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Keyword: pjorourke

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  • Keep Christmas Commercialized!

    12/06/2014 3:02:16 PM PST · by PROCON · 7 replies
    thedailybeast ^ | Dec. 6, 2014 | P. J. O’Rourke
    Christmas has been about excess since Jesus was in the manger. So why stop now? The sanctimonious, the puritans of all stripes, and the killjoys in general raise the issue annually. Knock it off. Christmas has been commercialized since year one of the “Current Era.” Blame it on the Three Kings. They started the gift-giving right in the manger. Casper, Melchior, and Balthazar “presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.” And that’s the way it’s been ever since. In Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, when Scrooge has been visited by Marley’s ghost and undergoes a magnificent change of heart,...
  • Up to a Point: A Free Scotland Would Be a Hilarious Disaster

    09/16/2014 6:34:55 AM PDT · by servo1969 · 74 replies
    The Daily Beast ^ | 9-13-2014 | P. J. O’Rourke
    <p>This coming Thursday the Scots will vote on whether to make Scotland an independent nation. And I hope they do because it will be a disaster.</p> <p>I don’t say this as a prejudiced Irishman. Even though the thistle-arse sheep-shagger Scots swiped Ulster and sent a herd of Presbyterian proddy dogs and porridge wogs to squat on our land and won the Battle of the Boyne in 1690 by using unfair—indeed, unheard of —- organization, discipline, and tactics on an Irish battlefield. We Micks only hold a grudge about such things for 300 years or so.</p>
  • With a Grain of Salt: P.J. O'Rourke and Dave Barry in Conversation

    07/19/2014 12:53:40 PM PDT · by Slings and Arrows · 3 replies
    Omnivoracious ^ | January 27, 2014 | Robin A. Rothman
    In the first paragraph of the prologue to his new book, The Baby Boom: How It Got That Way... And It Wasn't My Fault... And I'll Never Do It Again, political humor writer P.J. O'Rourke declares in no uncertain terms that he is "full of crap." Similarly, in the introduction to his upcoming book You Can Date Boys When You're Forty, humor columnist Dave Barry explains that his book, despite its subtitle "Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About," is not about parenting. It's easy to imagine that when these two bestselling authors and longtime pals get together,...
  • Russian History Is on Our Side: Putin Will Surely Screw Himself

    05/11/2014 6:18:39 PM PDT · by SeekAndFind · 64 replies
    The Daily Beast ^ | 05/11/2014 | P. J. O’Rourke
    <p>So the international sanctions aren’t working—don’t worry! If 1,000 years of Russian screw-ups are anything to go by, it won’t be long before Vladimir Putin brings himself down.</p> <p>Now that we’ve failed to use Russia’s corrupt and degenerating economy, subservience to the international banking system, and vulnerability to falling energy prices to pop Vladimir Putin like a zit, we’re going to have sit on our NATO, E.U., and OSCE duffs and take the long view of Russian imperialism.</p>
  • In a Plain Brown Package: Australia’s doomed effort to kill tobacco sales. [P. J. O'Rourke]

    12/09/2013 8:23:38 PM PST · by Slings and Arrows · 73 replies
    The Weekly Standard ^ | Dec 16, 2013 | P. J. O'Rourke
    I'm sitting at my desk, looking at a photograph of a gangrenous foot. It is a bloated thing in hues of phlegmatic gray rot, sanguine inflammation, melancholic black bile, and choleric open sores​—​exhibiting all the humors of a meeting of the United Nations Human Rights Council. Above the photograph, in bold white capitals on a dull, matte background are the words “smoking causes peripheral vascular disease.” The photograph is helpfully labeled “gangrene.” Below the photograph, in a bland sans-serif typeface with letters an eighth of an inch high, is “Marlboro Red.” This is a pack of Australian cigarettes, conforming to...
  • I Came, I Saw, I Skedaddled - Decisive moments in Barack Obama history.

