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Dungeons and Dragons™ and other fantasy role-playing games
What are Dungeons & Dragons™ and similar games?
D&D is a fantasy role-playing game created and originally published by Dave Arneson and Gary Gygax who founded the Tactical Studies Rules Association (TSR) in 1973. It was an evolutionary step from earlier war games or military simulations. The game was first marketed 1974. It gained great popularity among teens and young adults. Rights to the game were later obtained by Wizards of the Coast. Random House began distributing the game in 1979 and now owns the game's copyright. Dozens of other companies have since published hundreds of similar games under a variety of titles, such as DragonQuest.™, RuneQuest™, Tunnels and Trolls™, and Villains and Vigilantes™. The games fall into many genres:
fantasy games (e.g. Dungeons and Dragons)
horror games (e.g. Call of Cthulhu)
science fiction games (e.g. Traveler)
cyberpunk (e.g. Cyberpunk 2020)
comic book (e.g. Champions)
historical games (e.g. Boot Hill)
Generic games (e.g. GURPS). These allow you to learn a single set of game rules and apply them to any setting.
Note: all game names are trademarked
These games are played by groups of two or more people; 4 to 7 are typical. One player is commonly called the Game Master (GM) who defines the imaginary environment in which the game is played. Sometimes the GM is referred to as Dungeon Master, Storyteller, Referee, etc. He/she creates a make-believe world through which the players will move and have their adventures. The players each create a single imaginary character, defining their shape, race, intellectual and physical powers, armament, protective devices, supplies and materials. The GM decides what traps, obstacles and encounters the imaginary characters will meet. Sometimes the GM holds the post for a long time; in other groups, the job rotates among the membership.
Adventures may include play-acting the rescuing of people, the quest for money, treasure, power, knowledge and sometimes even survival of the pretend character. Each player makes ethical, philosophical and moral decisions on behalf of her/his imaginary character as the game develops. The GM describes the environment, the events and the actions of supporting characters (also called non-player characters or NPC's). The players describe their pretend character's actions and reactions. The GM then tells them the results of each event. Many games use the rolling of dice in order to resolve conflicts and to determine the results of various actions (e.g. trying to disarm a trap or leap across a chasm, etc.). Future sessions begin where the previous session quit. Games can continue for years.
A few gamers use a system called Live Action Role Play (LARP) in which the players actually act out the roles of their characters. Sometimes, they dress up in costumes as if in a live play. Some regular gamers do not view LARPs in a positive light.
The society in which Dungeons and Dragons is played is typically pre-scientific. Weapons are at the spear and crossbow level. Some characters may be imagined as having telepathic powers, others as being capable of casting magic spells. Other fantasy role-playing games are set in the wild west, in the far future, etc.
Who Plays Fantasy Role Games?
Players are usually in their teens to early 30's, who may be above average in intelligence, creativity and imagination. (Perhaps persons with these qualities are naturally drawn to the games; perhaps playing the game develops these factors). Many younger players will meet for a game once a week; others once or twice a month. The session might last about 6 hours.
Past Attacks by some Conservative Christian Ministries Starting in the late 1970's, these games came under severe attack by some Fundamentalist and other Evangelical Christians who alleged that they contain "occult" content and inspire people to suicide or criminal activity.
After the death by suicide of Irving "Bink" Pulling in 1982-JUN, his mother, Patricia Pulling, organized BADD (Bothered about Dungeons and Dragons). Bink had been depressed after he was unable to find a campaign manager to handle his campaign for election to school council. He was apparently an emotionally disturbed student who admired Adolf Hitler. Unfortunately, his mother kept a loaded gun in the house that he was able to access; he used it to commit suicide. Patricia became convinced that the death had been triggered by her son's involvement with Dungeons and Dragons; she believed that his teacher had placed a curse on Bink during a game. She brought a lawsuit against the teacher and school. It was thrown out of court. She then organized BADD and started to speak out against RPGs, claiming that they induced young people to commit suicide and murder. BADD asked the Consumer Product Safety Commission to place warning labels on RPGs. The agency investigated but found that the games did not present a hazard to the public.
In 1997, Ms. Pulling died of cancer. BADD is currently. See the postal list at the end of this page. Michael A. Stackpole has investigated Ms. Pulling and BADD and written an extensive report. It is not a pretty story. 25
A second group actively opposing gaming is the Cult Crime Action Network (CCAN). As described elsewhere at this site, the word "cult" is often used as a general-purpose religious "snarl" word to refer to some activity (religious or otherwise) that is not approved of.
The games have been falsely accused of:
promoting violence and murder of parents and others;
causing suicide among young people;
luring young people into the occult
By the early 1990's, the furor had largely died down. The games are still attacked periodically on a small number of Fundamentalist or other Evangelical Christian TV programs and ministries. For example, the Christian Life Ministries has said that Dungeons and Dragons contains many references to cannibalism and sadism. Such topics are rarely discussed in fantasy role-playing games. When they are mentioned, they are not promoted but are shown in a bad light.
In 1996-JUN, fantasy role-playing game industry in Italy came under attack. As in the earlier attacks in North America, games have been accused of causing teen suicide, and distorting minds. They falsely claim that RPG players usually impersonate killers or death-row inmates. The "Stop the Nonsense" campaign was mounted to respond to this threat. 26
Past Attacks by Conservative Christian Authors All of the opposition to RPGs in books, magazines, TV or radio that we have observed appear to be from conservative Christians. Many of their books on Satanism and the Occult still attack the games:
Joan Hake Robie writes: "Dungeons and Dragons is not a game. Some believe it to be a teaching [sic] the following:". She then lists 22 activities, including blasphemy, assassination, insanity, sexual perversion, homosexuality, prostitution, Satan worship, and necromancy. 1
Neil Anderson & Steve Russo claim that the game negatively "affects a person's self-image and personality and opens him to satanic influence." 2
Bob Larson mentions that young people who call his radio talk show often mention fantasy games as "their introduction to Satanism". 3
Johanna Micaelsen criticizes games for their "promotion of occultism and violence". 4
Rus Wise writes: "God is able to deliver those who seek Him. Victory is ours. But first, we must receive God's power...We have been discussing the problems of satanic involvement. Whether we become deceived by use of the Ouija Board, music, divination or by Dungeons and Dragons, the end result is the same occult bondage." 24
What Do Studies Show about Suicide and Criminal Acts by Gamers?
There are many anecdotal stories about youth who have become involved with RPGs, and have become totally obsessed with the game. They become emotionally linked to their pretend RPG character. They lose the capacity to separate fantasy from reality. Some stressor makes them snap. They either commit suicide or go on a murder rampage. These stories make excellent material for an "urban legend". Such stories are widely discussed throughout North America. Fortunately, RPGs simply do not work this way. A gamer who commits suicide after having lost his identity in a RPG is probably as rare as a person who goes into a deep depression and kills themselves because they went bankrupt playing a game of Monopoly. Pro-RPG groups have investigated each of the murder-suicides which are allegedly caused by gaming. No causal link has ever been found.
The claims by conservative Christian groups that gamers commit suicide or engage in criminal acts do not appear to hold water:
Michael Stackpole calculated expected suicide rates by gamers during the early years of Dungeons and Dragons. He used BADD's estimate of 4 million gamers worldwide. Assuming that fantasy role game playing had no effect on youth suicide rate, one would have expected about 500 gamers would have committed suicide each year. As of 1987, BADD had documented an average of 7 per year. It would appear that playing D&D could be promoted as a public health measure, because it drastically lowers the suicide rate among youth. 5,25
Suzanne Abyeta & James Forest studied the criminal tendencies of "gamers" and found that they committed fewer than average numbers of crimes for individuals of the same age. 6
The Association of Gifted-Creative Children of California surveyed psychological autopsies of adolescent suicides and were unable to find any that were linked to these games. Their National Association has endorsed Dungeons and Dragons for its educational content. 7,8
The American Association of Suicidology, 9 the Center for Disease Control, 10 and Health & Welfare (Canada) 11 have conducted extensive studies into teen suicide. They have found no link to fantasy role-playing games.
