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Keyword: humor

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  • How Conservative Are You?

    05/21/2018 10:51:33 AM PDT · by BubbaBasher · 51 replies
    Vanity | 5/21/2018 | BubbaBasher
    I'm so conservative I: - Refuse to park on the left side of my driveway. - Am looking to buy a right-hand drive car.
  • MUSLIMS FORCED TO EAT PORK AND DRINK ALCOHOL AT CHINESE CAMPS, INMATES CLAIM

    05/19/2018 8:01:55 AM PDT · by Rebelbase · 76 replies
    newsweak ^ | 5/17/18 | staff
    Found the story on Independent UK, but it's banned from FR. It's a more meaty story than newsweak. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/china-re-education-muslims-ramadan-xinjiang-eat-pork-alcohol-communist-xi-jinping-a8357966.html Former prisoners of Chinese “re-education” camps for Muslims have said they were forced to drink alcohol and eat pork as part of Beijing's efforts to stifle dissent and ensure compliance with the central government. As many as 1 million Chinese Muslims are believed to have been detained in the camps. They are primarily from the province of Xinjiang, which has stubbornly resisted Beijing’s efforts to instill Chinese culture. Former inmates of the camps have now told The Washington Post just how...
  • Board votes to fire local teacher over comment during state test

    05/16/2018 4:43:17 AM PDT · by simpson96 · 42 replies
    KWTX.com ^ | 5/14/2018 | Rissa Shaw
    MARLIN, Texas (KWTX) The Marlin ISD’s Board of Managers voted 3-0 Tuesday evening to terminate the contract of Marlin High School teacher Claude Kelley, who was placed on administrative leave for alleged comments he made during state testing. Superintendent Michael Seabolt said it was reported that right before an Algebra I course exam last week, Kelley said in front of teachers and students, that “there were only a couple smart enough to pass it, anyway.” “You can think bad things about my kids, but I better never hear it,” Seabolt said. “I took it pretty seriously.” Following the results of...
  • The Old, Blind Cowboy

    05/09/2018 8:19:31 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 22 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 5/9/18 | Unk
    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent… In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer...
  • Huge icebergs could be towed from Antarctica to Cape Town to solve South African drought crisis

    04/30/2018 4:15:31 PM PDT · by Captain Peter Blood · 55 replies
    The Mirror Newspaper ^ | 04-30-2018 | Anna Verdon
    Huge icebergs could be towed from Antarctica to Cape Town in a bid to solve South Africa's worst drought in a century. Marine salvage experts are floating the plan to tug the icebergs to the region after its seen the worst water shortage in decades. Salvage master Nick Sloane told Reuters news agency he was looking for government and private investors for a scheme to guide huge chunks of ice across the ocean, chop them into a slurry and melt them down into millions of litres of drinking water. "We want to show that if there is no other source...
  • The Bee Explains: Theological Liberalism-SATIRE

    04/24/2018 6:31:02 AM PDT · by fungoking · 3 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 4/19/18 | staff
    During your daily poring over of The Babylon Bee‘s award-winning coverage of all theological camps, you may have found yourself wondering about the worldview known variably as “theological liberalism,” “liberal theology,” “liberal Christianity,” or “butter in sunshine.” Well, wonder no more! We have put together this short, accurate, plain-English crash course on the essentials of theological liberalism, just for you. What is theological liberalism? Theological liberalism is a movement that seeks to incorporate various aspects of modern thinking and trends into the Christian faith, while still staying true to the historical Doctrine of Things That Make Me Feel Good Are...
  • Nation Patiently Awaits GQ Article Calling Koran Overrated

    04/23/2018 9:04:15 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 15 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | April 23, 2018
    U.S.—After revered men’s fashion magazine GQ published an article claiming the Bible was overrated, the nation began patiently waiting for the publication to claim the same for the Koran or other religious texts, sources confirmed Monday.Upon learning of the mag’s recent criticism of the Bible, the nation collectively refreshed GQ’s website and scanned for information on its upcoming issue to determine when the follow-up article criticizing the Koran the team is definitely working on would be published. “Any second now, they’ll come through,” Andy Paulson, 32, said in an interview. “Any magazine bold enough to call out Christians’ sacred texts...
  • Woke Comedy: Why Laughter Is Missing at the Multiplex

    04/18/2018 1:52:30 PM PDT · by HollywoodInToto · 75 replies
    Hollywood In Toto ^ | 4/18/2018 | Christian Toto
    The PC comedy rules are suffocating laughs on stages large and small.
  • Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard Eye

    04/12/2018 2:29:07 AM PDT · by vannrox · 17 replies
    babylonbee ^ | April 10, 2018 | Mark Zuckerberg
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—During his much-publicized appearance before a bipartisan Senate committee Tuesday, the false, humanlike contact lens Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had placed over his left eye accidentally fell out, revealing the horrifying yellow lizard eye lying underneath. “Senator, I don’t have that information with me right now,” the tech billionaire said for the seven hundredth time just before the incident. As he moved to take a drink of water to appear like a real human who thirsts, the faux human-eye lens fell out of his eye socket and the awful, piercing alien eyeball underneath quickly focused on the Senator questioning...
  • Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard Eye

    04/11/2018 7:34:22 AM PDT · by savedbygrace · 26 replies
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—During his much-publicized appearance before a bipartisan Senate committee Tuesday, the false, humanlike contact lens Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had placed over his left eye accidentally fell out, revealing the horrifying yellow lizard eye lying underneath. “Senator, I don’t have that information with me right now,” the tech billionaire said for the seven hundredth time just before the incident. As he moved to take a drink of water to appear like a real human who thirsts, the faux human-eye lens fell out of his eye socket and the awful, piercing alien eyeball underneath quickly focused on the Senator questioning...
  • Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional Testimony