    09/07/2013 9:07:23 AM PDT · by smoothsailing · 30 replies
    Weekly Standard ^ | 9-16-2013 | P.J. O'Rourke
    I Came, I Saw, I Skedaddled Decisive moments in Barack Obama history. P. J. O’Rourke September 16, 2013, Vol. 19, No. 02 Julius Barack Caesar Obama Crosses the Rubicon I am crossing the Rubicon. Brrr, the water’s chilly. Deep, too. I’m going for a walk along the riverbank to look for a bridge. And I will cross the Rubicon as soon as the weather warms up. The die has been cast. That is, the deck has been shuffled. Or the Wheel of Fortune has been spun. And I’ll buy a vowel...
  • P.J. O'Rourke: Dear Mr. President, Zero-Sum Doesn't Add Up

    12/27/2012 11:47:17 PM PST · by neverdem · 12 replies
    Wall Street Journal ^ | December 27, 2012 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Is life like a pizza, where if some people have too many slices, other people have to eat the pizza box? Given that hypocrisy is an important part of diplomacy, and diplomacy is necessary to foreign policy, allow me to congratulate you on winning a second term. I wish I could also congratulate you on your conduct of international affairs. I do thank you for killing Osama bin Laden. It was a creditable action for which you deserve some of the credit you've been given. Of course the intelligence was gathered, and the mission was undertaken, by men and women...
  • How Obama Escapes Justice: A Congress of Whores

    12/23/2011 8:22:48 AM PST · by Ordinary_American · 11 replies
    The Post & Email ^ | December 23, 2011 | Lawrence Sellin
    THERE IS NO CREDIBLE EVIDENCE THAT OBAMA WAS ACTUALLY BORN ANYWHERE Parliament of Whores was an international best-selling political humor book, written by P. J. O’Rourke and published in 1991. It was a brilliant and scathing critique of the American system of governance from a conservative perspective. To me it does not seem so funny anymore. Who would have imagined in 1991 that O’Rourke’s title would have provided an appropriate epitaph for the beginning of the downfall of the United States? The American republic has entered the first stage of decline. It has become a totalitarian democracy, a political system...
  • End Them, Don’t Mend Them: It’s time to shutter America’s bloated schools.

    06/15/2010 5:34:02 PM PDT · by rhema · 24 replies · 585+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | June 21, 2010 | P. J. O'Rourke
    The school year is drawing to a close. Time to balance the educational accounts and see what’s been learned. Though not by my kids. I don’t worry about them. They’re geniuses like your kids and soak up knowledge the way a sponge (or a SpongeBob) does. Muffin, in sixth grade, has learned that Justin Bieber is very talented and doesn’t—really, Dad—sing like a girl. Poppet, third grade, has learned how the Plains Indians made tepees. (They waited until after dinner to announce that their “Lifestyles of the Cheyenne” project was due tomorrow so that all the Cheyenne dads were up...
  • P.J. O'Rourke: Our Kind of Class Warfare - Let’s have a tax on political power.

    05/02/2011 5:39:24 PM PDT · by neverdem · 18 replies
    WEEKLY STANDARD ^ | May 9, 2011 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Wipe that smirk off your face, Mister President. “We cannot afford $1 trillion worth of tax cuts for every millionaire and billionaire in our society.” Is there some Sidwell Friends night school class liberal politicians take to perfect an expression of smug disdain? When Teddy Roosevelt was demagogue-in-chief he at least had the nerve to come right out and call the successful people he despised “malefactors of great wealth.” He didn’t simper and moue at his audience. Go ahead and say it, President Obama: Let’s steal from the rich and give to the poor. Never mind that we’re doing a...
  • They Hate Our Guts-And They're Drunk On Power

    10/23/2010 10:43:37 AM PDT · by smoothsailing · 48 replies
    The Weekly Standard ^ | 11-1-2010 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Published on The Weekly Standard (http://www.weeklystandard.com) They Hate Our Guts And they’re drunk on power. November 1, 2010, Vol. 16, No. 07 Perhaps you’re having a tiny last minute qualm about voting Republican. Take heart. And take the House and the Senate. Yes, there are a few flakes of dander in the fair tresses of the GOP’s crowning glory—an isolated isolationist or two, a hint of gold buggery, and Christine O’Donnell announcing that she’s not a witch. (I ask you, has Hillary Clinton ever cleared this up?) Fret not over Republican peccadilloes such as the Tea Party finding the...
  • C’Mon, Feel the Hate

    10/24/2010 8:24:09 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 8 replies
    Pajamas Media ^ | October 23, 2010 | Ed Driscoll
    “This is not an election on November 2. This is a restraining order,” P.J. O’Rourke writes: Perhaps you’re having a tiny last minute qualm about voting Republican. Take heart. And take the House and the Senate. Yes, there are a few flakes of dander in the fair tresses of the GOP’s crowning glory—an isolated isolationist or two, a hint of gold buggery, and Christine O’Donnell announcing that she’s not a witch. (I ask you, has Hillary Clinton ever cleared this up?) Fret not over Republican peccadilloes such as the Tea Party finding the single, solitary person in Nevada who couldn’t...
  • A timeless P. J. O'Rourke Classic