Dr. S. Kenneth Schonbert studied over 700 adolescent suicides and found none which had fantasy role-playing games as a factor. 12
The Committee for the Advancement of Role-Playing Games has investigated every suicide or criminal case that BADD advanced, and has been unable to find any caused by role-playing games.
Are Fantasy Role Games part of "The Occult"?
The answer is both yes and no, depending upon one's point of view. There are many religious terms like demonic possession, Neopaganism, the Occult, Satan, and Satanism which have multiple meanings. Often conservative Christians use one definition, whereas others use another definition:
Common beliefs among conservative Christians: They often oppose fantasy games because of the alleged occult content of the games. They frequently state that RPG rule books include poison recipes or methods of summoning demons, etc. This appears to be a misunderstanding. A very few games have printed spell incantations from folk and ceremonial magick, but most do not. A gamer who wants his pretend character to cast a spell in order to protect itself from attack might simply say to the GM "I am casting a healing spell now." Note that neither the player nor their character actually casts a spell or practices magick. The player simply describes what the imaginary character is doing. Gaming is basically an adult version of make believe. It does not promote actual black magic or manipulative magick.
Evangelical Christian authors often view Satanism as being at the core of "the occult". Many believe that Satanism is a secret, underground, highly organized evil group that is international in scope and under the personal control of Satan. They feel that Satanists are responsible for kidnapping, torturing, ritually killing and even eating infants and children. They look upon many diverse occultic activities as performing a recruitment function for Satanists; these include fantasy role-playing games, astrology, heavy metal rock music, the "Care Bears" and "Smurfs" on children's TV, a second religion Wicca - often called "white" Witchcraft. Some conservative Christians view all religions other than Christianity (e.g. Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam) as forms of Satanism.
Common beliefs among non-Evangelical Christians, secularists, RPG players, etc: They view the Occult in very different terms. It is seen as a list of many unrelated activities: two religions, one type of game, one form of music, a variety of methods of foretelling the future and some imaginative and charming children's cartoons. In particular, Satanism is a religion which is totally unrelated to Wicca and the other activities mentioned. Neither Satanists nor Wiccans recruit members. "The Occult" is not an organized entity.
Recent Misinformation in the Christian Media On 1997-APR-7 and 8, the Adventures in program of Focus on the Family broadcast two episodes which attacked what they call "role-playing Fantasy Games" [sic]. 14 Odyssey is a radio play about pre-teens and teens in an American town. In both episodes, Dr. James Dobson presented a short talk directed to the children and youth listening to the program and their parents. He attacked RPGs, because he feels that its players actually become the pretend characters that they have selected. To play the game properly, he said that the players need to practice magic and mysticism. His choice of the terms "magic" and "mysticism" is unfortunate, because both words have multiple, conflicting meanings. In the APR-7 episode, he said that some gamers have reported involvement with demons and Satan worship.
In the radio play, "Jimmy" is visited by a RPG playing cousin, "Len". Len's character in the game is known as "Luther the Magician." The latter introduces Jimmy to a game called Castles and Cauldrons"; he gives Jimmy's character the name of "John Dell, the Apprentice." They play the game together. A battle is fought with some evil enemies; both experience auditory hallucinations in which their plastic swords sound like real weapons. Some of the misconceptions mentioned in the play were:
the gamers actually become the pretend characters, and engage in battles and other adventures. In reality, the gamers remain quite human and simply direct the character that they have chosen to go through the adventure.
the gamers are described as kneeling and reciting an incantation. Actually, the gamers would typically remain sitting and simply say that their characters are kneeling and engaged in a ritual; no incantation would actually be spoken.
if the gamer proves themselves worthy then they are supposed to accumulate special powers. This is incorrect. In reality, it is the character that the gamer has selected who may accumulate or lose imaginary powers during the course of a game.
Len described how one of his gamer friends is able to have visions. He can see things far away through the eyes of a flying bird. Again, in reality, it is the gamer's imaginary character that might be said to have visions, not the gamer. And in reality, the character sees no visions; the character is not alive; it is merely a symbol fantasized by the gamers as if it were real and seeing visions.
Len says that he has the power to read Jimmy's heart and implies that he received this special power during his gaming. This again is nonsense; players do not accumulate special powers; it is the player's pretend character that may accumulate or lose pretend powers.
The game is linked with manipulative black magick throughout the episode. Whit, a store owner, became overcome with feelings of dread and dropped a glass. He felt something oppressing his spirit. A cat became influenced (presumably by Len) to tear the arms off of a doll. A roast in the oven started to smoke. The implications are that the game playing is linked closely to black magic, and that one result of the game is to harm other people elsewhere in the town.
The games are described as involving evil, spiritual forces. Playing these games is said to "open doors" that "lets loose" demonic forces into people's lives. Again, gamers do not participate in evil sorcery, recite incantations, curse other people, etc. The Christian Scriptures contain many references to demons; they were very much a part of 1st Century CE belief, and were considered to be the source of many mental illnesses. But most people stopped believing in demons with the rise of modern mental health therapies. Demons are today mostly limited to Hollywood horror movies and the mental health belief systems of some conservative Christians.
Len explains that some adults become "Interferers" and attempt to stop young people from playing the games. He explained how they drove-off one such woman through the use of magic. Again, gamers do not engage in black magic or spells to dominate, manipulate, or control others.
At one point, Len tried to draw blood from Jimmy. Gamers don't draw blood. Their pretend characters might be imagined to draw pretend blood, but that is all.
"Whit" Whittaker, the owner of a local store comes across Len and Jimmy playing their game. He immediately destroys one of the tools of the game, called The Board of Talisman. Later, Whit casually mentions that he has stolen and destroyed all of Jimmies' gaming equipment. The implication is that a Christian is well within his rights to destroy another person's possessions if he feels that they are unchristian.
The overall effect of the program is:
to give a very distorted view of fantasy role-playing games,
to link them with "The Occult", black magick, evil sorcery and demonic activity.
to imply that it is quite acceptable for Christians to destroy other people's possessions if they disapprove of them.
If the program had simply been presented as a play, then it would have been an amusing piece of fiction - something like the "X-Files" or "Outer Limits" for kids. But the introduction by Dr. Dobson seems to imply that the activities described in the episode reflect the reality of role-playing games. They do not. The producers of the program are either completely misinformed, or intentionally deceptive about the nature of these games. The radio program promoted an hopelessly inaccurate version of fantasy role-playing games in which the players become involved with demons, Satanic worship, spells, curses, evil sorcery etc. The end result of the program is to create fear and insecurity in the minds of listeners in order to scare them away from playing this type of game.
Recent references in the secular media:
1999-APR-23: School violence: Dave Thomas is the local district attorney in Littleton CO, the location of the most horrendous school shooting in American history. 14 students and a teacher died violently. He gave an emotional speech, calling for an end to violence. The Associated Press review stated "He said America isn't taking care of its children. He wondered aloud about video games, movies, role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons and how they influenced young people."
2000-JUN-30: D&D Movie: Limited information about the Dungeons & Dragons movie was released in a press conference at Dragon Con in Atlanta GA. It will be released either during 2000-NOV/DEC or on Memorial Day of 2001. Costing $35 million, the film was shot in Czechoslovakia. Two sequels have already been written.
Comments from our visitors: 2000-DEC: "...there are many times where I have played a villainous character in a game, characters such as necromancers, evil dragons, assassins etc. But you know what I get from playing those characters? -- a good acting lesson, that's all. It is like playing a part in a movie but I am improvising the whole thing,. Never at one time when my character is smited do I get the so-called 'murderous and suicidal intentions' that most religious parties claim these games tend to give young adults."
