Articles Posted by John Semmens

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  • Left Mourns Passing of Castro semi-satire]

    12/06/2016 9:59:35 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    This week, long-time Cuban dictator Fidel Castro died at the age of 90. He violently took over the government of Cuba in 1959 and ruled it with an iron fist for 50 years until his retirement in 2011. His 85-year-old brother Raul has governed the island the last five years. Fidel’s rule began with mass executions of opponents by firing squad for the entertainment of cheering crowds at the Havana soccer stadium. Enemies who weren’t murdered were thrown into filthy prisons where they were tortured and abused. The vast majority of Cubans lived lives of abject poverty and oppression. Over...
  • DOJ Declines to Investigate Intimidation Against Trump Electors [semi-satire]

    12/05/2016 8:33:52 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Despite numerous reports of harassment and death threats against electors pledged to vote for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump when the Electoral College meets on December 19, the US Department of Justice, thus far, has declined to take any action. DOJ deputy press secretary David Jacobs cast the issue as “not yet ripe enough.” “From what we have heard these electors have been called names and warned they could be harmed if they don’t switch their vote to Secretary Clinton,” Jacobs recounted. “Name calling is protected freedom of speech. Just weeks ago the two leading candidates were calling each other...
  • California’s Brave New World [semi-satire]

    12/04/2016 9:07:32 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    While the most of the country has voted to veer away from the transformation of America spearheaded by President Obama, California has vowed to stay the course, at least on the environmental front. In terms of air quality, the state has enacted new regulations to limit how much methane gas cows are allowed to emit while farting. California Air Resources Board science adviser Ryan McCarthy called the attempt “truly ambitious. No one really knows how we’re going to get this done. The State Assembly deserves credit for taking on a task that may well be impossible.” “The obvious first response...
  • EEOC Announces New Workplace Regs [semi-satire]

    12/03/2016 11:14:53 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) announced new workplace regulations requiring employers to accommodate the languages spoken by prospective hires and current employees or “face sanctions including fines and/or revocation of permission to operate.” Oddly, the EEOC cited “the growing diversity of the nation’s workforce as the justification for the new rule.” Under the new regulations requiring employees to speak or understand English is now deemed unlawful discrimination. “Employees have the right to communicate in a language of their own choosing,” EEOC Chairperson Jenny Yang argued. “It is the employer’s responsibility to learn the language of his employees or hire...
  • Obama to Admit Refugees Barred from Entering Australia [semi-satire]

    12/03/2016 8:45:04 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The Obama Administration has agreed to admit nearly 2500 refugees that the Australian government has refused to allow into their country for "security reasons." The refugees are from terrorism "hot spots" and have been excluded for failing to clear the country's vetting process. Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va) have complained about the lack of transparency in the President's actions. "In a matter having obvious security implications the President is obliged to consult Congress before agreeing to bring potentially dangerous individuals into the United States," Grassley contended. "The fact that these men were not deemed a good...
  • Senator Desperate to Pass "Lame Duck" Bills [semi-satire]

    12/02/2016 8:20:25 PM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) has joined with Sen. John McCain (R-Az) to modify the recently passed Justice Against Sponsors of Terror Act (JASTA). This law allows victims of terrorist attacks to sue the governments that provide funding and sanctuary to terrorists. Graham is concerned that "the existing law can come back to bite us. When Congress overrode President Obama's veto they were thinking 'let's make these Muslim governments pay for the damages done by the groups they harbor.' What was overlooked was the possibility that our own government would be made liable for damage done by terrorists armed by the...
  • Trump's Direct Communication to Public Irks Major Media [semi-satire]