    09/14/2002 8:34:29 PM PDT · by Noumenon · 12 replies · 2,981+ views
    P.J. O'Rourke Speech at the Conservative Political Action Committee | 11 February 94. | P.J. O'Rourke
    From a speech given at the CPAC roast of Robert Novak I know it's late, but I think there's always time for a fair and evenhanded assessment, a nice objective little look, at the Clinton administration: Simps and ninnies, lava lamp liberals and condo pinks. Spoiled twerps, racket-jawed purveyors of monkey doodle and baked wind. They are piddlers upon merit, beggars at the door of accomplishment, thieves of livelihood, envy-coddling tax lice applauding themselves for giving away other people's money. They are the lap dogs of the poli-sci class, returning to the vomit of liberalism. They are little pig herders,...
  • P.J. O’Rourke: “We May Have To Shoot Democrats”

    06/06/2011 5:55:13 PM PDT · by AustralianConservative · 58 replies
    Weekend Libertarian ^ | June 7, 2011 | B.P. Terpstra
    I’ll keep this short. I’m against gun control. Why? We tried it in Australia. By punishing law abiding citizens, we empowered criminals. Australia was safer in the 1950s when guns were treated as tools. But I digress. Here’s another unique pro-gun argument made by the satirist P.J. O’Rourke in 2010’s Don’t Vote! It Just Encourages The B******s (page 165, if you must know): Gun ownership is crucial to the preservation of American freedoms. We may have to shoot Democrats. It happened in 1861 and it could happen again. Just kidding. Sort of. But there are other important arguments in favor...
  • P.J. O’Rourke: Atlas Shrugged. And So Did I

    04/12/2011 12:07:14 PM PDT · by GSWarrior · 52 replies
    Wall Street Journal ^ | 4/6/2011 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Atlas shrugged. And so did I. The movie version of Ayn Rand’s novel treats its source material with such formal, reverent ceremoniousness that the uninitiated will feel they’ve wandered without a guide into the midst of the elaborate and interminable rituals of some obscure exotic tribe. “Atlas Shrugged” presents other problems for a moviemaker. The book was published in 1957 and set in an America of the future. But time seems to have taken a U-turn, so that we’re back in a worse Great Depression with a more megalomaniacal business competition-loathing FDR-type administration. All sorts of things have been uninvented,...
  • P.J. O'Rourke: 'We are seeing the sad end of liberalism'

    01/17/2011 9:01:59 AM PST · by Hotlanta Mike · 48 replies
    American Thinker ^ | January 17, 2011 | Rick Moran
    In a mostly serious, spot on analysis of New York Times reporting on the Tucson shootings, P.J. O'Rourke wonders if the kind of liberalism promoted by the Times and others hasn't outlived its usefulness in our political debates. Writing in The Weekly Standard, O'Rourke excoriates several Times writers for their obvious biases before getting to the meat of his critique: A reaction so disproportionate and immaterial to a news story by a news organization is indicative of trouble in the body politic​-​trouble almost as severe as that which the Times claims the Giffords shooting indicates. I worry that in the...
  • P.J. O'ROURKE: The Times Loses It

    01/15/2011 1:24:20 PM PST · by roses of sharon · 30 replies
    Weekly Standard ^ | JANUARY 24, 2011 | P.J. O'ROURKE
    *** In the matter of self-serving, bitter, calculated cynicism, there wouldn’t seem to be much left to prove against the Times. Judging by what I’ve heard from my fellow conservatives, the issue is decided. The New York Times is a worthless, truthless, vicious institution. But I disagree. I think things are worse than that. A reaction so disproportionate and immaterial to a news story by a news organization is indicative of trouble in the body politic​—​trouble almost as severe as that which the Times claims the Giffords shooting indicates. I worry that in the tremors and hysteria of the Times...
  • The Times Loses It

    01/15/2011 6:33:55 AM PST · by radioone · 9 replies
    Weekly Standard ^ | 1-14-11 | P.J. O'ROURKE
    It was a weekend of great sorrow. On Saturday, January 8, an insane young man tried to kill Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, injuring her horribly. The man then fired his gun into a small political gathering, murdering a nine-year-old girl, a federal judge, a congressional staffer, and three of Giffords’s constituents. Thirteen other people were wounded. In the midst of life we are in death. There is, in this world, no making sense of such events.
  • I Think We Lost the Election - PJ O'Rourke

