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Keyword: joke

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  • Kavanaugh nomination memorialized in 20 of the most famous paintings

    10/02/2018 9:29:12 AM PDT · by doug from upland · 9 replies
    Twitter ^ | Oct 2, 2018 | DFU
    HERE ARE 35 FAMOUS PAINTINGSBelow, 20 have been used to create the history of the Kavanaugh nomination. How many could you name?
  • Today's Ghastly Groaner

    09/28/2018 12:07:46 PM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 26 replies
    The Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | 9/28/18 | D. Barron & Maureen Dolan Editor
    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she said. “Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came...
  • Writing A Ticket Goes Wrong for the Police! - Just Shenanigans

    09/27/2018 10:00:15 AM PDT · by Morgana · 5 replies
    TheSoto YaDig ^ | Published on Sep 27, 2018 | TheSoto YaDig with DJ Just Jay
    Writing A Ticket Goes Wrong for the Police! - Just Shenanigans
  • Rep. Ralph Norman jokes about Ruth Bader Ginsburg's being 'groped' by Abe Lincoln

    09/21/2018 11:07:55 AM PDT · by LibWhacker · 68 replies
    ABCNews ^ | 9/21/18 | Meghan Keneally
    Rep. Ralph Norman, R-S.C., used his opening remarks at a Thursday debate for South Carolina's 5th Congressional District to make an off-color joke about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "Did y’all hear the latest, late-breaking news from the Kavanaugh hearings? Ruth Bader Ginsburg came out [saying[ that she was groped by Abraham Lincoln," he said to some laughs and applause. Norman, who has been endorsed by President Donald Trump, later defended his remarks on Twitter, saying they were "meant to add a bit of levity to a very serious debate between me and my Democrat opponent and to point...
  • Technical Support for Seniors

    08/30/2018 3:55:16 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 19 replies
    email from a friend | 8/30/2018 | unknown
    Why seniors never change their passwords WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: Cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: Boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces USER: 50damnboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50damnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use
  • Explanation of a tragedy

    08/29/2018 11:25:03 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 11 replies
    email from a friend | 8/29/2018 | unknown
    Chuck Schumer was visiting a Washington D.C. primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr Schumer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So Mr Schumer asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy' A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.' 'Incorrect,' said Schumer. 'That would be an accident.' <>A little girl...
  • National Presidential joke Day August 11

    08/11/2018 9:47:12 AM PDT · by heterosupremacist · 21 replies
    I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4
  • Today’s ghastly groaner

    08/02/2018 7:31:30 AM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 38 replies
    Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | August 2, 2018 | Jim Mowreader and Maureen Dolan
    A gorilla walked into a bar. He ordered a Jack and Coke and paid for it with a $10 bill. The bartender thought, “This gorilla couldn’t possibly know the prices of drinks” and gave him 50 cents change. As he handed back the two quarters, the bartender said, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.” The gorilla said, “As bad as you overcharge, I’m surprised you get any.”
  • Handguns: Not just for Self-Defense

    07/10/2018 10:07:43 AM PDT · by w1n1 · 35 replies
    Am Shooting Journal ^ | 7/10/2018 | N Perna
    SWAT officer gives his take on best offensive weapons, what makes them good, differences with defensive handguns. The M1911A1 carried by U.S. troops from World War I up until the mid-1980s had some severe limitations. With a seven round magazine and fixed sights, the weapon lacked firepower and modularity. Compare this to a modern handgun with a 15-round magazine, red dot optic, and rails for lights and lasers. You’ve come a long way, baby…The modern handgun opens up a whole new world of options in terms of what kinds of missions it can be used for. No longer limited to...
  • [joke] The REAL reason Justice Kennedy is retiring....

    07/09/2018 7:24:06 PM PDT · by AnalogReigns · 11 replies
    The Wind ^ | July 9, 2016 | unnamed sources!
    The weekend of the first week of May, 2016 Anthony Kennedy told his wife Mary he wanted to go see his old friend Joe Smith in Baltimore, Maryland. Kennedy, who hated using a driver, or Secret Service guards, was determined to drive himself. Mary was concerned--but knew he'd do what he wanted no matter what she said. "OK, honey, don't forget your cell phone, so you can call me in case of emergency," Mary told him. The aged Supreme Court Justice dutifully put his cell phone in his pocket. The day went well, with the journey up I-95 uneventful. After...
  • Kent State gun girl challenges Hogg to arm wrestling contest for gun rights (Trunc)

