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Keyword: friendofdorothy

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  • MORFORD: Which Way To The Apocalypse?

    06/09/2006 7:46:33 AM PDT · by SmithL · 8 replies · 474+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/9/6 | Mark Morford
    When all the fanatical Christians disappear, will traffic finally improve? Wait, did I miss it? Did it happen three days ago, on 6-6-06, a.k.a. Tea Time with the Beast, a.k.a. the Great Day of Reckoning, a.k.a. the National Day of Slayer, all the world crashing down in a heap of hissing steam and belching smoke and balmy gusty breezes sometime around noon just after lunch but not before rush hour and hitting right around siesta? I might have been napping. Did the Apocalypse finally hit? Did the deep wish of roughly a half-billion zealous believers come to pass and were...
  • Bring on 6$ a Gallon Gas

    05/10/2006 7:56:48 PM PDT · by Tzimisce · 50 replies · 2,161+ views
    SFGate.com ^ | Mark Morford
    No wait, not six. To hell with that. Make it 10. Ten bucks a gallon, no matter what the going rate for a barrel of light sweet crude. That would so completely, violently, brilliantly do it. Revolutionize the country. Firebomb our pungent stasis. Change everything. Don't you agree? Here's what we could do: Give gas discounts to cab drivers (at least initially) and metro transit systems and low-income folks, those who have to drive their busted-up '78 Honda Civics to their jobs scrubbing restaurant toilets and flipping burgers and vacuuming the residual cocaine from the seat cushions of numb SUV...
  • MORFORD: Christian Virgins Are Overrated

    05/12/2006 5:59:51 AM PDT · by SmithL · 19 replies · 1,740+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/12/6 | Mark Morford
    Think sex and drugs destroy America? Try naive chastity. Oh, and "Purity Balls" There are these things. These unholy events called "Purity Balls" and you should probably fall to your knees right this minute and thank a merciful and lubricious and happily polyamorous God that you do not know what they are and that you have access right this minute to vast quantities of wine to deflect their nasty karmic arrows because, you know, oh my God. But hey, free country. Purity Balls. No, not some sort of newfangled spherical chastity device to be inserted using vacuum tubes and pulleys,...
  • MORFORD: Can You Still Hate Wal-Mart?

    05/24/2006 7:44:47 AM PDT · by SmithL · 26 replies · 1,087+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/24/6 | Mark Morford
    It's a shockingly eco-friendly plan from the world's most toxic retailer. Did hell just freeze over? Sometimes you just have to let the possibility breathe. Sometimes you just have to allow that something grand and good and healthy might actually be born from the bowels of the dank and ravenous megacorporate world, like flowers from a dung heap, like vodka from old potatoes, even if it comes right alongside the nastiest, most abusive federal environmental policy you will see in your lifetime. Take Wal-Mart, the most famously offensive, town-destroying, junk-purveying, labor-abusing, sweatshop-supporting, American-job-killing, soul-numbing, seizure-inducing, hope-curdling retailer in the known...
  • How to handle the war

    04/18/2006 12:52:40 PM PDT · by Oklahoma twister chaser · 82 replies · 998+ views
    My oppion | 04-18-2006 | oklahoma twister chaser
    The way that president Bush should handle the war is he should use poeple that like to deer hunt and send them to fight the war over seas and tell them that hunting season is open boys that means send us native okies over there we can do some serious damage
  • MORFORD: The Real State Of The Union

    02/01/2006 5:48:26 AM PST · by SmithL · 13 replies · 501+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 2/1/6 | Mark Morford
    How to address a bitter, war-torn but still somehow giddy and deeply horny nation. My fellow Americans, we're not as royally screwed as everything Bush has done during his miserable term in office would have you believe.
  • MORFORD: Sam Alito On Brokeback Mountain

    01/20/2006 7:48:06 AM PST · by SmithL · 9 replies · 559+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/20/6 | Mark Morford
    What do the bitter neocon nominee and the amazing Oscar-bound film have in common? There is this theory, more of a truism really, tossed about like a fuzzy beach ball by the gurus and the masters and the mystics since Jesus was but a lint ball of possibility in the Great Belly Button of Time. . . .
  • I am a Gay Republican