    11/14/2010 7:20:32 PM PST · by Arec Barrwin · 50 replies
    Weekly Standard ^ | November 13, 2010 | PJ O'Rourke
    <p>I Think We Lost the Election How about politics without politicians?</p> <p>I think we lost the election on November 2. Every race was won by a politician. True, we elected some angry nuts. These are preferable to common politicians. Their anger provokes honesty, and their mental illness prevents honesty from being obscured by charm. (What a loss -Barney Frank would have been as an exemplar of the furious, insane left!) We also elected some amateur politicians. However, politics is like vivisection—disturbing as a career, alarming as a hobby. And we may have elected a few reluctant politicians. But not reluctant enough.</p>
  • O'Rourke; Not An Election, A Restraining Order

    10/26/2010 9:44:57 AM PDT · by HonestConservative · 30 replies
    Weekly Standard ^ | October 25, 2010 | P. J. O'Rourke
    They Hate Our Guts And they’re drunk on power. Perhaps you’re having a tiny last minute qualm about voting Republican. Take heart. And take the House and the Senate. Yes, there are a few flakes of dander in the fair tresses of the GOP’s crowning glory—an isolated isolationist or two, a hint of gold buggery, and Christine O’Donnell announcing that she’s not a witch. (I ask you, has Hillary Clinton ever cleared this up?) Fret not over Republican peccadilloes such as the Tea Party finding the single, solitary person in Nevada who couldn’t poll ten to one against Harry Reid....
  • They Hate Us!

    10/24/2010 1:32:36 PM PDT · by Hojczyk · 17 replies
    Powerline ^ | October23,2010 | John Hinderaker
    The Democrats, that is. P. J. O'Rourke is the funniest person, and one of the nicest guys, in the world of punditry. He diagnoses the Democrats' loathing for their fellow citizens: They don't just hate our Republican, conservative, libertarian, strict constructionist, family values guts. They hate everybody's guts. And they hate everybody who has any. Democrats hate men, women, blacks, whites, Hispanics, gays, straights, the rich, the poor, and the middle class. Democrats hate Democrats most of all. Witness the policies that Democrats have inflicted on their core constituencies, resulting in vile schools, lawless slums, economic stagnation, and social immobility....
  • AFP-Kansas’ Annual Day at the Capitol (PJ.O'Rourke and M.Malkin speakers)

    04/24/2010 8:04:37 AM PDT · by avg_freeper · 3 replies · 503+ views
    Day at the Capitol on Wednesday, April 28. We will start at 9 a.m. at Maner Conference Center (17th and Western, Topeka), and end the day with an AFP rally on the Statehouse steps. Registration and check-in begin at 8 a.m., with a book signing session beginning at 8:30 a.m. Seating is first-come, first-served so please arrive promptly! April 28 is the first day of the Legislature’s veto session, when the state budget and votes on tax increases will be decided so it will be critical to show your opposition to tax increases. The $20 registration fee includes lunch, materials...
  • A Plague of ‘A’ Students: why it’s so irksome being governed by the Obami.

    04/24/2010 5:31:24 AM PDT · by relictele · 42 replies · 1,683+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 03 May 2010 | PJ O'Rourke
    A Plague of ‘A’ Students Why it’s so irksome being governed by the Obami. BY P. J. O'Rourke May 3, 2010, Vol. 15, No. 31 Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the left. Nancy Pelosi needs a session on the ducking stool, of course. But everyone with an ugly divorce has had a Nancy. She’s vexatious and expensive to get rid of, but it’s not like we give a damn about her. Harry Reid is going house-to-house selling nothing anybody wants. Slam the door on him and the neighbor’s Rottweiler will do the rest. And Barney...
  • Outsourcing Hate: The burdens of conservatism in the Obama age

    09/28/2009 11:32:44 AM PDT · by rhema · 15 replies · 964+ views
    The Weekly Standard ^ | 10/05/2009 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Whew, I'm pooped. Jimmy Carter has got me run ragged with all the hating I'm supposed to do. Jimmy says I'm a racist because I oppose President Obama's health care reform program. Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. And since Jimmy Carter has been wrong about every single thing for the past 44 years, maybe--just as a matter of statistical probability--he's right this time. I hadn't noticed I was a racist, but that was no doubt because I was too busy being a homophobe. Nancy Pelosi says the angry opposition to health care reform is like the...
  • Audio: P.J. O'Rourke on Hugh Hewitt Show - 6/12/09