    11/29/2016 9:22:43 AM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Since winning the election, president-elect Donald Trump has broadcast a couple of brief messages directly to the general public over the Internet on his Facebook page. These communications have been denounced by some media talking heads. Katy Tur of MSNBC called this "a disturbing end-run around the critical filter provided by professional journalists. It allows Trump to put his own 'spin' on the message and transmit it to voters before it has been vetted by those of us whose job it is to act as intermediaries." That Trump would seek a more direct path to communicate with Americans was probably...
  • Union Decries Trump Nominee for Department of Education [semi-satire]

    11/28/2016 10:35:20 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    President-elect Donald Trump’s nomination of Betsy DeVos for Secretary of Education did not sit well with American Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten. “In nominating DeVos, Trump makes it loud and clear that his education policy will focus on shifting control of education into the hands of students and their parents,” she complained. “This defies logic and can only lead to the destruction of the public education system.” Weingarten dismissed the consumer empowerment concept as “a naive perspective for the delivery of as complex a product as education. Does a parent really know what’s best for her child? Can we,...
  • Bureaucrats Order Destruction of Food Bound for Homeless Shelter [semi-satire]

    11/27/2016 9:15:58 AM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    The attempt by Kookers Kare to donate 4,000 lbs. of leftovers from the American Royal’s World Series of Barbecue to a local nonprofit organization called Hope City was thwarted by the Kansas City Health Department. The food donation has traditionally fed thousands of homeless persons in Kansas City for decades without complaint or incident. This time, however, the donated food was ordered destroyed by the Kansas City Health Department. “All of that food was uninspected, so that makes it from an unapproved source, it cannot be served to the public,” Operations Manager Joe Williamson said. “It doesn’t matter that both...
  • France to Pay Illegals to Leave [semi-satire]

    11/26/2016 3:52:38 PM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    The government of France is offering a bounty of €2,500 to migrants who voluntarily go home to their country of origin. The €2,500 to cover air fare is only part of the deal. An additional €10,000 in financial aid is available to help them get set up on arriving home. Didier Leschi, the head of France's immigration office, called the payment "a bargain compared to the cost of sustaining these people via the welfare benefits to which they are entitled under French law. The €10,000 each will receive upon arrival is enough to fund a small business in their native...
  • Democratic Party Doesn't Need White People [semi-satire]

    11/26/2016 10:46:13 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    In a bid to simplify the race for who will be the next chairperson of the Democratic National Committee, former Bernie Sanders for President spokeswoman Symone Sanders advised melanin deficient aspirants to "back off. We don't need white people leading the Democratic Party right now." Contrasting "the whupping dished out to two pasty-faced white dudes by the chocolaty Barack to the embarrassing upset suffered by the ghostly Hillary makes it clear that the Party's future lies with people of color," Symone argued. She was especially anxious that "the 'crazy yodeling white dude' not be allowed to lead the Party into...
  • Voter ID Laws Rigged Election for Trump [semi-satire]

    11/25/2016 2:57:07 PM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    The League of Women Voters called for the election of Donald Trump to be voided on the grounds that the election was rigged. Chris Carson, president of the League of Women Voters maintains that "state laws requiring voters to show IDs before they are allowed to cast a ballot unduly restrict the franchise." "The whole point of democracy is to allow the people to govern themselves," Carson said. "Limiting the franchise to only those who can prove who they are narrows the base and excludes those who can't or won't agree to identify themselves. This conflicts with the principle of...
  • Chicago to Remain Sanctuary City [semi-satire]

    11/22/2016 9:34:06 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Calling illegal alien criminal gangs “a time-honored part of our city’s culture,” Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced that “we will remain a sanctuary city regardless of whatever opposition a President Trump might express to our policy.” For his part, President-Elect Trump has pledged to deport or incarcerate the estimated two million illegal aliens in the country who have criminal records. Given that Chicago suffers from dozens of gang-related shootings every month it would seem that removing criminal aliens from the mix might lessen the carnage. Emanuel was having none of this, though, calling the apparent salutary objective of deporting the...
  • Google Promises to Censor "Fake News" [semi-satire]

