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Keyword: friendofdorothy

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • MORFORD: Which Way To The Apocalypse?

    06/09/2006 7:46:33 AM PDT · by SmithL · 8 replies · 474+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/9/6 | Mark Morford
    When all the fanatical Christians disappear, will traffic finally improve? Wait, did I miss it? Did it happen three days ago, on 6-6-06, a.k.a. Tea Time with the Beast, a.k.a. the Great Day of Reckoning, a.k.a. the National Day of Slayer, all the world crashing down in a heap of hissing steam and belching smoke and balmy gusty breezes sometime around noon just after lunch but not before rush hour and hitting right around siesta? I might have been napping. Did the Apocalypse finally hit? Did the deep wish of roughly a half-billion zealous believers come to pass and were...
  • Bring on 6$ a Gallon Gas

    05/10/2006 7:56:48 PM PDT · by Tzimisce · 50 replies · 2,161+ views
    SFGate.com ^ | Mark Morford
    No wait, not six. To hell with that. Make it 10. Ten bucks a gallon, no matter what the going rate for a barrel of light sweet crude. That would so completely, violently, brilliantly do it. Revolutionize the country. Firebomb our pungent stasis. Change everything. Don't you agree? Here's what we could do: Give gas discounts to cab drivers (at least initially) and metro transit systems and low-income folks, those who have to drive their busted-up '78 Honda Civics to their jobs scrubbing restaurant toilets and flipping burgers and vacuuming the residual cocaine from the seat cushions of numb SUV...
  • MORFORD: Christian Virgins Are Overrated

    05/12/2006 5:59:51 AM PDT · by SmithL · 19 replies · 1,740+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/12/6 | Mark Morford
    Think sex and drugs destroy America? Try naive chastity. Oh, and "Purity Balls" There are these things. These unholy events called "Purity Balls" and you should probably fall to your knees right this minute and thank a merciful and lubricious and happily polyamorous God that you do not know what they are and that you have access right this minute to vast quantities of wine to deflect their nasty karmic arrows because, you know, oh my God. But hey, free country. Purity Balls. No, not some sort of newfangled spherical chastity device to be inserted using vacuum tubes and pulleys,...
  • MORFORD: Can You Still Hate Wal-Mart?

    05/24/2006 7:44:47 AM PDT · by SmithL · 26 replies · 1,087+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 5/24/6 | Mark Morford
    It's a shockingly eco-friendly plan from the world's most toxic retailer. Did hell just freeze over? Sometimes you just have to let the possibility breathe. Sometimes you just have to allow that something grand and good and healthy might actually be born from the bowels of the dank and ravenous megacorporate world, like flowers from a dung heap, like vodka from old potatoes, even if it comes right alongside the nastiest, most abusive federal environmental policy you will see in your lifetime. Take Wal-Mart, the most famously offensive, town-destroying, junk-purveying, labor-abusing, sweatshop-supporting, American-job-killing, soul-numbing, seizure-inducing, hope-curdling retailer in the known...
  • How to handle the war

    04/18/2006 12:52:40 PM PDT · by Oklahoma twister chaser · 82 replies · 998+ views
    My oppion | 04-18-2006 | oklahoma twister chaser
    The way that president Bush should handle the war is he should use poeple that like to deer hunt and send them to fight the war over seas and tell them that hunting season is open boys that means send us native okies over there we can do some serious damage
  • MORFORD: The Real State Of The Union

    02/01/2006 5:48:26 AM PST · by SmithL · 13 replies · 501+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 2/1/6 | Mark Morford
    How to address a bitter, war-torn but still somehow giddy and deeply horny nation. My fellow Americans, we're not as royally screwed as everything Bush has done during his miserable term in office would have you believe.
  • MORFORD: Sam Alito On Brokeback Mountain