2000-DEC: "Parents seem to forget that the 'devil' isn't responsible for all the evil out there. Evil isn't evil. It is just a stereotype that is given to an unexplained misfortune. Maybe parents should join in on the fun and see what it is all about before they allow their...minister to warp their minds into believe that RPG gaming is a way that the devil influences their children."
References:
1.Joan Hake Robie, The Truth about Dungeons and Dragons, Starburst Publishers, Lancaster PA, 1994. P. 67
2.Neil Anderson & Steve Russo, The Seduction of our Children, Harvest House, Eugene OR, 1991, P.78
3.Bob Larson, Satanism, The Seduction of America's Youth, Thomas Nelson, Nashville, 1989, P. 49
4.Johanna Michaelsen, Like Lambs to the Slaughter, Harvest House, Eugene OR, 1989, P. 232
5.Michael Stackpole, The Truth About Role-Playing Games in Shawn Carlson & Gerald Larue, Satanism in America, Gaia Press, El Cerrito CA, P. 241
6.Suzanne Abyeta & James Forest Relationship of role-playing games to self-reported criminal behavior, , Psychological Reports, Issue 69, 1991, P. 1187
7.Associated Gifted and Creative Children of California
8.Kristine Thompson, "Role Playing Games: Expect the Unexpected, Gifted Children Newsletter, Vol 5, #2, 1984-FEB.
9.American Association of Suicidology
10.James A. Mercy, Chief, Intentional Injuries Team, Centers for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA, (reaffirmed by his successor, Dr. Patrick O'Carroll)
11.Arthur J. Lips, Mental Health Consultant, Health and Welfare, Ottawa, Canada
12.Dr. S. Kenneth Schonbert, Albert Einstein College of Medicine, New York, NY
13.CAR-PGa, c/o Paul Cardwell Jr. 1127 Cedar, Bonham, TX 75418.
14."Odyssey" episodes broadcast on 1997-APR-7 & 8. Copies are available on tape from Odyssey, Colorado Springs, CO 80995.
15.Ascherman, Lee I., "The Impact of Unstructured Games of Fantasy and Role Playing on an Inpatient Unit for Adolescents", International Journal of Group Psychotherapy, Vol. 43 (3), July 1993, P. 335-344
16.Dayan, Daniel, "Review Essay: Copyrighted Subcultures: Shared Fantasy", AJS, Vol. 91, No. 5, March 1986, P. 1219-28
17.DeRenard, Lisa A. & Kline, Linda Mannik, "Alienation and the Game Dungeons & Dragons", Psychological Reports, 1990, 66, P. 1219-1222
18.Simón, Armando, "Emotional Stability Pertaining to the Game of Dungeons & Dragons", Psychology in the Schools, Vol. 24, October 1987, P. 329-332
19.Starker, Steven, "Fantasy in Psychiatric Patients: Exploring a Myth", Hospital & Community Psychiatry, Vol. 30 (1), January 1979, P. 25-30
20.Zayas, Luis H. & Lewis, Bradford H., "Fantasy-Role-Playing for Mutual Aid in Children's Groups: A Case Illustration", Social Work with Groups, Vol. 9 (1), Spring 1986, P. 53-66
21.Sean Patrick Fannon, "The Fantasy Role-Playing Gamer's Bible", Prima Publishing, (1996) (Covers the hobby and its history, discusses in detail the currently popular games)
22.Lawrence Schick, Heroic Worlds: A History and Guide to Role-Playing Games", Prometheus Books, (1991) (Features an extensive catalogue of 250 RPGs and describing all their supplements, plus industry interviews, history, beginner explanations).
23.Rick Swan, "The Complete Guide to Role-Playing Games", St. Martin's Press, (1990) (a hobby overview and somewhat opinionated review of 100 games)
24.Russ Wise, "Satanism: The World of the Occult," Probe Ministries, at: http://www.probe.org/docs/satanism.html
25.Michael Stackpole at: http://www.rpgstudies.net/
Copyright © 1996 to 2001 incl. by Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance
Latest update: 2001-JUN-17
Author: B.A. Robinson
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xm177e2 says:
The most accurate portrayal of a typical D&D game I have ever seen: Summoner Geeks.
I used to play all kinds of stuff, but eventually outgrew it. Role-players over the age of 30 often have some kind of maladjustment / arrested development.
Great for kids though.
Thanks for the extended article, I'm copying it and printing it out as we speak. I'm a father of two, a conservative Lutheran Christian (LCMS), and an avid roleplayer. To me, the game is much more about getting together with good friends and having fun; those who are constantly seeing demons under every doorstop will never understand, so even though this article states the facts well, it will automatically be rejected.
The last time I posted in a thread like this, a woman responded and said that she thought "they" should take my children away from be because I was leading them to Satan. I'm so tired of these jokers...so if you're out there now reading this thread, Ms Child-snatcher: Bite me. I'm going to keep on playing my games, keep on going to church, keep on praying, keep on taking the sacraments, and keep on being a forgiven child of God. And there's nothing any of you nutjobs can do to stop me. :-)
Gotta agree. Had tons of fun playing when was in high school and college. It was fun, cheap to play, and forced the players to develop their imaginations and reasoning. But, I can't imagine getting into it as much now, as I did 20 years ago. .......... (sigh) ........ getting older bites.
Okay. Let's 'fess up.
Anyone here ever play The Steading Of The Hill Giant Chief and complete the series all the way up until you kill Lloth on one of the 666 layers of the abyss?
Be honest.
The most accurate portrayal of a typical D&D game I have ever seen: Summoner Geeks.
This is incredibly funny - my gaming group died laughing, we all remembered being 11 or 12 and sounding just like this.
"I cast Magic Missle on the darkeness!"
"Where are the Cheetoes? Has anyone seen the Cheetoes?
It's the lack of a dorm that does it...I don't have the time to play, anymore, and if I did, who would I call? TRY and get 6 good friends together at 10:00pm in the "Real World"!
Thanks. I didn't feel like flagging 400 people on that thread.
The nutjob you are referring to, likely had her mind already made up for her by another uninformed person. We used to get anti D&D papers when I was on campus. They quoted lines out of the AD&D book, that simply weren't in the book at all. I know, I looked them up. I haven't found yet where a Paladin is required to rape and kill a virgin before he can attain 3rd level. Yet, the 'church' made these assertions. Some preachers can not inspire by the love of God, but must instead inspire by manufacturing enemies. The nutjob you refer to is just one of the countless followers of another random idiot.
Where are the Cheetoes? Has anyone seen the Cheetoes?
Do you mean the CHEATOS or the CHEATIES?
Good point. After college, my buddies I played with are over a 1000 miles away. What's more, with my work schedule, family and household obligations, I don't have the time I used to.
Guilty as charged! Loved it. But my favorite one was Ravenloft. Taking a vampire on, on his own turf. Awesome module, and the script/plot changed each and every time it is played. The module has a random plot line, based upon one of the characters having his fortune told by a 'gypsy'. Those were the days...
I'm 32, and am completely not maladjusted or arrested in my development. My gamemaster is 40. The last time our extended gaming group got together, we counted up the careers represented. We had a network engineer, a nuclear engineer, two programmers, one owner of a medium size company, one medical doctor, one mechanic, one plumbing supply store owner, one landscaping business owner, two midlevel government managers, and two post-graduate students. Not bad for "malajusted/arrested development" people, hmmmm?
I just happened to choose this hobby over others, I could have just as easily chose fishing, golf, softball, etc. Just because its not for you, doesn't mean others don't enjoy it.
Well, what better reason can there be to ban all brain use? Thinking is now considered a criminal act. You have been warned.
FWIW, this was originally posted by Heuristic Hiker. I merely started Thread Two.
