Humor (Religion)

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  • Two Cow Denominations

    09/15/2017 7:21:49 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 19 replies
    MereOrthodoxy ^ | September 14, 2017 | Susannah Black and Jake Meador
    Calvinism – You have two bulls. They argue with each other incessantly. You have no idea what they are talking about. Appalachian holiness – You have two snakes. Acts 29 – You have a bull and a cow. They are absolutely, positively, 100% equal in value, dignity, and worth. Nondenominational – You have two cows. You baptize each of them six times. You claim to have 12 cows. “New” Calvinism – You have two cows. You stole them from the Southern Baptists. The Southern Baptist Convention – You have two cows. Also a weirdly large amount of political capital, now...
  • Francis in Colombia: "Popemobile" nearly kills man (video)

    09/15/2017 4:07:20 AM PDT · by Repent and Believe · 28 replies
    Novus Ordo Watch ^ | Sept 11 A.D. 2017 | Novus Ordo Watch
    Was that man in the white shirt actually a "Cardinal" who wished to dialog with Francis on his heretical teachings in Amoris Laetitia (yet not inform us THAT he IS an anti-pope?) (Sarc)
  • Proverb A Day, Proverb 12 [Prayer and Meditation]

    09/12/2017 9:37:18 AM PDT · by OneVike · 2 replies
    Bible NKJV ^ | 900 B.C. | Solomon
    Proverb 12 (NKJV) The House of the Righteous Shall Stand 01 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, 00 But he who hates correction is stupid. 02 A good man obtains favor from the LORD, 00 But a man of wicked intentions He will condemn. 03 A man is not established by wickedness, 00 But the root of the righteous cannot be moved. 04 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, 00 But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. 05 The thoughts of the righteous are right, 00 But the counsels of the wicked are...
  • Muslims appalled at 'perfect man' billboard on Indiana highway

    08/07/2017 4:05:28 AM PDT · by Cronos · 112 replies
    AOL ^ | Jun 6, 2017 | Alec Laskar
    A billboard erected on a busy road in Indianapolis, Indiana, is sparking heated controversy among residents. The sign in question, which can be seen from the southbound lanes on I-465 near the Washington Street exit, claims to list the characteristics of "the perfect man."Among the traits listed on the contentious sign are "married 6 year old," "slave owner," "rapist," "beheaded 600 Jews in one day," "13 wives, 11 at one time" and "tortured and killed unbelievers." By now, you've likely figure out that the traits listed here are anything but those of an ideal human being -- and opponents...
  • Proverb A Day, Proverb 12 [Prayer and Meditation]

    07/12/2017 7:14:52 AM PDT · by OneVike · 2 replies
    Bible NKJV ^ | 900 B.C. | Solomon
    Proverb 12 (NKJV) The House of the Righteous Shall Stand 01 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, 00 But he who hates correction is stupid. 02 A good man obtains favor from the LORD, 00 But a man of wicked intentions He will condemn. 03 A man is not established by wickedness, 00 But the root of the righteous cannot be moved. 04 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, 00 But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. 05 The thoughts of the righteous are right, 00 But the counsels of the wicked are...
  • Pope Francis Learns that Four Cardinals are Questioning Amoris Laetitia

    07/05/2017 12:13:27 PM PDT · by Morgana · 7 replies
    John Zmirak/youtube ^ | Published on Nov 18, 2016 | John Zmirak
    Pope Francis Learns that Four Cardinals are Questioning Amoris Laetitia
  • Proverb A Day, Proverb 26 [Prayer and Meditation]

    06/26/2017 9:02:45 AM PDT · by OneVike · 6 replies
    Bible NKJV ^ | 900 B.C. | Solomon
    Proverb 26:17 reminds me of a time in the early 1980's when I lived in San Bernardino. One of my older brothers, Gene, was living with me and my first wife at the time. Gene was, and still is a small man. He stood about 5' 6" and maybe weighed about 130 pounds, if he was wearing wet cloths. He was a guy who never could, and never would get in a fight. Jim was an air force mechanic stationed at Norton Air Force base. This was like 10 years before they closed it down. Jim was a big...
  • The Churchy Fruits Learn About Courage