    11/21/2016 9:02:22 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Acknowledging that "our knee-jerk notion that freedom of speech should not be stifled may have blinded us to our responsibility to prevent the promulgation of 'fake news,'" Google's chief executive Sundar Pichai said and promised "to do a better job of weeding out erroneous and misleading posts in the future." Pichai was especially hard on himself "for letting Hillary down. The more established media arbiters at CNN, NBC, CBS, etc. held as firm as they could to protect their viewers from being exposed to bogus news like the Wikileaks documents. But those of us in the Internet zone allowed our...
  • Senator Vows to Blockade Trump Agenda [semi-satire]

    11/20/2016 10:03:18 AM PST · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) vowed he would block Trump's efforts to clamp down on illegal immigration and make peace with Russia. "He may think that because there is a GOP majority that he can get his way over here," Graham warned. "But it will only take a few of us to join with the Democrats to thwart his plans." Graham found Trump's idea that the United States and Russia could make common cause to fight ISIS "frightening. Russia has been this country's adversary for longer than I've been alive. They have nuclear weapons. They're dangerous. ISIS is a 'johnny-come-lately' phenomenon....
  • Campaign Launched to Reverse Election Outcome [semi-satire]

    11/19/2016 10:41:57 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    A campaign has been launched by Hillary supporters to intimidate Trump electors into voting for Clinton on December 19th. Personal data—names and addresses—have been published in hopes that "people will take the initiative to contact these electors and persuade them to change their vote for the good of the country." Part of that "good" may be self-preservation, as a number of Trump electors have reported receiving death threats if they "vote wrong." Retiring Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) blamed President-Elect Donald Trump for "the surge of violence that has erupted since the election. His deplorable campaign of hate and...
  • Micro-Aggression Terror at Starbucks [semi-satire]

    11/18/2016 8:57:08 PM PST · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Customers and staff at a Portland, Oregon Starbuck's coffee shop endured a moment of pure terror when another customer asked for the name "Trump" to be written on his order. "This used to be a safe space," said a weepy barista while whipping up a Latte Venti for a cowering customer in an "I'm with her" t-shirt. "That our grief over the election results could be so disrespected so soon reaffirms our fears that a new dark age is upon us." Customer, Marcus Child admitted to "trembling in horror at the insensitivity of some people. The greatest woman in human...
  • NYC Mayor to Delete Illegal Alien Database [semi-satire]

    11/15/2016 9:46:54 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 November 2016 | John Semmens
    New York City’s Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio says he will order the deletion of the database of 850,000 illegal aliens residing in his city “to protect them from any enforcement action President Trump may attempt after he takes office.” The database was established as part of deBlasio’s initiative to issue ID cards to those in the country illegally “so they can live normal lives like any other American. New York has been and will remain a sanctuary city. If it was important when a friendly Administration was in charge in Washington, it is crucial now that a hostile bigot...
  • Obama Pondering Pardoning Clinton [semi-satire]

    11/14/2016 5:50:39 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 November 2016 | John Semmens
    Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest expressed confidence that President Obama would "not let emotional outbursts by people understandably distraught over the election deter him from pardoning Hillary and those other public servants for any crimes they may have committed in the course of performing their duties. The template for such a pardon was established by President Ford's similar pardon for Nixon. And as Hillary pointed out in one of the debates, in America we don't jail losing candidates." "Governing is not a business for the squeamish," Earnest added. "Actions that might be regarded as appalling if done by ordinary people...
  • France and Germany Rattled by Trump’s Election [semi-satire]

    11/13/2016 9:59:57 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 November 2016 | John Semmens
    French and German officials expressed concern over the election of Donald Trump as the next US president. French Foreign Minister Jean-Marc Ayrault called Trump’s triumph over Clinton “a shock to the system. Trump’s insistence that we must pay for our own defense is an unprecedented deviation from the post WWII consensus.” French President Francois Hollande, languishing with a pathetic 4% approval rating, feared that “the success of Mr. Trump may be a harbinger of a resurgent right-wing in France. If a nation with only a tiny fraction of Muslim immigrants installs Trump there would seem to be little chance of...
  • Democrats Seeking Scapegoat for Loss [semi-satire]