    01/20/2006 7:48:06 AM PST · by SmithL · 9 replies · 559+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/20/6 | Mark Morford
    What do the bitter neocon nominee and the amazing Oscar-bound film have in common? There is this theory, more of a truism really, tossed about like a fuzzy beach ball by the gurus and the masters and the mystics since Jesus was but a lint ball of possibility in the Great Belly Button of Time. . . .
  • I am a Gay Republican

    01/02/2006 4:14:15 AM PST · by kutwhoredel · 122 replies · 2,370+ views
    I am a Gay Republican but I almost never chime in on political issues. I believe in small government, which the Bush administration has not been good at, as well as low taxes and the free market. I don't believe in manmade global warming and I think environmental activism is mostly a cover for people who want to make more rules to control our lives. Social issues don't get me very excited and I know I should be more grateful to my gay forefathers for all their sacrifices, but I've never encountered homophobia in my entire life so gay rights...
  • MORFORD: Fun Bits About American Torture

    12/16/2005 7:45:20 AM PST · by SmithL · 3 replies · 320+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/16/5 | Mark Morford
    In many ways, the U.S. is now just as inhumane and brutal as any Third World regime. Oh well? "We do not torture." Remember it, write it in red crayon on the bathroom wall, tattoo it onto your acid tongue because those very words rang throughout the land like a bleak bell, like a low scream in the night, like a cheese grater rubbing against the teeth of common sense when Dubya mumbled them during a speech not long ago, and it was, at once, hilarious and nauseating and it took all the self-control in the world for everyone in...
  • MORFORD: George W. Bush Gives Me Hope

    11/18/2005 6:49:29 AM PST · by SmithL · 354+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 11/18/5 | Mark Morford
    The astonishing collapse of the Bumbling One surely means healthy change is imminent, right? Here's the good news: It really can't get much worse. We cannot afford any more wars. The environment has been sold to the bone. The national spirit has been beaten like an Alaskan baby seal and the GOP has worked our last nerve, passed through the karmic blood-brain barrier, reached saturation to the point where even moderate Repubs and gobs of intelligent Christians are finally saying, Oh my God, what have we done, and how did it all go so wrong, and how much Prozac and...
  • MORFORD: To The Drunk Who Smashed My Car Quite a wreck you made, didn't you?

    11/11/2005 9:31:11 AM PST · by BurbankKarl · 25 replies · 983+ views
    SF GATE ^ | 11/11/05 | Miss Morford
    Yes, I know you were drunk. Must've been. Either drunk or on serious meds and/or you just didn't give much of a damn about anything anyway because you're just one of those people, one of those types who comes lurching around the city like a chunk of numbed pain in your big-ass mid-'80s burgundy car with the white top and chrome bumpers -- an old Cadillac? Monte Carlo? -- early last Sunday morning to wreak casual havoc. Is that about right? Do you remember any of it? Here is what I'm guessing: probably not. Let me tell you what happened,...
  • MORFORD: God Does Not Want 16 Kids

    10/19/2005 7:48:41 AM PDT · by SmithL · 85 replies · 2,225+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/19/5 | Mark Morford
    Arkansas mom gives birth to a whole freakin' baseball team. How deeply should you cringe? Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost? And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob...
  • MORFORD: What God Really Told Bush

    10/12/2005 7:56:21 AM PDT · by SmithL · 18 replies · 1,192+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/12/5 | Mark Morford
    Apparently, it wasn't just "invade Iraq and Afghanistan in my name." A special report: Scene: White House private residence, night, not long ago. President Bush present in his most favoritest guns 'n' bunnies PJs. Laura asleep, knocked out by a combination of too much Good Housekeeping and excessive hair-spray fumes. Suddenly, a burst of black smoke. A deep, resonant voice speaks: "Psst! George! God here, taking a break from supervising the well-being of eight billion troubled souls along with infinite galaxies of unimaginable vastness to speak with you directly one more time because, well, you're special, aren't you, George? Yes...
  • MORFORD: Love Still Rules San Francisco