    01/02/2006 4:14:15 AM PST · by kutwhoredel · 122 replies · 2,370+ views
    I am a Gay Republican but I almost never chime in on political issues. I believe in small government, which the Bush administration has not been good at, as well as low taxes and the free market. I don't believe in manmade global warming and I think environmental activism is mostly a cover for people who want to make more rules to control our lives. Social issues don't get me very excited and I know I should be more grateful to my gay forefathers for all their sacrifices, but I've never encountered homophobia in my entire life so gay rights...
  • MORFORD: Fun Bits About American Torture

    12/16/2005 7:45:20 AM PST · by SmithL · 3 replies · 320+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/16/5 | Mark Morford
    In many ways, the U.S. is now just as inhumane and brutal as any Third World regime. Oh well? "We do not torture." Remember it, write it in red crayon on the bathroom wall, tattoo it onto your acid tongue because those very words rang throughout the land like a bleak bell, like a low scream in the night, like a cheese grater rubbing against the teeth of common sense when Dubya mumbled them during a speech not long ago, and it was, at once, hilarious and nauseating and it took all the self-control in the world for everyone in...
  • MORFORD: George W. Bush Gives Me Hope

    11/18/2005 6:49:29 AM PST · by SmithL · 354+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 11/18/5 | Mark Morford
    The astonishing collapse of the Bumbling One surely means healthy change is imminent, right? Here's the good news: It really can't get much worse. We cannot afford any more wars. The environment has been sold to the bone. The national spirit has been beaten like an Alaskan baby seal and the GOP has worked our last nerve, passed through the karmic blood-brain barrier, reached saturation to the point where even moderate Repubs and gobs of intelligent Christians are finally saying, Oh my God, what have we done, and how did it all go so wrong, and how much Prozac and...
  • MORFORD: To The Drunk Who Smashed My Car Quite a wreck you made, didn't you?

    11/11/2005 9:31:11 AM PST · by BurbankKarl · 25 replies · 983+ views
    SF GATE ^ | 11/11/05 | Miss Morford
    Yes, I know you were drunk. Must've been. Either drunk or on serious meds and/or you just didn't give much of a damn about anything anyway because you're just one of those people, one of those types who comes lurching around the city like a chunk of numbed pain in your big-ass mid-'80s burgundy car with the white top and chrome bumpers -- an old Cadillac? Monte Carlo? -- early last Sunday morning to wreak casual havoc. Is that about right? Do you remember any of it? Here is what I'm guessing: probably not. Let me tell you what happened,...
  • MORFORD: God Does Not Want 16 Kids

    10/19/2005 7:48:41 AM PDT · by SmithL · 85 replies · 2,225+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/19/5 | Mark Morford
    Arkansas mom gives birth to a whole freakin' baseball team. How deeply should you cringe? Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost? And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob...
  • MORFORD: What God Really Told Bush

    10/12/2005 7:56:21 AM PDT · by SmithL · 18 replies · 1,192+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/12/5 | Mark Morford
    Apparently, it wasn't just "invade Iraq and Afghanistan in my name." A special report: Scene: White House private residence, night, not long ago. President Bush present in his most favoritest guns 'n' bunnies PJs. Laura asleep, knocked out by a combination of too much Good Housekeeping and excessive hair-spray fumes. Suddenly, a burst of black smoke. A deep, resonant voice speaks: "Psst! George! God here, taking a break from supervising the well-being of eight billion troubled souls along with infinite galaxies of unimaginable vastness to speak with you directly one more time because, well, you're special, aren't you, George? Yes...
  • MORFORD: Love Still Rules San Francisco

    09/30/2005 7:51:22 AM PDT · by SmithL · 6 replies · 679+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/30/5 | Mark Morford
    Leather, techno, sex & war: more only-in-SF juice to make you proud. Take that, uptight neocons. It was the moment when we walked by a jam-packed S.F. City Hall and realized it was open to host a VIP techno dance party, while immediately outside its gilded doors upward of 50,000 revelers wandered and shimmied and flaunted their costumes and drank nasty Red Bull cocktails in the huge Civic Center plaza for the third annual Love Parade, everyone baring flesh and shaking their groove thangs to any one of 200 world-class (well, some of them) DJs spinning their wares on over...
  • MORFORD: Kneel Before The Meteorologist

