Posted on 09/07/2001 7:14:59 AM PDT by SAMWolf
1.Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
2.Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
3.Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
4.Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?
5.Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?
6.Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
7.Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
8.Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
9.Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your spoon?
10.Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
11.Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
12.Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
13.Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
14.Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?
15.Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
16.Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
17.Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
18.Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?
19.Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
20.Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?
21.Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?
22.Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?
23.When you are preparing to leave for the day, do you seek out each cat and inform them of your anticipated return time?
24.Do you sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it?
25.Do you stand at the computer because the cat is sleeping on the chair?
26.Do you you make sure there's plenty of kitty litter in the house, even though you may run out of toilet paper?
27.At the store, do you pick out the catfood before you pick out anything for yourself?
28.Do you go to sleep sitting up in bed because you were reading and the cat is curled up on your lap asleep?
29.Does it always take you longer than expected to read a magazine, because the cat keeps curling up on it while you're reading?
30.Do you frequently leave your dresser drawer open when you leave for the day, because the cat jumped into one of them and is asleep in one of the drawers?
31.Is the only comb you can find in the bathroom a flea comb?
32.Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?
33.Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
34.Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way.)
35.When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?
36.Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?
37.When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
38.Do you keep old, empty pizza boxes on the counter instead of throwing them away, because the cat likes to sleep in it?
My dogs own me.
The cat did not like the collection of various artists and walked out when Travis was not on.
AS TARGETS
But in response to #4, my dog usually beats me to it. You can fill in the blanks, but dogs tend to be gross while cats have far too much dignity and class to stoop to such behaviors.
So true! We've lived here for a couple of years but Jesse must sniff the doors as if he's never seen them before.
If you're reading this list as a cat owner, you're already condemned. LOL
And people wonder why I'm bald.
Very true. For years we had two cats, and they made it abundantly clear that, just as soon as they figured out how to operate the can opener, we would be history.
regards
Electra the Bulbous thinks she's a centerpiece. At least, she locates herself in the geometric center of any gathering of humans. After that it takes a derrick to move her.
Orestes is in love with my Chow Chow, Keiko. Keiko is a gorgeous specimen, to be sure, but you know how seldom inter-species affairs work out. That hasn't deterred Orestes, who head-bumps and chin-strops Keiko at every opportunity... so far, without success.
Then there's April. I have a Newfoundland, Bruno, a 140 pound dog who's entirely black except for a small white patch on his chest. April, too, is entirely black except for a small white patch on her chest. Wherever Bruno is, you'll find April there, in just about the same position and general disposure. When we found April fishing with her paw in her water bowl, we concluded that she's a member of that rarest of sub-breeds, the Newfoundland Cat. I'm planning to take her to the beach, to see if she tries to retrieve drowning swimmers.
And -- brace yourselves -- none of them will eat anything but cat food. I've tempted them with everything in the fridge, and nothing has worked. They also won't eat cat treats, and they won't drink milk. We've caught them watching us speculatively many times. I'd say the black helicopters are next, wouldn't you?
Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
Visit the Palace Of Reason: http://palaceofreason.com
Cats. Go figure! $:-)
I agree. The very greenest spots on my lawn are where a cat has bled out after I dropped a stray with one round.
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