    09/30/2005 7:51:22 AM PDT · by SmithL · 6 replies · 679+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/30/5 | Mark Morford
    Leather, techno, sex & war: more only-in-SF juice to make you proud. Take that, uptight neocons. It was the moment when we walked by a jam-packed S.F. City Hall and realized it was open to host a VIP techno dance party, while immediately outside its gilded doors upward of 50,000 revelers wandered and shimmied and flaunted their costumes and drank nasty Red Bull cocktails in the huge Civic Center plaza for the third annual Love Parade, everyone baring flesh and shaking their groove thangs to any one of 200 world-class (well, some of them) DJs spinning their wares on over...
  • MORFORD: Kneel Before The Meteorologist

    09/28/2005 7:53:00 AM PDT · by SmithL · 22 replies · 1,082+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/28/5 | Mark Morford
    At last, one scientist BushCo will definitely -- albeit resentfully -- listen to. Sometimes. So now we know. This is what it takes. This is how far the nation has to crumble and this is how many people have to die and this is how many tens of billions it has to cost and this is how far his dirt-low poll numbers have to fall before Bush will finally come out and say he agrees with one of those godforsaken gul-dang book-learned scientist types. You know the ones. Those informed and well-educated data-crunchers he normally despises like a kid hates...
  • MORFORD: Hot Death Of The Power Chord

    09/23/2005 7:44:51 AM PDT · by SmithL · 3 replies · 289+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/23/5 | Mark Morford
    Weep, won't you, as MTV and Fashion Week NY make sex and rock 'n' roll obsolete. When you've nowhere to turn and all seems bleak and desperate and warlike and Bush, it has been the all-American maxim lo this past multitude of years to exclaim, perhaps quietly, perhaps over a long, slow Martini, perhaps during a long tongue bath from a needful lover or whilst you sit in the tub sipping laudanum, feeling as though the world is trying to maul your spirit like the GOP molests joy, well, at least we still have rock 'n' roll. And models. At...
  • MORFORD: Fine Wine For A Big Quake

    09/21/2005 7:36:34 AM PDT · by SmithL · 4 replies · 267+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/21/5 | Mark Morford
    Sure a quake kit is a great thing -- if you can afford it. Too bad about everyone else. You are not ready. This is just a fair guess. You are not fully prepared for the monster life-slapping colon-rattling quake that is slated to devastate our fair state somewhere between the time you finish reading this sentence and about 2035 -- an epic disaster that will make Katrina look like a waterslide and that, if all predictions and all experts are to be believed, will look something like "The Day After Tomorrow" crossed with "28 Days Later" with a dash...
  • The Storm That Ate The GOP (Morford alert)

    09/14/2005 5:00:05 PM PDT · by Crackingham · 31 replies · 1,454+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/14/05 | Mark Morford
    Can you hear that? That low scraping moan, that painful scream, that compressed hissing wail like the sound of an angry alligator caught in a vise? Why, it's the GOP, and they're screaming, "No, no it can't be, oh my God, please no, this damnable Katrina thing is just an unstoppable PR disaster for us!" After all (they wail), who woulda thought dissing all those poor black people and letting so many of them die in filth and misery in the Superdome while our pampered CEO president enjoyed yet another vacation would cause such an ugly backlash, such harsh criticism...
  • Communism and human nature (Bolshie Mod sez, Arise ye kittens of the earth!)

    04/05/2005 10:50:57 AM PDT · by Sammy sam · 153 replies · 8,234+ views
    Many argue that communism will never be possible because of "human nature". The essence of this false argument is the belief that a communist society would consist of an all-powerful central government that would tell everybody what to do--and would therefore undermine the creative initiative of individuals and the search for happiness. • This argument is based on two false assumptions: (1) It assumes that a communist society will look like the former Soviet Union, or the current China, North Korea, etc (ie: corrupt police states with a feudal-style ruling class) (2) It assumes that people will only work in...
  • Ho Hum, More War And Death