    09/28/2005 7:53:00 AM PDT · by SmithL · 22 replies · 1,082+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/28/5 | Mark Morford
    At last, one scientist BushCo will definitely -- albeit resentfully -- listen to. Sometimes. So now we know. This is what it takes. This is how far the nation has to crumble and this is how many people have to die and this is how many tens of billions it has to cost and this is how far his dirt-low poll numbers have to fall before Bush will finally come out and say he agrees with one of those godforsaken gul-dang book-learned scientist types. You know the ones. Those informed and well-educated data-crunchers he normally despises like a kid hates...
  • MORFORD: Hot Death Of The Power Chord

    09/23/2005 7:44:51 AM PDT · by SmithL · 3 replies · 289+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/23/5 | Mark Morford
    Weep, won't you, as MTV and Fashion Week NY make sex and rock 'n' roll obsolete. When you've nowhere to turn and all seems bleak and desperate and warlike and Bush, it has been the all-American maxim lo this past multitude of years to exclaim, perhaps quietly, perhaps over a long, slow Martini, perhaps during a long tongue bath from a needful lover or whilst you sit in the tub sipping laudanum, feeling as though the world is trying to maul your spirit like the GOP molests joy, well, at least we still have rock 'n' roll. And models. At...
  • MORFORD: Fine Wine For A Big Quake

    09/21/2005 7:36:34 AM PDT · by SmithL · 4 replies · 267+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/21/5 | Mark Morford
    Sure a quake kit is a great thing -- if you can afford it. Too bad about everyone else. You are not ready. This is just a fair guess. You are not fully prepared for the monster life-slapping colon-rattling quake that is slated to devastate our fair state somewhere between the time you finish reading this sentence and about 2035 -- an epic disaster that will make Katrina look like a waterslide and that, if all predictions and all experts are to be believed, will look something like "The Day After Tomorrow" crossed with "28 Days Later" with a dash...
  • The Storm That Ate The GOP (Morford alert)

    09/14/2005 5:00:05 PM PDT · by Crackingham · 31 replies · 1,454+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/14/05 | Mark Morford
    Can you hear that? That low scraping moan, that painful scream, that compressed hissing wail like the sound of an angry alligator caught in a vise? Why, it's the GOP, and they're screaming, "No, no it can't be, oh my God, please no, this damnable Katrina thing is just an unstoppable PR disaster for us!" After all (they wail), who woulda thought dissing all those poor black people and letting so many of them die in filth and misery in the Superdome while our pampered CEO president enjoyed yet another vacation would cause such an ugly backlash, such harsh criticism...
  • Communism and human nature (Bolshie Mod sez, Arise ye kittens of the earth!)

    04/05/2005 10:50:57 AM PDT · by Sammy sam · 153 replies · 8,234+ views
    Many argue that communism will never be possible because of "human nature". The essence of this false argument is the belief that a communist society would consist of an all-powerful central government that would tell everybody what to do--and would therefore undermine the creative initiative of individuals and the search for happiness. • This argument is based on two false assumptions: (1) It assumes that a communist society will look like the former Soviet Union, or the current China, North Korea, etc (ie: corrupt police states with a feudal-style ruling class) (2) It assumes that people will only work in...
  • Ho Hum, More War And Death

    01/19/2005 12:07:47 AM PST · by SmithL · 11 replies · 761+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/19/5 | Mark Morford
    What happens when habitual warmongering and BushCo lies become part of our daily diet? And then you read the appalling little story about how BushCo is now "taking steps" to further the investigation into why their original intelligence on Iraq was so painfully, treasonously, colon-clenchingly wrong, why they thought Saddam had giant Costco-sized warehouses stacked to the rafters with snarling nukes and nasty biotoxins and active warheads when, in fact, he had nothing but a couple Dumpsters full of rusty 20-year-old shell casings and a bucket of stale glue.