Keyword: craptire

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  • Head of Fed Baffled

    06/25/2011 8:38:05 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 41 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 25 June 2011 | John Semmens
    Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank (Fed) pronounced himself “baffled” by the state of the economy. “The federal government is spending like there’s no tomorrow, we’ve added trillions to the national debt over the last three years, we’re cranking out more new money than ever before, yet the economy is lying there like a beached whale,” Bernanke mused. “I have to admit, I’m baffled by it all.” Bernanke dismissed businesses’ reluctance to invest as “irrational.” “Look, our ‘quantitative easing’ couldn’t be clearer,” Bernanke insisted. “Whatever they borrow today can be paid back later in cheaper dollars. We’re effectively...
  • President Says ATM a Symbol of What’s Wrong with this Country

    06/26/2011 10:17:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 19 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 25 June 2011 | John Semmens
    With unemployment remaining stubbornly high after more than two years of his Administration’s economic stimulus policies, President Obama laid into the ATM (Automatic Teller Machine) as a symbol of what’s ailing the economy. “First off, these machines displace workers, increasing unemployment,” Obama maintained. “People used to be employed as bank tellers to dispense cash and take deposits. Now, millions of these machines have eliminated millions of jobs.” “Secondly, the government’s ability to control how money is dispensed is hampered,” the President added. “These machines are open around the clock and the process is pretty much automatic. If there’s money in...
  • Palin E-Mails Unsettling

    06/18/2011 2:48:17 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 25 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 16 June 2011 | John Semmens
    The release of more than 20,000 of former Governor Sarah Palin’s e-mails has yielded content that some are calling unsettling. “We noted that on more than one occasion Governor Palin mentioned that she hoped for divine guidance to help her reach the right decision on an issue,” the Associated Press (AP) wrote in an unsigned analysis. “This is wrong on several levels. First, it is an illegal mingling of church and state. There’s supposed to be a wall between the two. Palin breached that wall.” “Second, it implies a certain degree of helplessness on Palin’s part,” the AP continued. “Were...
  • Police Seize & Destroy Witnesses’ Cell Phones

    06/13/2011 2:34:20 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 42 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 11 June 2011 | John Semmens
    Police in Miami Beach, Florida destroyed all witnesses’ cell phones after one of them used a phone to record the police fire 100 bullets at a suspect. The shooting left the suspect dead and four bystanders wounded. Police spokesman, Richard Tator explained that the phone confiscation was “standard procedure.” “Multiple recordings of enforcement activities generate unnecessary complications that could endanger the prosecution’s case,” Tator asserted. “To avoid this problem officers are instructed to expunge all unauthorized recordings.” The crushing of a half-dozen cell phones may not have accomplished the desired objective, though. One witness, Narces Benoit, managed to extract his...
  • Feds Raid Home Seeking Student Loan Repayment

    06/12/2011 3:18:23 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 20 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 11 June 2011 | John Semmens
    A federal SWAT operation kicked down the doors of Kenneth Wright’s home in a 6 A.M. raid because his wife, who no longer lives at the residence, failed to repay her student loan. Wright, who had been sleeping, was dragged out of the house in his underwear, thrown face down on the front lawn and held at gunpoint. His three children were not harmed. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan defended the harsh tactics. “Too many people are defaulting on their student loans,” Duncan pointed out. “The old system of pursuing collections through the courts may have been the only alternative...

