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Keyword: joke

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  • ‘Green New Deal’ Excludes LGBTQ Americans

    02/10/2019 2:34:49 PM PST · by KC_Lion · 54 replies
    Breitbart ^ | 9 Feb 2019 | Joel E. Pollack
    <p>However, among all the various groups mentioned, Ocasio-Cortez and the Green New Deal somehow omitted the LGBT community.</p> <p>Breitbart News noted the omission in its first report on the Green New Deal: “(Note: the legislation fails to mention — even once — the historic oppression of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer communities. This is a homophobic and transphobic document.)”</p>
  • CNN Political Analyst Slams Trump’s ‘Incredibly Sexist’ Salad Joke

    01/15/2019 3:51:48 AM PST · by Libloather · 110 replies
    Huffpost ^ | 1/15/19 | David Barden
    CNN’s Erin Burnett and Joan Walsh have slammed President Donald Trump for joking about buying the Clemson University football team burgers rather than having First Lady Melania Trump make “little quick salads.” “It seems to me like the president will not be happy until there is not one single female Republican voter in the country. It’s incredibly sexist,” political analyst Walsh said. “He shouldn’t talk about the first lady in that way. We aren’t all here to make salads for men.”
  • Lexington Police on Twitter: No words.

    01/01/2019 9:17:06 PM PST · by lowbridge · 38 replies
    Twitter ^ | December 31, 2018 | Lexington Kentucky Police
  • Warning: Telling a Lame Joke in an Elevator can Endanger Your Career

    11/24/2018 10:55:45 AM PST · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 90 replies
    Quillette ^ | November 23, 2018 | Richard Ned Lebow
    I am a professor of international political theory at King’s College London and bye-fellow of Pembroke College, Cambridge. I am a fellow of the British Academy and a member of the International Studies Association (ISA). Several years back the ISA voted me the “distinguished scholar of the year.” This year it censured me, not once but twice. I was guilty of saying “ladies lingerie” in a lift, and more disturbingly in their eyes, of writing a conciliatory email to the woman who had overheard me in the lift and filed a complaint. I appealed against this decision, but earlier this...
  • Gore in '20?

    11/20/2018 6:56:16 PM PST · by GuavaCheesePuff · 58 replies
    The Durango Herald ^ | November 17, 2018 | Frank Bruni
    Time and Donald Trump do interesting things to a man. They make Al Gore glitter. It’s almost impossible not to be thinking of Gore now, with the words “Florida” and “recount” so prominent in the news, and it’s hard not to credit him with virtues absent in Trump and increasingly rare in politics these days. Grace in defeat, for one. For another: a commitment to democracy greater than a concern for self. Sure, the review of ballots that Gore’s campaign demanded in 2000, as he and George W. Bush waited to see who would get the Sunshine State’s electoral votes...
  • Scratchie The Squirrel [Vanity]

    11/16/2018 8:56:04 PM PST · by backspace · 72 replies
    Self | 11/16/2018 | Self
    Been feeding the cute little squirrel out back..... I named him "Scratchie"
  • Baseball Memorabilia Collectors Gather At Democrat Hqs

    11/16/2018 3:18:04 PM PST · by blueunicorn6 · 13 replies
    Numerous Secret Agents | 11/16/2018 | blueunicorn6
    Hundreds of baseball memorabilia collectors gathered today at Democrat Headquarters in an attempt to purchase some old artifacts. “We heard that the Democrats had a collection of old bats”, said collector Bill de Baseballio. “Some of them may have pine tar on them because they are kind of slippery, but they’ll clean right up if you take a belt sander to them.” One of the old bats sought after was a Hillary Hickory. It never came close to any balls, but was handy for destroying computer memories. Another old bat that many searched for was the Mad Maxine Waters. There...
  • Kavanaugh nomination memorialized in 20 of the most famous paintings

    10/02/2018 9:29:12 AM PDT · by doug from upland · 9 replies
    Twitter ^ | Oct 2, 2018 | DFU
    HERE ARE 35 FAMOUS PAINTINGSBelow, 20 have been used to create the history of the Kavanaugh nomination. How many could you name?
  • Today's Ghastly Groaner

    09/28/2018 12:07:46 PM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 26 replies
    The Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | 9/28/18 | D. Barron & Maureen Dolan Editor
    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she said. “Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came...
  • Writing A Ticket Goes Wrong for the Police! - Just Shenanigans

    09/27/2018 10:00:15 AM PDT · by Morgana · 5 replies
    TheSoto YaDig ^ | Published on Sep 27, 2018 | TheSoto YaDig with DJ Just Jay
    Writing A Ticket Goes Wrong for the Police! - Just Shenanigans
  • Rep. Ralph Norman jokes about Ruth Bader Ginsburg's being 'groped' by Abe Lincoln