    11/12/2016 9:02:28 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 November 2016 | John Semmens
    Reeling from the shock of an unanticipated election defeat, Clinton Campaign chairman John Podesta, whose emails detailing rampant cheating and corruption by the Democratic National Committee and its chosen candidate were exposed by Wikileaks, blamed media bias in favor of Trump as "the main reason we lost. Their refusal to give adequate coverage to Trump's obvious unfitness combined with their unfair and relentless scrutiny of every little misstep made by Secretary Clinton poisoned her reputation was a stab in the back by people we thought we could trust." As an example of media bias, Podesta cited "the superficial attention given...
  • Trump Win Sparks Left-Wing Protests [semi-satire]

    11/11/2016 8:33:20 PM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 November 2016 | John Semmens
    Donald Trump's surprising upset win over his heavily favored Democratic rival Hillary Clinton has sparked disturbing responses from some of her supporters. In Oakland, California anti-Trump protesters battled with police and set a squad car on fire. In Los Angeles, a protester ominously predicted "there will be casualties...because people have to die to make a change in this world." In Portland, Oregon, rioters vandalized businesses. On Twitter the "hashtag" #assassinateTrump is trending. Kellyanne Conway, Trump's campaign manager, called on President Obama and Hillary Clinton to ask their supporters to refrain from violence. "We didn't see this kind of violent response...
  • DOD to Reform Army Recruitment [semi-satire]

    11/08/2016 7:29:56 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    This week Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter announced his "vision" for the Army of the future. As Carter sees it "the armed forces need to represent a better cross section of the population. Right now too many of our recruits are rednecks and gun nuts. As President Obama is fond of saying, 'this is not who we are as a country.'" In order to move toward a more representative mix in the US military Carter vows "to enlist more people with different lifestyles." The different lifestyles under consideration include the obese, drug addicts, transgenders, and single moms. "Excluding these different...
  • White House Happy with Brazile [semi-satire]

    11/07/2016 7:55:49 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Despite Wikileaks evidence showing that Donna Brazile helped Hillary Clinton cheat against rival Bernie Sanders during the Democratic primaries by covertly passing questions to her ahead of debates, Press Secretary-Josh Earnest maintains that she has President Obama’s full support as chairperson of the DNC. “The president is loyal to his friends,” Earnest insisted. “The fact that Donna has been fired by CNN for besmirching their integrity has only stiffened his resolve to stand by her. Look, what she did is no worse than a baseball team stealing another team’s signs. It’s all part of the game. It’s not her fault...
  • Wikileaks Expose Documents Showing "Intent" [semi-satire]

    11/06/2016 9:16:28 AM PST · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    In July, FBI Director James Comey enumerated a list of crimes for which former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton could've been prosecuted if only there were evidence of "intent." He settled for labeling her deceptive practices regarding classified communications as "extraordinarily careless." This past week's Wikileaks document unveiling included two emails indicating that Clinton's henchmen were actively pursuing steps to hide her crimes. In one email, campaign chairman John Podesta says "we are going to have to dump all those emails." In another, Clinton aide Cheryl Mills orders technicians running the illegal email system to delete undesired emails with "Bleach...
  • Obama Warns Voters “Trump Is Not One of Us” [semi-satire]

    11/05/2016 4:21:02 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    In his last push on behalf of electing Hillary Clinton our next president, President Obama sought to paint her GOP opponent Donald Trump as “other.” “Donald Trump is not a regular guy,” Obama said. “He doesn’t drink the same beer you do. He doesn’t drink any kind of beer or other alcoholic beverage. He may have been a TV star, but all your favorite TV and movie stars hate him. I’m the one they like and I’m telling you to vote for Hillary.” Obama also contrasted “Trump’s money-grubbing career as a billion-dollar real estate tycoon” with “Hillary’s life of public...
  • Hillary's Unsecure Email System Breached [semi-satire]