    06/11/2011 12:14:08 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 22 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 11 June 2011 | John Semmens
    MSNBC’s Chris Matthews called criticism of Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) “culturally backward.” Weiner is currently under fire for sending nude pictures of himself to women across the nation and then lying about it. “People say they want transparency from government,” Matthews observed. “What’s more transparent than a naked picture? Isn’t it saying ‘I have nothing to hide?’” Matthews urged Weiner to resist pressures for his resignation. “He needs to stay the course,” Matthews argued. “Now is not the time to surrender to narrow-minded notions of what constitutes appropriate behavior. People shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. We shouldn’t hound out...
  • Former Speaker Predicts Democrats Will Take Back House

    06/06/2011 10:31:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 27 replies
    Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) predicted that the Democrats will win a majority in the 2012 elections because “voters will have tired of Republican efforts to cut spending and resist tax increases.” “The whole ‘Tea Party’ notion that voters oppose taxes is out-of-date by more than 200 years,” Pelosi averred. “The money isn’t going to the King of England. It’s buying Medicare, Social Security, welfare, corporate bailouts, you name it. Voters love these programs. Bigger government is the only way they can be sure that they continue. Republican demands for ‘fiscal sobriety’ require a self-discipline among voters that just...
  • California Dems Kill Bills that Would Scrutinize Their Behavior

    06/06/2011 6:52:27 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Legislation that would increase oversight of legislators’ behavior has been pushed aside by the Democratic majority in the California Assembly. Among the bills torpedoed by the Democratic leadership were one aimed at requiring public officials to disclose their sources of compensation, another would’ve banned receiving of “freebies” from lobbyists, a third would’ve docked legislators’ per diem pay for absences. Robin Swanson, spokeswoman for Assembly Speaker John A. Pérez (D-Los Angeles), defended the deferrals of this reform legislation. “With the economy on the rocks and the state budget in shambles now is not the time to penalize hardworking legislators,” Swanson said....
  • Palin Vacation “Dangerous” Says CBS

    06/05/2011 11:19:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 41 replies
    Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin’s family vacation tour of historic sites has attracted hordes of media attention—a situation that CBS News Producer Ryan Corsaro characterizes as “dangerous.” “We’ve been provided with no schedule or itinerary,” Corsaro complained. “We’re forced to stalk her if we want to find out where she’s going and what she’s doing. It’s very aggravating, not to mention dangerous. Every network wants to be first in line to get the best picture, to be close enough to overhear every conversation. Media vehicles are racing with each other, tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic trying to beat...
  • Feds Threaten Indiana over Defunding of Planned Parenthood

    06/05/2011 1:09:08 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) is threatening to withhold federal Medicaid funding to the State after its legislature enacted a law barring Planned Parenthood from receiving state money because some of it would be used to fund abortions. Medicaid Administrator Donald Berwick said, “Indiana’s attempt to block funding for a recognized provider of family planning services conflicts with Administration policy. What is and isn’t covered is determined by the federal government. No state has the authority to deviate from the guidelines mandated by federal policy.” Under federal Medicaid rules, states may bar service providers engaged in criminal...
  • Dems Say No Budget Necessary

    05/30/2011 1:20:45 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) rejected the idea that the federal government should have a budget. “Budgets set limits and create expectations,” Reid pointed out. “They can only serve to hamstring policy and expose the Party to political disadvantage. We’d be fools to fall into that trap.” Senate Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad (D-N. Dak) concurred in Reid’s assessment. “The only reason Republicans are clamoring for a budget is so they can cut spending,” Conrad maintained. “We got along without a budget last year. With no budget we can carry on with the spending levels already in place and...
  • Memphis May Turn to Speed Cameras for More Revenue

    05/29/2011 10:57:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 20 replies
    Memphis City Council Chairman Myron Lowery is proposing to bridge the city’s budget deficit by boosting yields from traffic fines on speeding. The plan is to add radar guns to existing red-light automated enforcement zones and capture photos of drivers exceeding the posted speed limits. “Look, the overwhelming majority of drivers are speeders,” Lowery observed. “That’s a pretty big potential source of revenue that we could get our hands on.” The National Motorists Association contends that “the majority of drivers speed because the posted limits are set below what they should be. They generate millions of pointless traffic tickets and...