    09/21/2018 11:07:55 AM PDT · by LibWhacker · 68 replies
    ABCNews ^ | 9/21/18 | Meghan Keneally
    Rep. Ralph Norman, R-S.C., used his opening remarks at a Thursday debate for South Carolina's 5th Congressional District to make an off-color joke about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "Did y’all hear the latest, late-breaking news from the Kavanaugh hearings? Ruth Bader Ginsburg came out [saying[ that she was groped by Abraham Lincoln," he said to some laughs and applause. Norman, who has been endorsed by President Donald Trump, later defended his remarks on Twitter, saying they were "meant to add a bit of levity to a very serious debate between me and my Democrat opponent and to point...
  • Technical Support for Seniors

    08/30/2018 3:55:16 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 19 replies
    email from a friend | 8/30/2018 | unknown
    Why seniors never change their passwords WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: Cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: Boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces USER: 50damnboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50damnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbages ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use
  • Explanation of a tragedy

    08/29/2018 11:25:03 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 11 replies
    email from a friend | 8/29/2018 | unknown
    Chuck Schumer was visiting a Washington D.C. primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr Schumer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So Mr Schumer asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy' A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.' 'Incorrect,' said Schumer. 'That would be an accident.' <>A little girl...
  • National Presidential joke Day August 11

    08/11/2018 9:47:12 AM PDT · by heterosupremacist · 21 replies
    I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4
  • Today’s ghastly groaner

    08/02/2018 7:31:30 AM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 38 replies
    Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | August 2, 2018 | Jim Mowreader and Maureen Dolan
    A gorilla walked into a bar. He ordered a Jack and Coke and paid for it with a $10 bill. The bartender thought, “This gorilla couldn’t possibly know the prices of drinks” and gave him 50 cents change. As he handed back the two quarters, the bartender said, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.” The gorilla said, “As bad as you overcharge, I’m surprised you get any.”
  • Handguns: Not just for Self-Defense

    07/10/2018 10:07:43 AM PDT · by w1n1 · 35 replies
    Am Shooting Journal ^ | 7/10/2018 | N Perna
    SWAT officer gives his take on best offensive weapons, what makes them good, differences with defensive handguns. The M1911A1 carried by U.S. troops from World War I up until the mid-1980s had some severe limitations. With a seven round magazine and fixed sights, the weapon lacked firepower and modularity. Compare this to a modern handgun with a 15-round magazine, red dot optic, and rails for lights and lasers. You’ve come a long way, baby…The modern handgun opens up a whole new world of options in terms of what kinds of missions it can be used for. No longer limited to...
  • [joke] The REAL reason Justice Kennedy is retiring....

    07/09/2018 7:24:06 PM PDT · by AnalogReigns · 11 replies
    The Wind ^ | July 9, 2016 | unnamed sources!
    The weekend of the first week of May, 2016 Anthony Kennedy told his wife Mary he wanted to go see his old friend Joe Smith in Baltimore, Maryland. Kennedy, who hated using a driver, or Secret Service guards, was determined to drive himself. Mary was concerned--but knew he'd do what he wanted no matter what she said. "OK, honey, don't forget your cell phone, so you can call me in case of emergency," Mary told him. The aged Supreme Court Justice dutifully put his cell phone in his pocket. The day went well, with the journey up I-95 uneventful. After...
  • Kent State gun girl challenges Hogg to arm wrestling contest for gun rights (Trunc)

    06/04/2018 5:27:21 PM PDT · by Enterprise · 92 replies
    https://www.bizpacreview.com ^ | June 4, 2018 | Tom Tillison
    With Parkland high school graduate David Hogg expected to announce a 60-day, 20-state, 75-stop summer bus tour Monday to push for more stringent gun control laws and to register young people to vote, the 18-year-old found himself facing another daunting challenge that could break the internet if he accepts. Kaitlin Bennett, the Kent State grad who took the internet by storm recently when she posed on campus with an AR-10 strapped across her back, took to social media to challenge Hogg to an arm wrestling contest. (snip) “I have a challenge for you @davidhogg111. Let’s arm wrestle. If I win,...
  • Roseanne Rips Ex-Obama Aide Valerie Jarrett: ‘Muslim Brotherhood & Planet of the Apes Had a Child’

    05/29/2018 6:32:37 AM PDT · by Enterprise · 95 replies
    https://www.thewrap.com ^ | May 29, 2018 | Jon Levine
    Roseanne Barr waded into racial waters on Monday, suggesting that former Barack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett is a product of the Muslim Brotherhood and the “Planet of the Apes.” “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj,” Barr tweeted in response to a post about Jarrett.
  • The Old, Blind Cowboy

    05/09/2018 8:19:31 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 22 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 5/9/18 | Unk
    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent… In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer...