Humor (General/Chat)
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U.S.—News media outlets around the country were reportedly astonished to discover a Christian school at which second lady Karen Pence is teaching holds their students and staff to Christian beliefs. Expert journalists went to great lengths to uncover this story, unveiling the shocking revelation that a Christian woman teaches at a Christian school that affirms Christian doctrine on human sexuality that has been unchanged for 2,000 years. "It is the current year, and Christian schools still have the nerve to teach Christian things," said a CNN commentator. "I will now glare at the camera in silence for the remainder of...
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The funny part of this isn’t the wrong turn. The funny part is the idea that McConnell, of all people, might be cowed by a bunch of Democrats. It’d be like the Freedom Caucus showing up at Pelosi’s office and demanding she back a balanced-budget amendment. Think she’d be intimidated? {snip} Yes, everyone’s favorite frosh was part of the group. {snip} They left a note signed by more than 30 House freshmen for him on his desk in the Senate, hoping, I guess, that he’ll read it and “run train” on the shutdown.
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Those “flushable” wipes you put down the toilet may have to be removed by hand from the city sewage equipment they clog. The cleansing cloths, dubbed “flushable wipes,” are marketed for post-toilet use but are typically not biodegradable. They do not dissolve like toilet paper does when flushed, and once in the sewer system, they can clump together and cause problems. It’s a mess Rod Chervus, the collections and conveyance manager for Lexington’s sanitary sewer department, has been dealing with for several years, and it’s getting worse. “If it says ‘flushable wipe,’ don’t believe it. Don’t flush it down the...
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U.S.—In a stunning new poll, Americans indicated they are OK with a 70% marginal tax rate, indicating that since the hefty taxes would only apply to other people and not themselves, they are alright with the extremely high taxes. "See, a lot of people think the proposed 70% tax rate is way too high," said one woman in California. "But what they don't understand is that the 70% is only on really rich people---in other words, not me. Let's crank it up to 90, 100, or 110% even. I don't mind in the slightest." Americans all over the country suggested...
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We Can No Longer Tolerate An Economic System Where The Rich Get Richer And The Poor Also Get Richer An op-ed by Bernie Sanders Capitalism has failed us. The year is [editor please insert current year here], and we still have an economic system where the rich people just continue to get richer, while the poor suffer by also getting richer. We must look to socialism for a more equitable system, one in which there are no upper or lower classes---well, at least one in which there is no upper class. We must look to socialism, where wealth isn't created...
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[Based on information from Washington Examiner article but Satire/Humor: '{Lordsburg, N.M.} Border rancher: 'We’ve found prayer rugs out here. It’s unreal'' -- http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3720296/posts] Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants to use the Endangered Species Act to protect the endangered Syrian ISIS Terrorist critter, Somali ISIS Terrorist critter, Kenyan Al-Shabaab critter, Iranian Al Qaeda critter as well as the Iranian ISIS critter. The prayer rug droppings of these critters have been found by farmers/ranchers in the Lordsburg, New Mexico area. Many ranchers/farmers, as well as other US citizens feel these varmits are nothing but pests and should be exterminated...
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A professional fisherman got a big surprise as he tried to launch his boat at Lake Sam Rayburn to practice for a fishing tournament this past weekend. Eric Jackson, of Rock Island, TN, told 12News his two-year-old Dalmatian, Bodi, stepped on the gear shift switch, putting the 38-foot RV in reverse. Jackson says he was on the back bumper unloading his boat when the RV began backing into the lake. Jackson had been working to launch his boat at the ramps at the Umphrey Family Pavillion of Highway 255. He was planning a practice day before the Fishing League Worldwide 2019...
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NFL LIVE THREAD: Conference Championships SUNDAY, JAN 20, 2019 (All Times Eastern) NFC: #2 Los Angeles Rams at #1 New Orleans Saints 3:05 PM on FOX, Mercedes-Benz Superdome AFC: #2 New England Patriots at #1 Kansas City Chiefs 6:40 pm on CBS, Arrowhead Stadium
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Due to the popularity of the TV "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas-Style!" The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth. Finally, back to Dallas. Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with 15 bumper stickers which will read: 1. "I'm A Democrat" 2. "Amnesty For Illegals" 3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"...
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WICHITA FALLS, Texas - Police were called to a Texas Walmart after a woman was reportedly drinking wine from a Pringles can and riding an electric cart in the parking lot.
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We’re pretty picky about how our food is packaged – choosing the wrong name, packaging color or logo can scare us away from a product. You’d think that a food company would want to do some research to make sure that their product isn’t ridiculed or doesn’t seem repulsive, but judging by these food name package design fails, some of these guys don’t seem to have gotten that memo. Some of these are translation fails – we can only hope that that Chinese food company isn’t selling shredded children and that it was actually a funny fail. Others, like the...
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TEXAS—In an innovative new plan to deter illegal immigrants from crossing into our country, church greeters are being stationed along the border, smiling and stretching out their hands to cheerily greet anyone who approaches. The excitable, impossibly peppy greeters will chase down Mexican immigrants in order to shake their hand, welcome them to the country, and give them a bulletin and church swag, inevitably prompting the frightened immigrants to run away as fast as they can. "Welcome to America, we're so glad to have you with us this morning. How has your week been?" they'll recite dutifully to each approaching...
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If stupidity were a virtue this guy would become the first man to be declared a saint while still alive.
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A classic, increasingly relevant, tune sung by Ray Stevens.
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A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said. Amy takes him down to the...
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