"Anyone here ever play The Steading Of The Hill Giant Chief and complete the series all the way up until you kill Lloth"
Yes, right up to the "kill Lloth" part. If I remember right, our DM didn't think Lloth was sufficently well equipped, so he gave her a sword, that on any hit, would turn your characters bones to mush (ie; dead). Sadistic SOB called it the "jelly roll" everytime he rolled for a hit. We died hideously, LOL.
xm177e2 says:
The most accurate portrayal of a typical D&D game I have ever seen: Summoner Geeks.
That movie is so hilarious. I found it on my Summoner game. I laughed so hard.
I totally disagree with people claiming these types of games are evil. I've never played them, but have always wanted to. None of my friends were into it though.
I'm 25 now and I'd still love to try it, but I have no idea how to find people to play with.
Although...I don't know, the movie Mazes and Monsters makes me a bit hesitant. LOL
From the first thread:
Star Fleet Battles seperated the geeks from those who were merely socially challenged. (BTW, I'll take 100 points less in BPV as a Hydran and take on any challengers!)
I assume your going to have fighters, if you are so confident in your Hydran. I could probably come up with a Klingon or ISC who could snipe you to death, but all my rulebooks are stored and I can't get to them. BTW: an Andy with T-Bombs could make your life miserable too, but I've managed to inflict some spectacular damage on Andromedans who wandered a little too close to a few Stinger-2's. 8^)
I used to play all kinds of stuff, but eventually outgrew it. Role-players over the age of 30 often have some kind of maladjustment / arrested development.
Lot's of people over this age just join the Society for Creative Anachronism, armor up, and beat the hell out of each other with fake swords.
Anyone else who used to play Traveller? I always like submachine guns and spaceships better than swords and spells.
"I'm 32, and am completely not maladjusted or arrested in my development."
You can have arrested development and still hold a prestigious job. Just look in the offices of any university's Women's Studies department.
But even so I said often, not always, or even mostly...
... have you been to GenCon lately?
"I assume your going to have fighters, if you are so confident in your Hydran. I could probably come up with a Klingon or ISC who could snipe you to death, but all my rulebooks are stored and I can't get to them. BTW: an Andy with T-Bombs could make your life miserable too, but I've managed to inflict some spectacular damage on Andromedans who wandered a little too close to a few Stinger-2's. 8^)"
Oh my God... I actually understood that.
Thanks for posting the second thread.
There's been some really creative, stuff on these threads. I like SodiumWarthog's scenarios (like # 32 in the last thread) featuring Bill the Hill. It got me thinking about what class the Slickster might be in a D&D campaign.
For Bill's stats: strength: 7, intelligence 18, wisdom 17, dexterity 17, constitution 6, charisma 18
I would start him out as a thief where he would pickpocket his way up to the 11th level, then I'd dual him to a bard class: the Charlatan (see the 2nd edition, Bard's Handbook). This is Bill's true class. It is where he attains prominence as Govenor of a small state. But he does not attain true power until under the tutelage of Hillary he switches classes a third time: to a specialist cleric of Syrul. He does this after he has attained the 15th level as a charlatan. Bill enters the oval office, of a most unfortunate land, as a 11th level priest of Syrul, but he gains "experience" quickly....
See if this description of Syrul doesn't match Bill's ethos quite well:
Syrul
(The Forked Tongue, The Night Hag, Oathbreaker)
Lesser Power of the Gehenna, NE (LE)
PORTFOLIO: Lies, deceit, treachery, false promises
ALIASES: None
DOMAIN NAME: Khalas/Castle of Ugly Truth
SUPERIOR: None
ALLIES: Pyremius
FOES: None
SYMBOL: Forked tongue
WOR. ALIGN: Any non-good
Every lie, every deceitful act, every betrayal empowers the evil goddess Syrul. She is shown as a dirty old hag in ragged clothing, although this visage is supposedly an illusion and she looks quite nondescript beneath this disguise.
Syrul is worshipped by those who use untruths to advance their cause, whether personal, political or magical. Those who make and break promises also follow her, for the goddess rewards those who can deceive others. She doesn't mind her followers telling truths and making promises they intend to keep, for it's much easier to trick people with a lie after lulling them into a false sense of trust.
Suspecting the other gods of the Suel are hiding something, Syrul doesn't associate with most of her pantheon; while she can perceive deception instantly, she isn't sure if this ability works on gods or if the other gods simply don't reveal enough to be detected as a lie. Pyremius is the exception to her aversion; the fiery murderer is her sort of being, and she has worked with him on many interesting projects.
MANIFESTATIONS: Syrul commonly manifests on Oerth as black smoke, dank fog, black horses and a great ringing noise that drowns out other sounds. She can cause people to assume her face temporarily, and she often breaks or shatters simple items such as pottery, swords and doors. Vegetation may wither and rot or appear whole on the outside only to be found full of insect larvae. Apparently, "beauty is only skin deep" is a common theme for the goddess of untruths.
The Church CLERGY: Clerics, specialty priests CLERGY'S ALIGN.: NE, LE TURN UNDEAD: C: No, SP: No CMND. UNDEAD: C: Yes, SP: Yes
Clergy of Syrul gain a modern language proficiency as a bonus nonweapon proficiency, as well as a "doublespeak" language similar to thieves' cant where words do not mean what they seem to mean, allowing secret communication in the open.
There are few obvious temples to Syrul outside of the Tilva lands, although most major cities in the Flanaess have at least a small shrine to the goddess hidden somewhere in the thieves' quarter. Her temples are strange affairs made of gnarled wood and tortured-looking stone. The walls are carved with weird designs that resemble one thing from one angle and something different from another. Unusual paintings hang from the walls, such as two dark figures standing between a pair of trees which - if observed long enough - resolves into an image of a skull. Spinning wooden disks with pleasant and ugly images on either side hang from the ceiling.
Syrul's followers are called "forktongues," with priests of 4th level and above taking the title "perjurer." 6th-level priests are "fabulists," and those of 10th level and above are "equivocators."
Syrul's following is 90% human, with the balance being evil humanoid leaders, thieves and assassins; equal numbers of human men and women worship her, while the humanoids are almost entirely male. Most of her human worshippers are Suel (70%), with Oeridians most of the remainder (20%). Of her clergy, clerics and specialty priests are about equal in number.
Dogma: Protect what you know by shielding it in a lie. Your tongue is a weapon more deadly than any blade - the greatest and smallest fall with a well-spoken untruth. Give your word when it is needed, and break it when it is no longer useful to you. Trust is for fools; betraying a fool is the greatest gift you can give them.
Day-to-Day Activities: Syrul's clerics work in places where their ability to lie can be put to its best advantage - in merchant stalls, courtrooms, embassies and fortunetellers' booths. Many forktongues are accomplished actors, performing in plays of their own creation that suggest terrible things about current authority figures. They hone their dissembling skills in debate, both public and private, and are hired to distract suspected spies and unwanted ambassadors with a maze of half-truths and outright fabrications.
Holy Days/Important Ceremonies: The eleventh day of each month is a holy day for the forktongues, although there is no formal ceremony at these times. Instead, the forktongues are not permitted to tell any truths that day, though they must craft true-sounding lies and get others to believe them. Younger priests mostly keep silent on this day, watching and learning from their elders. Any forktongue speaking a truth on this day has his legs broken and reset askew as a warning.
Major Centers of Worship: Hesuel Ilshar Affiliated Orders: There are reports from the temples of Syrul of several bands of Syrul-worshipping assassins specializing in disguise; other reports deny existence of these master spies. The fact that numerous assassins - including the Father of Diplomacy, Foster Uncle Pramas - claim to be members of this group only confuses the issue. Supposedly these assassins have eliminated and replaced key officials in Greyhawk, Nyrond and the Yeomanry to make work easier for the Brotherhood in enemy lands.
Priestly Vestments: Priests of the Oathbreaker wear golden robes - often sewn with actual gold thread - adorned with a large, forked-tongue symbol; the inner lining of the robes ranges from medium brown to near-black. This garb is complemented by an elaborate wooden staff that cleverly conceals an ornate dagger. A forked-tongue amulet of red metal, preferably red gold or lacquered rusted iron, is worn over the robe.