    01/19/2005 12:07:47 AM PST · by SmithL · 11 replies · 761+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/19/5 | Mark Morford
    What happens when habitual warmongering and BushCo lies become part of our daily diet? And then you read the appalling little story about how BushCo is now "taking steps" to further the investigation into why their original intelligence on Iraq was so painfully, treasonously, colon-clenchingly wrong, why they thought Saddam had giant Costco-sized warehouses stacked to the rafters with snarling nukes and nasty biotoxins and active warheads when, in fact, he had nothing but a couple Dumpsters full of rusty 20-year-old shell casings and a bucket of stale glue.
  • Stray Dogs Deserve Back Rubs

    01/14/2005 9:53:29 AM PST · by SmithL · 20 replies · 1,158+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/14/5 | Mark Morford
    We kill millions of pets every year Who cares if a few get posh shelters and humane laws? OK. So I tend to think people who insist on calling themselves pet "guardians" instead of "owners" are exasperating and a bit wrongheaded, and that such uber-PC thinking does almost nothing to change or improve the behavior of the thousands of animal abusers in this country. And I tend to agree with fabulous dog writer Jon Katz that such semantic sidestepping does more harm to the animals than good, and leads to naive treatment, lack of decent training and an outright ignorance...
  • Resolutions For The Damned

    01/05/2005 8:06:15 AM PST · by SmithL · 20 replies · 1,032+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/5/5 | Mark Morford
    A new year, a Bush-gutted, storm-ravaged world and you in need of some juicy, heartfelt pledges -- This is the year. No, really. This is the it. This is the year you resolve to let it all hang out and lick the fingertips of the divine and stop holding back and stop quivering with unchecked anticipation/dread as you realize that, if you care a whit for self-definition and spiritual nuance and hot wet intelligence and deep karmic color in this tsunami-hammered, Bush-ravaged world, you are desperately needed right now. It's true. Alas, many are dejected. Many of the blue or...
  • Amazon.com Is For Republicans

    12/22/2004 8:05:50 AM PST · by SmithL · 83 replies · 3,109+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/22/4 | Mark Morford
    Attention, liberal shoppers! Next year, screw those GOP-supportin' companies, and try buying blue Do you care much that greasy ol' Pizza Hut gave tens of thousands in PAC money to the GOP last year? How about the fact that Taco Bell stopped pumping out their happily toxic semirancid meatlike substances just long enough to write a fat check to the conservative Right? Isn't that weirdly fascinating, in a depressing and indigestible sort of way? Does it matter a whit that, say, Fruit of the Loom underwear gave nearly 100 percent of its corporate donations to tighty-whitey-wearing Republicans, nearly every one...
  • Come See Our Hideous Slab

    12/17/2004 7:47:42 AM PST · by SmithL · 104 replies · 3,334+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/17/4 | Mark Morford
    As the world swoons over France's soaring beauty of a bridge, S.F. gets slapped with an eyesore And did you hear the one about how those gul-dang baguette-sucking antiwar French just completed work on this astounding new bridge, a soaring, airy, delicate thing erected in southern France, and it's all over the international press and the French people are justifiably proud and even the venerable Le Monde has deemed the new Millau bridge a "work of art," and the amazing pictures are being featured everywhere, for good reason? And you look at the photos and see the breathtakingly elegant architecture...
  • Canada Goes To Hell Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next,...

    12/15/2004 7:32:53 PM PST · by SmithL · 24 replies · 1,023+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/15/4 | Mark Morford
    Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next, free porn and candy? Did you hear the screams? Did you feel the menacing chill? Did you see the black and ominous clouds, moving north? Did you sense, in other words, the very presence of Satan himself as he laughed maniacally and tossed around bucketfuls of ultrathin condoms and little travel-size packets of Astroglide like confetti while riding his Harley Softail up to Toronto or maybe Edmonton to join the ghastly and sodomitic celebrations? Because it's happened. Canada's high court just ruled that the government can, if it so desires,...
  • Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next, free porn and candy? (Morford)