    05/28/2011 10:38:15 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    With Senate passage of the Preventing Real Online Threats to Economic Creativity and Theft of Intellectual Property Act (PROTECT IP), the US government has moved a step closer to total control over the Internet. Under the Act, the government will be authorized to seize domains, block websites and censor search engines. Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont) emphasized that “the bill is merely an extension of existing authority. It is not new censorship.” The extension was deemed necessary because “rogue websites can escape government control by locating outside the United States. This new law will counter this by allowing the government to...
  • Treasury Secretary Says Default May Be Preferred Option If Debt Ceiling Not Raised

    05/14/2011 1:47:42 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 22 replies
    U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner assailed Republican “attempts to hold spending hostage to the debt ceiling issue.” “They’re saying that default isn’t automatic, that we can cut other spending to prevent default,” Geithner said. “We could, but this would force us to prioritize the revenues we have available in ways that we don’t want to. The President’s initiatives on high-speed rail and the ‘green economy,’ for example, may seem expendable to his enemies in Congress. However, the decision on whether to forego paying for such crucial programs or to stop making payments on old debt is at our discretion. We...
  • Attorney General Defends Arming Mexican Drug Cartels

    05/07/2011 5:53:39 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 43 replies
    US Attorney General Eric Holder denied critics’ contention that his Department’s Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) scheme of selling military ordinance to Mexican drug cartels was “a stupid idea.” Under the Department’s so-called “Gunwalker” program, surplus military weapons like M-16 and M-4 assault rifles, grenades, and AK-47s captured from foreigners were sold to the cartels by BATFE agents. “These types of criminals are going to get weapons by hook or by crook,” Holder declared. “If they buy them from us two key objectives are attained. First, the Department earns revenue that can be used for other law...
  • President Says Tornadoes May Be a ‘Blessing in Disguise’

    04/30/2011 11:17:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 72 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 30 April 2011 | John Semmens
    While commiserating with those who lost loved ones in the recent tornadoes that ravaged much ofAlabama, President Obama urged that “we not overlook the positives of this tragic event. Every structure that was damaged needs repairs—that means jobs. Every piece of personal property that was destroyed will need replacing—that means jobs. Every injury that needs tending, every body that needs burying—means jobs. So, in a way, these storms may be a blessing in disguise for the region’s economy.” “On top of this, there will be ripple effects that will be felt throughout the nation as the spending on repairs and...
  • Birth Certificate “the Last Document” the President Will Be Sharing with the Public

    04/30/2011 1:32:36 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 27 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 30 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Senior White House adviser Valerie Jarrett said that President Obama’s recently unveiled birth certificate “is the last document he will be sharing with the public. It’s bad enough that the ruler of the free world has been mercilessly harassed and humiliated into revealing the most private details of his birth. Demands that he open up other records relating to his academic career will not be honored.” Claiming victory from his efforts to induce President Obama to disclose his birth certificate, real estate tycoon and potential GOP presidential candidate, Donald Trump has turned his attention to Obama’s college records. “I’ve heard...
  • Former Speaker Torn over Importance of Elections

    04/17/2011 5:12:50 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 16 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 16 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Former Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) admitted to mixed feelings over the role elections will play in the future of America. “I know that as a Democrat I’m expected to support democracy,” Pelosi said. “But is democracy an end in itself or merely a means to an end? I mean, it was important that we elected President Obama to rule this country. Now that he is President, though, what further gains could there be from the electoral process? Might not future elections even serve to undermine the changes he’s already implemented?” Pelosi proclaimed herself extremely distressed...
  • Obama Says Failure to Raise Debt Ceiling Will Wreck Global Economy

    04/16/2011 2:18:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 16 April 2011 | John Semmens
    President Obama issued a dire prediction of global economic catastrophe should Congress fail to raise the federal government’s debt ceiling. “This is no time for fooling around or playing politics on this critical issue,” Obama declared. “USGovernment spending is the driving force of global prosperity. Without it businesses and individuals would be forced to make their own decisions on what to produce, how to produce it, and where to sell it. We need government to ensure that resources are used wisely and distributed equitably to avert the chaos of unfettered capitalism.” A few examples of capitalistic chaos were cited by...
  • Councilman Argues for Hiring More Ex-Cons