    06/13/2009 9:59:58 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 11 replies · 644+ views
    Hugh Hewitt - Townhall ^ | June 12, 2009 | P.J. O'Rourke, Hugh Hewitt
    Hugh spends the hour talking with legendary writer and pundit P.J. O'Rourke, author of the brand new book, Driving Like Crazy.
  • The End of the Affair (a tragic romance... killed by bureaucrats, bad taste and busybodies)

    05/30/2009 10:46:15 AM PDT · by Painesright · 15 replies · 1,164+ views
    The Wall Street Journal ^ | 05/30/09 | P.J. O'Rourke
    The phrase “bankrupt General Motors,” which we expect to hear uttered on Monday, leaves Americans my age in economic shock. The words are as melodramatic as “Mom’s nude photos.” And, indeed, if we want to understand what doomed the American automobile, we should give up on economics and turn to melodrama. Politicians, journalists, financial analysts and other purveyors of banality have been looking at cars as if a convertible were a business. Fire the MBAs and hire a poet. The fate of Detroit isn’t a matter of financial crisis, foreign competition, corporate greed, union intransigence, energy costs or measuring the...
  • The ditch carp of democracy (P.J. O'Rourke on the American left - well worth the read)

    04/26/2009 4:08:21 PM PDT · by naturalman1975 · 25 replies · 1,585+ views
    Canberra Times ^ | 21st April 2009 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Link only - Fairfax Publication
  • (Vanity) Perverse Incentives, or, P.J. O'Rourke Meets Milton Friedman

    04/06/2009 8:55:29 PM PDT · by grey_whiskers · 15 replies · 1,259+ views
    grey_whiskers ^ | April 6, 2009 | grey_whiskers
    The Nobel prize winning economist Milton Friedman had a brief description of how money is spent. In an interview with Fox News in 2004, he said the following:"There are four ways in which you can spend money. You can spend your own money on yourself. When you do that, why then you really watch out what you’re doing, and you try to get the most for your money. Then you can spend your own money on somebody else. For example, I buy a birthday present for someone. Well, then I’m not so careful about the content of the present, but...
  • Special Envoy to the Taliban: How Jeremiah Wright can serve his country [Satire]

    03/27/2009 4:41:28 PM PDT · by mojito · 5 replies · 455+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 3/30/2009 | P.&#8201;J. O'Rourke
    I've been pondering President Obama's idea to split the Taliban and get some of those maniacal fanatics on our side for a change. It's a magnificent idea. It's not, mind you, a good idea. But it's magnificent--grand, sumptuous, rich, splendid--a great, big, thought-filled ideal of an idea, the kind you'd expect from deep-thinking, idealistic Barack Obama. Boy, is this a thinking man's administration. They are thinking so hard over at the White House, having such bright, shining, effulgent, coruscating thoughts, that if you're a thoughtful person like me (and I'm sure you are), you can't help being carried away with...
  • Stem Cell Sham - The president as sophist.

    03/14/2009 10:06:47 PM PDT · by neverdem · 32 replies · 1,454+ views
    THE WEEKLY STANDARD ^ | 03/23/2009 | P.J. O'Rourke
    When a Democratic president goes from being wrong to being damn wrong is always an interesting moment: Bay of Pigs, Great Society, Jimmy Carter waking up on the morning after his inauguration, HillaryCare. Barack Obama condemned himself (and a number of human embryos to be determined at a later date) on March 9 when he signed an executive order reversing the Bush administration's restrictions on federal funding of stem cell research. President Obama went to hell not with the stroke of a pen, but with the cluck of a tongue. His executive order was an error. His statement at the...
  • Adam Smith Gets The Last Laugh

    02/11/2009 6:39:58 AM PST · by marshmallow · 28 replies · 1,621+ views
    Financial Times (UK) ^ | 2/10/09 | P.J. O’Rourke
    The free market is dead. It was killed by the Bolshevik Revolution, fascist dirigisme, Keynesianism, the Great Depression, the second world war economic controls, the Labour party victory of 1945, Keynesianism again, the Arab oil embargo, Anthony Giddens’s “third way” and the current financial crisis. The free market has died at least 10 times in the past century. And whenever the market expires people want to know what Adam Smith would say. It is a moment of, “Hello, God, how’s my atheism going?” Adam Smith would be laughing too hard to say anything. Smith spotted the precise cause of our...
  • The Next Big Stink