    06/04/2018 5:27:21 PM PDT · by Enterprise · 92 replies
    https://www.bizpacreview.com ^ | June 4, 2018 | Tom Tillison
    With Parkland high school graduate David Hogg expected to announce a 60-day, 20-state, 75-stop summer bus tour Monday to push for more stringent gun control laws and to register young people to vote, the 18-year-old found himself facing another daunting challenge that could break the internet if he accepts. Kaitlin Bennett, the Kent State grad who took the internet by storm recently when she posed on campus with an AR-10 strapped across her back, took to social media to challenge Hogg to an arm wrestling contest. (snip) “I have a challenge for you @davidhogg111. Let’s arm wrestle. If I win,...
  • Roseanne Rips Ex-Obama Aide Valerie Jarrett: ‘Muslim Brotherhood & Planet of the Apes Had a Child’

    05/29/2018 6:32:37 AM PDT · by Enterprise · 95 replies
    https://www.thewrap.com ^ | May 29, 2018 | Jon Levine
    Roseanne Barr waded into racial waters on Monday, suggesting that former Barack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett is a product of the Muslim Brotherhood and the “Planet of the Apes.” “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj,” Barr tweeted in response to a post about Jarrett.
  • The Old, Blind Cowboy

    05/09/2018 8:19:31 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 22 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 5/9/18 | Unk
    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent… In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer...
  • WATCH: Conservative Black Man TROLLS Starbucks; Gets Free Coffee By Simply Saying “Racism”

    04/19/2018 10:59:29 AM PDT · by blam · 35 replies
    A Twitter user by the name of “Hotep Jesus” walked into a Starbucks store and received a FREE cup of coffee simply because he said “I heard y’all was racist”. Starbucks has taken major heat over the last few days after a viral video showed two black men being taken away by police after causing a scene at a Starbucks because they weren’t allowed to use the restroom. In response to this incident, Starbucks announced that they will close 8,000 stores for one day in May for an afternoon for race-bias training. Bryan Sharpe, who goes by “Hotep Jesus” on...
  • Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard Eye

    04/11/2018 7:34:22 AM PDT · by savedbygrace · 26 replies
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—During his much-publicized appearance before a bipartisan Senate committee Tuesday, the false, humanlike contact lens Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg had placed over his left eye accidentally fell out, revealing the horrifying yellow lizard eye lying underneath. “Senator, I don’t have that information with me right now,” the tech billionaire said for the seven hundredth time just before the incident. As he moved to take a drink of water to appear like a real human who thirsts, the faux human-eye lens fell out of his eye socket and the awful, piercing alien eyeball underneath quickly focused on the Senator questioning...
  • Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional Testimony

    04/10/2018 9:52:56 AM PDT · by fishtank · 20 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 4-9-18 | B. Bee
    Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional Testimony April 9, 2018 MENLO PARK, CA—According to sources from within Facebook headquarters, interns and staffers at the social network were training Mark Zuckerberg on how to act human ahead of his expected congressional testimony this week.
  • The Barbershop

    01/01/2018 9:37:16 PM PST · by LibWhacker · 5 replies
    Knuckledraggin ^ | 1/1/18 | Ken Lane
    The Barbershop Donald Trump and Obama ended up in the same barber shop. Each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse all day.” The second barber turned to Trump and said, “How about you sir?” Trump replied, “Go ahead;...
  • Rep. Maxine Waters: 'Impeachment Is About Whatever the Congress Says It Is'

    09/21/2017 9:12:12 AM PDT · by Red Badger · 68 replies
    CNS ^ | September 21, 2017 | 11:05 AM EDT | STAFF
    (CNSNews.com) - Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.), who previously has called for the impeachment of Donald Trump, on Thursday told a Congressional Black Caucus Town Hall on Civil Rights that she expects other members of the black community to back her up: “Don't come here and tell me, ‘Maxine, you keep on doing what you do.’ But when you gonna give me some support?” she asked. “How many of you in your organizations have said, 'Impeach 45' ?” Waters urged the crowd not to get hung up on what law to invoke in the impeachment process: Impeachment is about whatever the...
  • Mueller investigation focusing on social media's role in 2016 election: report

    09/13/2017 3:25:31 PM PDT · by 2ndDivisionVet · 42 replies
    The Hill ^ | September 13, 2017 | Max Greenwood
    Special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation into Russia's efforts to meddle in the 2016 presidential election is focusing increasingly on how Moscow used social media to disrupt the presidential race, according to a Bloomberg report. That involves seeking additional information about Russian activities on Facebook and Twitter. Facebook disclosed last week that a Kremlin-linked company purchased more than $100,000 worth of ads on its platform that ran between June 2015 and May 2017. Those ads were linked to nearly 500 fraudulent accounts that likely operated out of Russia and focused on hot-button issues like immigration and gun control. Likewise, Twitter is...
  • Friday Fun

    08/04/2017 6:23:03 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 15 replies
    friendly email | 8/4/2017 | unknown
    An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you...