    04/10/2018 9:52:56 AM PDT · by fishtank · 20 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 4-9-18 | B. Bee
    Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional Testimony April 9, 2018 MENLO PARK, CA—According to sources from within Facebook headquarters, interns and staffers at the social network were training Mark Zuckerberg on how to act human ahead of his expected congressional testimony this week.
  • Q Anon: (4/6/18) FRiendly Freeper Collaboration

    04/06/2018 6:28:11 PM PDT · by ransomnote · 3,149 replies
    qntmpkts.keybase.pub ^ | 4/6/2018 | FReepers, Vanity
    This thread is a friendly collaborative place for FReepers to analyze information and share opinons. FReepers have a wide variety of reasons for investigating Q Anon content; this is not the appropriate place to criticize or badger those who choose to use some of their time in this manner. I plan to post one thread at a time and ping new drops posted to it. When I post each (new) thread, the prior thread is retired and all new posts occur on the newest thread. If you are new to Q Anon, the three links below provide overviews to...
  • The Joke's On Us

    04/04/2018 9:00:03 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 11 replies
    Townhall.com ^ | April 4, 2018 | Bill Murchison
    I did mention Elvis once in a column, and in the '90s I pointed to one Donald Trump as the TV star you'd least likely want sitting next to you at a dinner party. And yet the likelihood, back then, of ever mentioning Roseanne Barr -- it just didn't compute. But these days... I haven't, as of this writing, seen Barr's new show, and may not rush to supply that cultural deficiency. Not that she'd likely notice, given the Himalayan ratings she and John Goodman have been reaping for -- for what? For not breaking a metaphorical egg over the...
  • Official Free Republic LGBT coming out thread

    04/01/2018 2:11:08 PM PDT · by Species8472 · 50 replies
    Vanity ^ | 4-1-18 | Me
    Liquor! Guns! Bacon! Tits (the birds of course) Happy April Fools Day fellow freepers!
  • Joe Biden, Donald Trump Slated For UFC 223

    03/22/2018 6:59:31 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 56 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | March 22, 2018
    NEW YORK, NY—In a serious escalation from Joe Biden’s recent assertion that he would have “beat the [expletive]” out of Trump back in high school and the president’s subsequent Twitter clap-back claiming that the former V.P. “would go down fast and hard, crying all the way,” UFC President Dana White announced Thursday that Joe Biden and Donald Trump will face off in the octagon at UFC 223 early next month.The surprise last-minute addition to the much-anticipated Ferguson vs. Khabib main event is expected to draw huge pay-per-view numbers as fight fans worldwide tune in to watch the 71-year-old Trump and...
  • Middle-Earth Announces Heavy Tariffs On Narnian Imports

    03/22/2018 6:51:42 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 17 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | March 22, 2018
    MINAS TIRITH, GONDOR—Kicking off a major trade war between the two kingdoms, the Middle-Earth Trade Federation has announced heavy tariffs on the import of Narnian steel, sending the stock market into a freefall Thursday.Any steel imported from Narnia to Gondor, Rohan, Erebor, or Mirkwood will be subject to a 30% tax. The move is expected to raise the end consumer price of various imported goods significantly, according to expert economists working at Rivendell.“Trade wars are great, and they’re really easy to win,” the king of Gondor said in a dispatch via carrier pigeon. “If we keep allowing cheap Narnian steel...
  • Time to Nurture America's Irish-Inspired Sense of Humor

    03/17/2018 8:05:25 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 19 replies
    Townhall.com ^ | March 17, 2018 | Tom Purcell
    It's always grand in March of every year to pour myself a pint of Guinness and enjoy the glorious Irish wit. It's my good fortune to be a fellow of Irish descent. I share my good fortune with a quarter of all Americans, who can trace their heritage to the rolling, green hills of Ireland - including my Uncle Mike, rest his soul, whose grandparents came to America from Ireland. As a lad, I loved the way he and my father celebrated St. Patrick's Day: by swapping the same Irish jokes and witticisms that I've been retelling for years. Such...
  • "Be Thou My Vision"-Traditional Irish

    03/16/2018 8:52:41 AM PDT · by V K Lee · 26 replies
    "Be Thou My Vision"-Traditional Irish (Celtic)
  • This is Priceless (Donald Trump will never be President)

    03/09/2018 12:35:12 PM PST · by SaveFerris · 39 replies
    Youtube ^ | Published on Nov 13, 2016 | Doug Smyka
    You'll probably want to turn down the volume on the last half.
  • Rudy Giuliani made crude joke about Hillary Clinton's weight at Trump fundraiser: Report

    03/06/2018 6:03:58 AM PST · by simpson96 · 91 replies
    Washington Examiner ^ | 3/4/2018 | Kyle Feldscher
    Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani reportedly made a crude joke about former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s weight Friday while at Mar-a-Lago with President Trump. Axios reported Giuliani was invited up on stage during Trump’s remarks to the donors at the event. He recounted a story about him attending Trump’s wedding at the Florida estate. “Hillary was also here, and she actually fit through the door,” Giuliani reportedly said. The crowd at the fundraiser reportedly gasped and Giuliani’s wife was incredulous at the remark. Trump later said “I’m just glad I didn’t say it,” according to the report.