    12/15/2004 10:26:23 AM PST · by RightWingAtheist · 44 replies · 11,717+ views
    SFGate.com ^ | December 15 2004 | Mark Morford (hot for Sven Robinson)
    Did you hear the screams? Did you feel the menacing chill? Did you see the black and ominous clouds, moving north? Did you sense, in other words, the very presence of Satan himself as he laughed maniacally and tossed around bucketfuls of ultrathin condoms and little travel-size packets of Astroglide like confetti while riding his Harley Softail up to Toronto or maybe Edmonton to join the ghastly and sodomitic celebrations? Because it's happened. Canada's high court just ruled that the government can, if it so desires, redefine marriage to include gay couples, which it has declared it will do almost...
  • Morford: What Are You, On Drugs?

    12/08/2004 8:33:37 AM PST · by presidio9 · 38 replies · 1,096+ views
    San Francisco Chronic-le ^ | Wednesday, December 8, 2004 | Mark Morford (does not take her Thorazine orallly)
    The odds are very good that you are on drugs. Right now. This minute. As I type this and as you read this and as false Texas dictators rise and sad empires crumble and as this mad bewildered world spins in its frantically careening orbit, there's a nearly 50/50 chance that some sort of devious synthetic chemical manufactured by some massive and largely heartless corporation is coursing through your bloodstream and humping your brain stem and molesting your karma and kicking the crap out of your libido and chattering the teeth of your very bones. Maybe it's regulating your blood...
  • Morford: Very, Very Dirty Pictures

    12/03/2004 7:37:58 AM PST · by presidio9 · 111 replies · 5,208+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, December 3, 2004 | Mark Morford; the Marboro Man gets her hot
    This is what you won't see in the paper. This is what you won't see on CNN or on MSNBC or CBS News or on any major media Web site anywhere and especially no goddamn way ever in hell will you see it within a thousand miles of Fox News. You aren't supposed to see. You aren't supposed to know. You are to remain ignorant and shielded, and, if you're like most Americans, you have been very carefully conditioned to think Bush's nasty Iraq war is merely this ugly little firecracker-like thing happening way, way over there, carefully orchestrated and...
  • Mark Morford: Monday Night Softcore

    11/21/2004 9:47:34 AM PST · by gopwinsin04 · 29 replies · 2,130+ views
    The San Francisco Chronic ^ | 11/20/04 | Mark Morford, the pillow biter
    So, who are they? Who are the ones who have no problem watching a Monday Night Football game in which huge sweaty steroid pakced men in cute homoerotic tights smash each other as hard as possible hoping they break bodies, induce aneurysms and draw blood during out most violent, drug addled and corrupted national televised sporting spectatcle, but actually picked up the phone to complain to ABC about the 'racy' ad promoting 'Desperate Housewives' that led into the game? They are the same people that complained about 1.5 seconds of Janet Jackson's nipple, the same ones who complain about low...
  • Morford: Dear World: Sorry About Bush

    11/17/2004 7:16:05 AM PST · by presidio9 · 51 replies · 1,767+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 17, 2004 | Mark Morford, SF Gay Columnist
    It's a movement. It's a phenomenon. It's a Web site. Or maybe it's far more than that. No one can really be sure. No matter what it is, it's called sorryeverybody.com and it expresses, better than any outpouring so far, a sentiment that's omnipresent and palpable and still going strong, and every single Democrat and every single Kerry supporter and every single liberal of any stripe whatsoever probably felt it like a white-hot stab in the heart the minute Kerry's concession speech hit the airwaves and it undoubtedly went something like this: Dear world: We are so very, very sorry....
  • Wallow In Chaos, And Laugh (Mark Morford is having a nervous breakdown)

    11/03/2004 7:12:02 AM PST · by presidio9 · 71 replies · 1,056+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 3, 2004 | Mark Morford, Sore Loser
    Oh dear God please not again. Oh dear God please don't let it be all convoluted and depressing and messy and stupid and please don't let it all embarrass us on an international level all over again even more than it already has and even more than it already is and even more than we've endured lo these past four debilitating and soul-crushing years. Hello? Please? Is it already too late? Why yes, yes it is. And lo and behold, it's apparently another completely tortuous and entirely knotted presidential election, still not finished and still not all ironed out and...
  • Can John Kerry Cure Cancer?