    04/16/2011 8:40:05 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 16 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Pittsburgh City Councilman Ricky Burgess introduced legislation that would make it easier for persons with a criminal record to be hired by the city. “Most of those with a criminal record are Democrats,” Burgess observed. “Should we really be penalizing our own constituency by excluding them from working for the city?” read more...
  • President Urges Consumers to “Get used to Higher Gas Prices”

    04/10/2011 12:51:29 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 31 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Calling higher prices “a key incentive for conserving,” President Obama told an audience of 500 employees at the Gamesa Technology Corp., a wind turbine manufacturing plant in Pennsylvania, that “we need to get used to higher gas prices for the sake of our environment.” “There is no gain without at least a little pain,” the President argued. “Paying a few dollars more at the pump will encourage people to cut back on unnecessary trips and use public transit when they have to travel. If we’re going to save the planet we all have to make sacrifices.” As an example of...
  • Government Shutdown Won’t Affect Congressional Pay

    04/09/2011 12:40:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies · 1+ views
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 April 2011 | John Semmens
    While various segments of the federal government face defunding in the event of a government shutdown, Congressional pay won’t be affected. In an effort to deflect political repercussions, several members of Congress (including House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio) have sworn to forgo their paychecks for the duration of any shutdown, Representative Linda Sánchez (D-Calif) won’t be one of them. “I can’t afford to go one day without my salary,” Sánchez declared. “Like most Americans, I live paycheck-to-paycheck. I have a two-year-old son. I have expenses. I need this money. Voters who elected me gave me a right to this money....
  • Wisconsin Election Turnaround ‘Unprecedented’ Says Union

    04/09/2011 11:56:57 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 54 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Wisconsin union officials are calling the post-election correction of an error that converted a 200-vote deficit into a 7,000-vote lead for the conservative candidate, incumbent Justice David Prosser, for the state Supreme Court judgeship “unprecedented.” “In every other instance in which previously uncounted or miscounted votes have been brought to light it has been to the benefit of the progressive candidate,” claimed Christine Lamitina, spokeswoman for the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) of Wisconsin. “Is this election in Wisconsin going to be the exception that contradicts a well-established history?” Lamitina appealed for President Obama to “step in and right the...
  • GOP Bid to Cut Funding to Planned Parenthood Called “Anti-Constitutional”

    04/09/2011 5:29:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 35 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    In explaining why Democrats are willing to shut down the federal government rather than accede to Republican demands that one of the cuts to the deficit be funding for Planned Parenthood, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid characterized the demands as “anti-Constitutional.” “I’m not saying that it rises to the level of unconstitutional,” Reid said. “But it’s pretty darn close. A woman’s right to terminate her pregnancy falls clearly within the ‘pursuit of happiness’ clause. Her right to fully enjoy her body without fear of unwanted consequences is fundamental to our way of life. I can think of no better place...
  • Political Vetting of FOIA Requests Assailed/Defended

    04/04/2011 9:20:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Representative Darrell Issa’s (R-Calif) complaint that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is injecting political bias into the process of responding to freedom of information requests was dismissed as “sour grapes” by Representative Gerald Connelly (D-Va). “Inasmuch as representative Issa himself has characterized DHS’ actions as ‘Nixonian’ I can’t see what his beef is,” Connelly argued. “Nixon was a Republican President. Now the shoe is on the other foot. So what?” “Using a political compass to guide the agency’s response to requests for public documents is unlawful,” Issa asserted. “The fact that a...
  • President Justifies Bypassing Congress on Libyan Attack