    01/31/2009 7:40:28 AM PST · by rellimpank · 8 replies · 875+ views
    Weekly Sandard ^ | 31 jan 09 | P.J. O'Rourke
    The killjoys are back in charge--the mopes, the fusstails, the glum pots. Their wet blanket has been thrown over the White House and Congress. They're worrying up a storm. (Good thing that George W. Bush is no longer in charge of the weather and FEMA the way he was during Hurricane Katrina.) America is experiencing a polar ice cap and financial meltdown, causing sea levels to rise and sending cold water flooding into Wall Street where the rapidly acidifying ocean is corroding our 401(k)s and releasing mortgage securities full of hot air into the atmosphere until our every breath is...
  • A New Circus Comes to Town

    01/10/2009 2:25:35 AM PST · by Puzzleman · 8 replies · 1,369+ views
    the Weekly Standard ^ | 1/19/2009 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Is it too soon to talk about the failed Obama presidency just because Obama isn't president yet? That depends upon how quickly Barack Obama is able to apply the lessons he's learned from Management Secrets of the Illinois Governors. So far he's not doing very well. He has allowed America's current number one jackleg, crackpot, smut-mouth, slime-licking politician to give the Obama Senate seat to a lovable old African-American doofus whom no one has the heart to execrate. Roland Burris will be the kind of ornament to this year's Senate that the broken plastic Rudolph with its antlers missing was...
  • We Blew It

    11/10/2008 9:22:10 PM PST · by gracie1 · 40 replies · 367+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 11/17/2008, Volume 014, Issue 09 | P. J O'Rourke
    Let us bend over and kiss our ass goodbye. Our 28-year conservative opportunity to fix the moral and practical boundaries of government is gone--gone with the bear market and the Bear Stearns and the bear that's headed off to do you-know-what in the woods on our philosophy. An entire generation has been born, grown up, and had families of its own since Ronald Reagan was elected. And where is the world we promised these children of the Conservative Age? Where is this land of freedom and responsibility, knowledge, opportunity, accomplishment, honor, truth, trust, and one boring hour each week spent...
  • We Blew It

    11/08/2008 11:40:01 PM PST · by Nachum · 87 replies · 1,006+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 11/9/2008 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Let us bend over and kiss our ass goodbye. Our 28-year conservative opportunity to fix the moral and practical boundaries of government is gone--gone with the bear market and the Bear Stearns and the bear that's headed off to do you-know-what in the woods on our philosophy. An entire generation has been born, grown up, and had families of its own since Ronald Reagan was elected. And where is the world we promised these children of the Conservative Age? Where is this land of freedom and responsibility, knowledge, opportunity, accomplishment, honor, truth, trust, and one boring hour each week spent...
  • Give me liberty and give me death

    09/29/2008 10:05:24 AM PDT · by KosmicKitty · 10 replies · 1,334+ views
    LA Times ^ | 9/28/08 | PJ O'rourke
    As one's mortality swings into view, be thankful for life -- and whiskey. By P.J. O'Rourke September 28, 2008 I looked death in the face. All right, I didn't. I glimpsed him in a crowd. I've been diagnosed with cancer, of a very treatable kind. I'm told I have a 95% chance of survival. Come to think of it -- as a drinking, smoking, saturated-fat hound -- my chance of survival has been improved by cancer. I still cursed God, as we all do when we get bad news and pain. Not even the most faith-impaired among us shouts: "Damn...
  • Bad Advice for New Graduates

    06/20/2008 10:01:31 AM PDT · by marktwain · 43 replies · 432+ views
    Change Magazine ^ | May-June 2008 | P.J. O'Rourke
    Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you’re thinking: “Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!” Not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech. Don’t moan. I’m not going to “pass the wisdom of one generation down to the next.” I’m a member of the 1960s generation. We didn’t have any wisdom. We were the moron generation. We were the generation who believed we could stop the war in Vietnam by growing our hair long and dressing like circus clowns. We believed drugs would change everything—which they did, for John...
  • When Worlds Collide

    06/03/2008 1:30:32 PM PDT · by forkinsocket · 26 replies · 113+ views
    The Weekly Standard ^ | 06/09/2008 | P.J. O'Rourke
    The Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago has a new permanent exhibit of savagery and barbarism, "The Ancient Americas." The ancient Americans themselves are not portrayed as savage or barbarous. (How surprising. Knock me over with a feather.) The savages and barbarians are the museum's curators. They plunder history, ravage archaeology, do violence to intelligence, and lay waste to wisdom, faith, and common sense. At the Field Museum, the bygone aboriginal inhabitants of our hemisphere are shown to be regular folks, the same as you and me, although usually more naked and always more noble. Ancient Americans have attained...
  • Fairness, idealism and other atrocities. Commencement advice you're unlikely to hear elsewhere.