Adventuring Garb: Adventuring priests of Syrul wear golden-yellow robes with a red forked-tongue symbol. Even when these robes become ragged and dirty, the tongue-symbol must remain recognizable.
Specialty Priests (Prevaricator) REQUIREMENTS: Intelligence 13, Wisdom 9
PRIME REQ.: Wisdom, Intelligence
ALIGNMENT: NE, LE
WEAPONS: Crossbow, dagger, garrote, short sword, staff, whip
ARMOR: Any up to chain
MAJOR SPHERES: All, Astral, Charm, Divination, Healing, Summoning
MINOR SPHERES: Elemental, guardian, necromantic, protection, thought
MAGICAL ITEMS: As clerics
REQ. PROFS: Etiquette
BONUS PROFS: None
o Prevaricators of 1st level and above automatically detect when any divination-type spell is being cast upon them and can determine the exact spell if they make a saving throw vs. spell. They can use a friends spell once per day.
o At 3rd level, Prevaricators gain the ability to obscure alignment once per day.
o At 7th level, a Prevaricator may use undetectable lie once per day.
o A 9th-level Prevaricator is granted a vision by Syrul without requiring a sacrifice; the vision is automatically granted and the priest's question is answered. The priest also gains +1 on all attack rolls on one of his chosen weapons.
o A 13th-level Prevaricator may use detect lie once per day, although this does not work on clergy of Syrul.
o At 15th level, a Prevaricator may summon a nightmare once per month to serve as her steed. After an hour-long prayer by the priest, the nightmare arrives. The priest must give the nightmare an offering of oat-shaped platinum flakes, as described in the MONSTROUS MANUAL, to compel its service for 72 hours; it will attack if the offering is not made.
Oh my God... I actually understood that.
I know. I gave it up competitively about 8 years ago, and I haven't played an actual game in over 2 years, but I was hell-on-warp in a Kzinti TCC. 8^)
"armor up, and beat the hell out of each other with fake swords."
Now that could be fun.
BUZZ try again.
You should come to our Thursday night game group (we're even back to playing D&D, the 3rd edition rules are pretty impressive). Average age is 33 or so, average income 43 or so, most married, most in the computer industry (except for our entrepreneur that owns her own business). We recently added some new blood that has brought down all the stats (younger, worse jobs, bachelors).
IMHO gaming groups are better as they get older. One thing is practice (better at solving puzzles etc.). Another is that we've gotten our lives worked out so we no longer have to live vicariously through the game. No more getting your character laid cause you're not.
I'll agree that there is a small number of older gamer that fit a very basic and very bad mold (extremely fat, usually smelly, job not worth mentioning, still living with parents). While they are highly visible, they are a very small minority.
Check out the SCA if you think that sounds fun. Every year they come from all over the country to a farm outside of Phoenix and have a weeklong war. Every week, the park near my house if full of guys in chainmail thumping the crap out of each other with rattan weaponry.
It's kind of like paintball with edged weapons.
D&D was fun, but RIFTS is (was) my favorite. Basically, guns and sorcery. These days, I couldn't get enough people together to form a decent game, so I am stuck with Summoner and Baldurs Gate on a 1.7GHz machine. A little overkill. I am looking foward to Neverwinter Nights, though. The computer returns to D&D (AD&D was for rule bound freaks) roots. I still have my set of TWO 34-page softcover, 3-hole punched ORIGINAL rule books for D&D. For a good gaming experience, that is all that was required.
Cool! I am a 43 year old RPG player who loves heavy metal rock and works with "outer space stuff" for a living. :) My co-workers think I'm a bit "out there for real".
Found on perpetualelection.com (apparently now defunct):
GM: Roll your final election night success rolls.
GWB: [rolls] 11! Marginal success.
AG: [rolls] 11! Also marginal success.
GM: Ok. Let's see how bad this is... [rolls] 18. Well. Isn't that
special. Critical chaos table ... GWB, isn't your brother in charge of Florida?
GWB: Yeah... but he's a NPC...
GM: Too bad. AG, Florida was called for you on election night, but has shifted back to GWB by ... [rolls] twelve hundred votes. Al has a [rolls] 0.2% lead in the popular vote but is losing the electoral
college if Florida stays in GWB's column.
AG: Recount! Recount!
GWB: No fair, if I'm winning...
GM: Marginal success.
GWB: But that was a success!
GM: [rolls] 18 again! An excellent success. The election authorities in one of the Florida counties screwed up the ballot so all the voters with IQ under 100 or over 75 years old voted for the wrong person or twice.
GWB: Aaaaaaa
AG: I sue! No, wait, I don't sue, the *voters* sue...
GM: Roll to convince some voters to sue.
AG: ...[rolls] 14! I got 'em!
GWB: This is just terrible. We can't be doing this to the country.
Concede already, Al.
AG: Did the media see that? Did they?
GM: GWB, make a saving throw versus media.
GWB: [rolls] 8. Nope.
GM: Make a saving throw versus public opinion.
GWB: [rolls] 12. Close enough?
GM: People are shaking their heads, but not trying to burn down your house.
GWB: Whew.
GM: [rolls] 17. Excellent. The first recount results show GWB's lead narrowing to... [rolls] 350 votes!
AG: I want a hand recount.
GWB: No, you don't.
AG: It says I can have a hand recount. It's on Page 41 of the Election
Masters Guide, third paragraph, second sentence.
GWB: Don't be a Wussy Rules Lawyer.
GM: [flips pages] He's right.
GWB: Well Damnit. I'm suing to stop him anyways.
GM: You're suing to overturn the rules?
GWB: Damn straight.
GM: Oh-kay... roll for it.
GWB: [rolls] 15! Hey, look at that, I got a 15!
GM: Good, but not good enough to overturn a game rule...
AG: Haw Haw.
GWB: See if I share my pizza with you next time.
AG: Hey, don't get snippy.
I would start him out as a thief where he would pickpocket his way up to the 11th level, then I'd dual him to a bard class: the Charlatan (see the 2nd edition, Bard's Handbook). This is Bill's true class
LOL!
At 3rd level, Prevaricators gain the ability to obscure alignment once per day.
Clinton had that ability (to obscure his Left-Wing alignment and appear as a Centrist) working constantly.
Actually I find the best Hydran ships are the hybrids without fighters. The Traveler LC for instance. The power curve is so strong on that ship that I can run at 31 speed with fully charged weapons and 10 points of reinforcement on my front shield. Then, if it's a duel, it's overrun time. Ph-I's fire at range 8, Fusions at range 1, Ph-G's at range 0. Then run 2 hexes beyond the now damaged ship to HET and unload Hellbores at range 2. I'm damaged, but my opponent is crippled. Then it's saber fighting with Hellbores and PH-G's are fully charged in case you get too close. But yes, the fighters can be nasty if folks don't know how to handle them!
You can have arrested development and still hold a prestigious job. Just look in the offices of any university's Women's Studies department.
*grin* ok, you've made a point. And no, I haven't been to GenCon...in the last two years :)
Ok, ok, I'm a geek - I admit it. But I'm a happy geek. Life is good...
I still have my set of TWO 34-page softcover, 3-hole punched ORIGINAL rule books for D&D. For a good gaming experience, that is all that was required.
The red basic and the blue expert? What year were there two 34 page books? I started with the red & blue basic & expert books; man those were fun days, my first games were played with those books (although they're not the original D&D books, prior to them there was a thin blue covered basic book and the hardcover first edition AD&D books, and before them, was the real original rules - a three book box set, and then three expansions.) When did your two books come out? As a collector, I'm interested.
Anyone else who used to play Traveller? I always like submachine guns and spaceships better than swords and spells.
