/15/2001 09:48:23 PST by hawaiian
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To: hawaiian

I always spell democrat with a small "d." Other than that it is a good post. The democrats of Frankie and Ellie derivation are socialists who see no end to the percentage of one's income that should be confiscated (=taxed) by government. My entry is: "Unlimited tax burden on unborn children."

2 Posted on 01/15/2001 10:33:50 PST by Graewoulf
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To: hawaiian

The earlier items are far more succinct. The later ones bog down in minutia far too much.

Nice try, but no cigar.

3 Posted on 01/15/2001 10:52:31 PST by Illbay
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To: hawaiian

yOU SHOUld post this again and remove nos. 28-48, which obviously don't belong in this list. Looks good, though.

4 Posted on 01/15/2001 10:54:20 PST by The Old Hoosier
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To: hawaiian

Some of these don't seem to fit the definition of Democrat. See, e.g., #33, 35, 37, 39.

5 Posted on 01/15/2001 10:56:33 PST by Oxonian
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