    10/15/2004 7:59:14 AM PDT · by SmithL · 24 replies · 2,058+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/15/4 | Mark Morford
    Miracle worker or no, after the tyranny of BushCo, a "normal" prez will be a blessed relief There will not be a great parting of the clouds. There will not be brighter flowers and happier puppies. There will not be massive choruses of angels singing and birds chirping and dolphins finally standing upright and speaking fluent Latin and saying we knew it all along. Let's be real: Should Kerry win this election, we are most likely not in for a spectacular and unprecedented ride of shiny progressive glory that will astound the world and reignite the collective soul and float...
  • Gay man awarded $1,000 for 'fifi' comment

    10/13/2004 7:29:58 AM PDT · by missyme · 31 replies · 1,068+ views
    CBC News ^ | October 12th, 2003
    MONTREAL - A gay man who was called a "fifi" by a used car salesman has been awarded $1,000 by Quebec's Human Rights Tribunal. The man's name can't be revealed because of a publication ban. The man told the judge he felt dehumanized, humiliated and degraded by the comment, which happened in November 2001 at Roger Poirier Automobile in Sorel, about 70 kilometres northeast of Montreal. The salesman, Marcel Bardier, used "discriminatory words in regard to [the complainant], by revealing his sexual orientation in hurtful and vexatious terms," wrote Judge Michele Pauze in her decision, according to the Montreal Gazette....
  • Gay man awarded $1,000 for 'fifi' comment

    10/12/2004 8:30:36 AM PDT · by laotzu · 60 replies · 1,748+ views
    CBC via worldnetdaily ^ | 10/11/04 | staff
    MONTREAL - A gay man who was called a "fifi" by a used car salesman has been awarded $1,000 by Quebec's Human Rights Tribunal. The man's name can't be revealed because of a publication ban. The man told the judge he felt dehumanized, humiliated and degraded by the comment, which happened in November 2001 at Roger Poirier Automobile in Sorel, about 70 kilometres northeast of Montreal. The salesman, Marcel Bardier, used "discriminatory words in regard to [the complainant], by revealing his sexual orientation in hurtful and vexatious terms," wrote Judge Michele Pauze in her decision, according to the Montreal Gazette....
  • Morford: Does God Hate Florida?

    10/01/2004 8:25:54 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 50 replies · 1,139+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, October 1, 2004 | Mark Morford, hoping they get Orlando put back together in time for Gay Day
    You know it's true. You know if, say, San Francisco had just been blasted by not two, not three, but fully four lethal trailer-park-eating earthquakes, why, the Right-wing Bible set would be yelping with barely disguised joy. Of course they would. They'd be jumping up and down and saying I told you so and pointing to Volume 18 of "Left Behind" and claiming that this was, of course, God's wrath upon the sinners and the gays and the heathens and sodomites and the tofu eaters and the Toyota Priuses and the yoga studios and the anal sex and the incense...
  • Morford: Apocalypse Bush! (Why care for the planet when the End Times are almost here?)

    09/09/2004 10:52:34 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 55 replies · 1,537+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, September 8, 2004 | Mark Morford, read by FReepers and few others
    This is the great thing about rabid fundamentalism. You really just don't have to give a damn. Take the environment. I mean, isn't it just a little pointless to care so damn deeply about the air and the soil and the water and the stupid little disposable animals on this silly spinning ball of expendable rock when the Second Coming is imminent and a blood-soaked fire-breathin' Jesus who looks remarkably like Mel Gibson will return very soon to smite the heathens and the gays and the vegetarians and the Francophiles, and who will rescue all those who worship patriarchy and...
  • Morford: Where Is Your Hallowed Balm? Music? Yoga? Porn?