Never could warm up to Traveller; whole universe, go anywhere, do anything...just too much scope. I preferred D&D:
"OK, we kill the monster and take it's treasure!"
or, my favorite:
DM: "OK, you're dead. What are you doing?"
Favorite SFB ship: Klingon D5. Oh, it can get the stuffing beat out of it if it is outmatched, but it sure is fun to fly!
ROFL, that is the funniest thing I have read all day. I am going to post it on my guild's board-- they will probably flame me, but who cares! That is priceless!
Found this on the net, seemed like a good place to post it:
------------The Evil Overlord List-----------------
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time.
With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6.I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7.When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8.After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9.I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
10.I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11.I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12.One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13.All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14.The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15.I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16.I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17.When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18.I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19.I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20.Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21.I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22.No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23.I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24.I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25.No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26.No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27.I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28.My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29.I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30.All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31.All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32.I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33.I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34.I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35.I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36.I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37.If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38.If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39.If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40.I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41.Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42.When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43.I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44.I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45.I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46.If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47.If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48.I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49.If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50.My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks.
51.If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52.I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53.If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54.I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55.The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56.My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57.Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58.If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59.I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60.My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61.If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62.I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63.Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64.I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65.If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66.My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67.No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68.I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69.All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70.When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71.If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72.If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.
73.I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74.When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75.I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76.If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77.If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78.I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79.If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80.If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81.If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82.I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83.If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84.I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85.I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86.I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87.My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88.If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89.After I captures the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90.I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91.I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92.If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this
regard.)
93.If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94.When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95.My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96.My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97.My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
98.If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99.Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100.Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
Of course, these are merely the Top 100 Things I'd do. Other suggestions have been sent to me which didn't quite make the Top 100 List. But they are still so good that I couldn't bear to throw them out. Therefore, as an expression of gratitude, I have tossed them into...
This is a real no $hi**er.
About 3 years ago my wife had a terrible accident comparable to severe stroke. During her years of rehab I was encouraged by the doctors to play some mind building games with her, such as Trivial Pursuit, cards, etc.. I dusted off my old D&D stuff remembering how I was years ahead of my peers in reading because I played at a young age. Playing with her helped immensely in her reading, comprehension, and puzzle solving skills.
The doctors told our family that she would never be able to dress herself. Three years later she has not only made a 100% recovery and returned to her profession, but she has some high level characters as well.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
This is my favorite one.
Any "Chivalry and Sorcery" veterans out there? We ran a campaign down here off Fort Hood back in the late 70's that had about 15 regulars and another dozen or so casual players, and the campaign was set in an alternate-reality Wales. It went on for about a year to a year and a half and we all had a great time.
It was set up so that each of us .. in addition to our normal player-characters of archers, knights, magickians, etc .. were nobles in the Kingdom of Gwynedd (I was the Archbishop of Aberyswyth). The King was run by the GameMaster and the rest of us were Dukes or lesser nobility. So, in addition to the normal hack-and-slash forest/dungeon crawls, we spent some amount of time doing the political backstabbing and plotting in which all good nobles partake. All-in-all, a good time was had by everyone.
Sadly, deployments for all of us split up the game and, by the time I got back from Korea, there wasn't much left. But I do remember it very fondly. Myself and one of the other players went on to write and publish (and we had a reaonsable amount of sales) an alternate set of tabletop rules, T.H.E. Fighter (for single- and army-combat) and T.H.E. Mage (for magick-use). It was definitely fun while it lasted. Ah, to be young again.
Favorite SFB ship: Klingon D5.
The only other ship I would rather have would be a C-7; but for war cruisers, the D5 is a bulldog. I'll take it over a Fed NCL anyday. 8^)
Ohmygosh, it's all coming back to me!
My proudest moment in SFB was when we were playing a battle between a joint Hydran-Klingon-Lyran fleet against 2 Dominators and their satellites. Both had wrecked the Klingons and Lyrans, but displaced into the Hydran squadron, which was locked and cocked. Two Cobras had to drag what was left of the surviving Dominator off the board. No other satellites got away.
Any of you SFB folks ever hear of the Kessler Maneuver? IIRC, it was a student at Texas A&M who first did this: flying around backwards at speed 10 firing proximity torpedoes. Only works on a floating map, though.
It's all coming back to me now. The long nights, arguments over specific wording of rules, suprise Captian's Log supplements brought out to prove a point...
It's actually the Kaufman Maneuver, and the only time anybody in our group would use it was when they were already losing and just trying to escape.
The long nights, arguments over specific wording of rules, suprise Captian's Log supplements brought out to prove a point...
That's one of the reasons I don't play anymore. It was getting to the point where we would have rulebooks popping open every other impulse. It went from Star Fleet Battles to Star Fleet Law. 8^)
I think my favorite moment was when the enemy fleet struck my mines, deployed by a cloaked Pelican minesweeper. The Pelican was like a 50 point ship, and the opposing fleet estimated my point value and overlooked the possibility of a cheap, little minesweeper making it's way in front of their path.
Glad to hear your story had a happy ending. I just started teaching my wife to play as well (these new 3rd edition rules rock), and she's also having a lot of fun.
I stnad corrected.
That's why they were called 'rules lawyers' because he who had the best one won.
Multiple times! Forgotten Realms kicks the crap out of the old Greyhawk world, though...
I've always held that the difference between a good Federation player and a GREAT Federation player was to give him a carrier group and watch how he handled his fighters.
Nothing like watching a Type-IIIMW "Wall of Death" suddenly appear, forcing you to desperately count unfired Ph-IIIs, plasma shotguns, weasels, and anything else that might save your butt.
Funniest moment in SFB: Kzinti Drone Frigate caps off a full salvo of ATG drones, cuts tracking, fires second salvo one turn later, cuts tracking as soon as the new drones acquire (so he can play EW games). Klingon C9 dodges behind Kzinti planet, drones obediently lock onto planet... :o)
Actually, it's the Kaufman retrograde.
And if the bad guys tried to charge into overload range, you could have overloaded torpedoes ready, and he couldn't afford the power for reinforcement or EW...A 64-point mace-in-the-face salvo from a CA can ruin your whole evening.
The dogmen live in the lower caves.... BREE-yark is hobgoblin for "We surrender"....
Has anyone ever played the White Wolf games? They include Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Vampire: The Masquerade and Mage: The Ascension. Werewolf includes some strong environmental rhetoric, but the games are a lot of fun.
Thanks for the link to SCA...my son loved playing the Dungeons and Dragons, beginning around age 11 and played all the way through high school...when he came back from college during summer vacations, he couldnt wait to get back together for his other gaming friends...they also began going to SCA campouts and such...I guess just about every state has those SCA meetings, and once we even took him up to Canada for a big campout...I used to hear him and his friends at night, making their own chain mail armour, little hammers tinkering away into the night...the girls all came over with their sewing machines, and were busy sewing up costumes for everyone...it was a great, imaginative way for those teens to expend their energy...archery competitions, sword fighting, marriages, music, good food, adults, children and animals in costume...these things and many more like them, made for wonderful weekends for all...
Played any of the computer version: Starfleet Command?
Pretty damn close to true SFB as it could be....mostly tactical, not a whole lot on plot lines. But great for fights and the transition to a semi-real time atmosphere actually works pretty well I thought.
Got all the races and most of their ships. Playing the Hydrans was WAY too easy against the computer though....those fighters were brutal.
Has anyone ever played the White Wolf games?
I just stick to the computer versions. I'm to old to go out and find a table game any more. Played the CRG Vampire: the Masquerade. Real fun. But kinda lame on the fighting because you were in too close for the cool ranged weapons.
They were gonna do Werewolf: The Apocolypse, but the game got scrapped in development for some reason or another. Waiting on someone else to pick up the license and run with it.