    03/26/2011 10:22:52 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 March 2011 | John Semmens
    President Obama rebuffed critics of his approval of military attacks on the armed forces of Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhaffi. “Let me say first that the assertion that I should have consulted Congress prior to authorizing our military intervention is based on an incorrect premise,” the President said. “It’s true that only Congress can declare war. However, there is no war. What I have authorized is best defined as ‘Kinetic Military Action.’” Thus far, the “Kinetic Military Action” has entailed missile attacks on the tanks, troops, and aircraft deployed by Gadhaffi’s army. Though these types of attacks are among the actions...
  • Senator Says Republicans Abuse Constitutional Freedoms

    03/26/2011 12:29:44 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 March 2011 | John Semmens
    In a speech before a gathering at Planned Parenthood, Senator Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) asserted that Republicans who oppose a woman’s right to choose to terminate a pregnancy “don’t deserve the freedoms that are in the Constitution!” “The right to freedom of speech comes with an obligation to exercise it in a responsible manner,” Lautenberg insisted. “Using freedom of speech to advocate restrictions on a woman’s right to choose is an abuse that ought to be prohibited.” While the Senator acknowledged that “prohibiting such an abuse is currently blocked by the Constitution’s First Amendment. So, for now, we’ll have to let...
  • Illinois Governor Signs Legislation Limiting Death Penalty

    03/13/2011 7:04:39 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 12 March 2011 | John Semmens
    People’s Republic of Illinois Governor Pat Quinn (D) signed legislation that would restrict the imposition of the death penalty in his state to those under nine months of pre-birth age. The signing was accompanied by the commutation of the sentences of all those currently on “death row” in the state’s prisons. The Governor rejected arguments that the heinous acts committed by those sentenced to death might warrant the punishment. “The inhumanity of the death penalty has been a blot on our society for too long,” Quinn said. “We have been subjecting human beings to anxiety and terror. Being held behind...
  • No One Can Make Me Issue Drilling Permits, Says Interior Secretary

    03/07/2011 3:32:49 PM PST · by John Semmens · 50 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    Despite two court findings that his Department’s refusal to issue offshore drilling permits violates the law, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar remains defiant. “If anyone wants to drill they need a permit from me,” Salazar said. “If I don’t want to issue a permit, no one can make me.” The Secretary brushed aside the court rulings as “impotent posturing.” “I see that the court says I’m in the wrong,” Salazar observed. “So what? What are they going to do, send someone to arrest me? Oh wait, the ‘arresting officers’ report to the Chief Executive, not the court. Sorry, I guess the...
  • Gaza Government Urges Boycott of Holocaust Lessons

    03/06/2011 10:12:50 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    The Hamas dominated government of Gaza urged school children to cut classes if the subject of the Holocaust is brought up in human rights lessons. The lessons are part of a United Nations’ program aimed at increasing literacy among the 200,000 children enrolled in the UN-run schools in Gaza refugee camps. Gaza Education Minister Mahammad Ashquol complained that “the UN is overstepping its boundaries by exposing our children to this Zionist filth. It is bad enough that the much needed extermination of the Jewish pestilence was short-circuited before its completion, but its portrayal as a crime against humanity is a...
  • Islamic Shooting Not Terrorism Says White House Spokesman

    03/05/2011 10:48:21 AM PST · by John Semmens · 56 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    Arid Uka’s shooting spree that killed two US Air Force members in Germany won’t be classified as an act of terror said Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney. This comes despite Uka’s declaration on his Facebook page that he is “a holy warrior against unbelievers” and wants to “strike fear into the hearts of the enemies of Islam.” “The President isn’t terrified,” Carney announced. “I’m not terrified. Are you terrified? If nobody’s terrified how can it be an act of terrorism?” By refusing to classify the attack as an act of terror, the Administration keeps intact its unblemished record of “zero”...
  • Senators’ Bid to Force Governor to Accept High-Speed Rail Money Fails