    05/09/2008 5:15:45 AM PDT · by .cnI redruM · 9 replies · 151+ views
    LA Times ^ | May 4, 2008 | By P.J. O'Rourke
    Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you're thinking: "Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!" But not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech. Don't moan. I'm not going to "pass the wisdom of one generation down to the next." I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom.
  • Letter to Our European Friends - Everything you need to know about our presidential campaign.

    01/26/2008 4:47:28 AM PST · by gpapa · 15 replies · 269+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 02/04/2008 | P.J. O'Rourke
    America is in the midst of an all-important electoral campaign. But, talking to Europeans, I've discovered that there is puzzlement and misinformation on your continent about what's happening on ours. Europeans feel an understandable confusion when faced with a political system consisting of two houses of Congress and a White House, and nobody is home in any of them. Also, America's political parties are indistinguishable to the European eye. A British journalist once described the situation thus: "America is a one-party state, but just like Americans they've got two of them." (I forget which British journalist said that. But there...
  • P. J. O'Rourke: Pennies from Heaven - Special one for two sale.

    11/16/2007 9:04:06 PM PST · by neverdem · 50 replies · 286+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 09/24/2007 | P. J. O'Rourke
    How much do you suppose it costs the U.S. Mint to produce a penny? Let me tell you--with a deeply self-satisfied howl of execration--almost 2 cents. This little brown item of pocket clutter costs twice as much to make as it's worth, and it isn't worth anything. A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not even, if you're managing the U.S. Mint, buy a penny. The problem is the cost of zinc, which is what a "copper" is actually made of. For the past 25 years...
  • Generation Vex (The (really) long goodbye of the Baby Boomers

    11/05/2007 7:32:06 AM PST · by American Quilter · 99 replies · 206+ views
    The Weekly Standard ^ | November 5, 2007 | P. J. O'Rourke
    O rend thy garments, America! Heap ashes upon thy head. We, the generation of generations--triumphant in our multitudes, invincible, indomitable, insufferable--have come into our inheritance. Hereby we claim our birthright. Give us all your money. The pittance that is a current Social Security payment was intended to maintain the doddering retirees of yore in their accustomed condition of thin gruel and single-car garages. Such chump change will hardly suffice for today's vigorous sexagenarians intent on (among other things) vigorous sex, in places like Paris, St. Bart's, and Phuket. How can present Social Security allotments be expected to fund our sky-diving,...
  • First Chapter 'On "The Wealth of Nations" ' (P. J. O'Rourke)

    01/07/2007 3:29:16 PM PST · by Nicholas Conradin · 28 replies · 1,484+ views
    New York Times Book Review ^ | January 7, 2007 | P. J. O'ROURKE
    The Wealth of Nations is, without doubt, a book that changed the world. But it has been taking its time. Two hundred thirty-one years after publication, Adam Smith's practical truths are only beginning to be absorbed in full. And where practical truths are most important-amid counsels of the European Union, World Trade Organization, International Monetary Fund, British Parliament, and American Congress-the lessons of Adam Smith end up as often sunk as sinking in. Adam Smith's Simple Principles . Smith illuminated the mystery of economics in one flash: "Consumption is the sole end and purpose of all production." There is no...
  • What's That Smell? (PJ at his best!)

    10/16/2006 5:49:44 AM PDT · by Aussie Dasher · 69 replies · 2,685+ views
    Weekly Standard ^ | 16 October 2006 | PJ O'Rourke
    LIKE OTHER DEEP-THINKING people, I'm full of principled, idealistic, high-minded indignation at the GOP. What a stampede of sleaze. Jack Abramoff is the world's best lobbyist--for the Federal Penitentiary System. Bob Ney was deep in the ethical rough at St. Andrew's. Randy "Duke" Cunningham's favorite weap ons system turned out to be the political suicide bomb. Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. He might as well have tied quail feathers to the GOP majority in Congress and sent it hunting with Dick Cheney....
  • Some Kind of Republican: Was John Hughes really in favor of teen rebellion?