    11/05/2016 10:04:20 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    FBI agents examining the trove of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's emails on a lap-top computer seized from sexter Anthony Weiner reportedly have discovered that the emails show signs of being hacked on multiple occasions. Among the suspected hackers are China, Germany, Russia and South Korea. Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook contends that "this proves what we've been saying all along. It's good that a source as reputable as the FBI has corroborated that it is the Russians who've been meddling in our election and why America's future security is dependent upon the election of a proven leader like...
  • Biden Says Hillary Faces Unfair "Double Standard" [semi-satire]

    11/04/2016 7:31:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Nov 2016 | John Semmens
    Vice-President Joe Biden assailed what he says is an unfair "double standard" when it comes to judging Hillary Clinton's "authenticity and trustworthiness." "Look, when her husband was running for president voters overlooked the Whitewater scam and all the women he molested and let him be president," Biden remembered. "They lowered the bar for him. In a just world they'd give a similar pass to Hillary. But no, every little misstep is being held against her by a biased media aided and abetted by a rogue FBI." "They say she lies," Biden added. "What politician doesn't lie? Bill lied about Monica....
  • German Court Overturns Rape Conviction [semi-satire]

    10/31/2016 10:01:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The Iraqi immigrant who raped a ten-year old boy in the changing area of a swimming pool in the Austrian capital of Vienna had his conviction overturned by the German Supreme Court this past week. The assailant, Amir A, had previously offered a “sexual emergency” argument in justification of the rape. “It had been more than four months since I had seen my wife and I had to receive sexual release for the sake of my health,” he claimed. The health of his victim was negatively impacted by the encounter. The child suffered severe anal injuries and is still plagued...
  • ACLU Files to Force Catholic Hospitals to Sterilize Patients [semi-satire]

    10/30/2016 11:00:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    This week the American Civil Liberties Union filed a complaint with the Department of Health and Human Services Office for Civil Rights demanding that it force Catholic hospitals to sterilize patients. The complaint alleges that the refusal to provide a service the religiously supported hospitals deem a violation of their faith is unlawful discrimination against women. ACLU spokesman Bertram Petty asserted that "religious dogma must yield to the government's right to determine what kinds of medical procedures are essential human rights under the Affordable Care Act. The government represents everyone. The Catholic Church represents a minority. Clearly, democracy requires that...
  • Dem VP Candidate Says Hillary Will Seek Broader War-Making Powers [semi-satire]

    10/29/2016 1:12:12 PM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In an appearance on the CNN program The Axe Files, Democratic vice-presidential candidate Sen. Tim Kaine (Va.) reassured David Axelrod, a former top adviser to President Obama, that “Secretary Clinton wants to unleash the president’s ability to move more quickly deploy military force against this nation’s enemies. The Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) that Congress passed to enable the Bush Administration to invade Afghanistan is too restrictive. The next president needs the authority to strike quickly without warning.” Kaine cited the current stalemate in Syria between US and Russian forces as an example of where broader presidential war-making...
  • Democrat Election Fraud Continues Across America [semi-satire]

    10/29/2016 11:15:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In Florida, Gladys Coego, a temporary worker for the Miami-Dade County Elections Department, was caught altering mailed in ballots by coloring in "bubbles" that the original voter had left blank. Coego justified her effort "to salvage votes that otherwise would've gone to waste. If a person doesn't fully exercise their right to vote where's the harm in me finishing the job they left undone?" In a separate incident, Tomika Curgil was accused by the State Attorney's office of filing voter registration forms for five individuals without their consent, 17 additional forms for fictitious persons and several for persons recently deceased....
  • Renewed FBI Probe Riles Democrats [semi-satire]