    03/05/2011 6:29:01 PM PST · by John Semmens · 42 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    The effort of State Senator Thad Altman (R) and Arthenia Joyner (D) to have the court compel Governor Rick Scott (R) to accept $2.4 billion in federal money for the construction of high-speed rail in the state was unanimously rejected when the Florida Supreme Court ruled that “by both federal and state law, the Governor is authorized to make this decision.” Senator Altman called the decision “devastating for the State of Florida. Perhaps the Governor is within his legal rights to reject this money, but the consequences will be felt by every person in the state. Even if the Governor...
  • We Shouldn’t Fear Muslim Brotherhood, Carter Says

    02/20/2011 12:49:11 PM PST · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Former US President Jimmy Carter sought to reassure everyone that “the Muslim Brotherhood is not a group we should be afraid of. From my dealings with some of their representatives I can assure you that they are pious and devout people who only want to promulgate their faith as instructed by their holy book—the Quran.” That the Quran commands Muslims to offer nonbelievers the options of conversion, second-class citizenship, or death didn’t faze the ex-president. “Each faith has its own path,” Carter instructed. “The Muslim obligation to make war for Islam and the Christian belief in ‘turning the other cheek’...
  • Obama Administration Won’t Cooperate with Congressional Inquiries

    02/19/2011 1:23:41 PM PST · by John Semmens · 16 replies
    A request by Representative Darrell Issa (R-Calif), Chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, for testimony on the President’s “stimulus package” was rejected by the White House. At issue was the so-called Romer-Bernstein report (authored by Jared Bernstein, Vice President Joe Biden’s top economic adviser, and Christina Romer, the former head of the White House Council of Economic Advisors). The report portrays the stimulus package as a great success. The White House has cleared Romer and Bernstein to appear on television to discuss it. “If they can go on TV why can’t they testify in Congress?” asked...
  • Obama Administration Rebuffs Opposition by Court and Congress

    02/12/2011 5:25:59 PM PST · by John Semmens · 19 replies · 1+ views
    The Obama Administration is standing its ground in enforcing what it terms “the people’s mandate” despite opposition from two other branches of government. Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius brushed aside Federal Judge Roger Vinson’s decision that the President’s health care law is unconstitutional. “The nation’s health is too important an objective to be turned aside by the opinion of a single judge,” Sebelius asserted. “Voters elected the President who proposed this law and the Congress that enacted it. This mandate takes precedence over the views of the unelected branch of our government. So, until we hear otherwise...
  • Connecticut Birth Certificate Bill Assailed

    02/07/2011 11:35:46 AM PST · by John Semmens · 39 replies
    A bill introduced by Connecticut State Senator Michael McLachlan (R-Danbury) to require candidates for public office to provide genuine birth certificates before their names can be placed on the ballot was assailed by leading Democrats as “unwarranted” and “an insult to the President of the Untied States.” “The argument that this is just an extension of existing laws that require a person to show a birth certificate to obtain a driver’s license or attend a public school is bogus,” said Danbury Democratic Town Committee chairman Lynn Taborsak. “Making laws to determine the eligibility of ordinary people to do things like...
  • Obama Aide Defends Treating General as Waiter

    02/06/2011 10:59:52 AM PST · by John Semmens · 47 replies
    What observers took to be a gaffe was vigorously defended by Obama adviser Valerie Jarret. At a dinner hosted by the Alfalfa Club, Jarret asked a passing uniformed general to “bring me another glass of wine.” “They’re called ‘service men’ for Pete’s sake,” Jarret argued. “I’m a high-ranking advisor to their Commander-in-Chief. If I ask for something I should be served. It’s not like I’m asking them to take a bullet for me, although I believe it would be their duty to honor such a request.” read more...
  • Over 700 Exemptions from New Health Care Law Issued So Far