    09/03/2004 11:01:24 AM PDT · by MikalM · 36 replies · 1,451+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/3/04 | Mark Morford (who never disappoints)
    I am searching for a few good things. Things to counteract, to dissolve the simmering dread, to deflect the waves of nausea and karmic pain induced by the incessantly depressing media maelstrom and the appallingly hateful gloat of the GOP convention and by the most tyrannical administration and least articulate American president in 100 years. You know how it is. And you say to yourself, these things, these radiant gems that live outside the mass-media miasma, I need them because they provide some balm, soften the fact that the nation feels massively off track and blinded and war torn and...
  • Morford: Hello, God? It's Me, Dubya Lord? Bush here. I'm confused.

    07/14/2004 7:32:17 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 73 replies · 2,021+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 | Mark Morford
    Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me? It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord. Look, I've done everything you asked. I've been good. Haven't I? I take the message to the people, don't I? I spout that evangelical born-again crap in pisswater Podunk conservative churches across...
  • Buckley Slaps Down Junior Reagan

    07/12/2004 8:27:40 AM PDT · by kattracks · 73 replies · 3,769+ views
    NewsMax.com ^ | 7/12/04 | Carl Limbacher
    In his column today, Robert Novak salutes the only man who could put Bush-bashing Ron Reagan in his place. "Nobody knew how to respond in a time of national mourning. Nobody, that is, except William F. Buckley Jr.," Novak writes. Among the shots junior Reagan fired at the president: that his father never wore "his faith on his sleeve," that his "father did not know George W. Bush from Adam," that his "father was a man - that's the difference between him and Bush." And: "This is their war. If they can't stand on their own two feet, they're...
  • Morford: Bush: Dumb Like A Bullet

    05/21/2004 7:27:12 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 55 replies · 320+ views
    San Francisco Chronic ^ | May 21, 2004 | Mark Morford (does NOT like Bush)
    When last we left our sneering caped crusaders, Rummy had testified under oath that he didn't really know who ordered what at Abu "Tortures R' Us" Grhraib prison, and George "Wha Happun?" Bush was mumbling into his hand puppet about how he was utterly shocked and aapalled, and was blaming the whole thing on "a coupla bad apples" and gul-dangit, he weren't gunna stan' fer it. And while he still loved Rumsfeld like a drunken frat brother and swore Rummy was doing a "superb job" and stood by him 'til or impeachment they do part, something must be done and...
  • Morford: Please Write More About Rape

    05/14/2004 10:24:15 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 20 replies · 290+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, May 14, 2004 | Mark Morford, He's not being sarcastic
    I get this a lot: Mark, how can you write about light fluffy inconsequential things like dogs or yoga or car design or sex or music when there's so many vile gut-wrenching soul-curdling life-threatening atrocities and gang rapes and beheadings and Rumsfelds happening in the world right now that deserve immediate attention? How the hell can you possibly write a whole column extolling, say, the virtues of single-malt scotch or of having sex in the backseat of small luscious European cars, when BushCo is right this moment ravaging the planet and eviscerating the human spirit and the environment is teetering...
  • Morford: Genital Torture For Dummies (Hey, it's a war -- what did you expect)

    05/12/2004 6:29:10 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 30 replies · 608+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, May 12, 2004 | Mark Morford
    Just in time for your morning breakfast sausage, it's all-American rape and torture and rampant entirely condoned military sadism. Mmm, patriotism. The pictures are worth a thousand disgusted moans. It's all flag-draped coffins and dog chains and forced masturbation and pistol whippings and miserable bloody hooded Iraqi men -- not terrorists, just men -- with wires attached to their fingers and genitals and made to stand up for hours and days on end until their feet swell and their lungs collapse and their livers fail, and you can hear our stunned death-drunk nation cry: Hey, whatever happened to our nice,...
  • Morford: Very Funny Cat Decapitations (when small European cars maim cute fuzzy animals?)