    06/09/2017 9:52:25 AM PDT · by NRx · 7 replies
    YouTube ^ | 06-06-2017 | Lutheran Satire
    Whatever you think this is about, you are wrong.
  • ISIS Flag Added To ‘Coexist’ Stickers

    05/12/2017 11:15:58 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 24 replies
    U.S.—The Islamic State’s official flag has been added to the newest batch of the popular “Coexist” bumper stickers, and will be included in all future iterations of the famous graphic, sources confirmed Monday. The new logo depicts the flag protruding from the top of the peace sign that constitutes the letter “o” in the word as it proudly billows in the breeze. “We wanted our message of tolerance to include the guys who are hacking unbelievers’ heads off at an alarming rate,” a representative for the bumper sticker manufacturer told reporters. “Now even Islamic State fighters can coexist peacefully with...
  • WATCH: Pastor Confronted by Cowbell Wielding Satanist Outside Planned Parenthood Facility

    04/26/2017 3:52:39 PM PDT · by Morgana · 27 replies
    CBN ^ | April 26, 2017 | STAFF
    A group of pro-life Christians gathered outside a Planned Parenthood facility in Arizona recently only to be met by a cowbell wielding Planned Parenthood ‘escort’ in what can only be described as a truly bizarre scene. The man in the video is Jeff Durbin, who the NY Post recently smeared as an ‘extremist’ hipster pastor, and he regularly stands in front of Planned Parenthood facilities in hopes of convincing women not to go through with potential abortions. While he attempts to have rational conversations, he’s often met with uncontrollable rage, as was the case in this particular video. He pleads...
  • Worcester Cathedral blessing for asparagus crop criticised as 'absurd' by Anglicans

    04/25/2017 7:47:40 PM PDT · by vladimir998 · 19 replies
    U.K. Telegraph ^ | 25 APRIL 2017 | Olivia Rudgard
    Asparagus is so venerated in Worcester that it has been blessed in a special ceremony in the city's cathedral. But the thanksgiving service celebrating the local crop has been criticised by other Anglicans who have called it "absurd". The bizarre Sunday evensong service was defended by the cathedral's Precentor, who said the vegetable was "a sign of the abundant provision and generosity of God".
  • Pope Trek

    04/16/2017 1:11:44 PM PDT · by BlessedBeGod · 7 replies
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | April 16, 2017 | Eccles
    Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Vatican. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new heresies, to develop new practices and new doctrines, to boldly teach what no man has taught before. Jorge T. Kirk: Pope's log, stardate 2017.4. We have beamed on board two aliens suffering from acute Heresitis: there's a sick lunar man and an omnisexual Martian, James Martian, no less. James Martian: Bleep, bleep, bleep! The Holy Spirit's a woman! Mary Magdalen wore a dalmatic! God can learn a lot from us! Can I use the ladies' rest room, please? Mr Spockaro, science...
  • [Catholic Caucus] Your Comprehensive Guide to Ash Wednesday Ashes [Humor]

    02/27/2017 7:47:59 PM PST · by markomalley · 1 replies
    ChurchPOP ^ | 2/27/17
  • Burke Named Head Of Vatican’s Congregation Of Janitorial Services [Satire, or Is It?]