    02/06/2011 3:08:31 PM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    The contention that President Obama’s health care law would provide a comprehensive solution to the nation’s health care needs is being contradicted on pretty much a daily basis by his Department of Health and Human Services where Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has already issued 733 exemptions. “We have the authority to waive compliance in cases where we deem it best,” Sebelius explained. “Parties that can make a proper case will get a fair hearing.” Thus far, “exemptees” include the Service Employees International Union (SEIU), the states of Massachusetts, New Jersey, Ohio and Tennessee, major corporations McDonald’s and Jack in the Box...
  • CPUSA Calls State-of the-Union Speech “Best Ever”

    02/05/2011 6:17:13 PM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    The US Communist Party website called President Barack Obama’s recent “State-of-the-Union” speech “the best ever by a US President. President Obama’s grasp of economics was remarkably free of the usual capitalist nonsense that typically spews forth at such occasions. His call for government direction of investments in green technology evidenced an insight not seen since Stalin’s last five-year plan. Comrades, the day that true social justice comes to America cannot be far away.” read more...
  • Senator Urges President to Ignore Court Ruling

    02/04/2011 9:12:28 PM PST · by John Semmens · 83 replies
    Federal Judge Roger Vinson’s ruling that President Obama’s health care law is unconstitutional need not be obeyed says Senator Assistant Senate Majority Leader Dick Durbin (D-Ill). “The Courts aren’t the only ones authorized to decide the Constitutionality of the laws,” Durbin insisted. “We all—Congress and President, alike—take an oath to uphold the Constitution. Just because the Court has a different opinion doesn’t mean the President must accept it.” “This wouldn’t be the first time a President ignored a Court decision,” Durbin observed. “Back in the 1830s, President Jackson chose to ignore a Supreme Court decision—telling then Chief Justice John Marshall...
  • Al Gore Praises Malawi Government’s New Anti-Farting Move

    01/31/2011 6:02:02 PM PST · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Former US Vice-President and environmental expert Al Gore praised the Malawi Government’s recent move to outlaw public farting. Under new rules promulgated by the Malawi Government, local courts would have the authority to mete out “appropriate punishments” for the “most obnoxious offenders.” “While I must congratulate them on taking a step that will help lower greenhouse gas emissions, I’m sorry to see them pass up the opportunity to make a more meaningful contribution,” Gore said. “While I have managed to avoid personal emissions of methane gases for the last ten years, we must realize that not everyone has as much...
  • Hawaii Hatches Creative Plan to Close Budget Deficit

    01/30/2011 10:01:54 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Lawmakers in Hawaii have crafted what they hope will close an $800 million gap between spending and revenues in that state. The plan, a brainchild of Democratic State Representative Rida Cabanilla, would sell certified copies of President Barack Obama’s birth certificate for $100 a pop. Cabanilla isn’t deterred by that state’s Governor’s recent futile attempt to secure such a document. “We have paper and ink, what else is required?” Cabanilla asked. “All we need now are enough customers to buy the product. If we can get eight million of the so-called ‘birthers’ to buy them our budget will be balanced.”...
  • President Hails Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

    01/29/2011 1:20:47 PM PST · by John Semmens · 26 replies
    President Barack Obama took the occasion of the 38th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision upholding a woman’s right to abort her own child to praise the “protection of this critical human right.” “Blocking a woman’s right to abortion amounts to a form of human bondage not that different from the human bondage of slavery that marred this nation’s early history,” Obama contended. “Just as that earlier bondage could not stand, neither could the abridgement of women’s rights that state laws against abortion represented be allowed to stand. Fortunately, no one had to lose his life to end this latter...
  • Virginia Democrat Kills Homeowner Defense Bill