    10/29/2016 3:39:33 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    This week FBI Director James Comey announced it might have to revisit the criminal investigation into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's emails. "In the course of our investigation on another case we came across a device that held emails pertinent to our earlier probe of Secretary Clinton," Comey said in his letter to Congress. Coming on the heels of recent Wikileaks revelations of stunning examples of corruption and obstruction of justice in emails hacked from Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta's computer, as well as Project Veritas' videos implication the Clinton campaign in dirty tricks and election fraud, the...
  • Administration Promises Saudis it Will “Fix” 9/11 Victims Law [semi-satire]

    10/25/2016 10:40:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Still smarting from a Congressional override of his veto of the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, a law that allows victims of the 9/11 jihadi attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon the right to sue foreign governments that aided the terrorists, President Obama has ordered Secretary of State John Kerry to work out a scheme with the government of Saudi Arabia to nullify the law. In a meeting held this week, Kerry assured Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir that “we will figure out how we can adjust the law in a way that is mutually satisfactory to...
  • Media Assails Trump’s “Wait and See” Stance on Election [semi-satire]

    10/24/2016 10:42:38 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The broadcast news “talking heads” went into hysterics following Republican presidential contender Donald Trump’s refusal to automatically concede on election night if it looks like the votes go against him. On CNN, the commentators proclaimed Trump’s stance “a threat to our democracy.” All professed to have never heard such a statement at any previous presidential debate. Which is true because no other candidate was ever asked this question. Whether Trump might have good reason to wait until he sees the election results for himself seems to be supported by several facts. On the one hand, there have been a number...
  • Libertarian Bewails "Double Standard" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 4:35:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Libertarian presidential candidate and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson complained about the media's "double standard" after they ignored Hillary Clinton's geographic inaccuracy regarding Mosul while lampooning him as "an ignorant dope" when he failed to recognize "Aleppo." "I wasn't Secretary of State for four years like Hillary was," he pointed out. "I was peacefully minding my own business. Why should I be expected to know such minutia? But she is the one who supposed to be the world's smartest woman. She is the one who never ceases to remind us that she's got 30 years of experience in government....
  • Obamacare in "Transition Phase" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 10:56:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Health insurance premium hikes and dwindling service alternatives under the Affordable Care Act were described by President Obama as "a transition phase of the program." "Right now a lot of people are whining about having to pay more or having no choice of doctors or plans where they live," Obama remarked. "All of these complaints originate from a selfish individual perspective. Sure, some isolated individuals may have to pay more and get less, but in the more crucial issue of our progress toward collective social justice we are on track." Before Obamacare, annual family premiums for employer-provided coverage cost an...
  • Madonna Makes an Offer [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 1:52:10 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Included in her introduction of comedian Amy Schumer at a New York City performance, pop star Madonna told the audience that “if you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blow job.” It was not clear whether this was an inducement or a threat. Audience member Richard Long of Queens found the prospect appealing. “Madonna said she’s not a douche and that she swallows,” Long pointed out. “That’s classy. Hillary’s got my vote.” In contrast, audience member Anne Chester of Manhattan wondered “whether this is the kind of thing a Clinton supporter ought to be saying. Look at...
  • Hillary "Horrified" by Trump's Abortion Comments [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 11:08:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    At this week's debate, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton professed herself "horrified" by GOP rival Donald Trump's denunciation of partial-birth abortions as "ripping babies out of the womb" and criticizing the practice as "terrible" and "unacceptable." "Granted, the elimination of these near term fetuses is a gruesome procedure," she admitted. "But what's more gruesome is Trump's attempt to use these tragic medical interventions as a scare tactic to overturn the rights established by Roe v. Wade. For too long state legislatures across the country unfairly prohibited or restricted a woman's right to an abortion. Fortunately, in 1973 the Supreme Court...
  • DNC Chair Assails Videos of Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/21/2016 10:41:55 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The Democratic National Committee Chairperson Donna Brazile assailed videos from Project Veritas declaring that "these stolen tapes should not be permitted to be viewed by voters prior to the election. Posing as a Democratic Party intern for the purpose of secretly gathering inside information is just a lowdown dirty trick." In a testy exchange with Fox News' Meagan Kelly, the DNC replacement for the previously disgraced Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who was forced to resign after leaked emails revealed that she was leading an effort to rig the Democratic nomination process to benefit Hillary Clinton, Brazile attempted to divert attention from...
  • More Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/18/2016 11:11:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.” In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best...
  • CNN Irked at Chant [semi-satire]