    02/16/2017 10:38:54 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod
    Eye of the Tiber ^ | February 16, 2017 | Admin
    The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has named Cardinal Raymond Burke to be the first prefect of the Congregation of Janitorial Services.Francis’ decision to choose the staunch conservative to head the new department is a sign to many that Francis does see a role for Burke in his pontificate, despite disagreements the two have had in the past.Several sources in the Vatican say that Francis chose Cardinal Burke because he is known to work well “cleaning up messes.” “His Holiness is well aware of Burke’s obsession with cleaning things up,” said Vatican advisor Monsignor Leonardo Valdes. “[Pope Francis] is...
  • New edition of the Bible announced [Satire]

    02/12/2017 9:08:51 AM PST · by markomalley · 21 replies
    Pope Francis has announced that a new edition of the Bible is to be released, removing some of the more "rigid" books (e.g. the four gospels) and adding a few new ones. After all, the Bible was put together about 1500 years ago. It was reaffirmed by the Council of Trent in 1546, although at the time some liberals imbued with the "Spirit of Trent" tried to slip in a few extras that took their fancy. In any case, it isn't modern and up to date! The New Non-Rigid Bible will have a loose-leaf format so that pages can be...
  • Defending an Unpopular Pope (Humor) [Catholic Caucus]

    01/15/2017 5:02:30 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod · 5 replies
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | January 15, 2017 | Eccles
    Most of my readers have never been pope, and probably only one or two ever will be, so you don't realise how difficult the job of a pope is. You probably think that it just involves sitting around in Rome eating pasta, going to Mass, and occasionally saying something about Catholic doctrine. And the latter ought to be easy enough, as just about every issue under the sun has been discussed by previous popes, so you don't have to say anything original, although you can of course rephrase things in your own words. On no account try to change any...
  • Pope Francis Banned from Britain [Humor]

    01/11/2017 1:35:56 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | December 10, 2017 | Eccles
    Following the Home Office's decision to ban the entry of three persecuted archbishops from Iraq and Syria (Sharaf of Mosul, Shamani of Nineveh Valley, and Alnemech of Homs and Hama), who were invited to participate in the consecration of a Syrian Orthodox cathedral, it has now been revealed that a similar discourtesy was extended to Pope Francis. This is apparently the true explanation of why the Holy Father will be visiting Ireland, the land of "Enda Life" Kenny, in 2018, but not the bigger island next door. Said a spokesman for Amber Rudd, the Home Secretary. "We received a visa...
  • Pope Francis Moves to Avignon [Humor]

    01/11/2017 1:25:01 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod · 2 replies
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | January 7, 2017 | Eccles
    [St Raymond of Penyafort] Not one of my favourite saints: for some reason canonists called Raymond tend to upset me. Anyway, at dawn my servant Spadaro (whose duties include a little light cleaning, cooking, and insult-writing, and who feeds the papal sockpuppets) rushed into my humble chambers brandishing a letter from Raymond, Cardinal Burke. Dear Sir or Madam, Following your lack of response to our five dubia, we have the honour of informing you that Amoris Laetitia is an heretical document, and you are therefore officially in schism with the Catholic Church. Your title henceforth is Antipope Francis, and your...
  • A Training Course for New Popes [Humor]

    01/11/2017 1:24:57 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | January 4, 2017 | Eccles
    Scene: the Vatican. Pope Francis is addressing a few selected younger cardinals. All the usual suspects are there: Schönbörn, Cupich, Farrell, Tagle, Marx, etc., but, surprisingly not Sarah, Burke or Pell. Francis speaks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the training course for new popes. Of course I fully expect to carry on for another 15 years, until I have totally rewritten the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount; however, accidents will happen, and I may have to retire to Avignon instead. Alternatively, Burke says that if he can find four doctors, he will have me sectioned. So it seems best...
  • Synod to Decide What 2+2 Is [Humor]

    01/11/2017 1:24:51 PM PST · by BlessedBeGod · 4 replies
    Eccles Is Saved ^ | January 7, 2017 | Eccles
    Following a violent disagreement in the Vatican about what exactly 2+2 adds up to, Pope Francis has decided to call an Extraordinary Synod to help define (or more probably, "develop") Catholic doctrine on the subject. #Father #Spadaro makes #a #hash of his #arithmetic. Now, about that expenses claim, Father... Of course, this is not a new question. The famous "Kasper proposal" was that 1+1+1 should equal 2, at least in the context of marriage, provided the numbers had been properly accompanied and allowed to discern that their consciences were really telling them to do whatever they pleased. Four (or was...