    01/24/2011 9:48:08 AM PST · by John Semmens · 16 replies
    Virginia State Senator Roscoe Reynolds (D-Martinsville) effectively killed a proposed “castle doctrine” bill (SB 876) by letting it die in his committee. The bill would have prevented criminals from suing their victims for injuries the criminals sustained while illegally breaking into the victims’ homes. As Reynolds sees it “just because a person makes his living outside the law doesn’t mean he loses all his legal rights. I mean, do you deserve to be shot or assaulted merely for being where you’re not supposed to be? Should you lose your right to sue if you are injured or disabled by hazards...
  • Administration Sues to Overturn Secret Ballot Initiatives in Four States

    01/23/2011 7:30:08 PM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    In an effort to protect workers in their own states from being denied the right to a secret ballot on whether they should be represented by a union at their place of employment, voters in the states of Arizona, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah approved state constitutional amendments guaranteeing this right. NLRB Acting General Counsel Lafe Solomon sent letters to these states’ attorney generals threatening legal action if the states do not overturn the decisions of their voters. “It is NLRB policy that a secret ballot is not required for the purpose of determining whether a union shall represent...
  • President Says He Will Shift Economy into Overdrive

    01/23/2011 9:52:58 AM PST · by John Semmens · 41 replies
    With unemployment still above 9% nationwide and new up-ticks to over 12% in the nation’s largest state, President Obama spoke out on the need to “turn things around.” “For an economy to grow we need to build and invent stuff,” the president observed. “I’m not quite sure on what it takes to get stuff invented and built, but my Administration has been working hard to try to put together the right mix of bailouts, subsidies, and tax increases to do the trick.” According to the president, “one of the deterrents to inventing stuff is the uncertainty of turning a profit...
  • Democrat Demonstrates “New Civility” in Health Care Debate

    01/22/2011 5:41:00 PM PST · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    In a bid to help strike a new civil tone in the debate over policy differences, Representative Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.) compared Republican arguments for repealing the health care law passed last year to those of Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels. “The President’s call for a more civil tone doesn’t mean we have to skirt the truth,” Cohen said. “And the truth is that the GOP campaign against the health care law is just like the Nazi campaign against the Jews.” Cohen contended that “repealing the health care law would set this nation on a path paralleling that which led to...
  • Hawaii Governor Deals with Obama Birth Certificate Issue

    01/22/2011 9:37:10 AM PST · by John Semmens · 50 replies
    Governor Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii) assured America that President Barack Obama was born in his state back in 1961. To-date, no one has been able to produce an official birth certificate for the President. “I haven’t seen the birth certificate myself, but others have assured me that something is written down about his birth in the Hawaii Department of Health files somewhere,” Abercrombie said. “I don’t really see what the big deal is. The evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii is at least as good as the evidence that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. I don’t think people doubt the...
  • Arizona Shooting May Prompt New Speech Rules

    01/16/2011 9:13:14 AM PST · by John Semmens · 24 replies
    In a bid to “prevent a similar tragedy from ever happening again,” Representative Bob Brady (D-Penn) is touting legislation that would ban “violent words and images from future political dialogue.” “The violent actions of one man who attempted to assassinate a member of Congress in Tucson last weekend make it clear that we must change the rhetoric of political debate in this country if we are to prevent repeated outbreaks of carnage,” Brady said. “Words like ‘target,’ ‘reload,’ ‘defeat,’ ‘beat,’ or images like ‘crosshairs’ or ‘bull’s-eyes’ and their ilk do not belong in civil discussions of political differences. Those who...
  • Veep Given a “Pass” on Strangulation Threat

    01/16/2011 11:49:14 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Neither law enforcement nor the media found Vice-President Joe Biden’s threat to “strangle” political opponents worthy of concern. “Look, this isn’t the first time he’s made such a threat,” Attorney General Eric Holder reminded. “He didn’t strangle anyone before. So these are obviously empty words. In my judgment, it’s more the ranting of a harmless idiot than anything to become alarmed over.” Leftist pundit, Paul Krugman said “it would be a different story if Sarah Palin said she was going to strangle someone. She could actually do it and then field-dress the carcass. But Biden? Please. Everyone knows he’s a...