    05/05/2004 8:24:10 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 104 replies · 811+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, May 5, 2004 | Mark Morford, not a big fan of pussies
    I love animals. All animals, especially dogs. And zebras. And snakes. And deer. Dolphins. Birds. The Olsen Twins. Ron Jeremy. Even cats. It's true. Cats are perhaps my least favorite but even so I recognize that they, too, are one of Goddess' little creatures and some are even friendly and funny and adorable and absolutely not always the aloof indifferent uncaring soul-sucking demons they often claw your face off to let you know they so very are. Plus, kittens are just way cute. Cats are good. Cats are OK. So who wants to see one of the happy furballs get...
  • Morford: Is Your Porn Safe?

    04/28/2004 6:41:10 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 45 replies · 217+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, April 28, 2004 | Mark Morford, gay porn addict
    Can you hear the outcry? Can you feel the snippy puritanical heat? Can you feel John Ashcroft's hot, predatory breath bearing down on your life and your box of vibrators and your adult DVD collection and snatching away your copy of "Weapons of A-- Destruction #2" and smacking you across the face with a Bible, all before skipping off to the dungeon to feed the flying monkeys? Because while 9/11 and the process of gleefully decimating your civil liberties via the USA Patriot Act may have delayed him a few years, Ashcroft & Co. is back on the anti-porn warpath,...
  • Morford: Why Won't Dubya Apologize?

    04/21/2004 8:50:09 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 63 replies · 336+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, April 21, 2004 | Mark Morford; two made deadlines in her last dozen
    There comes a time. There comes a time in every raw dumb imperfect beleaguered human's life when s/he has to face the music and pay the piper and fess up to his or her crimes and misdemeanors and blatant careening flubs and heartless gaffes and whoa where the hell was my brain that time sorry sorry sorry. We all do it. We all smack our palms to our foreheads and trip on our own ideological shoelaces, and we are exasperating and thoughtlessly cruel without knowing it, running roughshod over our noble or ignoble intentions on a daily basis because, well,...
  • Morford: How To Gag On 'The Passion' (Gibson's brutal snuff film makes a mockery of true belief)

    04/16/2004 1:53:19 PM PDT · by presidio9 · 134 replies · 622+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, April 16, 2004 | Mark Morford (they finally found the other gerbil)
    Perhaps you, like so many across the planet, are more than a bit baffled by the runaway success of "The Passion of the Christ." Perhaps you, furthermore, are more than slightly disturbed that millions have flocked to this bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick and that so many actually believe its story to be absolutely true, and that it just surpassed "The Return of the King" in total box office and is the No. 8 most successful film of all time and it was No. 1 again across BushCo's flyover states during Easter weekend and has sold 650,000 books and 125,000...
  • Morford: Romeo And Romeo In Hell (why you never, ever want to live in Kansas)

    02/11/2004 2:14:40 PM PST · by presidio9 · 121 replies · 397+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, February 11, 2004 | Mark Morford; rapidly closing in on 42-year life-expectancy
    <p>Kneel down. Put your hands together. Offer thanks right this very moment to whatever deity you desire that that you are not 18 years old and gay and living in the state of Kansas right now.</p> <p>This gratitude, it is a given. This is so much of a given you might not even need to hear why. You just say to yourself, oh my freaking God, I can only imagine.</p>
  • You Repugnicans are so Stupid [AM says: This is a ripe one!!!]

    10/08/2003 5:23:51 AM PDT · by 100 days to recall2 · 729 replies · 1,447+ views
    So you think you accomplished something by stealing another election and putting that dummy goon "Ahhnuld" in as Governor. Well he's an idiot just like that other installed resident George (imbecile) W. Bush. The reason California's economy is so bad is the fault of the white house resident and his moronic economic policies. Also, his Enron buddies screwed California with the energy contracts. So after Ahhnie screws California royally and the nation sees what corrupt fools W and the repuggies are, the Democrats will take control of the nation again for 40 years. Hasta La Vista baybee