Posted on 12/04/2001 7:09:08 AM PST by Caleb1411
In her book to be released in 2002, my friend Dr. Theresa Burke writes,
"There is no social norm for dealing with an abortion. There are no Hallmark cards for friends who have had an abortion, declaring either sympathy or congratulations. We don't send flowers. We don't have any ceremonies, either joyous or mournful. We have no social customs or rules of etiquette governing acknowledgment of an abortion. Instead, we all try to ignore it."
The book, "Forbidden Grief," with which Dr. David Reardon also collaborated, demonstrates that grief after abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society. Drawing from their vast experience of post-abortion counseling, the authors illustrate some of the ways that this "disenfranchised grief" eats away at the personality, and results in harmful and bizarre behavior.
As a graduate student, Theresa Burke led a weekly support group for women with eating disorders. The meeting exploded out of control one night when, unexpectedly, the topic of abortion arose. Six of the eight participants had had abortions. This led Theresa to begin exploring the connections. One woman explained, "I am never hungry when I bingeI eat because I am full. Full of anger, hurt, sadness, and loneliness. I throw up because that is the way I empty myself of those feelings."
Every thought and emotion we have is connected to other thoughts, emotions, and memories. Connections to the negative memories associated with abortion are often overlooked, even by professional therapists.
Forbidden Grief reveals many of the connections. For example, those who undergo a trauma often re-enact that trauma, in a subconscious effort to articulate, understand, and master it. One client became obsessed with pregnancy after her abortion. She explains, "I used to go to the maternity section in department storesI usually had a towel stuffed in my pantyhose to make it look like I was pregnantbut as soon as I'd get in my car I would cry my head offI'd rip the towel out of my belly to dry my tears. I'd tell myself, you're not pregnant, this is just a stupid towel."
Another rode horseback regularly without padded pants, until she bled profusely, hence re-enacting the abortion.
One way or another, we ritualize our grief.
We also sometimes try to trivialize it when we know it's too much to bear. Dr. Burke describes a dorm party in which the students, many post-abortive, played "Baby Soccer." The broken heads of dolls were kicked around the room gleefully, their eyes gouged out with darts, their cheeks burned with cigarette butts.
Other post-abortive individuals increase their risk-taking behavior, hoping they will get caught or hurt. After all, they know they are guilty, and may seek an experience to confirm that.
When society trivializes abortion, people suffering from it will, cry out by their actions, "I'm not OK! I'm in tremendous pain! Can anyone help me?" We need to tell them we know that pain, and that it makes sense to grieve. Only then can healing begin.
How about guilt, or a foreboding sense of terror?
Trivialize? It sounds more like "recreate." And these college women are the future of America?
These creatures are sick. I only hope that they turn to God, and that He can heal and forgive them.
Probably so. For some reason I'm thinking of it as a voyage of the damned. The ghastly anecdote about "baby soccer" is the same basic thing -- but it's not as bad as these multiple abortions.
That's undeniably true, just as there's an appalling repeat rate of any soul-destroying behavior in which people are trapped. Some of the trapped don't want a way out; others, assailed by feelings by shame and guilt, despair of ever finding a way out.
It's the latter group for whom books like Forbidden Grief may be a lifesaver.
The suffering of these women is heartbreaking, but what they must live with is doubtless dreadful beyond belief...and to know that they did it purposefully, that it wasn't an "accident" must make their horror even worse.
And there are 1.3 million of these horrors a year in this country.
I am sure that this is what is behind the irrational conversations we have, for instance, here, with females who dig in their heels and simply announce categorically (and with no supporting evidence or rationality whatever) that "it isn't a child until it draws its first breath"; or those who advocate "choice," but won't respond to any questions or challenges about their position. I think it's because they haven't the moral integrity to face facts and acknowledge what they did — and as well perhaps because they know nothing of the atonement of Christ, by which and by whom alone such sins can be dealt with before God.
Those like Madonna, with her 13 abortions, are the ones who anger me the most. She has no shame.
AB
Both women AND men are able to come to terms with what they have done. Cool stuff...
Whoozit
The abortionist have to live with their lies or thier vicious game is exposed.
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