Yep, the Kaufman Retrograde. Only one way, and race, to beat it semi-consistantly on a floating map. We always had fixed maps with forced disengagements result in battle loss, i.e. you had to sign and turn over your SSD to your opponent. One night we had a battle of dreadnaughts, 3 dreadnaughts per team, fully loaded, no BPV restrictions. Had a fully loaded Paladin (Lord Paladin hadn't been introduced yet) with 2 squadrons of Stinger-IIs including 2 Stinger-H's. I dove in and trashed the ISC dread and damaged the Romulan one bad, but left myself open to the B-10. But surprisingly, the Paladin wouldn't blow. After 4 rounds of the B-10 pounding it at point blank range, I still had 2 excess damage boxes left. (My partners were chasing down and finishing off the Romulan.) After 2 more rounds, the Paladin finally succumbed, but we all agreed to burn the SSD in a ceremony rather than hand it over as a trophy. Ah, the good old college days.
Yes, I've played this and find it true to the pencil and paper game. The real problem I see is there is little control over computer-AI ships on your team. For example, I'd set course in one ship, flip over to the other ship to do something, and the first ship is just doing it's own thing. That's frustrating when you are trying to get to a favorable position. I've never played it multiplayer, though.
Yeah the AI sucked on your companion ships....
When I finally had enough points to have a dreadnought and a kick ass crew at all stations, I just ended up using the one ship.
The opponent AI wasn't too bad early on and you're just using frigates. Some missions were indeed tough.
LOL! I loved that one. But the Isle of Dread is this way......... :-)
I edited my Starfleet Command ship slightly...2000 engines, 12 Plasma-Rs, a kajillion Phaser-1s....
And no, I haven't been to GenCon...in the last two years :)
Same here! I didn't go to game though: a friend of mine went to sell some his artwork and since I live relatively near I hooked up with him. The professional models in chainmail though are always fun to look at...
I think around 77 or 78, though I would have to check. I still have entire set of Basic D&D; from the red covered "basic", to the gold-box Immortals set. The beasties in that were Planetary size! I also have almost the entire first edition AD&D set; unearthed arcana as well as the kara-tur and the east Hardcover rulebook. Also have a bunch of Non-D&D TSR stuff, like gamma world and boot hill.
There was a D&D RPG for the Sega Genesis a long time ago..
It was great, one of the best RPG's I think I ever played.
First person perspective, real time combat, lots of hidden stuff, multiple storylines, faithfull to the TSR board game..
Just fantastic for it's time.
Common beliefs among conservative Christians: They often oppose fantasy games because of the alleged occult content of the games.
No, no.. there is nothing occult or dangerous about RPG's.
No more than kids playing "army" are going to become mercenaries.
Ridiclous..
| Mobile/PDA | Books | Onion Merchandise & Subscriptions | National Distribution | Media Kit | Copyright |
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REDMOND, WA--Microsoft head Bill Gates, already considered by many to be among the most powerful men in the world, further increased his powers Monday, augmenting several of his key statistics to near-immortal levels.
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| Above: Microsoft CEO Bill Gates, one of the most powerful businessmen on the Prime Material Plane, recently granted himself powers normally available only to deities and demigods. |
Among the most striking increases were a +2 raise in dexterity to 18, and an overwhelming charisma increase to an above-human score of 20, placing Gates in the realm of deities and demigods.
"I am pleased to announce that I have boosted my already impressive statistics," Gates said in a statement to shareholders Monday. "As we develop the technological framework that will dominate the 21st century, these augmentations--and others to follow--will be powerful wards against competition from the likes of Netscape, Oracle and Melkor who is named Morgoth."
"Microsoft is the software-industry leader today, and tomorrow it will also dominate the realm of information access, as well as the content being accessed," Gates said. "The continued growth of our Corbis Media archive, the successful development and launch of MSNBC, and my mastery of the shield spells of the Elven King Lagolin are only the beginning for Microsoft."
Gates, who raised his intelligence to 20 in 1990, is fast becoming the most powerful CEO in American media. Experts place him above Fox's Rupert Murdoch and Disney's Michael Eisner, both of whom hold over 1.2 million hit points. Gates is also rumored to be in possession of a bag of holding containing one terabyte of information, as well as over 100 billion gold and silver pieces.
Analysts see Monday's statistical boost as extremely beneficial to Gates in an increasingly competitive marketplace.
"This is a very shrewd move on Gates' part," PC Magazine columnist John C. Dvorak said. "His vastly increased charisma--the prime stat of a chaotic evil executive--will help him tremendously in his ongoing struggle to convince skeptical Microsoft stockholders that his ventures into television and his massive content-buying spree will pay off in the long run. The extra CHR will also assist him greatly in dealing with wary CEOs of companies he wishes to invest in and cast spells over, like Comcast."
"It hardly seems fair, but he will now be capable of near-invisibility in behind-the-scenes business dealings," Dvorak added, referring to the stealth augment which comes with a dexterity gain. "And at the same time, he'll wear Mordekainen's Spectacles of True Sight, which provide +6 insight gains into long-term Windows marketing strategies."
While few question the wisdom behind Gates' stat increases, there remains a possibility that the Federal Trade Commission, which in 1996 ruled his licensing agreement with computer manufacturers to be in violation of anti-trust laws, will challenge the move. Even if the FTC rules against Gates, however, industry analysts believe that he should easily recover, thanks to his above-average 15 constitution.
Gates' rivals expressed frustration over his ability to achieve invulnerability in a supposedly competitive market. "Combining this augmentation with last month's purchase of the Polo Shirt of Thalkettoth, which grants a +5 saving throw against anti-trust litigation, Gates should now be seen as operating outside the law," Apple CEO Dr. Gilbert Amelio said Tuesday. "One more sorcerous potion of Gain Market Share, and we might as well declare bankruptcy."
"Anyone can be a Santa Claus DM and give out unearned stats," Oracle president Larry Ellison said. "I'm surprised he didn't just go ahead and give himself a 20 in everything."
With overpowering statistics in all six ability categories, with the exception of strength, Gates is widely considered to be primed for the Kingship.
"Certainly his campaign could be crushed if he made a mistake," ABC computer correspondent Geena Smith said. "But let's be realistic. He's got 40 million experience points dating back to when he dropped out of Harvard. His party has done nothing but kill and acquire for 22 years. He knows when to cast versus when to hack-and-slash. He will be the emperor lich of 21st century media."
| Below: Bill Gates' revised character sheet. | |
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2000 engines, 12 Plasma-Rs, a kajillion Phaser-1s....
LOL....Ok, give them Klingons a chance why dontcha? :-)
"I assume your going to have fighters, if you are so confident in your Hydran. I could probably come up with a Klingon or ISC who could snipe you to death, but all my rulebooks are stored and I can't get to them. BTW: an Andy with T-Bombs could make your life miserable too, but I've managed to inflict some spectacular damage on Andromedans who wandered a little too close to a few Stinger-2's. 8^)"
Oh my God... I actually understood that.
Ditto. There's a few of us around. Unfortunately I have neither the time to play nor opponents near by.
Anyone out there have knowledge of a computerized version? I have Start Fleet Command but it seems to be too much arcade and not enough SFB for me. I actually enjoy power allocation and SFC moves too fast for it.
God Save America (Please)
Role-players over the age of 30 often have some kind of maladjustment / arrested development.
Hmmmmm. I'm 42, I've been running a campaign (set in an alternate-reality Europe) for 25 years, and you may have finally revealed why I still think cheerleaders, pizza, beer and '70s muscle cars are really cool. "Arrested development." Hmmmmm.
Right on. There are several variants on the extremely fat, usually smelly, still living with Mom gamer whom you have described. Some have actually reached the point that they are putting Mom in the nursing home and trying to make it on their own pathetic incomes. Others experienced a degree of freedom when their parents bought them a used car and a mobile home in order to get rid of them. A few got very unchallenging jobs with the Postal Service or whatever, married equally fat and smelly women, and achieved some slight degree of normalcy. Tauzero is correct but only with regard to a few cases -- they're the exception, not the rule.
