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Keyword: geezers

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  • For Pete's Sake!!

    12/03/2017 2:37:33 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 25 replies
    email from a friend | 12/3/2017 | unknown
    For all you grandparents out there...and a few others who just like a good laugh! A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for candy, cookies, all sorts of things. The grandpa is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy,Pete, we won't be long-easy, boy." The boy has another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say: "It's okay, Pete. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, son." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the...
  • A couple of giggles;)

    11/29/2017 1:08:17 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 12 replies
    email from a friend | 11/29/2017 | unknown
    A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then...
  • Sunday Smiles

    09/24/2017 4:22:33 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 1 replies
    geezer jokes ^ | 09/24/2017 | unlisted
    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light". After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red...
  • Getting Old?

    09/22/2017 4:50:05 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 55 replies
    friends email | 9/22/2017 | unknown
    I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?" I looked at her, and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn't quite know how to respond. Am I getting to be that age? I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener. I was thinking about old age and decided that...
  • Odds and Ends

    09/05/2017 3:25:16 PM PDT · by sodpoodle · 12 replies
    friendly emails | 9/5/2017 | unknown,fun,facts
    Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so. Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered: 1. I started out with nothing, and I still...
  • Ponder This

    08/11/2017 6:09:27 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 13 replies
    BBC | 8/11/2017 | email
    Bible Study In this crazy political season I decided a little religion might be appropriate so here is a short Bible study. Remember what Jesus said: 'Goats on the left, sheep on the right' (Matthew 25:33). Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish do it from the right side of the boat. They did and filled the boat with fish. John 21:6 (NIV) ... He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large...
  • Friday Foolishness

    07/21/2017 6:41:41 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 11 replies
    friends' email circulating on web | 7/21/2017 | unknown
    Oldies but goodies. "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Most common among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500." Lynn Lavner "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson "Clinton lied....
  • Risqué or Risky?

    07/10/2017 3:58:33 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    emails from friends | 7/10/2017 | unknown
    Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs Instead of Wives: 1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor. 4. Dogs' parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day. 7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed. 8. Dogs like to...
  • Take a Break

    07/07/2017 4:12:56 PM PDT · by sodpoodle · 13 replies
    geezer friendly email | 7/7/2017 | unknown
    1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to...
  • Chuckles for Seniors

    07/02/2017 7:34:14 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 18 replies
    101 fun jokes ^ | 7/2/2017
    Entertainment at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this...
  • Wit, Wisdom and WHAT???

    06/30/2017 3:37:49 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 9 replies
    friends | 6/30/2017 | unknown
    They Walk Among Us A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it! They walk amongst us! ------------------------------ ------- One day I was walking down the beach with...
  • Truth or Fiction Tuesday

    06/13/2017 7:42:17 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    various and unknown | 6/17/2017 | self
    The ninety three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the Doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Grier, but tell me: Do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband", she said. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have intercourse?" There was a complete hush - you could have heard a pin drop. Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I've told you a hundred Times. What we have is... "Blue Cross!"
  • Words of Wisdom

    06/09/2017 5:02:30 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 2 replies
    unknown | 6/9/2017 | self
    WORDS OF WISDOM Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have ? Remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. ? I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain...
  • A Smile for Saturday

    06/03/2017 8:49:02 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    unknown | 6/3/2017 | self
    Helicopter Ride Ed and his wife, Norma, go to the state fair every year, And every year Ed would say, " Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter " Norma always replied, " I know, Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! " One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, " Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance" To this, Norma replied, " Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"...
  • Is it Saturday? Again?

    05/20/2017 9:50:18 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 21 replies
    unknown | 5/20/2017 | self
    Retired Person's Perspective 1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy. 4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body. 5. I don't like making...
  • Lighten the Load

    05/11/2017 8:10:59 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 9 replies
    unknown | 5/11/2017 | self
    Oldie but Goody A very ill-tempered woman "about to enter her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches." The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash...
  • Friday for Old Friends

    05/05/2017 5:56:55 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 42 replies
    various | 5/5/2017 | many and unknown
    I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
  • Advice for Seniors

    04/10/2017 4:52:51 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 43 replies
    unnown | 4/10/2017 | self
    Where to Retire.
  • Tuesday Tickles

    03/07/2017 7:31:40 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 5 replies
    unknown | 3/7/2017 | self
    This is what all of you 70+ year olds, and yet-to-be kids have to look forward to!! This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area. An hour...
  • Greedy Geezers, Reconsidered

    12/03/2012 1:20:24 PM PST · by ExxonPatrolUs · 15 replies
    The American Prospect ^ | DECEMBER 3, 2012 | ROBERT KUTTNER
    In the current downturn, the vast majority of the elderly are suffering along with the young. The right cure would help both generations... Since the early 1980s, financier Peter G. Peterson has been predicting that Social Security’s excessive generosity would crash the retirement system and the economy. The late British journalist Henry Fairlie, in 1988, famously wrote a piece in The New Republic with the cover line “Greedy Geezers,” faulting the elderly for living too well at the expense of the young... The government’s general budget went into the black in 1999, and economists were projecting that the national debt...