My mom passed on the first. I am still stunned and very sad all the time.
...so sorry for your loss. After 5 monthly anniversaries of my wife’s death, I highly recommend you find a local session of “Grieveshare” and go through the 13 weeks of sharing and learning about the grief process. Very valuable and supportive program usually put on by a church with people who have suffered the same loss helping you work through your own grieving. Best wishes for the best journey possible. Go to griefshare.org for the sponsors.