    10/17/2016 11:01:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter. Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his...
  • Wikileaks Exposes Democrats' Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks [semi-satire]

    10/16/2016 10:57:57 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them "backwards." Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton's 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion "an amazing bastardization of the faith." And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a "Catholic Spring" modeled on the "Arab Spring" that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi...
  • Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 4:09:35 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American "allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region." Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that "this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single...
  • RAF Has "Green Light" to Fire on Russian Jets [semi-news]

    10/15/2016 10:41:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The risky nature of the United States' entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them. Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the "need to confront Russia" in Syria. At last Sunday's presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a "no fly zone" in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump's "cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this...
  • Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks "Violation of Constitutional Rights" [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 12:38:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign. "Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally," campaign manager Robby Mook complained. "By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton's election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution's guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation's history." Among the revelations contained...
  • Voter "Irregularities" Popping Up Across the Nation [semi-satire]

    10/11/2016 11:08:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    As election day grows nearer reports of voter irregularities are surfacing in numerous locations around the country. In Texas, the Attorney General's Office is investigating a vote-harvesting scheme involving as many as 20,000 bogus ballots in Tarrant County. The vote harvesting scheme entails Democratic Party operatives "helping" the elderly, mentally incapacitated, and the economically disadvantaged fill out their ballots, if not actually forging signatures and manufacturing non-existent voters. In Philadelphia, a spot check by Joseph Vanderhulst, an attorney with the Public Interest Legal Foundation, found that 86 non-citizens have been registered to vote for years with half of them casting...
  • Court Rules States Cannot Reject Refugees [semi-satire]

    10/10/2016 12:20:49 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Judge Richard Posner, writing for the three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, ruled that "governors have no authority to reject Syrian refugees being sent to their states. Neither do mayors, landlords, or homeowners have the right to block the placement of refugees in their towns, buildings, or households if that is what the President determines is in the best interest of the country. The idea that any of these other parties can refuse to cooperate in the refugee relocation program just because they deem it dangerous is not supported by law or the Constitution."...
  • Clinton Wins Straw Ballot at San Quentin Prison [semi-satire]

    10/09/2016 11:34:01 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In what was billed as a preview of a newly passed California law that will permit imprisoned felons to vote for real next year, a limited trial run was conducted by the inmate-run newspaper at San Quentin State Prison this week. The inmates were given an opportunity to vote for president of the United States and on Proposition 62, which would outlaw capital punishment. Democrat Hillary Clinton won with 79% of the vote. Green Party candidate Jill Stein finished second with 11%. Donald Trump was third with 9%. Editor of the inmate paper Arnulfo Garcia speculated that "the results might...
  • Will the US Go to War with Russia over Syria? [semi-satire]

    10/08/2016 10:48:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Tensions surrounding the war-torn nation of Syria ratcheted up this week with Secretary of State John Kerry charging Russia with war crimes, Russia threatening to shoot down US planes that attack its Syrian government ally, and US Army Chief of Staff General Mark Milley boasting to the Russians that “we will beat you harder than you have ever been beaten before.” On one side we have the Russians and the murderous Assad regime. On the other side we have the bumbling Obama Administration and its confusing alliance with anti-Assad jihadis. The unanswered question is whether the issue of which side...