Famous Last
Words Famous last words uttered by a character before being
horribly shred, mutilated and found wearing a soiled
undercloth...
(Source--Dragon
Magazine issue #228.)
"So, when I pushed the red button on the artifact, it drained six points from everyones highest ability score but mine? What happens if I push it now?"
"But there's no way you guys could know that my ninj- uh my samurai poisened your other characters drinks!"
"This is pretty funny, but I just figured out that the way the experience-point system in the DMG works, my wizard is worth enough to bring everyone in the party up at least one level. I'm glad we're all friends here."
"Look, I didnt ask for a reincarnation spell, and I dont want to be a bugbear! I want a second chance right now!"
"Here's my barbarian. He's seven feet three inches tall, has smoldering blue eyes and jet-black hair, his muscles are like steel cables, and his name is Buttons."
"Guys, look! I found Stormbringer in the chest! I've got the Stormbringer! Elric's sword! And here's the Wand of Orcus! I've got 'em both, and they're mine, all mine!"
"I'm not sure I should be travelling with you people. My holy sword says that everyone in this group is an assassin except me."
"Oh, I killed ththe barmaid because I need just one more experience point to make sixth level. Was she your fiancee or something?"
"I'm the only one here who saved against the mind flayer's mass domination? Everyone else is its slave? Cool!"
"I'll go ahead and put the ring on. Anything happen? Okay, I try jumping off a rock. Nothing? I toss a pebble at myself. Nothing? I try walking over a puddle. Nothing? Okay, maybe its a Ring of Regeneration. You guys know how we can test it and see if it is?"
More famous
last words.
(compiled from
various net sites)
"Of course its evil, kill it!"
"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"
"A wish? Okay, genie, make me a ham sandwich."
"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"
"Featherball! I mean, featherrrr........"
"It can't talk to us like that!"
"You've got 80 hit points; YOU open the treasure chest"
"What do you mean, how many hit points do I have?"
"Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"
"Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..."
"I open the coffin...SLOWLY."
"He looks like a sunburnt elf?"
"Who's the bitch with the spiders?"
"A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?"
"You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"
"I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch."
"What the hell, there's six of us and only 5 type VI demons."
"Hey, all I need is a two or better to save vs. poison."
"YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"
"I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."
"What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"
"Wait! What's deathspell do?"
"Go ahead and drink it."
"I'll never surrender."
"It was a joke."
"Hey guys, where are you?"
"I mix the potions and drink."
"There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."
"Do you realize what you just did?"
"Tell me this is an illusion."
"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"
"What do you mean, my spell expired."
"I'll cast Fireball."
"Let's go in."
"Let's not go in."
"I follow them."
"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."
"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."
"Let me handle this."
"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"
"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."
"I though YOU brought the food!"
"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
"Trust me."
"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"
"They're only kobolds!"
"Hey, this chest just bit me!"
"I try to move silently in plate armor..."
"I didn't find any traps !!"
"Wonder what this button does ?"
"Don't worry, he's probably just first level."
"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."
"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"
"Can I eat this green slime?"
"What's your alignment?"
"My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."
"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"
"This type of undead can't drain levels"
"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"
"We're in luck! The dragon is sleeping"
"That's only a statue"
"There's no trap on the door, so let's open it"
"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"
"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"
"The DM's an idiot."
"I see HOW MANY wights?!"
"It was only the wind."
"Don't worry, wyverns don't attack unless they're provoked."
"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure."
"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."
"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"
"I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention."
"We killed all monsters on this level."
"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."
"Well ..., I'll touch it again"
"I'll scout ahead."
"I attempt to disbelieve"
"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."
"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me? OK, I shoot again!"
"Where'd that thief go now?"
"Hey guys...wait up."
"Trap? What trap?"
"Ya know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."
"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."
"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"
"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."
"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."
"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."
"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."
"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"
"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinintesimal."
"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."
"So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure."
"Me first. Me first."
"Try me, sh*t breath!"
"Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."
"Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."
"Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires!!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy!!!! Terry...Terry...??"
"Let's walk this way." "Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."
"I never get to have any fun!"
"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."
"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"
"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."
"I'm invincible!"
"A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it."
"No problem. That's easy!"
"Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."
"I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration."
"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."
"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."
"I wonder what's in here?"
"He wouldn't try that trick again!"
"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."
"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"
"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."
"I'll open it."
"It seems easy enough"
"I think he can be trusted."
"Those noises are probably nothing."
"I'll pull the lever."
"Money!"
"Magic is for wimps."
"Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."
"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"
"AGAIN!?!?!"
"I'll use my taunt skill."
"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."
"My God will protect me."
"You don't look like a mage!"
"It'd be stupid to trap this!"
"Here, hold this rope while I go down."
"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"
"I know an illusion when I see one."
"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe."
"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."
"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"
"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"
"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia."
"What do you mean, `Your wand ran out of charges.'?"
"Oh these, I've fought them before..."
"All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?"
"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"
"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"
"I can't possibly miss..."
"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"
"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."
"Is this one really able to breath fire?"
"What do you mean, 'How many hit points do I have RIGHT NOW?'?"
"Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!"
"It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!"
"When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems."
"It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."
"He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user."
"CLICK! "
"What do you mean, 'The trap WASN'T armed.'? What was that Remove Traps roll for anyway!?"
"How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!"
"What do you mean, 'Green slime ain't always green.'?"
"Nah...the game's just started....he wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet.."
"You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing"
"(To Angry Red Dragon) Did anyone tell you you had bad breath?"
"There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"
"I'll swim across."
"I throw the rock into the dark cave."
"I run down the hallway alone."
"I'll use the wand of wonder."
"I want to check out the magic tome."
"Hmm...I'll try Chain Lightning"
"Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff. Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."
"Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack [700'] and jump in."
"There's only 10 kobolds and there's 8 of us. Attack!"
"I dive through the fire."
"Follow those lights!"
"There's a company of 100 barbarians guarding the pass"
"I don't think they want us to cross these mountains."
"It's only a naga."
"I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!"
"That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us."
"I think we can take it down."
"There only a pack of kobolds."
"Does a three save?"
"C'mon guys -- he can't kill _all_ of us!"
"I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."
"There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though."
"Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."
"Hmm...how do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death?"
"Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... and we've got a horn of bubbles!"
"I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."
"This is a wimp dungeon."
"What does this lever do?"
"If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"
"That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."
"Bow to a Demon? Never!"
"Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute."
"What do you mean I turn into a bug?"
"Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"
"What do mean feather fall wears off?"
"Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."
"What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"
"They CAN'T have initiative!"
"The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."
"What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What's Stoneskin do anyway?"
"C'mon guys...how bad could it be?!" "Cmon guys, it was only a rumor, theres nothing here"
"So what, I have the artifact"
"Ok, so theres a few more of them"
"But I just got a little prick!"
"Did he say he had Plate Mail +5? I stop running and fight him!"
"Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio...(whack)"
"I pick the lock on the magic shop window."
"We charge!"
And the ultimate famous last word: "Oops."
***** Borik's Rules To Live By (Or Else Die By) Beer is good. More beer is better. Gold is best. When in doubt, pop their eyeballs. Drow have NO sense of humor.
I wanna be the dungeon master now, please, please, please!!!
I DM'ed Ravenloft for a great party(many many moons ago)...we laughed, we cried, they died...
Ravenloft was my favorite, and theirs, even though they suffered 80% casualties, thats KIA.
I've had a few of them tell me they have never been more scared, or been excited about any other game...did my heart good...
"I'll pull the lever."
Cause of death for many of my bold adventurers, usually preceeded by "C'mon, you guys are a bunch of candy-@$$es!"
I used to work for GDW. See my replies at the end of the Thread #1. Fellow FReeper Junior is apparently a Traveller aficianado as well.
Let me guess... you've played before, right?
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