    09/26/2006 5:22:00 PM PDT · by slowhand520 · 31 replies · 1,510+ views
    Some Kind of Republican Was John Hughes really in favor of teen rebellion? By Michael Weiss Posted Thursday, Sept. 21, 2006, at 4:36 PM ET As far as adult teen whisperers go, John Hughes has enjoyed a remarkable staying power. Anyone who grew up in the '80s—or just caught the decade on reruns on rainy Saturday-afternoon television—can probably remember high school as much for its unique misery as for the Breakfast Club references it evokes. Hughes was in his 30s when he became successful, and he managed to make teen cinema intentionally funny and less condescending toward its core audience,...
  • From The Editor's Chair: P.J. O'Rourke, chairman.

    07/24/2006 7:22:00 AM PDT · by Valin · 33 replies · 1,803+ views
    The Weekly Standard ^ | 7/31/06 | P.J. O'ROURKE
    I was out on the patio the other day wondering (as writers of conservative opinion pieces constantly do) what's wrong with America. I noticed a tag affixed to my collapsible canvas deck chair, and my wondering ceased. What's wrong with America was printed on the tag: --Do not attempt to lift the front end of the chair while sitting down on it. Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that chair manufacturers feel compelled to tell Americans this. You'd flip over and whack your head on the concrete. Yet millions of Americans must sit themselves down, spread their...
  • It'll be all right on the night [SENSE OF HUMOR DEAD ON THE LEFT]

    01/25/2006 5:22:52 PM PST · by Roscoe Karns · 7 replies · 677+ views
    Sydney Morning Herald ^ | January 21, 2006 | John Birmingham
    Political correctness has crippled the left's sense of humour.It's a dangerous business, writing humour. Literally, in some places, the ruling brutocrats will have you swinging by your thumbs for the mildest of knock-knock jokes at their expense. Figuratively, in others, where hecklers, critics and hungry defamation lawyers are waiting to pounce. I guess it's not surprising that so many stand-ups are bipolar. What is surprising is just how successfully the new right, for want of a better tar brush, has been at colonising this outpost of public discourse. If you're looking for a year zero from which to trace this...
  • P.J. O'Rourke: Laugh Riot (Fun and games in Europe)

    02/11/2006 6:58:14 AM PST · by RWR8189 · 136 replies · 4,813+ views
    The Weekly Standard ^ | February 20, 2006 | P.J. O'Rourke
    I AM JUST NOW CHOPPING up my Danish modern coffee table and throwing the pieces into the fireplace. I want to show my support for Muslims outraged by publication of Prophet Muhammad caricatures in Denmark's Jyllands-Posten newspaper. All over the Muslim world there are riots and boycotts of Danish products. And I join the Muslims in solidarity (although, come on, you're Muslims, you shouldn't be drinking Carlsberg anyway). Next into the flames go my kids' Legos, invented in Denmark. They'll be followed by the satisfying smash of my wife's Royal Copenhagen dinner plates.I haven't actually looked at the satirical drawings....
  • A writer's life: P.J. O'Rourke (An interview with the author)

    12/26/2005 5:28:02 PM PST · by Stoat · 23 replies · 5,250+ views
    The Telegraph (U.K.) ^ | Christopher Bray
      A writer's life: P J O'Rourke (Filed: 20/12/2005) The author and essayist tells Christopher Bray he'd rather clean the fridge than write.  "America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are." Who wrote this? That's right. It's P J O'Rourke, letting another poor booby tire himself out by bouncing pompously around the ring until such time as our man deems it fitting to deliver one of his knockout, two-syllable blows. No big words for...
  • Not Raising Hogs, and Other E-Mails

    11/09/2005 3:17:00 PM PST · by Congressman Billybob · 30 replies · 1,037+ views
    Special to FreeRepublic ^ | 12 Nov. 2005 | John Armor (Congressman BIllybob)
    Like you, I receive a pile of e-mails every day, beyond those my spam blocker catches. They offer to lower my mortgage rate, increase the size of a certain part of my body, or (often) offer me something that might be funny. Below is one of those, exactly as I received it. Following that are some serious points to consider. Enjoy. Then think about it. TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture, Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into...